Dammit...

Right, well, SOMEBODY at Harper Collins messed up, and I am NOT a happy writer. But, for those of you who may have heard, yes, it is true, you are getting a Tanith Low novella coming you way early in 2013 so, um...

SURPRISE!

Grrrrr.

And before you get carried away with what it might be about or who might be in it, the synopsis provided was an early one, before I'd actually started the damn thing. Biggest change? Ghastly ain't in it. Probably.

So what IS it about, you ask?

It's about God-Killer weapons. Four of them, scattered around the world. Four weapons that could hurt- even kill- Darquesse whenever she arrives. Tanith, being thoroughly devoted to dear Darquesse, does not want these weapons falling into enemy hands. So she recruits a gang of misfits and villains and off she goes to snatch them before the good guys come calling.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to stomp away and find someone to beat up...



EDIT

Also, to all my east coast Ameriminions, you better stay safe during this storm and all these power outages. That is an ORDER.

Happy Birthday to Meeeee

(I'm not exactly sure WHERE this image came from. Andrew, from my agent's office, sent this to me this morning. Haven't a clue where he found it, but it is AWESOME.)


Hullo there.

It's my 38th birthday.

First of all, thank you for all the birthday wishes I've been reading online. You care, you really care... sniffle... It almost made up for the fact that I will have no birthday cake today, and I have no one to sing me happy birthday. But that's fine. That's okay. I was woken up this morning by a birthday text, which would have started my day off with a smile were it not for the fact that the text was from O2, my phone provider...

Even so, thank you, O2. It's nice to know you care.

Before you feel TOO sorry for me, I celebrated my birthday last Saturday, when we combined it with a Halloween party because three of my nieces will be down the country on Halloween night. So, y'know... my birthday was hijacked by three princesses and a pirate. But that's fine.

So, what did I GET for my birthday? I shall tell you. I got a remote controlled toy car! From my brother and sisters! They got me a remote controlled toy car! Yes! They did! For no reason! For no reason I can possibly comprehend, they got me a remote controlled toy car! Thank you, brother and sisters! Just what I've always wanted but could never put into words! Joy of joys!

So, after picking myself up from the floor, it was my mother's turn to give me the present from my folks. It was a shirt! A shirt! A blue shirt! But not just any kind of blue shirt! A blue denim shirt! DENIM! The most awesome material you could possibly make a shirt FROM! A blue denim shirt!

Truly, I am blessed. It's not like when their birthdays come around I buy them computers or TVs or designer handbags. Nope. That's not what happens at all.

So you wait, my family! You just wait till your birthdays roll around again! You cannot BEGIN to guess what WONDER of a present I shall be buying you!

Joy of joys!

Frankenkids

Just a short note to let you know that if you have any younger brothers or sisters and they like a fun, creepy little scare on the run-up to Halloween (and really, who doesn't?) then my suggestion is to check out Frankenkids, by Annie Graves.

Annie Graves may or may not have been helped out in the ideas department by a gent called David Maybury. The name sound familiar? I've developed a habit- especially in the short stories- of killing off the Maybury brothers in increasingly horrible ways, and the real-life David Maybury is now trying to get his own back. In Frankenkids, the poor boys who are the victims of the terrible Uncle Fraser are named Landy, and the older one is called Derek...

I'm not going to tell you what terrible fate befalls them. All I will say is that David Maybury better watch out. In the next short story, he's getting his head cut off.

Amelia's Last Farewell

Anyone need a hug?

As the Angels take Manhattan, we say goodbye to poor old Rory and poor beautiful Amy. Yes, I am talking about Doctor Who again.

Yesterday I was in Northern Ireland- in Bangor for an event and in Belfast for a signing. Because of the Unionist parade, no one was quite sure how many people would actually turn up. As our car was being diverted further and further away from the shop, a thought struck me:

If no one turns up to this signing, I get to go home early and watch Doctor Who as it airs. Ooooh...

But then we got the call- there were already 150 people queuing up. Looks like my faithful Sky box will be on recording duties again.

So we leaped out of the car and sprinted through the crowded streets, barging past cops and marchers, knocking over little old ladies, and bursting through the parade lines. 30,000 marchers. Countless onlookers. Flags waving. I have to admit, I was a little humbled that they went to all this trouble just to welcome me to Belfast.

