As was recently pointed out to me, "Nerdy Dalek" is an anagram of my name, so I suppose it's only fitting that my birthday should be the day my Doctor Who story comes out on ebook. The Mystery of the Haunted Cottage is a Tenth Doctor adventure and I had unimaginable fun writing it. For those of you who don't read ebooks, fret not- a physical book, containing all eleven stories by eleven writers, will be arriving late next month.
Ah yes, my birthday. I am 39 today. Some people might worry about reaching that age — just one more birthday till 40, after all. But not me. I shall live forever. And I don't mean in a metaphorical sense. I don't mean I'll live forever in the hearts and minds of my readers. I mean I will literally live forever, drawing as I do from your pain and suffering.
Your pain makes me strong.
Today is the day I knuckle down and officially start Book 9. I've been writing bits and pieces of it for the last few weeks — I've got close to 10,000 words done — but today it kicks off properly. October 23rd is, of course, the day Skulduggery died, hundreds of years ago. Once again, I think it's only fitting that I begin his final book on such a date. Poignant, even.
Sniffle.
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Alexis: *sighs taking his hand* Lorcan...
((Star: That was meant to be me hugging Mara. And, um, the wifi died. *is on phone* ))
Hunter: *chucks a dinosaur keyring at Adra* I don't want to chuck my knives - you might steal them!
#ChaseForBookNine
Of course I'd steal them. *steals the keyring*
Star: Arisbel, it does sound fascinating. :)
#ChaseForBookNine
Hunter: @Adra: *gives her a concerned look* Why would you WANT a dinosaur keyring? *chucks a pen at her*
*realization* Damn, I LIKED that pen!
#ChaseForBookNine
*steals it as well* haHA! I AM WINNING I AM- *couchs up a little blood*
*pauses* *hobbles into her lab and goes to the corner of the med bay and grabs an IV bag and stand, putting the needle into her arm and doing all the work* *rolls to her porch*
WINNING
*Screams in rage and storms through the trees* SHUT UP! *Punches a nearby tree, leaving a massive hole in the trunk*
*cough
*A cracking sound comes from Lorcan's mouth as some of his teeth crack as he grits them hard in pain. His arms start spasming as blood oozes freely from his nose.*
Lorcan: help.... kill... me... it... burns...
*he tries to take big breaths but can only manage short ones*
It means that I won't give in, won't give in, won't give in
'Cause everyone I love is here
Say it once, and disappear...
[Disappears]
#ChaseForBook9
((Taking this time to acknowledge all the other RPers...because I'm not near you
And Mara, who is probs dedding
Maybe))
*cuddles Fabi* *whispers* ily
Hunter: *teleports to Death* . . . You really seem absolutely fucking dandy.
*whizzes to Adra* AW. I LIKED THAT PEN. How is collecting random objects WINNING? Winning what? How?
*whizzes halfway back to Death*
#ChaseForBookNine
Well, then.
My cousin's uncle died two days ago. I never knew him, but I could tell a lot of people were upset about it. Everyone said he was such a nice man. I did some prying and figured out how he died.
Suicide.
He thought there was no other way out. So he killed himself. He took his life. And all of my family were upset. My mother was bawling her eyes out, which was a scary sight. My cousin, who I have never seen upset before, literally collapsed and broke down. Her dad couldn't talk to anyone. He was totally and utterly shocked and just... in pain.
So, I don't care who you are. If you're depressed and think everyone hates you, if you're happy and have that odd moment of sadness once in a while, if you're in between or if you're totally different,
Don't
You
Dare
Give
Up.
My cousin's uncle thought nobody would miss him.
But everyone does.
Don't you fucking dare take your own life. Ever.
It never solves anything. If anything, it makes it worse for people around you. I'm not saying anything against suicidal people, but; you think nobody cares?
You're wrong.
Somebody does care.
Even if it's a random person you chatted to a few times, somebody cares.
So, I guess I dedicate to that somebody.
I know I have a few.
