Hello.
Ah, my poor neglected blog. How I have ignored you. Once you were the apple of my eye (okay, not really — the name of this blog is what it is, after all), but then along came Twitter and suddenly you seemed somewhat clunky and... unwieldy...
But see? I have returned. I've been away a lot, I know. Work. I had that book to publish (which went really well, by the way) and then all those tours, including a trip to New Zealand and Australia to meet all those readers with funny accents.
My life has been somewhat chaotic as of late, and when things get chaotic, some other things suffer. You, it seems, are one of these things.
But I'll try to rectify that. I really will. I'm home now, after all, and settling back into normal life. What normal life will bring me, though, I have no idea.
Posts
About Derek
- Derek Landy
- Derek Landy writes the Skulduggery Pleasant series because getting a proper job is so overrated.
4,849 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 1401 – 1600 of 4849 Newer› Newest»(*glares at the fangirls* hello Clara.)
Hullo, Silente.
. . . Alive and well, I see.
(*points at her last comment* Wanna hug Anni...)
*VIOLENTLY HUGS MITHRIA*
(*Accepts hand shake* thank you)
(i would be interested in reading that Clars (the back story and shiz) and yes i still remember the characters you have planned Inks)
*sees Minerve* hello there what brings you here?
Minerve: We shall see.
I will be back momentarily.
I just quite my "job" at the art gallery, and now my boss is giving me, pardon my French, shit about it.
I'll be back in a moment.
I have no doubt that I would love some hugs when I come back.
(Alive? Well the author is. And well? Hardly ever. Nevertheless you seem to be alive and well.)
*glares* you'll be waiting a loooong time.
...
Well. It certainly became quiet.
(Hello Sir, how art thou?)
Minerve: Perhaps. Time means nothing to me.
Minerve (2): If any mortals wish to bargain for the life of a certain Silente Tempest, it would be wise to speak now.
*nods*
...
I'm bored.
As well as one can be expected to be, Ms. Flame.
Oh what did she get herself into this time?
(Hullo Blogland.)
(*squeals* im so excited about what I have planned)
(Hewwo Blake, how art thou?)
I'm afraid I gotta go now... See you all soon, I hope!
*cuddles everyone and leaves*
(B Byii Mith!)
*returns, almost shaking with fury and irritation*
. . .
. . . May I have a hug, please?
...
*Pats Ms. Crowley on the shoulder.*
(Not bad Inky, how're all of you doing?)
(*huggles Anni*)
Minerve (2): She died.
Minerve: I see. I am afraid death is not full of excitement.
(Im Goood and excited! *laughs to self*)
*graciously accepts the hug from Inky*
*graciously accepts the awkward pat on the shoulder from Sir*
Oh joy, I take it you're going to tell me the only way to get her back is by making a deal with you?
*A shadowy armchair forms behind him, which he casually reclines in*
Boooooooored. Ugh. I'd rather be bloody tortured than bored. *glares at a wall*
(you can hit me to get your frustration out, Anni)
*walks over to Minerve (2)* i will,
depends on the terms though?
(*offers Clars a huggle*
what have you got planned Wolfie?)
. . .
Well, now that I've finally abandoned that God-forsaken job, I can finally run away to the sea to become a pirate.
Arr.
(what we just discussed over email ^^)
I can't hit you, Inky. That would be like kicking a puppy.
Minerve: That can be arranged.
Minerve (2): Indeed. You will summon my army. And then she will be returned to you.
(Not to dash your dreams, Clara, but you really don't seem like the pirating type.)
(*grins* I can take it. Im tough. I go to tabata with all these burly men)
Clearly, Blake, you weren't around during my phase as the Majestic Pirate Crowley. Look, it's in my list of titles.
*points up at list of titles*
So you want us to summon your army to Blogland in exchange for Silente's life. Now if my guess is any to trust, that army is going to attack Blogland as soon as it gets here. People tend to die in attacks, Silente tends to die regardless, so really we don't gain anything through this. I have no doubt in my own ability to retrieve her, especially with the assistance of the other residence of Blogland. To put it simply, I won't be the one to agree to such a foolish "deal".
*glares at Min* bring it.
(@Clara you can punch me instead of flick?)
And what happens if one does summon your army?
(Hello Blake
(Hello Sir how be you both?)
(i think i know what you mean Inks?)
Now that is an offer I'll gladly accept.
*punches Silente in the face*
. . . Ow.
