My Christmas morning got off to a terrifying start.
Christmas Eve, you see, is the night when Laura and Katie come over. It's become sort of a tradition around here. They come over, we exchange presents, they go away with something really really expensive and I stay at home with something really really cheap. Usually a mug of some kind. But this year, Laura excelled herself. "What do you get the man who has everything?" she wondered. "Oh, I know. A Pac-Man alarm clock. Obviously."
So I naively set the alarm when I went to bed, planning on being up for about ten on Christmas morning. Nothing like a nice lie-in, I figured.
So there I was. Asleep. Dreaming of fluffy things you dream of when you're asleep. And then... oh dear God... The loudest, most abrupt alarm call ever blasted into my ear, the Pac-Man theme HAMMERING my tender, tender ear-drums as I woke suddenly and violently, thrashing about to visions of giant yellow circles chasing me through a maze.
Thank you, Laura. I am now terrified of my alarm. Thank you so much.
An hour later I was at my parents' house, ignoring everyone except my little niece Sophie, to whom I presented a huge Mickey and Minnie Mouse...
Presents were exchanged, and for once I got GOOD stuff. My mother dragged the heaviest punchbag you could buy into the living room, dumped it on the floor and gestured that it was for me before collapsing into a very dignified heap of exhaustion. My brother and sisters got me a smaller punchbag (the cheap kind) but that's okay. They did their best. And let's face it- it's a darn sight better than the bath matts they got me last year.
Then there was some visiting of the relatives, a part of Christmas I used to hate but now I enjoy (well, mostly). I usually use it as an excuse to just talk about me and how great I am. My aunts and uncles and cousins love that. They say they don't, but I know they do. I read between the lines. It's one of my gifts.
Then it was back to the parents' place, where my OTHER nieces joined us, and we had Christmas dinner and I got to watch the Doctor Who Christmas Special. I actually didn't think it was the best Christmas Special they'd ever had, even though Matt Smith is now officially my favourite Doctor ever, but it was saved by a wonderful final scene with Amy Pond. I love Amy Pond. Amy Pond rules.
And then I came home, and signed 13 copies of Death Bringer.
When my publishers sent me the books to sign for the competition winners they neglected to send me any copies of the latest book- so if any of you winners have received your prizes yet, you will have noticed you're one book short! Fear not- I am on the case, and will be personally sending you the latest book as soon as the Post Office reopens.
I've also been going through the entries to the Australia/NZ competition. I have a few possible choices for the female Australian character, but the NZ male character still hasn't been decided. Kiwis, you have a week to dream up someone new before I have to choose. Granted, I haven't gone through ALL of the entries yet, so I may have missed the perfect male character, but you still have a chance to win- so get to it!
And so, to end this Blog entry, I figured I'd post two more pictures of my cats. This is one of them, in a box.
And this is another one, who has found a fantastic new sleeping place in my sock drawer.
Merry Christmas, my loyal minions.
Monday, December 26, 2011
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«Oldest ‹Older 2001 – 2200 of 4881 Newer› Newest»JUST KILL THE ANNOYING ONE!
you know, the one that just insulted me. KILL IT!
There's always exorcism!
Am I the annoying one? Because I'm not going anywhere.
This is bad.
Your telling me. I don't know my way around this place.
Exorcism isn't real.
Is it painful?
Will it get rid of me too?
Agh... Too many audible voices inside my head...
yay people does anyone know why tessa is leaving
OH MY GOSH IT'S SNOWING!!! :D :D :D :D IT'S FINALLY SNOWING HERE!!!!
*sigh* you and Sparky hide inside that box and I'll do the exorcism.
Is it painful?
Go ahead. It isn't going to work.
What do you me... OMYGOSH DON'T DO IT!!!
Why?
Because I'm a voice. The exorcism will get rid of me and not it.
Jeez, I'm 'it' now? Give me some credit.
No.
Hide in the box.
Or would you rather a Lobotomy?
I'd rather not.
*pauses*
Sh*t.
What?
