In other news, Molly, your tale of woe concerning the author you have to have brunch with had me laughing. I can't wait to find out how the story ends.
In yet other news, I watched the final Sherlock tonight. Much better than last week's, thank God. A relentless plunge into second-guesses and secret plans. Liked it a LOT.
And in even MORE other news, five minutes ago I crossed the 20,000 word mark on Book 7. I don't think I've ever written this fast before. Looks like I'll have it done on time after all...
And to top it all off, here is some religious humour...
... some existential humour...
... and some cat humour...
Posts
4,696 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 3201 – 3400 of 4696 Newer› Newest»As you bloody well ahould be.
*falls over laughing* My sisters made Caelans! Out of legos! AND THEY ACTUALLY BOUGHT THEM!
And I turn around and I find Caelan watching me! And they drop Caelan off of the stairway to make the scene in Death Bringer! IT'S HILARIOUS!
E-MAIL VAL!
*tackles Val then pulls her up remembering her back*
Uhhh, Oops...
*does best to keep shoulders straight but is going insane because of it*
Did you check the e-mail?
Sorry about your back...
Oh, YOU didn't do anything to my back. I did something to it, and I don't even know what it was.
And yes, and I sent a reply.
La la
I'm back.
Hi Eve. Hi Val. You need to read my latest Chapters on Zathract Mist.
*growls*
You sound so commanding. But, you're following my blog, so I really can't say no. *glares at everyone who isn't following* I'll read it once I get the laptop back, I can't really do much on this thing.
*swears* Damn computer, forcing me to hunch over...
*glowers at Negative*
No.
*growls at Sparky* yeah, hi
EDIT:
I'm back. Hi Eve. Hi Val. Hi Sparky. You all need to read my latest chapters.
...Sorry. Again.
I say sorry too much.
That was you were growling about, yes?
And you, Valkyrie. You're the worst of them all
No.
I was growling about something in an e-mail I sent Val.
Speaking of which, Val, do you want me to send you the updated version of the short story with Ivy, Hayley and Sparky?
^I didn't ask you to, Sparky, because you're not following it meaning I thought you weren't interested...
Then why were you glowering at me?
*blushes*
I follow people, you'd think that most of them would return the favour....
???
I DID!
....am I missing something here?
1st!!!
1st!!!
1st!!!
DAMN IT!
Eve, I saw the comment saying, "You sicken me". That made me laugh so hard.
And Sparky, yes, I would indeed love to read more of that.
Here or in am e-mail?
Either is fine. I'd prefer email, simpl so I can keep it...
Stupid thing stuffing up
Both?
^What thing, Eve?
Disgusting. Just despicable, Valkyrie. I'd be saying DAMMIT right now, but I must leave. Buh buh
Bye Eve!
Bye...
*laughs again* Carissa, my younger sister (if you didn't know), was playing with her legos and as I walked past she pulled out the Caelan and said, "Don't be surprised if you find this hidden in your bed tomorrow morning."
Your sisters are bizarre.
Here and e-mail?
My sisters are hilarious. And yes, both.
Excellent.
E-mail first.
*smacks head into the wall* I can't stand it... Everyone's acting like I'm dying, every few times I move I hear, "Are you OK?!"... IT'S DRIVING ME INSANE.
Two bullets bored themselves into the zombie’s chest. Hayley Skirmish grinned as it fell to the ground. She frowned when it stood up again.
‘Sparky! Hurry up!’ She yelled. Sparky Braginski was standing behind her, flicking frantically through her copy of the ‘Necronomicon’.
‘Shoot them.’ Sparky replied, head down.
‘Not working Einstein! They just get back up again!’ Hayley said, backing away from the large group of zombies. Sparky looked up.
‘Got it!’ She said, and then read something from the book. Nothing happened.
‘Sparky?’
‘Yes?’
‘I don’t think that achieved anything.’ Hayley said.
‘Actually it did.’
‘And what’s that then?’
‘It means that these aren’t necromantic zombies. Which means that this isn’t going to help us.’ Sparky explained, chucking the book into the pile of zombies. She then pulled a notebook out of her backpack and started flicking through that.
‘We haven’t got enough time for this Sparky! Remember, zombies?’ Hayley exclaimed. Sparky looked up and said ‘Don’t touch them. Don’t touch their blood especially. That’d be bad.’