*nurses bruised knuckles*
I've just now realized . . . I'm a bit of a wimp.
(All eyes in the centre on me like a ...?
And I wanna be punched)
Minerve (2): I did not say anything about an attack. I simply want my army here, should I need it, to use against Phaestra, my sister.
Silente is in my realm. She is not leaving unless I allow it. There will be no negotiation. I have told you the deal. If no one accepts it, she will be mine for eternity.
Minerve: You act as if you are able to fight here.
* all eyes on my in the centre of the ring just like aaa...
Minerve (2): *tilts head at Garrett* They will arrive here. And stand until I give them orders. The orders to attack my sister.
CIRCUS.
(Hehe Yep ^^)
So lets say i do summon your army, what do i get out of it?
Tawnee: *sits on the floor in bathroom*
*keeps vomiting*
Minerve (2): You get your friend, alive.
*runs towards Sophia and hugs her*
You're alive!!!!
(I had breakfast at 4 pm, thanks to parents!
Moody...
How are you guys?)
*sits quietly in the corner*
You know, on the whole, this entire deal seems a tad one-sided.
You act as if I'm not.
*Leans closer to Gar and whispers* We could always just destroy the army when it gets here, nothing in the deal about leaving it alone.
So roughly how big an army are we talking? I don't want Gar here to be wasted if he does end up doing this.
(*huggles Tia* heya ^^ I is good)
Minerve: Your skills at fighting mean nothing here. You cannot kill me.
Minerve (2): The army is a few thousand knights.
(I like your picture it is awesome just like you!)
*hums*
(*smirks* thank you. Im not that awesome though)
You are, in fact, that awesome. Do not sell yourself short.
*whispers to blake* what do you think are chances are against the army?
(Hello Tia, to answer your question: I'm cool)
Tawnee: *trudges out of house, hand on small baby bump* where the hell did he go?
*walks aimlessly around Blogland*
Pfft.
(Thanks Anni ^^)
*continues humming*
Minerve: *shadows form a short sword in her hands* *slices it at Silente*
A few thousand eh? Not bad. Not the best I've seen, but not bad.
*Whispers back to Gar* A few thousand should be fun. My necromancy is perfect for dealing with lots of opponents at once. Everyone else here can certainly take on your run of the mill soldier. Even if it is some weird dark thing.
*cuddlehuggles Chloe* You're awesome! Yis!
Necromancers frighten me.
Tawnee: *finds Clara* hello
(*huggles Tia* thank you)
Minerve (2): Summon them and you will have your friend. *turns her palm upwards, darkness forming into the image of her army* Think of them, and they will arrive.
*whispers back to blake* you and me could tag team, you know I'll let Asylius out for some fun
*looks at min* I'll summon the army if you promise me one thing,
*falls onto Clara*
*falls into Clara's embrace*
*starts humming "I just died in your arms tonight"*
Hello, you-who-I-do-not-know.
*shakes Tawnee's hand*
A fair assertion, Ms. Crowley, but I profess a far more acute fear of warlocks.
*is suddenly holding a humming Tia*
. . .
. . .
*drops Tia*
*starts humming "Can't Touch This"*
Minerve (2): And what is that?
Having never met a warlock, I refuse to pass judgement on them just yet.
Tawnee: *smiles* Im Gar's girlfriend. Nice to meet you *shakes hand*
Ah, Garrett! He's a friend/enemy/rival/poker buddy of mine. It's good to meet you.
*falls onto Clara*
*falls into Clara's embrace*
*starts humming "I just died in your arms tonight"*
*dodges back, smirking*
You and your army will not hurt my girlfriend in anyway or form,
do we have a deal? *puts hand out for a deal handshake*
Minerve: You amuse me, primitive creature.
*looks down, perturbed, at Tia again*
*drops Tia*
*hums "I'm So Confused"*
Tawnee: *smiles* likewise. Shall we get some tea?
Minerve (2): *shakes his hand, her skin feeling exceptionally cold to the touch* We do have a deal.
I thought you'd never ask!
Shall we go to my Hotel, or a shop?
*falls onto Clara*
*falls into Clara's embrace*
*her heart is no longer beating*
*tilts head* your hotel?
You amuse me, idiotic goddess.
Ok so how do i summon the army then?
*finds self carrying a dead body, bridal-style*
. . . Hang it all, this is the fifth time this has happened.
*flips hair attractively*
*sighs*
Oh, beauty is such a curse.
Yes, my Hotel.