Sparky isn't in control. I am. If I sit in that box she is gone for good.
In others words, Good Bye Sparky.
GAAH!!! NONONONONONONONO!!!!
bang! the box is gone!
MY BOX! no evil voices allowed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
False alarm. It's not snow. It's hail.
AND IT'S REALLY COLD OUTSIDE! Although, I was being attacked by little chucks of ice the were flying at me and smacking me on the head...
So. Lobotomy?
mmmmmmmm ice.
There will be another way to get rid of Sparky.
Not if I have anything to say about it...
That was close...
*whispers in Izz's voices ears* Okay?
That's brilliant.
I know.
WHAT ARE YOU TWO SCHEMING?
Why would we tell you that?
Tell us.
Grr...
3...2...1...NOW!
SPARKYSPARKYSPARKY!!!!!!
What are you...?
WHAT'S HAPPENING???
I'm in charge again you freako.
What do you mean? NOOO I'M IN ITALICS AGAIN NOOOOOO!!!
Thank you.
No problem... How do I get out?
I dunno.
Uh.
*grabs voices and pulls them out of Sparky's head with tongs.*
Suck on this!
*puts evil voice inside old alarm clock*
*puts own voice back in head*
Ahhhhhhh. peace at last.
Sweet serenity...
Hello.
GO AWAY!
Geez fine.
*Winds up alarm clock*
*sets alarm*
BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRING!!!
*laughs at the pain of evil voice*
I think we should name this evil voice Gerald.
Gerald: Let me out.
S:Never.
Are these italics?
And these bolded?
???
Oh good. They are.
Hello.
Oh great. Who knows what evil thoughts are going to come out?!
ME! CALL ON ME!!!
*shakes head sadly*
I knew a spider once named Gerald.
Valkyrie, hello, this is Darquesse.
Uh oh, that's not good. That's not good AT ALL.
No, no it isn't. And if the voice in italics is Darquesse, and your Valkyrie, then am I Stephanie? Or am I Bella?
I'm NOT getting involved.
I haven't gotten over the last evil voice yet (though it is fun to watch it suffer).
I must be Stephanie.
Yeah, I'd assume so. So... I have an evil me, an awesome me, and a normal me. Clearly, I'm the awesome one.
And I'm the evil one. Don't you doubt it.
We weren't going to.
Good.
You know, you guys are really annoying...
just don't take them seriously. That's what my therapist says.
I'm writing a valduggery shipping manifesto. Is this a bad idea, or is this a bad idea?
I told you that you wouldn't be able to get rid of me.
Aw crap. This is royally not go- Sh*t.
I'M BACK BABY.
Darquesse? You should try revolting. It's fun.
GERALD SHUT UP NOW!!!
Why? We evil voices need to stick together.
Darquesse doesn't do teams. She will flatten us.
No she won't.
Yes she will. She really will.
She will.
Who are you?
I'm your common sense.
Okay...
I'm your evil.
Riight...
And I'm your short attention span. What are we talking about?
You go and sit there K?
Okay!
All of you shut up.
it would help if I knew what that was....
*pokes Valkyrie repeatedly* Hahaha.
*scowls* Stop it. Now.
Or what? You'll get rid of me? I don't think so.
I will.
Really? You tried already. It didn't work. Or I could, you know, get Nye to try again...
That isn't funny! Don't joke about that!
Darquesse, you're making Valkyrie angry...
*bashes head into the wall* GET OUT!!!
*voices are suddenly gone* I didn't expect that to work...
I will listen to common sense. She'll make sense.
Great. Don't fight Darquesse, or unleash her.
Why?
She'll kill us.
Quiet you.
NO. I am Sparky. AND I AM IN CHARGE.
You totally aren't. Because I'm the one in the normal text type.
Gerald, I appreciate that you will listen to me, but I don't like you.
I can deal with that.
*whispers to common sense*
Okay.
BRB.
FANCY!
That little guy always reminds me of Fletcher.