‘Why?’ Hayley asked, backing up further, eventually lining up with Sparky.
‘Because they’re rage-virus zombies. Highly communicable.’ Sparky looked at Hayley.
‘Which means that, besides your gun, you aren’t much help here.’ Sparky continued. Hayley rolled her eyes and looked behind them. They were in central London, and the only people around were zombies. They were backing into the side of a building, and there wasn’t very much space left for them to, well, not be eaten. Sparky looked up and signalled for Hayley to jump.
‘Ready.’ Hayley said. Sparky kneeled and slammed her fist into the ground. Hayley flipped into the air, avoiding the shockwave that blasted out from under Sparky’s fist. The zombies flew backwards and Hayley grabbed Sparky around her waist. She turned and ran up the wall. Sparky kept looking in the book.
‘What’s the plan?’ Hayley asked.
‘Plan? Well I’m not sure how you kill these things, whether they can be cured and, most importantly, why the hell they are managing to climb after us.’ Sparky said back. Hayley jumped onto the top of the building and looked down at the zombies climbing after them, a little fast for Hayley’s liking. She pulled out her Mark 23 and shot three rounds into the head of the nearest zombie. It fell and brought a bunch of other zombies down with it.
‘Well, shooting them in the head seems to work, but the rest of my bullets are with my bike. So we need to get back down there and get it back. And then we could find someone and get help.’ Hayley said. Sparky looked at her.
‘Uh, Hayley? Small problem with that.’ She said.
‘Yes?’
‘Everyone’s dead.’ Sparky scowled. Hayley thought for a moment.
‘We could find a military base or something.’
‘We’re in Britain. We don’t know where that is, and there’s no one to ask.’
‘Well you think of something! You’re the smart one!’
‘Well, I have thought of something, but we need to get back to your bike.’ Sparky said. Hayley arched her eyebrow.
‘I parked it three blocks that way.’ Hayley said, pointing. Sparky leaped onto Hayley’s back and Hayley ran from rooftop to rooftop.
She stopped and Sparky hopped off.
‘Don’t you need my help to get down?’ Hayley asked. Sparky smiled.
‘There’s such thing as a staircase Hayley.’ She said, pointing at a door labelled ‘In Case Of Emergency’
‘That’s a good idea.’
‘What I’m here for.’ Sparky said, ramming her shoulder into the door. The door opened to pitch black. Sparky squinted at the roof and tapped the light. It flickered on and the two made their descent. They reached street level and exited the building. Sparky ran to the bike that was parked two metres away. She reached into Hayley’s bag, pulled out some bullets, tossed them at Hayley and kept digging. As Hayley reloaded her gun she checked to see if there were any zombies near by. She shot three in the head and came back to Sparky, who was holding her mobile phone.
‘No signal? What do you mean no signal?’ She yelled. Sparky shook it a bit and the held it up. The screen got one bar.
‘Yes!’ she was about to dial a number when Hayley pulled it out of her reach.
‘Who are you calling?’
‘Help! We need help, so I’m calling someone.’
‘But who can get here? We need someone who can kill things.’ Hayley scowled.
‘Yeah. That’s what she does. Now let me call her.’
‘But how can she get here!?’
‘Just give me the phone!’ Sparky cried. Hayley shrugged and gave her back the phone. Sparky dialled and held the phone up to her ear. Hayley heard half a conversation that finished with Sparky saying:
‘So you’ll come? Great! See you soon.’ Sparky hung up. Hayley scowled.
‘When I say help I mean real, phs-‘ Hayley was interrupted by a girl appearing in the middle of the street. She had pale skin, dark hair and indigo eyes.
‘Hello Sparky, you mentioned some sort of zombie invasion.’ She said.
‘Great to see you again Ivy. How have you been?’
‘Good. Who’s your friend?’ Ivy asked.
‘I’m Hayley. You can teleport? That’s pretty cool. But I don’t know how that really helps us kill zombies.’ Hayley said.
‘Well, I can also do most other things if you must know.’ Hayley jumped.
‘Did she just, how did she-‘
‘Ivy is telepathic. And most other things.’ Sparky said, smiling. Hayley glared at Ivy. ‘Don’t make a habit out of that please.’
‘No promises. Sparky, are we fighting rage-virus zombies? Because I can see some of them running up that street.’