Winning life
And the war against you
Star: *hugs Fabi*
Hunter: *realises I can't really hear Death or Adra* Well, that was smart. *passes them a blank Ashnight phone each* *chucks a piece of toy train track at Adra*
#ChaseForBookNine
Star: *hugs Fabi*
Hunter: *realises I can't really hear Death or Adra* Well, that was smart. *passes them a blank Ashnight phone each* *chucks a piece of toy train track at Adra*
#ChaseForBookNine
Alexis: Drew!!!!!! *is shaking* Lorcan stay with me
*leaps and tackles Mara and squishes her* Mara that was... That was beautiful. My friend came to school with a rather large bruise on her cheek... I wish I could show her what you said. :/
*the toy train glances off her head*
Ouch. Man,
((Yeah but that was really nice to.. Read. *hugs*))
I'M FINE! *Continues storming through the trees then pauses* Shut the Hell up, you son of a bitch. *Listens* No. They do like me... *Her voice wavers* No... But- You're right... They don't, do they...? *Kicks a tree and curses as a few bones shatter*
Star: *hugs Mara* My friend's friend's dad committed suicide and dhe's still really cut up about it . . . Thank you for saying it. People need telling. *hugs* I ded one of my undedded pages to your cousin's uncle and his family . . .
Hunter: *snorts* You think stealing is winning at life? Good luck there.
And - not for long. *chucks fork at her*
#ChaseForBookNine
(Oh my God.... Mara.... *Huggles tightly and vows never to let go*))
*Drew comes in and comes up beside Lorcan. He opens Lorcan's eyelids to see his eyes are completely grey*
Drew: Lorcan? Lorcan can you hear me? Stay with us buddy!
*Lorcan's spasms get worse as he gasps for breath through the pain*
((hugs Mara))
((hugs Deathy))
((hugs Adra))
((hugs Star))
((Doesn't hug the person I haven't met))
((hugs Zaf))
((hugs Em))
((disappears, and will hopefully be back before you're all gone and asleep))
#ChaseForBook9
Hear hear Mara
(Lorcan!)
Hunter: *whizzes to Death* Maybe drown them out with music, if you want? *has the phone on speaker*
#ChaseForBookNine
Alexis: Lorcan please stay with us!
Okay, Fabi... Uhm... Sorry?
*dodges fork*
HELLOOOOOOOO!!!
JUUUUUUUBBBBBBIIIII!!!!!!!!
Hunter: *waves to person I haven't met*
#ChaseForBookNine
*Pushes Hunter away roughly* GET AWAY FROM US! *Starts running through the trees, her foot already fixed* WE'RE FINE! WE DON'T NEED YOUR HELP!
Hi Jubi
ZAFFY!!!!!!!!! HUNTER!!!!!!!! *Supermegatacklehugsofdoom*
HAAII!!!!!
OMG I HAVEN'T BEEN ON IN FREAKING AGES GAAAH DDDD:
*pokes Hunter*
You've met me!
I think...
woah wtf...
Star: Hey Jubi! :)
MY NAME IS SO PRETTY. :)
SORRY, I FELT LIKE SAYING THAT. I KEEP HABING TO TYPE IT NOW AND IT'S SO GLORIOUS. :)
Hunter: *chucks a pitch fork at Adra*
#ChaseForBookNine
ADRA!!! DEATHY!!! *Supermegatacklehugsofdoom*
HAAII!!
(*Snickers* Hey Jubab.)
:3 hey
huNTER QUIT THROWING THINGS AT ME
Hunter: @Death: *shrugs* Okay. *thinks*
@Jubi: Hello. I don't really know, to be hinest with you . . . I haven't met Fabi, though. :)
Star: OOH THE WIFI'S BACK. O_O
#ChaseForBookNine
@Adra: *throws imaginary nothing at her* *laughs*
#ChaseForBookNine
Star: That last bit was Hunter . . . D:
#ChaseForBookNine
...
What
*Looks up at the sky and shoots into the clouds, laughing manically*
Hunter: @Adra: You'll all purple now . . . :)
#ChaseForBookNine
*Pokes Death*
...
I'm not purple
I LIKE PURPLE!
Star: *pokes Jubi* :)
#ChaseForBookNine
*explodes*
*pokes Star back*
*pokes Jubi with dynamite*
Hunter: @Adra: Not really . . . But yes really also . . . You know when something is but it isn't? Is ur or isn't it? Is it something in between? Isn't it somsthing in between? What is between? Is it isn? You're isn. But you're not, the puple is, but the purple isn't, althouvh what I actually mean is that the purple is and the lack of ither colours isn't, although everything that isn't really is . . .