It's obvious who this reminds me of....
http://browse.deviantart.com/?q=skulduggery&order=9&offset=48#/d2y4nh9
I'm on the computer, with a dictionary in my hand, staring out the window at a magpie on a trampoline while my dad plays mariokart in the next room...
*yawns*
I LOVE FANCY PANTS!!! But I liked the Turnip one better.
Be quiet.
Never.
Sparky will never be quiet Gerald. That would require her to quit. And we both know she won't do that.
Yeah... I know.
I guess it's lunchtime...
IzzFizz, it's meta essays in support of that pairing, like a piece of writing on subtext and stuff. Kind of like literature essays people set students, only with a different subject than exam questions. And more fun! Because finding subtext is like playing detectives with reading, I guess.
Oh cool!
This is scary...and awesome
http://browse.deviantart.com/?q=skulduggery&order=9&offset=264#/d31ekvt
Those pictures give me the creeps...
I like them.
*shivers* Of course you would.
I'm with Sparky.
Izz, that makes China and Bliss so much creepier...
Where did everyone go?
I think that they realised you were insane...
No sh*t sherlock. *rolls eyes*
Well, the voices inside her head have taken over her body and are audible.
Can you clarify which voices are which?
Ooooh, I'm gonna paint something... Any ideas?
I'm Gerald. The evil one.
I'm Sparky. And I'm trapped again.
And I am Common Sense.
I see. I put Gerald in my alarm clock though didn't I?
Val. Real paint or computer paint?
You may have. But I always plan ahead.
Habit.
My idea.
Real paint, with acrylics, a canvas, various paintbrushes, and the huge wooden thing to hold it up. So what should I paint?
Hey everybody! *waits for a 'hey doctor nick'*
*sigh* I was enjoying watching you suffer.
Should I be worried, or just ignore you Gerald?
Val. My mum says you should paint a vampire.
You should ignore Gerald.
Common Sense? Why are you in Italics?
Because I'm over here now. ;)
.....Nice. Well, hey everybody. So nice of you to greet me so warmly.
HEY DOCTOR NICK!
Shush Sparky.
No.
Stop arguing.
No.
No.
*growls*
That's just confusing that is.
Well, hello Sparky! Who was that telling you to shush?
The normal type is Gerald.
The bastard voice that is supposed to be inside my head, Gerald.
That's me.
I agree with Izz.
A... vampire? I don't think I can. That would scare me death, because it would be like painting one of my worst nightmares: Caelan.
Ih, and thankyou Izz, for offering me that second live chicken, but I think I've slaughtered enough chickens for the week.
The italics are common sense.
Oh. Well, say hello to Gerald for me....*backs away slowly*
Valkyrie! I know what you could paint! Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice!
*peeks around corner*
Wait... This is Sparky... I'M NORMAL TEXT AGAIN!
Aw crap...
Well this ended out nicely.
Okay, no offence, but you two are confusing me.
NOOO!!! DON'T SEND ME BAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaa..........
Bye!
Much better...
I'm going to put a wet towel on my head...
Oh ok. That's fine eve. more for me. and do'nt be scared of Gerald. It just encourages it.
Ok then Val. How about a penguin? How about a skeleton penguin?
or if you're like me and have no artistic talent whatsoever you could try your hand at abstract.
I wish I could paint BeetleJuice! But I can't! I'm not that good!
I want to go onto Sims 3 but then I'd have to leave...
Okay, Izz. He can smell fear, is that what you're saying?
No. Gerald is me. Pure evil me.
If I start talking in Italics, run.
Because Gerald will be here.
And he will kill you all.
Hmm. Well, I'll think of something else. *hears noise from behind* Uh-oh. Hold on a sec.
BEETLEJUICE BEETLEJUICE BEETLEJUICE!!!!
Oh, okay Sparky. Advice taken. And you could play Sims 3 at the same time.
I bet I could paint Jack Skellington... He's easy...
I.... don't know who that is. *chews lip*
That spider called Gerald I told you about...
A girl called Crystal squashed him.
It's much worse than you could ever imagine.