‘Yes we are.’ Sparky replied, making electricity crackle around her fists. Hayley reloaded her gun and aimed. Ivy rolled her eyes.
‘Please. We need long range things to kill these guys. So lets go get guns.’ Ivy grabbed Hayley’s wrist and nearly grabbed Sparky’s.
‘Sparky, I can’t teleport you until you let me hold your arm or something.’
‘Why can’t you do that now?’
‘I’m not immune to electricity.’
‘Ah.’ Sparky relaxed. Ivy grabbed Sparky’s wrist and the disappeared.
They appeared in the centre of Stonehenge, which was splattered with blood. Hayley moved to touch it, but Sparky gripped her wrist.
‘Remember what I said about not touching the blood? That’s important. I’m going to see if I have anything else on the zombies.’ Sparky sat on a rock and pulled her notebook out again, she was about to open it when she looked at Hayley again.
‘And, uh, it might be a good idea for you to put shoes on, but you don’t have to.’ She finished. Hayley scowled and looked at Ivy. Ivy was doing something on her phone. She put it to her ear.
‘Hi. I’m not coming tonight. No, I can’t. Is being out of the country a good enough excuse? No? Why not? I know that but-‘ Ivy groaned. ‘I’m helping a friend, okay?’ Ivy said. There was a muffled yell on the other side that sounded like ‘You have a friend?’ Ivy frowned.
‘I’m thirteen, yes, I have a friend. They aren’t from Washington. Australia. I’m in London. Look, Anomaly, can’t I just not come? I didn’t want to go anyway. Of course I didn’t want to go. You actually thought I wanted to go? Okay. I can stay? Thanks. What? Yes, I’m killing things. Ugh. Bye.’ Ivy hung up and scowled at Hayley.
‘You do know that it’s rude to eavesdrop, right?’
‘Yes I do. Who were you just talking to?’
‘Anomaly Despair. We had plans for tonight, but I’d much rather do this. My full name is Ivy Animosity by the way.’
‘Hayley Skirmish. I take it you’re from Washington State.’
‘Oh, you actually know the difference? That’s a first.’ Ivy said, nearly smiling.
‘There isn’t a cure, weaponry to the head kills them and unarmed humans rarely survive encounters with rage-virus zombies.’ Sparky said, head down, but standing. ‘The zombie virus transfers through the blood and the zombies have the ability to vomit blood. Which explains the stains.’ She said, pointing at the rocks. ‘The good news is that we aren’t human, and we are armed, so our chances of survival are better than average. I think the biggest problem is that all of Britain has been infected, and there isn’t a cure. Which means, that we need to kill all the zombies before they figure out how to swim.’
‘There isn’t going to be an easy way out of this, is there?’
‘I doubt it, but it’s worth looking for.’ Sparky said, looking up. Hayley’s eyebrows furrowed.
‘Ivy, can you take us to Downey Street?’ Hayley asked.
‘Why would we want to go there?’ Sparky said.
‘Because that’s where the Prime Minister of England lives. I think. You’re supposed to be the one who knows this stuff.’ Hayley smiled and messed up Sparky’s hair. She growled back. Ivy stepped forward.
‘Uh… I can’t take you there.’ She said, blushing slightly. Sparky looked at her.
‘Why…?’
‘Because I’ve been there before…’
‘You killed the Prime Minister?’
‘No! I killed an associate of the Prime Minster. But the Prime Minister may or may not have seen my face in the process.’ Ivy said sheepishly.
Hello?
Hello.
*laughs* I killed an associate of the Prime Minister? Awesome.
Thought you'd like that.
You thought correctly.
Question: How did Hayley know Ivy was from Washington? She has an Irish accent.
Because Ivy said:
'She's not from Washington'
Or something.
*skims through story again* I don't see that...
By the way, I love the fact that Anomaly screams, "You have a friend?"
I dedicate this page to...
EVERYTHING.
I thought Anomaly would do that.
I thought that would be a surprise to her.
WHAT'S WITH THE SLOW CONVO!?!?!?
Oh, everyone would do that. Ivy would do that.
I seriously almost choked because I was laughing so hard at Peren... He's fourteen and he referrenced Pokemon to his friend and he's like, "Yeah, it so reminds me of that thing, I think it's like an evalution of Zoobat... Oh, you mean Abracadabra or whatever. No, there's no blue on that. No there's not! It's yellow and gray and purple!"