#ChaseForBookNine
(I'll have to go for the night in a few..))
...*tries to keep track* *sways a little* I ' m'sorry-*collapses*
Star: *pokes Jubi back back* :)
I'll have to go for the night soon - tired . . . :P
#ChaseForBookNine
(There is a song that I hate called Last Friday Night, so to make it more bearable for me I made a Blogland parody of it. It's called Chase For Book Nine.)
Dammit now I'm dead,
True names screaming in my head
Glitter all over the room
And were acting like we’re fools
Getting drunk in Trip’s bar
And Blogland is never far
Your taken name is all you choose
We don’t care if you win or lose
Role-plays from last night
Ended up online
I'm screwed
Oh well
It's a comment-blocked blur
But I'm pretty sure
It ruled
Damn
#ChaseforBookNine
Yeah, we brought down Chaos
In a storm of lightning shots
Think I RPed but I forgot
#ChaseforBookNine
Yeah, we maxed the comment limit
And got kicked out of the post
But we made the best of it
#ChaseforBookNine
Epic battles in the park
Fighting on against the dark
We just went out for a lark
#ChaseforBookNine
Yeah I think we broke the law
But I don’t care it’s just a blog
Oh-oh-oh-oh
#ChaseforBookNine
Do it all again
#ChaseforBookNine
In Blogland
Trying to connect the dots
Who is where and doing what
Think a demon llama ate my car
Chandeliers on the floor
Cracked my favorite battle armor
Someone’s out another name
Think I need a cup of tea
Blogland’s where I want to be
Role-plays from last night
Ended up online
I'm screwed
Oh well
It's a comment-blocked blur
But I'm pretty sure
It ruled
Damn
#ChaseforBookNine
Yeah, we brought down Chaos
In a storm of lightning shots
Think I RPed but I forgot
#ChaseforBookNine
Yeah, we maxed the comment limit
And got kicked out of the post
But we made the best of it
#ChaseforBookNine
Epic battles in the park
Fighting on against the dark
We just went out for a lark
#ChaseforBookNine
Yeah I think we broke the law
But I don’t care it’s just a blog
Oh-oh-oh-oh
#ChaseforBookNine
Do it all again
(Do it all again)
#ChaseforBookNine
Do it all again
(Do it all again)
#ChaseforBookNine
B.L.O.G
B.L.O.G
B.L.O.G
B.L.O.G
B.L.O.G
B.L.O.G
#ChaseforBookNine
Yeah, we brought down Chaos
In a storm of lightning shots
Think I RPed but I forgot
#ChaseforBookNine
Yeah, we maxed the comment limit
And got kicked out of the post
But we made the best of it
#ChaseforBookNine
Epic battles in the park
Fighting on against the dark
We just went out for a lark
#ChaseforBookNine
Yeah I think we broke the law
But I don’t care it’s just a blog
Oh-oh-oh-oh
*claps* Purple Carrots!
((Adra why do you have to go?))
Hunter: Adra???? *runs over to her*
#ChaseForBookNine
*Stops laughing and plummets to the ground* She's not happy... She wants out.. *Clutches her head tightly*
((ANNIKA JESUS))
((I'm sleeping over at the zoo for school :D))
*is obviously unconscious and can not answer*
Star: *hugs Anni* OH MY GOSH.
THAT IS AWESOME.
YOU'RE AMAZING.
I LOVE YOU. !)
#ChaseForBookNine
*Bites Zaf's Dynamite*
*pokes Star back back BACK*
THAT'S AWESOME ANNIKA!!! :D
*bows*
As you can see, I had some time on my hands.
((Marry me))
((At....the....zoo? Have fun! I'm uh....I was gonna go to the game but its gonna flurry))
*Lorcan coughs, blood coming out hard. His muscles stop spasming and just tense still. He stops spasming as he takes breaths and starts to cry. The sweat rolls off his forehead as the blood still oozes from his mouth and nose
Drew looks into his eyes, they are still grey*
Drew: Wow... his infection is really bad.
*dynamite explodes* *giggles*
((Yah! Maybe. It'll be the first time I see my new friends outside of school))
Hunter: *sits down down next to Adra and puts my hand on her, closing my eyes and trying to sense her in a detailed fashion*
#ChaseForBookNine
The zoo?
