Allow me to be the latest to tell you- you are a lunatic and a weirdo, and your brain scares me.
They want me to write a blog, but we all know what they’re REALLY after. They want to keep TABS on me. That’s what all this is about. They want to find out what I’m thinking. They know I’m dangerous. I know all their secrets, you see. They’re scared I’ll TELL.
Hate blogs. Hate them.
One of them is standing behind me right now, a golden crossbow aimed at the back of my head. He’s telling me to be nice, and write nice things. I can see his reflection in my computer screen. I can even see the GLEAM in his eyes. He’s serious. He’s telling me, in a whispery voice of evil, to be nice. He’s telling me to give you the official spiel.
The following passage, I assure you, is written under duress.
Hi everyone! Welcome to the Best Blog Ever! Written in a land of Rainbows and Moonbeams! Where everyone is a friend! I love you all! Even the ugly ones!
In this blog, I’m going to be keeping you up to date with my many goings on! Oh it’ll be so much fun! You’ll be told about tours, and publication dates for my books, and all my zany and wacky writing adventures!
We’re going to be the best of friends!
He’s gone, drifting out the window like a ghost, leaving me with nothing but his sadistic cackle. Fine. So I’m writing a blog. Big deal. I can handle that. I can play their game.
Until it’s time to strike...
Posts
119 comments:
Take it its day release at the Nut House? Hahaha. I KNOW I'M A WEIRD UGLY LUNATIC!!!! So, really, you don't need to tell me.
Derek, you are GREAT. I'm so coming to one of your talks next year. I'll be the ugly boy-ish looking one with the brown eyes and hair and mental issues, MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh, and I warn you! I've been told my fan fics are as good, possibly even BETTER than your books... you try tell these people modestys the same as lying and they start being modest about the fact its the same as lying! Honestly... I'm only simple, but the don't need to be MODEST about it. I think I've lost track of whatever I was on about so I'm gonna go now before I start singing the Script or summit.
lunatics are cool!!!
Ha. Massive Skulduggery fan...Not so sure about the author...Oh, sorry, is this Derek Landy's blog?
Those people at the bottom of the garden deserve a song. A weird, short song. Oooh look, here's one here! (two heres in one sentence? I've been reading too much Skulduggery.)
OOOOOOHHHHHH
THOSE PEOPLE AT THE BOTTOM OF THE GARDEN
THOSE PEOPLE AT THE BOTTOM OF THE GAAAARDDEENN
THEY'RE VICIOUS AND HAIRY
THEY'RE MONSTROUS AND SCARY
THEY'RE THE PEOOPPLLEE ATT THEEEE BOOTTTOOMM OFFF THEEE GGAAARRDDEENNNN
Everybody now!
From, xxxPiratePrincessxxx (search up mah name on fanfiction. That's an order, bub.)
P.S I LOVE VAN HELSING
Okay, i know im a lunatic.
Derek if your reading this: is there going to be a movie, and if so are there open auditions? I hope so....
I would love to be Val, you are such a great writer that when i read your books i can picture it like im watching a film- ive never had that before with any book.
All my friends think your books are morbid, but so what! I love them!
Cant wait for DARK DAYS!
x
If you say that people who enjoy reading your blog are lunatics then call me a lunatic! I really like reading your blogs as they are very interesting and they make me laugh! I also think you are quite good at writing blogs as I think you are very discriptive (all these big words make me sound old and posh but i'm only 14 and I live in Hull!) Good Luck with Dark Days! I am sure it will be a bestseller!
Rhiannon
I made the account I am using currantly just so that I could comment on your blogs, no other reason other than to comment on YOUR blog Mr Landy.
I wrote a blog about how i'm not going to write blogs, you sho9uld read it. aha
I plan to read all of your blogs so i suppose i'm lunatic and a weiro and my brain scares you... What fun! :)
Sarah
Thats what you get for becoming an author :P
I'm from the U.S and my friend introduced me to the series.The sarcasm in it inspired me to do so many nice productive things with my life. (haha not really but wouldn't that be a great thing to tell your editor)
p.s Your the seventh person to call me a weirdo today, I feel lucky
I have to admit, I've never been on a blog site before I opened my hotmail inbox and discovered an email from Skulduggery Pleasant :) Love your blog though, even if you hate it - a lot by the sound of things!