The slow 'convo' is that I'm eating. Is that such a crime?
*is also laughing at Peren*
Noo.
Yes, well, Pokemon isn't as bad as Barbie. *shudders* I can't believe I liked that stuff before SP...
I never liked Barbie...
The worst part is that I understand the Poké reference.
*grips hair*
WHY AM I IN ENGLISH THREE????
I DON'T KNOW! YOUR TEACHERS ARE JERKS!!!!
And I understand the reference too... That's why it's even funnier...
I know!!!
Understanding references always makes things funnier.
...
Where'd Negative go?
*shrugs* Maybe Negative's dead.
Okees.
Well, I AM dead, but I'm still here.
I never left, just didn't talk.
Did you read my story?
HELLO?
No.
I will when you read mine!!
Hello?
I feel left out...
SPARKY!
VAL!
*screams and runs head first into a wall* I HATE NOT BEING ABLE TO DO ANYTHING!
I like it Negative!
Now read my story.
HELLO?
VAL??
Eh.
*hugs Val anyway*
Brb.
Sorry... I was getting changed for bed, and saying goodnight to Mumzy, who doesn't care that I'm not actually going to sleep, then I started messing with my ipod player...
Wait, you read ALL of Zathract Mist in that space of time?
Sparky. Email.
Read it, Sparky. Funny. xD
Going.
I'd already read some of it, and I'm a fairly fast reader.
BYE!!!
DON'T LEAVE!!!
YEAH, YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME WITH THIS PHYCOPA-...oh...
xD
*rolls eyes* I call myself a psychopath, for God's sake. It's not an insult.
No, I meant that he had already left.
I call myself a psychopath too, nothing new.
I'm bored.
He...?
Typo.
I type fast.
Ah. Ok.
You're in Australia, right?
Nope, I AM!
Me? No. I'm near Seattle, Washington. In America.
YAY! SPARKY!
*bows*
It's what I do.
*smiles and hugs Val*
*is practically sleeping by the time Sparky hugs me*
*slaps Val*
WAKE UP SLEEPY HEAD!!!
IT'S NEARLY ONE IN THE MORNING! I'M TIRED!
Doesn't mean I cant virtually slap you.
Yay, Sparky!
Well, at least I got the countries worked out.
BYE!!!
Bye.
DEREK, NEW POST, THIS INSTANT.
NOW!
ROBIN!
*tackles*
GOOGLE ISN'T SPAZZING ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!
*smiles evilly*
I MADE IVY KILL AN ASSOCIATE OF THE PRIME MINISTER!!!!
Because I could.
Robin?
Sparky u still here???
Sparky????
RIM HI!!!
*hugs*
*Hugs back*
YAY I'm not alone!!!
YAY neither am I!!!
How's life in the hot lands??
Wet.
Cold.
Dark.
We aren't particularly sunburnt this year.
Can I ask what year of school you're in?
Year 9. Tengo 13 años
*leans out of bedroom window*
SHUT UP DOWN THERE!! PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO PRETEND TO BE SLEEPING UP HERE!! AND YOU REALLY NEED TO WEAR LESS PERFUME!
...
I wish I could say that out loud...
Hey, I've been in year nine for three days!
Lol. I'm back btw.
Ice been in year 9 for 6 months.... Yawn
*punches NS*
Where'd you go!?
Yo miles nice 2 meet u!!!
That punch was playful.
Rim, have you ever done amy Maths work on Transcendental numbers?
No but I have on mymaths!
Why u need help??
I didn't go anywhere...I just forgot to reload the page...xD
No.
I just managed to score myself extra Maths homework where I had to look up Transcendental numbers.
They hurt my head so bad.
I'm sort of good at maths. I'm in the top set.
If you do need help ask me!
Downey street isn't where the Pm lives it's Downing street
I DIDN'T KNOW.
I'll fix it tomorrow.
Thanks for reading it...
Ok I was sort of intrigued to what it was!! It amazing!
Waoh... I actually was dead asleep... And I dreamed that I was fighting zombies with two certain Australian girls... *grins at Sparky*
*grins back at Val*
NO WAY, REALLY!?
