London had Justin Bieber turning on its city's lights. Dublin had Michael Buble. And who did my neighbouring village Donabate have to turn on THEIR Christmas lights last Saturday evening? Why, they just had international superstar author Derek Landy drop by to ROCK. THEIR. WORLD.
And verily, their world was indeed rocked.
I was surrounded at all times by a pack of chattering girls, led by my very good friend Molly, whom I had met at the Twilight premiere a few weeks ago. 'Tis a small world indeed. A small, odd world. Filled with small, odd girls, who wouldn't stop talking.
But that's not why I'm here to talk to you today. Specifically, you people with the funny accents. Even more specifically, you people with the funny accents from Australia and New Zealand. I am here to tell YOU people that, good Lordy, we are running ANOTHER create-a-character competition just for you- because I am a kind and gracious Golden God.
I wasn't planning on running another competition quite so soon, but after talking to my publishers I decided to squeeze one last contest into the final few weeks of 2011, and it's all to do with The End Of The World, which is being published in Ireland and the UK in March as part of World Book Day. Now, I'm sure all of you know just how much I love synchronicity, how much I love releasing books at the same time across the world, so we have arranged for TEOTW to be released in Australia and New Zealand at the same time, and it was decided that it should include a brand new and exclusive short story featuring two characters that you guys will have to come up with.
But I digress.
The competition! The deadline is tight, my Australiminions, my New Zeali...minions.... (I'm not sure that works... ahem...). The deadline is 11.59 PM on New Year's Eve in whatever Time Zone you happen to be in, and not a second after!
Because we have this tight schedule, I'm going to give you a few pointers which might improve your chances of winning- pointers which look a lot like ten rules you MUST OBEY.
RULES
1. Readers from Australia- I need a female character from you lot. Readers from New Zealand- I need a male character from you.
2. There will be ONE winner from each country.
3. Be practical when giving them their powers. I couldn't use some FANTASTIC characters from the other competitions because their powers would either have needed some heavy-duty explanation, or the characters were just TOO DAMN POWERFUL.
Restrict yourselves to a discipline of magic we've already seen in the books. Don't make your character someone who can do both Elemental and Adept magic. Don't make your character half-unicorn. Don't make your character Skulduggery's long lost brother. Who is also half-unicorn. Who can do both Elemental and Adept magic.
Be practical!
4. Post your entries HERE, in the Comments Section, which is now off-limits to everyone else! (The Blog entry accompanying this one will be for the usual chatter.)
5. You can post as many times as you want.
6. Before your entry, write this: "I hereby give my Golden God, Derek Landy, full rights to take this character and adapt it into his brain-explodingly brilliant work."
7. Understand that I might have to tweak your character in order to get the best fit for the story.
8. I can't think of an eighth rule.
9. Oh, oh! I thought of one!
10. Bring me... a shrubbery.
Posts
4,849 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 1001 – 1200 of 4849 Newer› Newest»Hmm... So why was this post missed out.
*puts on a detective hat*
I mean you have just under 4000 comments to fill.
Maybe the reason is compassion and consideration!
*strokes beard*
*beard falls off*
*blushes and hastily replaces the beard*
Of course it's real.
NO TOUCHING I SAY! NO TOUCHING!
Do you wish to leave people who wish to talk to Derek some commenting space?
Is that it?
*strokes mustache*
*it is also extremely authentic*
*and doesn't fall off at all*
*not in the slightet*
*coughs*
*vanishes in search of other lifeforms to communicate with*
WHY U NO COMMENT HERE?
I DON'T UNDERSTAND!
*sobs bitter tears*
WHY U NO COMMENT HERE?
I DON'T UNDERSTAND!
*sobs bitter tears*
*eats the double post*
*and half a freshly rotting lemon*
*grimaces*
*comes in with shrubbery*
*Reads Octa's posts*
Not commenting here?
They will
Well regardless, I am not going to be here until Friday.
Bye
You are kidding *shrugs* must have the wrong blog
It appears that my darling fellow bloggers are against using this post. Too mainstream?