I'm proud to be a lunatic, it's one of the few things I can do well, other than write drabbles for SP on fanfiction, of course...
And I want one of these Golden Crossbows! I won't point it at your head though - I promise! I just need it to destroy certain things... like sparkeling vampires...
sorry bout the crossbow and stuff thay for got to pout on my black straitjack last night and thot i come see u and have u type some more of thows prity works u use. sorry i didnt say bye but i do miss my pad room so. can u read me a nother one of ur lovely books ther ever so fun and captavating. much love the man with the crossbow if u what ill lend u it for the weekend.
Yay! I'm a weird lunatic. All the same, I love Skulduggery Pleasant and may even continue reading this blog... :)
Hey Derek! I am a LUNATIC!!!! I am obsessed with your books and I can't wait until you release Dark Days! Is there going to be a movie? That would be so cool!
lov ya books
wonderin if u r gona make a film from these boks
cos it would be well errr ........... great
u make a funny anway
lunitic ................. very good word to describe some people though complete and utter werdio.......................even better word
as for blog's well let's just say i have my own oppineions on that................................................................. (and you don't wanna hear them !)
OH MY GIDDY GOD!!! Derek, that was terrible. But really funny =] I'M THE BIGGEST LUNATIC OF YOU ALL!!! BAHAHAHAHA. Dude i read the series like 4 times and it's still my favourite series, ima gonna read it again. Oh, and my dad loves it too, but not as much as me :D anywho you are my favourite author so i like am dying of impatience because i just can't wait for the fourth book. I don't think there should be a movie by the way. Look what happened to twilight, the book was great but the movie wrecked it. Anywho, i love the book anyways, will always be the BESTEST IN THE WORLD!!! =]
Oh, right, yes, I am a lunatic but maybe not as lunatic-ish (ish is MY new thing)as those ugly dudes in straight-jackets. Dude? Did I just say dude? Fantastic... Any way you are awesome, as you must know, so as a sign of your pure awesomeness - even though you must have sooo much fan mail - CAN YOU PLEASE CHECK YOU EMAIL AND READ MINE CAUSE ITS KIND OF IMPORTATANT AND NO I AM NOT REPEATING IT NOW.
...
Good luck with your waste-of time (except for us lunatics) blog and merry Christmas.
Why thank you.I always thought I was a wierdo!:D No worries I won't tell him you didn't post nice things through the whole blog."salute" Your orders Captain?
-Charity
I'm a lunatic? Really...
Anyway, I'm a good fan of your books. I would blog if I had anything interesting to blog about, which at this moment I don't. Maybe when I'm older and I move away and I travel to new places, meet new people and try new things. Which I *will* do. I'm sure of it.
Hope you have a safe and happy Christmas this year.
~Emily
Merry Christmas Derek! Please (if its not too much trouble) read my fanfictions!
My fave good guy is Valkyrie, my fave bad guy is Sanguine.... he's funny 'where's the girl, im kinda missin' the scowl...?' lol.
Happy new year in advance!
x
well. you can't fare worse than me. I started writing a blog... than quit and I never saw it again.
i have to say, i like the sound of that crossbow... any idea where one may be procured?? :)
okay well i KNOW i'm a Lunitic i've been told tis since the day i was born i mean my god you'd think people would come up with something new. That is no reflection on Derek who has never met me and probably never will although i'm sure he is as equally mad as i am. I love this blog and although i originally agreed that they were pointless, stupid and only for extremely sad people this one brightend up my very boring day.
This is very perculiar. You didn't want to qrite a blog and you didn't no what to write about but you have ended up wtiting about not knowing what to write about, apart from the magical rainbow part, which no offences, didn;t enjoy. It was too happy. The blog was orgionally pointless but it was from the heart. I adore this blog though it is merely complaining.
Well done Landy.
shizz i'm a huge loony so I ain't taking any of this to heart! I like your cynical style though. Got it in one Landy! Huge fan of Skulduggery! get the next book out and the movie while your at it to! This is just a completely pointless blog though
Aggie here. If I was the archer in your house I would probably shoot you for using the phrase "land of rainbows and moonbeams." I shun daylight, and that just put me over the edge.