The signing was great fun. Lots of enthusiastic readers, some too excited to form coherent sentences, some actually apologising for bringing so many books to sign, some laughing at a pitch so high it does not register to human ears... And I was given things! Two glow-in-the-dark skulls! A bling skeleton necklace! A sparkly cardboard skeleton! Sweets! A tiara!

Er... anyway...

And I was given artwork, and letters, and notes, and as usual my bag began to bulge before the signing was halfway over. Just as I was finishing up, the lights in the shop dimmed, which is usually a sign that they're about to kick you out. But of course two girls, two of my regulars, Olivia and Rowan, had to come around for a SECOND time. See, here's what the lunatics do. They queue up. They stand. They wait. They're usually near the front of the queue. Then they get stuff signed, and we have a chat, and they take pictures, and they chat some more, and they don't stop chatting, and my publicist has to come over and try to gently move them on, and then she does it a little more forcefully, and they finally say goodbye and skip off, babbling amongst themselves.

And then?

Then they queue up again. They time it perfectly, so that they're always the last in line, and so they get a few more minutes of chatting as I pack up to leave. Ohhhh they're sneaky. And I'm not even going to TELL you what Rowan did when we were hugging. She is a bad, bad girl.

Then I was back on the road again, heading home. When I got back I had something to eat, laughed at my dogs, and settled down on my sofa. And I pressed play. And Doctor Who began.

We knew this was Amy and Rory's last episode. We all knew this going in. The fact was, we'd known it for months. I'm not sure how smart this is, to be honest. On one hand, I can see what the BBC are doing- they're making sure everyone tunes in. On the other hand, where's the surprise? Where's the shock?

If I'm going to get rid of a character, do I tell you before the book is even out? No. No I do not. I try my best to keep you from guessing for as long as I can... and then I snatch the character away from you as quickly and as viciously as possible.

So, all those Whovians out there, ask yourselves this: would the episode have been better, have been more shocking and more emotional, if that ending had taken you completely be surprise?

But hey... what an ending. Sad. Tragic. Romantic. Beautiful. I suppose there's something to be said for watching the thing and knowing that Amy and Rory will inevitably meet their end- it adds another layer to the experience. And just when you think it's all over and the day is saved, there is one surviving Angel...

Matt Smith was fantastic in this. When he's begging Amy not to go... heartbreaking. Rory, as a character, has grown on me so much. At the start, I viewed him as a third wheel, someone who was coming between Amy and the Doctor (a beautiful young lady and a charismatic genius centuries old... come on, how could you NOT ship that?). But thanks to great writing and the wonderful Arthur Darvill, Rory became an essential part of the show's dynamic. And Karen Gillan herself... She's been my favourite of the new companions so far, and I'll miss her pout, and her feistiness, and those skirts...

Hug? Anyone?

Lots and Lots of Photos

Okay then, as promised, documented evidence that show you Minions are an incredibly creative bunch...

Here is the first batch of stuff I was given while on the KOTW tour.

I've started to only pack half a bag every time I go away, because the amount of things I'm given while signing is just astronomical. What usually happens is that my publicist takes anything I can't fit onto the plane and sends it on to me afterwards. Well, the final package has arrived, so here I am to give you a brief pictorial rundown.

A skull! Signed by "le gang"! And a picture from the irrepressible one, Becky...

I don't have room to put up all of the artwork I was handed, but here are some pieces that stood out...

And I was also given books! One Minion had illustrated my biography blurbs- wonderfully unique idea! And in Liverpool I was handed Project Baguette, a collection of letters and notes and drawings and all kinds of coolness.

And elsewhere in the UK I was given a box! A wonderful little box!

But what's INSIDE the wonderful little box? Is it, perhaps, a set of wonderfully TINY Skulduggery books? It is!

The pic below is so cool. For those of you who can't spot the similarity, this is Super Derek, sitting on a stack of books, reading one with, er, his tongue hanging out of his mouth...

Quite simply one of the CUTEST things I've ever been given.

I've shown this one before, but I figured I'd do it again, and add in another two Skulduggerys (one from this tour, another from... three years ago, maybe...?)

And this! This Raggy Skulduggery that SHE WOULDN'T LET ME KEEP!

Because of the unfortunate lack of Skulduggery merchandise, many of you have had to improvise. Some of you, ahem, have improvised better than others...

Ah, the Tall Bonde! One of my favourites! You've seen her picture here before (I doubt you've forgotten it) but here is a picture of the BACK of Sabrina Sparrow's T-shirt...

And this is Sabrina's partner-in-crime Becky, giving a suitably deadpan freedom sign...