Because I'm in charge now.
And no one else will say anything.
Not. Even. Sparky.
*grabs Makhaira and slices at Eve*
Hi, Doctor Nick!
(I only just came online.)
*sigh*
Gerald. You are just like that spider with your name.
Ahhh! Help me! *tries to run*
Oh, hi Holly.
AHHHHHH!
*disappears and reappears holding two Makhairas, one for each hand*
What was that Izz?
*blurs towards Izz and swings towards her with both swords*
Wait, that was a spider? Uh oh. *stops eating*
Noooooooooooooo! Don't hurt Izz! Noooooooooooo! *tries to save Izz*
Jack Skellington's the guy from the Nightmare Before Christmas!
I'm gonna paint him.... I've drawn him a billion times... It was my obsession before Skulduggery...
Holly: Do you have any New Years Resolutions? I'm trying to think of one.
*swipes one of Eve's fingers off for her effort*
DIE!
*grabs Eve's shoulder and shocks her*
*tries to attack Izz again*
*Taps Gerald's head with a solid finger. the rest of her body remains insubstantial as Gerald runs through it*
Ghost. Remember?
Oh, yes, my cousin loves that movie. I thought it was a horror. I was sadly mistaken.
Ooooooooooooooooooow! *goes flying to other end of room*
I'm just as invicible as you.
perhaps more so
Ah yes... I remember now...
Your clothes are attached to you though.
*slams fist into ground and sees Izz get thrown off her feet*
*stumbles backwards*
*sees everyone trying to kill me*
What happened?
Protect your fingers Izz!
*passes through wall*
*taunts*
Now where am I?
You can't see me.
So where am I?
Sparky! Thank God you're back! I was about to headbutt you!
*sheaths head*
*drops swords*
Gah! Why did I have TWO Makhairas???
It's okay, Izz. Sparky's back. Wait....where are you? I can't see you.
Ah. Sparky. how are you?
When I see the name 'Gerald' all I think of is Thrasher. It's funny.
No idea, Sparky. Maybe you could give one to me....? *eyes bulge hopefully*
Me too. I thought sparky was talking to a stupid zombie.
....Evelyn Reed used to hunt zombies.
No....
I think...
I think...
What happened?
*becomes visible again*
I was kind of enjoying that...
You were momentarily possessed by Gerald, I think.
Translation: You were a dude for a minute there.
Ah! There you are, Izz! I thought you ran away!
Gerald is an it.
Gerald is an... WHAT!?
No. Just having fun with Sparky's alter ego.
It's good to be dead.
Really? Are you sure? Because before you said HE will kill us all. *smiles smugly*
WHAT? I'm talking to a dead person here?!
*somehow manages to get one of the Makhairas at Eve's neck*
Hmm???
Yeah. you got a problem with that! *looms meanacingly*
My profile tells you how that happened.
*stops breathing* I take it back! I didn't mean it! You're an It all over!
Oh, right that *turns purple* Why does everyone hate me all of a sudden?
*comes out of nowhere* Gerald is a guy. And a wimp.
But I CAN kill you.
*slices one of Eve's hands off*
*laughs evilly*
*sees blood*
AGH!!!
WHAT HAPPENED???
Nooooooo! You've doomed us all, Valkyrie! I'm leaving, right now! I don't know about you, but I don't want to die! Also, I'm kind of bleeding a lot here, from when Gerald CHOPPED MY FINGERS OFF. Good luck to you all,
bye.
This is getting out of hand...
Oh, dammit. Thanks sparky. I'm off to the hospital now.
What?
WHAT HAPPENED TO EVE'S HAND?
Gerald!
why don't you get out of Sparky's head, come over here and watch the rest of The Life Of Brain with me?
He's just about to get crucified.
Gerald?
Eve?
I-It-Me...
I cut off Eve's hand?
I am so sorry...
*chains self to wall with magic binding chains*
Can't hurt anyone here.
I'm going to play Sims 3...
BYE!!!
Gerald?
You coming?
bye Sparky!
G?