Hellooooooooooooo Derek Landy
I LOVE Skulduggery Pleasant the books are insanley great and are one of my favourites after Harry Potter, which means they are really good!! ;) and yes i am a weirdo lunatic but not so much ugly :) i wish i could meet you. your books crack me up laughing and ive re read them so many times and they still make me laugh out loud. Oh by the way you right then instead of than.
Zahra age 12
cant wait for dark days.
oh and Derek by the way i LOVE writing too. we have something in common. maybe your a weirdo loony too...
Zahra
please write back in some form or other.
wait I suppose i should call you Mr Landy
sorry
please make a skulduggery pleasant movie
pwease pwease pwease
oh and when and where are the auditions?
Zahra
i have recently fallen in love with skulduggery. i mean ive always liked him, but now im in love. i havnt dreamed in years. i now cant stop dreaming. Derek,or,well, Mr Landy you should ask Amazon to make Skulduggery books available for kindle
and the weird thing is, i hate romance novels. hate them. Then i fall in love with the character of a book. how ironic. i need to get out more...
Who's a lunatic and a weirdo?
I just came to read this blog because I was close to dying of pure boredom. And coincidentally "skulduggery pleasant" lay beside my bed, because I just finished reading it a few days ago. So I looked at the book, then looked at my laptop and finally thought to myself: why not read a blog instead of dying?
And so I came here and what do I have to read? That I'm a lunatic and a weirdo! Me! The most normal person in the whole universe! I doubt there is anyone in this world who is less of a weirdo and less of a lunatic than me! And I can assure you: my brain is working just fine and is in no way twisted or anything.
For example: Just now my brilliant mind is working out brilliant plans on taking over world domination (Aren't I brilliant? I can scheme evil deeds and at the same time write a comment in a blog where comments are unwanted). I even got an ally already: My alter ego.
You see: There's nothing to fear about my brain. It's working just fine.
So, I cleared up the thing about my brain, now I shall explicitly make shure about the weirdo-thing.
First off: I am evil! Yes, evil! And not just evil in the normal evil way. I am the personification of unmitigated evil. But, well, I accept it and all in all it's not as bad as it might sound.
Secondly: Okay, I DO have an alter ego. But actually I think it's pretty useful sometimes. For one thing I never feel lonely.
Thirdly: I have a phobia about relationships. Especially love-relationships. I just can't seem to befriend with the thought of having a boyfriend. Well, I got one just once and it was disastrous. I did everything, really everything, to bring him to break up with me, but it just didn't work and in the end I still had to set an end to the relationship myself. And that's after I even forced him to sleep in the guestroom when he stayed over. Scary, I tell you ...
I think, three points should be enough. Now you can see: I am EVIL, I have a phobia about (love-)relationships and a multiple personality. But there are not even the slightest signs of me being a lunatic or a weirdo or even both of it.
Oh, I almost forgot: I liked reading "skulduggery pleasant", even though I must admit I didn't read your original work. Only the german translation. But the translator seems to have done his work quite well. Or I just don't know better, because I never read the original. Who knows ...
lunatics? Weirdos?
...Who me?
*laughs like a maniac*
Of course my brain scares you. You have no idea what lies behind the walls of my favourite websites...*cackles*
Diminuit
I'm going back in time. Before any of those "Flaring Rhythm" or "Skyril", etc. I was here before any of them! Haha! I win! No longer will I be swallowed up in a crowd of Skulduggery loving Maniacs. No longer will I wish people would just think about what they're saying, or use spell check. I will dominate the lands of Grammar and punctuation and slay the Jabberwocky! Crap, wrong bad guy...
Ooh yeah! I commented on the 1st ever post from my god!
me too lol
Looking at this post after being at your newest post...
It's hilarious to see the difference xD
And the comment difference, my GOODNESS.
I was like, 57 COMMENTS?! THAT'S-
*Turns off caps lock*
Insane!
And now it's 5OOO comments in about a day, and another 5OOO on an overflow blog.
And then we overflowed the overflow blog as well >:3
xD
FINALLY read your first posting!
Lol.
I know I'm a lunatic and a weirdo!
AND I LOVE IT!
XD
...well this is odd. compared to how many comments your blog posts get now, this is SMALL.
...not that im critisizing you, its just...uh...um...well...did you...did you know that my teacher wrote a song from the lines-
"Dude, get off my foot!"
he did. and on crazy hair day his hair looked exactly like fletchers.