Naturally, Sabrina and Becky came with their banner- much like they did the LAST time they turned up...

(Present)

(Past)

And here's a picture of Mable and Sherlock totally agreeing with the message in my kitchen...

As I was shifting these pictures from my phone, I came across a few I'd taken in Germany a few years ago...

See that? Stylish AND practical!

And to finish it off, here's a picture of my cousin Michael, who came to one of the events in Australia and looked, it has to be said, AWESOME.

Once again, thanks to everyone who came along, and an extra special thanks to those of you who did something extra special.

Wow

Now then... THAT was a tour.

And it's all over. I've been home for a few days in between, but the fact is this tour has been going on since August 5th, and it ended September 15th. Last night I was walking around my garden, looking up at the stars, and the thought hit me: it's over. It's done.

Sure, sure, I have other things to do. I have an interview tomorrow, and signings and events in Bray, Ennis, Bangor, Belfast, Dublin and Cheltenham to come over the next few months, but essentially, that's me done for the year.

It's been a good tour. No, it's been a great tour. I got to meet so many of my Minions, both from Blogland and Facebook and the Forums and even Bebo, for God's sake. And then I got to meet so many more, those of you who don't even post comments. And then I got to meet those Minions who don't even know I have a Blog, or that there are Forums and Facebooks and Tumblrs and whatnot out there.

Already, some of you are being talked about in the corridors of Harper Collins. The tall blonde with the T-shirt in London. The hot chick in Australia, who asked me to marry her and assured me her girlfriend wouldn't mind. The readers who gaped, who froze, who hopped and skipped, who babbled and blubbered. The readers who proposed and flirted and flattered. The readers who came in costume, the readers who came with gifts... the artwork on display, the stories, the effort and dedication and the sheer talent. The massive four hour signing session in Liverpool 1, the even more massive five hour session in Bluewater...

And then all the bro-fists and the hugs and the tears from the hyperventilating teenage girls. The parents and guardians who stood in line so patiently, and who were so good-humoured. I hope you Minions thanked them for driving/escorting/waiting with you- they thoroughly deserve a hug.

It was exhausting. It was manic. It was fun. I wasn't able to take all the gifts with me on the plane, so they're being shipped over and I should have them in a few days. Once they are in my possession, I shall post some photos. Some of this stuff is astonishing.

So thank you, everyone who came out to see me and get a book signed. For some of you, it was our first time meeting. For others, we've met before. Others still, you've come to see me practically every single tour. I remember a lot of you. I know some of your names. And I love seeing you again.

And I'd love to say that now I'm going to take a holiday- but really, what are the chances of that? I've got stuff to do, and things to write, and sometime over the next month or so I'm going to have to start Skulduggery Pleasant Book 8...

Brief Respite

My face is sore. I'm not used to smiling this much. I think I need a lie down.

I'm back home for a bit before my last weekend away, and I've spent today wandering around the house staring blankly at things. It's only when I'm back for a few days that I start to decompress and behave normally, so it looks like I'll have to wait a while for that to happen...

My few days in Ireland were awesome, as usual. I signed in Dublin, Kildare, Kilkenny, Drogheda and Cork. The Cork signing was probably the longest, because I haven't been there in a while, but everywhere there were enthusiastic readers laden down with books. Some truly bizarre and cool people.

Then I had a few days off before my event at the Mountains to the Sea festival, where I chatted on stage with Dave from Eason bookshops about movies that have influenced the series, and we even got to show clips.

Dave showed bits from Starship Troopers (awesome!) and A Nightmare Before Christmas (amazing!) and It's a Wonderful Life (uhm... what?)

I showed a few trailers for a few things, but I don't think I'll tell you what they were... In fact, it might make an interesting blog post, discussing these movies and showing clips... Oh goody, I've worked out what I'm going to be talking about next time!

I headed over to the UK on Friday- just in time to experience the heat- where I signed in Southampton, Bournemouth, Dulwich and Bluewater in London. Last year, I was signing in Bluewater for four hours. I figured there was no way I'd be signing for any more than that this time. Five hours later, I had changed my tune. From people coming in costume- I'm thinking of a skeleton morph suit in particular here-

to people who had made their own Skulduggery T-shirts (and a certain tall blonde with the most awesome T-shirt ever, festooned as it was with lines from the books)-

there was no chance of my smile ever dipping. It's the sheer enthusiasm and energy of the people who turn up to get their books signed that energises me every single time.

And the hugs...