Well I like you *pats post on head*
They are all on the next avaliable post
Poor postie all alone
I see.
DEREK the bloggers are deluding themselves
They seem to think that they can't post here because you said not to fill it up with idle chit chat but quite frankly competitions over and I quite like the space *stretches*
Ah disobeying direct orders *sits with feet up on the table* How do you feel?
Rule number 4
RULE NUMBER ONE:
Always listen to Buck
RULE NUMBER TWO
Stay in the middle of the trail
RULE NUMBER THREE
(pauses ominously)
He who has gas travels at the back of the pack
You'll love this
RULE NUMBER FOUR:
Have your heads examined
Robin! Stop commenting! You're wasting space for no reason!
I'm leaving btw. As in going back to the other blog post. Bye.
RULE NUMBER FIVE:
You can ignore rule number two if there is a female involved or possibly a cute dog
We should be here *folds arms stubbornly*
*frowns at Lavender* You messed up my rules
Rule number four ha the irony
That's Ice Age 3 if you didn't know
*makes thinking face*
I wonder how you will perceive this Derek?
I consider it to be using common sense actually
Why not fill this post?
The competition is over
Ah, they don't like me much now
*shrugs* Not surprised
What is it with people and following?
Sheep? I always preffered the term lemming...
Ah well they'll accept me again soon enough
*grins* I go on holiday tomorrow
*claps and squeals*
I have much love for a roomy blog
I cannot see why the others aren't using this one
I don't suppose you mind much now Derek
The competition is over.
Hsve you ever had a really odd song stuck in your head
Somebody that I used to know is stuck in mine
Aww superluv by Shane Dawson
I've got to go and download some more things
Bye til Fri
COMING AT YOU FRIDAYS
...
er
*laughs* I can't believe you guys stuck to this ridiculous idea
This is actually quite funny
*facepalms*
*sighs aloud and holds bridge of nose*
Oooh a commenter xD
I am at the conclusion that everyone has been brainwashed.
Or maybe had their brain removed entirely.
Maybe I'll just leave comments on this blog 'til it fills.
I think I will
Check out my stories please :D
The Sworn are awesome
Is everyone here or something?
guess whos back??
well umm almost good comeback... IF ANY1 WAS HERE!
any1?
wheres every1??
So you're all maybe commenting here?
Like Robin said the competition was over several months ago.
Plus wasting space is so much fun!
So roooooooooomy!
Also it really annoys me that you have all these blogs with 5000 comments and this one is missed out.
THE ORDER HAS BEEN ABANDONED!
GAH!
I guess I have a long task ahead of me.
Just keep swimming swimming swimming
*blows bubbles at people*
BUBBLES! *tries to catch them with my teeth*
PRETTY BUBBLES!
I'M INSANE!
I'M IN PAIN!
I'M IN RAIN!
RHYMY WHYMY!
WHERE BE ALL THE PEOPLE?
IN OCTOBER. THAT'S WHERE THEY BE.
AND ME ALL ALONE IN DECEMBER.
But I shall succeed!
*evil laughter*
I hope I don't suffer from virtual claustrophobia.
That would be no fun.
*performs an experiment*
See there are about 3900 comments left.
That's quite roomy.
But each new comment. Makes it a little less roomier.
And I wonder if I will start getting any virtual symptoms.
I seem to be fine so far.
Still fine.
Look how fine I am!
Perhaps these comments should be a litle more educational.
Who wants to learn about Mao's China?
*waits for someone to raise their hand*
Susie? Do you want to learn about Mao's China?
Yu do?
Oh good!
*waits for someone to raise their hand*
Susie? Do you want to learn about Mao's China?
Yu do?
Oh good!
OK PEOPLE!
GO! GO! GO!
FACT ONE!
Mao Zedong was leader of China from 1949 until his death in 1976.
FACT TWO
Under Mao's rule China became the second Communist country after the USSR.
FACT THREE
Mao was a mass murderer. Under his reign an estimated 60 million to 100 million people died.