...erm...bye~
Whoa... Where are all the comments?
i know, haha 38 comments, thats strange.. seeing how awesome this blog entry is and also how you now get 5000 xD
i think the problem is the tags.
WORDPRESS IS A LOT NICER W/ TAGS.
...
As written by Alice Rose after Death Bringer came out.
Hm. Curious.
EVIL, It's nice to find somebody even remotely like me, even if you are a different nationality. But I am sick, and twisted, and a lunatic, and a weirdo. It's all part of the job, really! :D As an evil super-villain, I must admit a professional interest in your plots - anything particularly interesting?
Moonbeams and sunshine? you couldnt have said unicorns and dragons, or flowers and allergies? Or cows and fluffy Kittens? If you do read all or your Blogs, GOlden GOd, then post a new one at the front. I have gone through and read every single one of your Blogs AND posts!
I am loyal to you in every way, and WOrship you with al of my being.
Please please tell me that you dont just think of us as people whp ador you, but as people with names and familys and problems. yes, we adore you, but how Much do you care? please, for once in your life, please just give me the most honest answer you can, serious too.
I love you and your books, I love your Blaze attitude, your self centered awesomeness. I Love you without knowing anything about you. Derek Landy, be honest with me, how much do you know aout any of us, and how much do you care to find out?
I KNOW I AM A LUNATIC AND A WEIRDO!!!!
Just came here after your posts you made in 2012. I agree with the comments above! It is so weird not even reaching 50 comments!
I am a lunatic, very true and it is pure lunacy that I decided to go this far back in your blog because I needed inspiration...Only for a murder, so it's all good I guess :D So yeah...Need more inspiration...You were my first inspiration to write, EVER and I got an A* (19/20)...Right then...Inspiration for a murder.... *looks around* Hmmmmmm.. *evil smile* OOH! I HAVE IT!!!!!! :3
Hello strange people
Yo Jakro!!!
Im c
WE HAIL FROM THE FUTURE
OOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
L
What does that spell Cool!!! (I'm not btw)
q, r, s, etc. etc.
Hi!
Can you see my post i made a few weeks ago?
Wow less than 50... I guess hardly anyone goes on this page anyway...
this is boring, let's go back
Okay then!!
Waah! Because there's only one page i can't refresh it!
Okay! Bye, no-one!
Well I haven't commented here for over a year.
So I shall leave a few comments.
Firstly do I like the fact that there are so few comments here and not add more to them?
Or do I feel like it is bereft of comments and needs more?
I suppose a few comments couldn't hurt.
Alas the bell has rung and I must leave before unleashing my deluge of comments.
SAVED BY THE BELL DEREK! SAVED BY THE BELL!
I return! To this odd little place of the past with no comments.
Let the DELUGE? More likely it will only be a TRICKLE of comments BEGIN!
Sooo....
How about that deluge then?
*pokes brain*
Maybe we can settle for the trickle?
A drop?
A teensy ickle drop?
Perhaps some action would help.
*canters around on an imaginary horse*
Posts an imaginary comment.
Comment: I AM IMAGINARY!
I know this is the very height of immaturity but the opportunity is irresistable.
LOL 69!
Hehe.
*coughs*
It had to be done Master Derek!
WHAH!!!! There's not even a next page! Why???
*composes self*
Sorry, I just had to do that. heh.
*clears throat*
anyway, I'm wondering how long it's gonna take till all the comment space fills up and when we'll HAVE to come here. The last resort before the end of our time commenting... *thinks*
Whoa, scary thought, huh? Well, not coming back to this post till the others run out of space! Bye until then!
Whoa, I got comment 70... Cool! :D
Bye now!
Agrh! Stupid disappearing comments! If you must know, dearest Golden God, I did leave a comment after Opal Tear. All the way up there! ^^^ However, the comment has disappeared and now I return on a sort of pilgrimage, you could say, to place another comment.
To business - Golden crossbow you say? I want one! The 'Best Blog Ever' bit, totally true but don't say it again - it's kind of creepy.
My apologies about the picture I'm using right now. I have recently changed it and will be changing it again after this Sunday. Why? Because I'll be able to go on Sims 2 (yes 2!) again and make my self a nice new one. When it is done I will come and show you.