You're not sleeping in the flamingo cage, are you?
Because if you are, then I'd be jealous.
(Anni... I love you...)
Star: *pokes Jubi back back back back!*
@Adra: Yay. :) :) Hope you have fun! Sounds fun. :)
@Lorcan: :O :'(
#ChaseForBookNine
(*hugs Rose*
Awwww, Rose, I love you too!)
*Jabs Star in the stomach*
*runs away laughing maniacally*
((No ofc not))
((The thing I have was that tuberculosis from last time I saw Hunter, actually. But yeah. It came back, unfortunately))
Jubilence, for shame!
No poking.
*folds arms*
Harrumph.
NO POKING?!?!?! *gapes*
what has become of life....
Alexis: Lorcan....*is trying to not cry* Drew what...do we do?
There are other things to life for, Jubiliance. Like poker, or poking around, or poking your nose into other people's business.
@Anni: *laughs*
@Adra's energy: Hmm. Okay. One question - WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE? WHY DO YOU HAVE TO MAKE FRIENDS? YOU SHOULD BE POINTLESS LONER! Aw. Only joking. Aw, rhat's beautiful. Okay. Bye-bye Adra. Ah, don't wirry, there's seven billion on the market. Um, I think I'm hallucinating this conversation, or just making it up, possibly. Okay. Hopefully see you guys soon? Adra, you're dying. Possibly. I might have made that up. I think I made it up. No, not the dying, the other it.
#ChaseForBookNine
((What))
*watches the proceedings*
*sighs in boredom*
*strolls off down the Champs Ulysses in search of adventure*
Happy birthdayyyyy Katy Perry ❤️
Star: Uh, the second part was Hunter . . .
@Annika: :) :) :) *jabs Jubi with a poker table*
#ChaseForBookNine
*Pokes Annika*
OUCH! *Glares at evil poker table and then Star*
HOW DOES THAT EVEN WORK!?
*curls up in ball*
((Gods))
((Okay msd :/))
*lays in the snow*
MY ONE DIRECTION TICKETS CAME IN THE MAIL OMG
Star: @Mara: *hugs*
@Hunter: ((@Adra: I had a conversation with your energy, except I didn't really. Whatever. You're dying. Ever considored becoming an etherdemon like me? Could help.))
#ChaseForBookNine
OMG MARA! O.O
OMG OMG OMG THAT IS SO AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D *supermegacongratulationstacklehugsofdoom*
Dick van Dyke: Step right up! Step right up! Get your elbow patches here!
*stops*
Excuse me?
Dyke: Ah! Hullo, there, little miss! Would you like to buy an elbow patch?
You . . . you're just standing in the street, pushing a cart full of scraps of leather.
Dyke: Exactly! You see, do you recall all those badass scholar and professors and madmen in blue boxes?
. . . Y-es?
Dyke: Recall all their tatty clothes?
Yes?
Dyke: And what did all these badass scholars have in common?
. . . They all had elbow patches on their jackets.
Dyke: Exactly! They bought them from me! Buy an elbow patch todaaaaaaay!
. . . Will I be a badass scholar if I have elbow patches?
Dyke: Absolutely!
*Stands up, giggling* Oh... Oh... Oh shit. *Falls to her knees, screaming*
*pokes Adra*
Star: @Jubi: IDK. *jabs her with a table poker*
@Adra: Okay. :/
#ChaseForBookNine
*Drew hugs Lexi close*
Drew: there's nothing we can do sweetheart. But wait it out...
*Jabs Star with a fire poker*
Take THAT! >:D
@Mara: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY sorry extended letters are hard on my phone but YAAAY! :)
#ChaseForBookNine
Alexis: *is silently crying hiding face so Lorcan doesn't see*
Dyke: What does your jacket look like?
Well, I have two. A lab coat . . .
Dyke: *shakes head viciously* Sorry. No can do. Patches look stupid on lab coats.
. . . and a magical sequinned tuxedo jacket.
Dyke: *snaps fingers* Ah ha! Of course! What you need is a pair of magical sequinned elbow patches! What color is the jacket?
It's blue . . .
Dyke: Then you want either pink, black, or orange sequinned elbow patches!
. . . Is there a difference apart from style?