About 45 million people died in the Great Famine of 1960.
This makes Mao evil.
FACT FOUR
Mao was an excellent swimmer and swam across the Yangtze river when he was really old.
I can't remember how old. Sixties perhaps.
There were several major events that happened under Mao's reign.
The Hundred Flowers Campaign
The Great Leap Forwad
The Great Famine
The Cultural Revolution.
Most involved the deaths of millions of people.
Mao set up the Lagoi- the equivalent of Nazi Germany's concentration camps or USSR's Gulags.
Conditions were appalling.
I shan't go into details because it's really just too depressing.
Infact this whole topic is pretty depressing.
But I have an exam on it and it makes up 25% of my AS level so I have to revise for it.
Time for something funny I think.
Russia and China had a very strained relationship.
Especially after Mao invited the Russian leader Khrushchev to his palace in Beijing and showed off his excellent swimming. And then proceeded to push Khrushchev into the pool (he couldn't swim) and then laugh at him.
Hehehehehehe.
So I need to leave momentarily and gorge myself on biscuits and ideas.
Mmmm.
Ideas are so tasty.
And intellectually stimulating.
Unfortunately we were all out of ideas.
Didn't have very many biscuits either.
Is there a collective noun for a group of AWESOME PEOPLE?
Yes!
A nerdfighter of awesome people.
GO NERDFIGHTERS!
*sings*
*rather badly*
*out of tune*
*but very loudly*
Oh the effort it takes to single handely fill up a blog post.
I NEED PEOPLE TO HELP ME!
*noms on a chocolate brownie*
*munches on a strawberry elf*
*and a coconut flavoured gnome*
I mean to interestingly fill up a blog post.
It would be easy enough to fill it up with numbers.
Or full stops.
Or penguins.
3824 green bottles
Hanging on a wall
3824 green bottles
Hanging on a wall
And if one green bottle
Should accidently fall
There'd be 3823 green bottles
Hanging on a wall.
That would be a very long wall.
If we assume that the wall is a straight line.
And that it has the width of one green bottle.
And the bottles are spaced evenly on the wall with no gaps between them.
And a bottle is hhmmm say...
Well assume they are wine bottles.
So 7cm in diamter.
The wall would be 267.68 m
So about 0.25 km
Not that long a wall really.
I'm quite bad with spacial awareness really.
I just met you
And this is crazy
but here's my number
so call me maybe
He's turns out to be gay
Best. Video. Ever.
Awww Octaboona is helping me *fills with happy pride*
*leaves high-five for his return*
I don't know Octa, penguins sound kinda fun.
Though they are evil.
Like lemons....
And robots
*frowns at Octa's math*
*points at it* There are numbers
I don't do numbers *shrieks and runs*
My God Octa you talked to yourself for ages
*stares at blank comment box*
Must
Find
Something
Interesting
To
Say
ASSASSIN'S CREED BROTHERHOOD LITERAL - TOBUSCUS ON YOUTUBE
Stargate, UbiSoft, SPARKLE
A white matrix picks a date then faaaaaaaade
And people say Rome wasn’t built in a dayyyyy – AH
BLOOM TRANSITION
The birds get the hell out of there.
Because they know something’s going down
Is he gonna die?
No, it’s a medium shot.
Pan, zoom, and slow-mo means he’s the target.
Mysterious hooded man watches(from a distance)
Take a second to look awesome - time to go.
Walk in slow-motion so you still look awesome.
Guard just saw you, And he’s gonna shot you.
But don't mind him - just keep looking awesome.
That shadow will take care of him
WHITE!
Guard says “Stop!” Just kill him with your awesome
The other got it by an arrow so you’re good.
PART THE RED SEA
Hopefully those guards have good armour!
No, they don’t.
Maybe they do
They don’t.
Now act like you didn’t do it.
They’re not buying it…
Target comes out of his shelter
He’s distracted by a feather.
He’s like, “SHOOT ME!”
He likes feathers.