*acts as if the body isn't even there*
My name is Clara L. Crowley, and I am the manager of the Midnight Hotel.
Tawnee: *looks worriedly at Tia*
(the previous comment was Taw)
Minerve (2): *nods her head at the image made of shadows, showing some of her army* Think of them.
Minerve: Your friends are more stupid thank you think, mortal.
*shakes head*
Don't worry about Tia. She's just dead.
Tawnee: *eyes light up* that is so cool! Im Tawnee...I can turn into a dragon * motions to scales*
Wait, i will if you bring Silente back as well as my first condition
Tawnee: shouldn't we worry?
*face becomes one of dread* they didn't.
*stunned into silence*
*opens mouth to speak*
*closes it again*
*opens*
A . . . a dragon?
I see.
. . .
Tawnee: *nods head* that's right. What do we do with the cadaver?
No, not at all. There's no need to worry.
*carries Tia down the street, towards the Hotel*
I have an incinerator for precisely this purpose.
(ice lollies are the best! especially lemonade ones!)
Minerve (2): No. I will bring her back once my army has arrived. I no longer want her in my realm, but I am not stupid. I have told you the deal.
Minerve: They are going to.
Tawnee: I Incinerator?
*follows*
. . .
. . . Is an ice lolly a popsicle?
(Yep ^^)
No...tell me they aren't that STUPID
Yes. It's where I dispose of all the people who have died in my arms on various nights.
Can't take a man's handshake? That's just plain dishonorable.
*Crosses one foot over the other and leans back in his chair, darkness around him becoming agitated in anticipation*
Then yes, popsicles are delicious. I prefer strawberry shortcake bars, myself.
Tawnee: *looks worried* okay...uh...may she rest is pieces?
Sometimes, watching Blake is upsetting because I know I will never be that cool.
Minerve: *tilts her head* If I did, I would be lying.
Minerve (2): I will honour the deal, Blake Soul. Do not worry.
(Im only eating one now because my house is warm and I cant take off my onesie)
Quite so.
*yanks open the doors to the cellar*
*the Hotel has, like many old buildings, exterior cellar doors*
*descends the stairs into the darkness*
*stows Tia under a couch*
*returns to the street, and Tawnee*
There we go. All burned.
Are. You. KIDDING ME!!! Let me guess, Blake. Blake the bigheaded battle idiot who thinks he can take anything on and win for CHRISTS SAKE!
(*huggles Anni* you are really cool)
Ok *starts thinking of pizza and a pizza appears*
i works *eats a slice*
*offers some to blake* want a slice?
Minerve: He and a mortal named Garrett, I believe.
(Why thank you, Clara. You may not be cool in the same way as I but I assure you that you have me beat in more than one field of "coolness".)
Tawnee: *frowns* poor girl. Shall we get that tea now? Gizmo is quite parched
Mmm. I do love pizza.
Minerve: Summon my army, and Silente will be returned to you unharmed.
*Minerve (2):
Blake complimented me on my coolness.
*puts on sunglasses*
Oh I'd love one.
*A shadowy hand takes a slice, bringing it to Blake*
I haven't eaten all day.
(Pizza...*shudders*)
Yes, of course. I'll go get it.
*vanishes into the Hotel*
*shouts* What type of tea do you like?
Mine?
Tawnee: Earl Grey, if you have it
(dammit Blake! *whispers* so close...)
*sighs and facepalms*
If you don't then I swear to high heaven I'm killing them both.
(its ok Inks *offers you a huggle*)
well I've kept my end of the deal *goes to walk off*
Don't say MINE, Blake, you are not a seagull.
(*huggles Gar*)
*disintegrates*
*returns with a heavily-laden tea tray*
Cream or sugar?
((MINE MINE MINE))
(Mine.
I dedicate this page to those times when we fail to think of a fitting dedication. When it takes us by surprise and we need to come up with something on the spot.
Because when we have to do that, we have to go with what we can come up with right then and there. We have to show people what we really think when we're not thinking.)
Minerve: I see.
Minerve (2): *vanishes in a mist of shadows and reappears in front of Garrett* Summon my army.
Tia, cease your shenanigans.
Tawnee: *smiles* cream please.
*looks at her*
Don't.
*serves out the tea into white teacups with Halloween-themed trim painted around the edges*
*passes cup to Tawnee*
*sips from the other cup*
Mmm.
Minerve: Why would I? It would not give you the opportunity to do so yourself.