Also - under 100 comment! *shocked face* I cannot believe it!!! But still, I am here.
That's all Mr. Landy!
Lynxia x
*Correction - I meant Lunar Tears not Opal. Getting the Minions confused. My apologies...
I said I'd come and show you Derek! And here it is. Freshly made on Sims 2. Took me long enough. About 2 hours. The game kept freezing. Anyway! HAPPY EASTER!
Lynxia x
WELCOME TO THE 75th ANNUAL HUNGER GAMES!
THIS YEAR IS A QUARTER QUELL SO IT'S GOING TO BE A GOOD ONE!
AND MAY THE ODDS BE EVER IN YOUR FAVOUR!
That failed.
So is THIS what Derek was like three years ago? low self-esteem, angry, and insulting loads and loads of people???
so much has changed...
Now, in 2012, Derek has the ego of a bus (it's true, sorry :D), he's more calm, and thinks highly of his Minions.
I like the 2012 one better :D
yay
Us minions have changed you over the years, Derek.
Derek, have you struck yet??? And write another blog!!!!
Tell me when your here!
hey death
Hey! I was thinking, billy ray taught me how to dig underground, if I take you, I can did around the statue and we can burry it far beneath the ground!!!
I might just be in a little trouble. . . I just told Nix about the last statue. . .
HELLO DEREK
BECAUSE YOU TAKE SO LONG TO WRITE NEW POSTS
I'm gonna go through every blog entry to date and comment on it. At some point. Be warned.
Mr. Landy, I would seriously hope that you have opted not to have an e-mail sent to you every single time someone posts a comment on your blog. That would get really old, really fast. Anywho, you don't have to tell us what we already know. We know we are lunatics, and we have embraced it. Thus, the general reading of all your work. No offense, but you would have to be just a little insane to willingly read a book where a walking, talking skeleton is the good guy. Do you actually read all the comments, I wonder? That would take a lot of time. And patience. And tolerance. Did you know that the word strengths is one of the longest one syllable words? Just thought I would mention it. What am I doing here anyway? Ah, no matter. Goodbye.
Wow. Really this version of Derek kinda terrifies me. He's all...mean
Hey, Derek
Duck here
I'm commenting on your first post because then you might actually read this (come to think of it, I don't know why you would but my logic is... urr...logical).
Any-who, in Dark Days the vision showed Val and Darquess as two different things so I don't think Val is the one to destroy the world. I'm guessing that the reflection will somehow get unlimited power and start killing things.
But how are Skul and Val to destroy the reflection?
I think, to wrap up the series in a nice big bow, they should somehow get the reflection stuck in the dimension with the Faceless Ones!
I'm not sure how they're going to open the portal, maybe Batu kept his teeth in a jar at home for some odd reason.
This is how I think you're going to finish the series. If it isn't it won't be as nearly as cool as my ending.
Just an idea, you know, if you're stuck.
Duck
ON THE FIRST BLOG POST
YUSSSSSSSSSSS
*is obviously bored*
I return to the first blog post.
It has been a few months.
Hello there!
Do you remember the fun times we never had?
You see, you and me Miss Blog Post never knew each other.
But that's okay.
I'm not offended.
I swear.
I'm going to be so predictable.
ONE HUNDRED COMMENTS.
See I just knew I would give in to the pathological desire to inform you that I can count and that I like round numbers.
As if you didn't know.
*invades Octa's groove*
DEREK I LOVE YOU
Omg wow
I won't let my groove be invaded no more.
This is my groove you hear?
My groove!
Mathematical!
*grooves*
So this is the first post? Man Derek's come a LONG way since 2009 huh? I mean, the series is over, the number of fans he has has sky-rocketed by a billion trillion percent, and I'm writing on here, leaving my mark, which instantly brings the value of this post up all the more.
It's weird...I've been on this blog for 3 years and never checked the first page...
Btw it's my birthday Derek, not as if you would see it... you're too busy nowadays...
This blog post has been documented, recorded, and filed into the Blogland Archive on December 8, 2014.
I felt I should make my mark. If ever a time comes when I leave, this shall be the place I announce it.
I'm suprised how many people admitted to being lunatics I admit to being weird but lunatic i think that's pushing the boundary
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Nice.
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