He looks up when he remembers:
'Ooh, I LOVE birds!'
Nod at the bird and PEOPLE DIE!
Everywhere PEOPLE DIE!
Target doesn’t die, HE’S FINE!
Target sends horsemen to die.
Kill the horse, the rider falls down.
Kill the rider the rider falls down.
Target's still fine
Target nods and some other guards
that were hiding in pillars
COME OUT
and then take their formation
then Target pulls out his sword
then goes to smell his sword
…not sure why.
Mysterious hooded man
joined by
other hooded people…
YOUR’E NEXT.
RUN-NING
RUUUUUUUNNING
SLOW MOTION JUMP ATTACK
Okay done
Ah Octa you need to give me a time so we can meet here and talk! It's hard talking to no one
Well I am talking to me
And I'm pretty cool
Just not very chatty
Well I must leave you postie *pats on head*
*leaves*
Well I'm here now.
Hmm....
Arrange a time to meet and chat.
Are you good for 8:00 p.m UK time.
Not sure where you live really.
It may be 8:00 p.m or perhaps 2 a.m or 3: p.m or even 55BC.
But anyways.
We're approaching a new page.
We haven't done that for months.
EXCITEMENT!
Also GO TOBUSCUS!
BRILLIANT TOBUSCUS!
What should I quote?
THE RIME OF THE ANCIENT MARINER
Part I
It is an ancient Mariner,
And he stoppeth one of three.
`By thy long grey beard and glittering eye,
Now wherefore stopp'st thou me?
The bridegroom's doors are opened wide,
And I am next of kin;
The guests are met, the feast is set:
Mayst hear the merry din.'
He holds him with his skinny hand,
"There was a ship," quoth he.
`Hold off! unhand me, grey-beard loon!'
Eftsoons his hand dropped he.
He holds him with his glittering eye -
The Wedding-Guest stood still,
And listens like a three years' child:
The Mariner hath his will.
The Wedding-Guest sat on a stone:
He cannot choose but hear;
And thus spake on that ancient man,
The bright-eyed Mariner.
"The ship was cheered, the harbour cleared,
Merrily did we drop
Below the kirk, below the hill,
Below the lighthouse top.
The sun came up upon the left,
Out of the sea came he!
And he shone bright, and on the right
Went down into the sea.
Higher and higher every day,
Till over the mast at noon -"
The Wedding-Guest here beat his breast,
For he heard the loud bassoon.
The bride hath paced into the hall,
Red as a rose is she;
Nodding their heads before her goes
The merry minstrelsy.
The Wedding-Guest he beat his breast,
Yet he cannot choose but hear;
And thus spake on that ancient man,
The bright-eyed Mariner.
"And now the storm-blast came, and he
Was tyrannous and strong:
He struck with his o'ertaking wings,
And chased us south along.
With sloping masts and dipping prow,
As who pursued with yell and blow
Still treads the shadow of his foe,
And foward bends his head,
The ship drove fast, loud roared the blast,
And southward aye we fled.
And now there came both mist and snow,
And it grew wondrous cold:
And ice, mast-high, came floating by,
As green as emerald.
And through the drifts the snowy clifts
Did send a dismal sheen:
Nor shapes of men nor beasts we ken -
The ice was all between.
The ice was here, the ice was there,
The ice was all around:
It cracked and growled, and roared and howled,
Like noises in a swound!
At length did cross an Albatross,
Thorough the fog it came;
As it had been a Christian soul,
We hailed it in God's name.
It ate the food it ne'er had eat,
And round and round it flew.
The ice did split with a thunder-fit;
The helmsman steered us through!
And a good south wind sprung up behind;
The Albatross did follow,
And every day, for food or play,
Came to the mariner's hollo!
In mist or cloud, on mast or shroud,
It perched for vespers nine;
Whiles all the night, through fog-smoke white,
Glimmered the white moonshine."
`God save thee, ancient Mariner,
From the fiends that plague thee thus! -
Why look'st thou so?' -"With my crossbow
I shot the Albatross."