Tawnee: thank you *sips* mm, this is nice. *smiles* nice cups
*looks at min*
can't you see I'm busy right now *eats some more pizza* i might do it later,
(hear hear Blake)
Tea is one of my great joys in life.
*sips*
I'm glad you like it.
(hear hear!)
Minerve (2): *another image made from shadows appears in her hand, showing Silente being tortured by various means* No. You will do it now. Or she will die.
I mean DON'T summon your army. I'd rather stay dead. You think I died by accident? No.
Hi! (Wbd, msd, the usual).
Tawnee: Im quite partial to a spot of tea. *smiles and looks down at tummy* Gizmo appreciates it
Some of my fondest memories of Blogland are from times when the apocalypse was happening in one role-play and in a simultaneous role-play I was quietly sipping tea.
(STARRRR! how art thou?)
And . . . erm . . . pardon me, it's not my place, but . . . who is Gizmo?
Star!
*raises cup*
Come have tea!
(hehe that's cool Anni ^^)
Minerve: It is not up to you.
(Hello, Star. How are you?)
Tawnee: *smiles* the baby! we don't know if its going to be a boy or girl yet
(If you'll excuse me, I have some Death to defy!
(Hey, Star!))
(Hello Star how be you? *offers friendly huggle*)
*thinks while eating more pizza* the question is how can sil die if she is already dead?
That's odd, I could have sworn you said she was already dead. Wasn't this deal about bringing her back?
*Raises an eyebrow as he munches on his slice of pizza*
Minerve (2): Her soul can be eradicated. She can be wiped from existence. Or, of course, I could just torture her for eternity.
*sharply sets down the teacup in surprise*
Really?
Goodness. Congratulations.
Tawnee: *smiles* Thank you. Its early stages yet
*smiles*
I've always wanted a son. Not that I'd be a very good parent, but still . . .
*thinks even more* if you really want your army that bad, talk to Asylius he might help
No. Don't. Blake is an idiot. So is Garr. They think they can handle it but they're stupid. I'd rather stay. Hell why do you even WANT your army there? The only people you quarrel with is other gods- ohh.
Oh for the love of Chaos I'll do it.
*His chair drifts over to Minerve with its pizza-eating passenger. As he comes to a stop in front of her Blake directs his thoughts toward the image of the army from earlier*
Minerve: Indeed. Having my army present would provide a deterrent for other gods and goddesses to arrive.
Minerve (2): Then let me speak to him.
*watches the role-play*
*hums* Discord . . . I'm howling at the moon . . . and sleeping in the middle of a summer afternoon . . .
Minerve (2): *ten thousand knights wearing black armour fade into existence, marching forward with their swords and shields in their hands*
*they pause*
Thank you, Blake Soul.
Minerve: They have summoned my army.
Thus allowing you all the destruction you want..
Sorry about earlier Sophia, but Tia said she saw the ghost of Sophia so I just had to!!😁😁
Great. Perfect. Of course they have.
(No, Dugglyn. You did not have to.)
*He stands, finishing off the last of his pizza as the chair dissipates, and levels his gaze at Minerve*
So. Silente.
Minerve: *disappears in a mist of shadows, and Silente reappears in Blogland*
(Look at my baby kittens!!! >>>> 😍)
(I LOVE DISCORD!!)
Tawnee: *smiles* I think you would be a great mother
And remember no harming my girlfriend or my unborn child!
(I will be back soon. *presses pause*)
Ah perfect.
*Strolls over to Sil, paying no mind to the thousands of knights nearby*
Welcome back, I'm gonna go have some fun. *He gestures to the army* Care to join me?
(Ok true. But felt like I had to.
But I'm not anymore!!!!)
(Hey Dug! OMG CUTE!)
*shakes head with a sad smile*
Sadly, it's not up to me. I'm not married, nor have I ever come close.
*finishes tea*
*sets down the empty cup*
. . . I'll bring these to the kitchen, if you're done . . .
(ok Soph)
(Good plan Blake, now are you ready for a knight smackdown?)
Tawnee: *hugs Clara* you will oneday...I will help you
*obligingly hugs Tawnee*
. . .
Tawnee: *smiles* come on, lets get these to the kitchen
(As soon as Soph gets back, yes.)
*walks into the clearing with the army*
*she stopped, staring at the Army in disbelief*
What the...!
(*presses play a moment*)
*slaps Blake*
YOU IDIOT
(*presses pause*)
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