Star: @Jubi: :O *JABS HER WITH A FIRE*
#ChaseForBookNine
*pokes Dyke*
Star: Bye-bye, wifi!
#ChaseForBookNine
Dyke: Well, magical pink elbow patches will give you perfect hair, magical orange elbow patches will give you orange eyes, and magical black elbow patches will create a black hole that will suck all of Blogland into oblivion, never to be seen again.
. . .
I don't think I want any elbow patches after all, thank you . . .
*walks on*
Dyke: Wait! Wait! Come back!
Oh damn.
*Stands up, giggling. Skips back to the centre of Blogland*
*freezes*
GAAAH NOT THE FIRE! *pokes fire with a fire jabber*
Judi do I need to release Justaria?
*strolls down the street*
*whistles a cheery tune*
Ah, life is deplorable.
*continues to whistle cheerfully*
*bumps into little girl with red balloon*
Oh! Hello, little girl! What is your name?
Little Girl: MURDER!
*leaps on Precocious*
*tries to bite her eyes out*
Star: GO FOR ORANGE!!!
Jubi-lance.
Jubi is a lance. :)
#ChaseForBookNine
AHH! Get off me! Stop chewing on my eyes!
Murder: MURDER MURDER MURDER
AHHHHHHHHH!
*massive bolt of blue energy thunders down from the sky and punches a massive hole in the asphalt*
*Murder flies off Precocious*
Murder: HEEEEEEELP!
AH-HA! HA HA HA! DIE, MURDER! AH-HA!
*flees in horror, still trailing blue energy*
*Murder chases her*
Murder: MURDER MURDER MURDERRRRRR!
*Laughs and skips to Zafira* Hello dear! You can if you want, Rose has been surprising me for far too long. I'm going to have a play around! *Hand reaches out and grabs onto Zaf's neck tightly, lifting her off the ground*
*pokes Jubi the lance with a jabbering fire*
#ChaseForBookNine
*hugs Jubi* *hugs Star*
Jesy had alopecia when she was thirteen because of bullying.
Alopecia is when your hair falls out because of stress.
*clicks fingers and places flame on her hand* *kicks at*
*leaps into abandoned pizzeria*
*breaths heavily*
Heeeeee hooooooo heeeeee hooooooo heee hooooooo . . .
*Murder runs past*
*she doesn't see or hear Precocious*
Murder: MURDER MURDER MURDER
*slowly crawls into the kitchen of the abandoned pizzeria*
Phew! That was a close one!
*Murder stops*
*looks at Pizzeria*
Murder: MURDER?
Oh no, oh no, oh no no no . . .
*looks wildly around*
*sees massive brick oven*
*climbs inside*
*shuts door*
*Curses an lets go if Zaf* Ow! That hurt! *Dodges the kick and glares at Zaf* Oi. No one burns me! *Heals the burn quickly*
*screams* Stop bloody glaring!!
(*Hugs Mara* I had that too when I was five. My dad had a massive motorbike crash.))
Murder: MURDER.
*enters pizzaria*
*skips around in search of Precocious*
Murder: MURDER MURDER.
*sees oven*
Murder: MURDER?
*see lab coat through the glass*
Murder: MURRRRRRRRRDER.
*approaches oven*
*turns it on*
*smiles with innocent glee*
Murder: MURDER . . .
*Laughs happily and stops* Why? *Blinks twice and tilts her head to the side* Glaring is fun. *Sends a kick to Zaf's side*
. . .
. . .
. . . It's getting awfully hot in here . . .
. . .
. . .
*sees Murder through the glass window*
OH HECK NO!
*kicks at the door*
*it's stuck fast*
No! I'm going to die in a pizza oven!
Nooooooooooooo!
*hisses and takes knife out sending it at Judi's heart* Come on Alastair was more fun!
Drew: hey, he is the best thing that has happened to him. Even if he goes sweetheart, he will go knowing that there was kindness in this world.
*hugs Alexis tighter again*
(Meant to say you are the best thing... hope you can see that.)
*Lets the knife penetrate her clothing but it stops before it touches her skin* Oh, darling... I'm a genius. I have gravity. *The gravity around Zaf becomes stronger, almost to the point of her bones breaking*
Alexis: I don't want him to die...I can't....*chokes back a cry* I don't want him to die....