Part II
"The sun now rose upon the right:
Out of the sea came he,
Still hid in mist, and on the left
Went down into the sea.
And the good south wind still blew behind,
But no sweet bird did follow,
Nor any day for food or play
Came to the mariners' hollo!
And I had done a hellish thing,
And it would work 'em woe:
For all averred, I had killed the bird
That made the breeze to blow.
Ah wretch! said they, the bird to slay,
That made the breeze to blow!
Nor dim nor red, like God's own head,
The glorious sun uprist:
Then all averred, I had killed the bird
That brought the fog and mist.
'Twas right, said they, such birds to slay,
That bring the fog and mist.
The fair breeze blew, the white foam flew,
The furrow followed free;
We were the first that ever burst
Into that silent sea.
Down dropped the breeze, the sails dropped down,
'Twas sad as sad could be;
And we did speak only to break
The silence of the sea!
All in a hot and copper sky,
The bloody sun, at noon,
Right up above the mast did stand,
No bigger than the moon.
Day after day, day after day,
We stuck, nor breath nor motion;
As idle as a painted ship
Upon a painted ocean.
Water, water, every where,
And all the boards did shrink;
Water, water, every where,
Nor any drop to drink.
The very deep did rot: O Christ!
That ever this should be!
Yea, slimy things did crawl with legs
Upon the slimy sea.
About, about, in reel and rout
The death-fires danced at night;
The water, like a witch's oils,
Burnt green, and blue, and white.
And some in dreams assured were
Of the Spirit that plagued us so;
Nine fathom deep he had followed us
From the land of mist and snow.
And every tongue, through utter drought,
Was withered at the root;
We could not speak, no more than if
We had been choked with soot.
Ah! well-a-day! what evil looks
Had I from old and young!
Instead of the cross, the Albatross
About my neck was hung."
Part III
"There passed a weary time. Each throat
Was parched, and glazed each eye.
A weary time! a weary time!
How glazed each weary eye -
When looking westward, I beheld
A something in the sky.
At first it seemed a little speck,
And then it seemed a mist;
It moved and moved, and took at last
A certain shape, I wist.
A speck, a mist, a shape, I wist!
And still it neared and neared:
As if it dodged a water-sprite,
It plunged and tacked and veered.
With throats unslaked, with black lips baked,
We could nor laugh nor wail;
Through utter drought all dumb we stood!
I bit my arm, I sucked the blood,
And cried, A sail! a sail!
With throats unslaked, with black lips baked,
Agape they heard me call:
Gramercy! they for joy did grin,
And all at once their breath drew in,
As they were drinking all.
See! see! (I cried) she tacks no more!
Hither to work us weal;
Without a breeze, without a tide,
She steadies with upright keel!
The western wave was all a-flame,
The day was well nigh done!
Almost upon the western wave
Rested the broad bright sun;
When that strange shape drove suddenly
Betwixt us and the sun.
And straight the sun was flecked with bars,
(Heaven's Mother send us grace!)
As if through a dungeon-grate he peered
With broad and burning face.
Alas! (thought I, and my heart beat loud)
How fast she nears and nears!
Are those her sails that glance in the sun,
Like restless gossameres?
Are those her ribs through which the sun
Did peer, as through a grate?
And is that Woman all her crew?
Is that a Death? and are there two?
Is Death that Woman's mate?
Her lips were red, her looks were free,
Her locks were yellow as gold:
Her skin was as white as leprosy,
The Nightmare Life-in-Death was she,
Who thicks man's blood with cold.
The naked hulk alongside came,
And the twain were casting dice;
`The game is done! I've won! I've won!'
Quoth she, and whistles thrice.
The sun's rim dips; the stars rush out:
At one stride comes the dark;
With far-heard whisper o'er the sea,
Off shot the spectre-bark.
We listened and looked sideways up!
Fear at my heart, as at a cup,
My life-blood seemed to sip!
