Twitter Rules

Well... that was fun.

My first time on Twitter proved to be something of an avalanche. You know, in a "oh my god run run run" kinda way.

I'll be using it to tell little stories here and there. Some of them will be Skulduggery related, some of them won't- such as the cute little axe murderer story from Saturday night. Some of them may even be related to the series I'll be writing AFTER Skulduggery. Ooooooh! (But I don't know about this. I literally just thought of that right there.)

I'd like to be able to post stories quite regularly, but I'm not committing myself to anything right now. Neither am I going to be using Twitter in the normal way. Instead, I'll be typing with my toes.

No, wait, that's not what I mean. I mean, I have rules. RULES! And they shall not be broken!

RULE 1: I SHALL NOT FOLLOW!

I only follow two people, and both of those just happen to be attractive lady fighters. That's a pure coincidence, I swear.

My point is, I am not going to open up Twitter every day and see a thousand different streams of tweets from a thousand different people. This will EAT UP MY TIME, and I cannot allow this to happen.

RULE 2: I SHALL NOT RETWEET!

I've seen requests for retweets on Ronda Rousey's page, and people actually get annoyed when she doesn't do it. I'm going to cut this off at the knees before it even gets started— no RT's for me.

RULE 3: I SHALL NOT REPLY!

Again, people get annoyed if you don't reply. They think you're being rude or disrespectful. They think you're ignoring them. While all these things are quite true, replying to everyone is just impossible. Also, it will EAT UP MY TIME. And I need my time for doing the thing you want me to do. Which would you rather— that I write more books, or reply to your tweets?

No, I can't do both. I can't. Shush. Shuttup. Stop. You're making this worse. Quiet. Shhhhhhhhhh.

And here it is, the final and most important rule of all.

RULE 4: I RESERVE THE RIGHT TO BREAK ANY OF THESE RULES AT THE SLIGHTEST WHIM.

I have spoken.