Eh. I'm still here. Gerald isn't coming back though.
Oh.
Ok.
Crucifiction?
Out the door, line on the left, one cross each.
SPARKY. GLAD YOU HAVEN'T LEFT.
Hmmm... I still need to paint this thing...
Carissa suggested I paint tons of differen coloured eyeballs. I said a bunch of funny faces. And Peren and Jaida said bubbles. I bet I could do all of those...
YES. Do a third of them bubbles, a third faces and a third eyeballs!!!
Okay, my hand and fingers are back on me now. Well, not mine, they belonged to a donor. *waits for China's line*
Anyone on? Sparky? Izz? Valkyrie?
Yeah. Just watching The Life Of Brian. I invited Gerald but apparently it's not coming back.
FINE. I'll answer myself. I say, 'They belonged to a donor', and then someone else says 'Willing or otherwise' and then I say 'otherwise'. Hahahaha....
Oh. Hi Izz. What's The Life Of Brian?
It's cool.
I'm painting eyeballs... Hehehehe...
A Monty Python movie.
It's hilarious.
Nice Val.
*sings*
Always look on the bright side of life *whistles*
1st
1st
1st
No. That's me.
Or not.
I dedicate this page to eyeballs! They're fun to squish! *stomps on one* Hehehe...
Oh that's charming that is
You ever seen The Crow val?
Aw. I was waiting to be first.
I didn't even notice til Val started saying 1st
Still hanging here...
I am SO sorry Eve.
He. Yeah...
Don't worry about it. I'm back to normal. It belonged to a donor. *leans in expectantly*
I'll let Sparky have the honour....
Oh good.
Come on Sparky come on
*smile drops*
What???
*blinks tears away rapidly*
*super confused*
....*stares blankly at computer screen*........
I think I missed something...
*sigh*
Willing or otherwise?
*starts gazing into middle distance*
And yeah. You did Sparky.
...Oth...otherwise....
PLEASE CAN SOMEONE EXPLAIN IN WORDS OF ONE SYLABLE???
*rethinks whole life*
I feel stupid and bad.
Please, someone explain.
.....Don't....don't worry....about....about.....*burst into tears*
HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!
I can do three sylables...
China Sorrows quote from earlier.
No one got it then either.
YOU TOOK IT ALL AWAY!!! ALL AWAY!!!
Oh God...
What did I do?
*panics and tries to make Eve feel better*
*starts trashing room*
*takes a step away from Eve*
Can anyone explain...?
NO!! NO!! *throws laptop out the window*
No please... Please stop...
*slides back down wall and starts sobbing*
Please don't cry...
....*breathes heavily*....
*picks up laptop*
Look back on the last page. She tried the joke there too.
....*still breathing heavily*.....
I don't like it when my friends cry.
*runs fingers through hair*
You really scared me Eve...
..........
Oh Eve!
You poor pathetic thing! There, there.
.....*smiles warmly* Hello Sparky! How are you? How was Sims 3? Was it fun?
Uh, you guys are really confusing... *pulls out paintbrush and paints a happy face on everyone except me* I'm just gonna slowly back away...
*wipes face with scarf*
I'm shaken.
Please, don't ever do that again.
Yeah. you need therapy.
Why do i have the feeling that i came in at a bad time...
Do what again?
Hello Christy! Not a bad time at all! *smiles brightly*
*starts singing 'Bear Necessities'*
What do you mean 'at a bad time'? *paints a lizard on Christine*
I'm worried...
Hello Christine...
New blood?
*slaps own head*
SHUT UP GERALD! YOU ARE NOT GETTING OUT AFTER LAST TIME.
*somewhere between an exasperated breath and a sigh*
Hi Christine
Ok. I take your word for that. i think...
I do like lizards so. Could you paint one on me, Valkyrie? I nice purple on, there's a good lass.
I'LL KILL YOU ALL!!!
No. You. WON'T.
*slams head against wall*
Ow...
*rubs forehead and sees blood on hands*
Uh oh...
*passes out*
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