The stars were dim, and thick the night,
The steersman's face by his lamp gleamed white;
From the sails the dew did drip -
Till clomb above the eastern bar
The horned moon, with one bright star
Within the nether tip.
One after one, by the star-dogged moon,
Too quick for groan or sigh,
Each turned his face with a ghastly pang,
And cursed me with his eye.
Four times fifty living men,
(And I heard nor sigh nor groan)
With heavy thump, a lifeless lump,
They dropped down one by one.
The souls did from their bodies fly, -
They fled to bliss or woe!
And every soul it passed me by,
Like the whizz of my crossbow!"
Part IV
`I fear thee, ancient Mariner!
I fear thy skinny hand!
And thou art long, and lank, and brown,
As is the ribbed sea-sand.
I fear thee and thy glittering eye,
And thy skinny hand, so brown.' -
"Fear not, fear not, thou Wedding-Guest!
This body dropped not down.
Alone, alone, all, all alone,
Alone on a wide wide sea!
And never a saint took pity on
My soul in agony.
The many men, so beautiful!
And they all dead did lie;
And a thousand thousand slimy things
Lived on; and so did I.
I looked upon the rotting sea,
And drew my eyes away;
I looked upon the rotting deck,
And there the dead men lay.
I looked to heaven, and tried to pray;
But or ever a prayer had gusht,
A wicked whisper came and made
My heart as dry as dust.
I closed my lids, and kept them close,
And the balls like pulses beat;
For the sky and the sea, and the sea and the sky,
Lay like a load on my weary eye,
And the dead were at my feet.
The cold sweat melted from their limbs,
Nor rot nor reek did they:
The look with which they looked on me
Had never passed away.
An orphan's curse would drag to hell
A spirit from on high;
But oh! more horrible than that
Is the curse in a dead man's eye!
Seven days, seven nights, I saw that curse,
And yet I could not die.
The moving moon went up the sky,
And no where did abide:
Softly she was going up,
And a star or two beside -
Her beams bemocked the sultry main,
Like April hoar-frost spread;
But where the ship's huge shadow lay,
The charmed water burnt alway
A still and awful red.
Beyond the shadow of the ship
I watched the water-snakes:
They moved in tracks of shining white,
And when they reared, the elfish light
Fell off in hoary flakes.
Within the shadow of the ship
I watched their rich attire:
Blue, glossy green, and velvet black,
They coiled and swam; and every track
Was a flash of golden fire.
O happy living things! no tongue
Their beauty might declare:
A spring of love gushed from my heart,
And I blessed them unaware:
Sure my kind saint took pity on me,
And I blessed them unaware
The selfsame moment I could pray;
And from my neck so free
The Albatross fell off, and sank
Like lead into the sea."
Part V
"Oh sleep! it is a gentle thing,
Beloved from pole to pole!
To Mary Queen the praise be given!
She sent the gentle sleep from heaven,
That slid into my soul.
The silly buckets on the deck,
That had so long remained,
I dreamt that they were filled with dew;
And when I awoke, it rained.
My lips were wet, my throat was cold,
My garments all were dank;
Sure I had drunken in my dreams,
And still my body drank.
I moved, and could not feel my limbs:
I was so light -almost
I thought that I had died in sleep,
And was a blessed ghost.
And soon I heard a roaring wind:
It did not come anear;
But with its sound it shook the sails,
That were so thin and sere.
The upper air burst into life!
And a hundred fire-flags sheen,
To and fro they were hurried about!
And to and fro, and in and out,
The wan stars danced between.
And the coming wind did roar more loud,
And the sails did sigh like sedge;
And the rain poured down from one black cloud;
The moon was at its edge.
The thick black cloud was cleft, and still
The moon was at its side:
Like waters shot from some high crag,
The lightning fell with never a jag,
A river steep and wide.
The loud wind never reached the ship,
Yet now the ship moved on!
Beneath the lightning and the moon
The dead men gave a groan.
They groaned, they stirred, they all uprose,
Nor spake, nor moved their eyes;
It had been strange, even in a dream,
To have seen those dead men rise.
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