Seriously. And it was awesome. I think at some point I just pulled their heads clean off, and then Haylay looked at me weird because I was laughing maniacally...
*Hayley
*is shacking silently on the floor with laughter*
I WISH I HAD THAT DREAM, IT SOUNDS AMAZING!!!!!!!
Lol
It was hilarious! And I think that Hayley was going to complain about how I wasn't at all safe to be around, but you just waved your hand and said, "Stop it. You don't even know Ivy; don't tattle. She's just helping with the zombies. Oh, and Hayley, stop laughing like that. It's creepy." And then I stuck out my tongue and she got super angry. And I laughed again.
Wow fun dream!!'
*gets up off floor, reads Val's comment about ripping zombies head off and falls to the floor shaking again*
*laughs at Sparky*
I'm assuming you meant Ivy, not Hayley for the laughing bit but,
OH MY GOLDEN GOD I HAVE TO MAKE HAYLEY READ THAT!
I don't think I would use the word tattle though, I think I'd say something more like:
'Aw c'mon Hayley! Lighten up! We're just killing zombies. Uh, Ivy, please stop laughing like that.'
Yeah, Ivy was laughing, but you blamed Hayley and it was freaking hilarious because the whole time in my dream I kept getting Hayley in trouble... Intentionally leaving her behind, barely warning her about zombies approaching from behind her, always having her go last, blaming everything on her, tricking you into getting irritated with her...
*is still laughing*
E-mail.
But you thought it was Hayley laughing. That's what made it even funnier. You blamed her when I was being creepy.
VAL, YOU NAUGHTY NAUGHTY GIRL!
I would've figured you out.
But I also would've played along.
It was so funny.
You know what you are Val?
*whispers in Val's ear*
You. Are. A. Liar.
*starts laughing* Oh God, not this again.
YES THIS AGAIN!
*punches Val, who punches back*
*we eventually end up rolling on the floor wrestling and laughing*
*rolls away from Sparky* *pulls zombie head off*
*grabs the zombies head and throws it at Val*
*pulls out a baseball bat and hits the head back*
*is reminded of the scene in Boy Eats Girl when Jessica shoves the golf club in the zombies mouth and its teeth fall out and it starts messing with them* *laughs at it*
*sends stream of electricity at head, making it explode*
*dodges the zombie-confetti*
*smiles
*thinks of another scene from Boy Eats Girl and starts laughing hysterically*
Derek, I really think you like to have zombie parts all over the place...
Oh, and I like when the old lady flips off the girl and crashes into a wall.
*yawns, stretches and smiles*
I love it here.
Me too!
I love lying down and taking in the conversation!
I wonder where Rim and Miles went.
So do I... But I should probably go to sleep, on account of the fact that it's past 3:30 AM...
I'm here I wasn't commenting tho
Uh.... I wonder where Miles went.
I should probably go to sleep too...
Bye peeps!!!
NO WHEEEEEEEEERE!!!
It's just funny watching you two talk. xD
Rim, you said you liked my story?
Yeah I did!!
*thinks* I'm going to Amanda's, which means I need to be awake and have energy... Which means I need to go to sleep.
Goodnight!
*hugs Sparky* BYE SPARKY!!!
Bye val!!!
*hugs Val back*
Night Val.
I have decided, it's sleeping time for Sparky.
See you guys tomorrow.
Bye Val.
Bye Sparky.
Bye sparky!!!
*leaves, singing the Skulduggery song I sang in the youtube thing*
What youtube thing? Tell me!
Hahahaha scary movie hahahaha so gory hahahaha
I've seen one of them can't remember da link
Hello Shadow Ripper. I would like to have asked you what you like to do in your spare time, but the name says it all!
....I've got a thing for lame jokes right now.
Yay lame jokes!!!
Wooo!
I'm goin now... BYE!!!
I thought it was impossible, but the people below my bedroom have gotten LOUDER.
Well, bye then. Anyone else on?
Hi Sparky!
I want to lean out my window and tell the people down there to shut the f*ck up.
And they are gone, I can sleep in peace.
BYE!!!
....Oh. WELL.
NS?
Valkyrie?
Robin?
Oh, sure. Everyone leave when EVE gets here.
EVE!
Also, if I drop out unexpectedly, don't worry, I haven't died. I will just have left. xD
Hello?
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