*hugs Death*
(Em. Don't you dare kill Lorcan off. I've already shed too many tears over him... I don't want to have a full outburst/sob in the middle of my room...))
*oven grows hotter*
*and hotter*
*and hotter*
*kicks door*
*kicking grows weaker*
No . . .
*kicks feebly*
No . . .
*goes limp*
*gets light-headed*
*heart rate begins to slow*
*she is dying*
*slowly*
Oscar . . .
*grits teeth trying to not scream* What....the....hell?
((*innocenrly* Em I think we're doing our job well eh??))
*oven door is wrenched open*
*someone drags her out*
Person: Wake up! Wake up! Are you okay? Hell, you almost got roasted alive!
*coughs*
I . . . ugh . . .
*coughs again*
Th . . . thank you . . .
*looks up*
*it's Dick van Dyke*
Dyke: See what happens when you don't buy elbow patches?
Bad luck!
That's all there is to it!
*Giggles uncontrollably and falls to her knees, releasing the gravity*
*crawls over to Judi and pins to ground* I'll kill you!!!
Mara: Harry! Come quick!
Harry: *runs in* Mara, are you alright? What's wrong? Are you hurt? Did-
Mara: *smiles* Shh. Come here.
Harry: *sits beside Mara* What's-
Mara: *takes Harry's hand* *places it on her stomach*
Harry: *eyes widen* It kicked...!
Mara: *smiles* Yeah.
Harry: Already? Is it meant to kick so soon? I mean, it's wonderful that it did, but-
Mara: Hazza, stop worrying. I'm sure everything's fine. *hugs*
Harry: *kisses* Okay boo.
(Dick van Dyke is a marvelous man!))
*crawls away from Dyke*
Thank you for saving me, and all, but I *cough* I really should be on my way!
*pushes herself to her feet*
*stumbles, blinking, into the sunlight of the street*
Wow . . . I almost died . . .
*stares at the sky*
*shrugs*
*continues on her way*
(Dick van Dyke IS a marvelous man indeed)
(Jaysus lol never get a threat from Death while she has a Judhipor profile pic lol)
Drew: I know sweetie, I know. No one wants him to die either.
But in the long run it would be better for him. Even if he comes out of this, he will still have to live with silver after effects. And we don't know what they could be.
*Laughs and repulses the gravity between Zaf and herself, fling Zaf into the air* You will not kill me, sweet heart!
Alexis: Can't we find a way to heal him?
*screams and hits tree*
I wonder what I shall see, walking down the street.
It is Blogland, after all, a world built entirely of imagination. I could see any number of things. Look!
*glances to the left*
A Church of Derek! Look at all the little Derek priests going about their business, preaching from Playing With Fire at the pulpit. And look!
*glances to the left*
An all-Necromancer fight club! Better not be a Life-Giver walking near one of those, eh?
*chuckles*
And what's that over there? Oh, just another unicorn rodeo.
*stops*
*studies the sign*
Sign: 500 BUCKS TO WHOEVER CAN SURVIVE 500 BUCKS FROM A RAMPANT UNICORN.
. . .
Well, I'm always up for new things.
*strolls in*
Drew: I would sweetheart but there has never been a known case of a cured werewolf from silver.
All cases have either been that they have just waited through the poisoning or they have died.
Alexis: There must be a way! I'm not losing him because some bastards shot him. What haven't you tried? Something must reverse the effects! Feeding?
Monster Truck Rally Commentator: ARE YOU READY FOR THE GREATEST EVENT IN UNICORN RODEO HISTORYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!! ROAAAAAAAAAR!!!!!!
*stadium explodes in applause*
Monster Truck Rally Commentator: OUR FIRST CONTESTAAAAAAANT!!!!!
BRUCE TESTOSTERONE!!!!!!!!
*stadium cheers wildly for the man in red*
Monster Truck Rally Commentator: OUR SECOND CONTESTAAAAAAANT!
CALAMITY STERLIIIIIIING!!!!!!!!!
*stadium cheers for the woman in blue*
Monster Truck Rally Commentator: OUR THIRD CONTESTAAAAAANT!!!!!!!!!
DOCTOR PRECOCIOUSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!
*dead silence*
Drew: No Lexi, you can't feed him. That will only makes things worse.
I know you want to find a way because I want to find a way too but there is no way.
For the record, if I was at the stadium, I would have clapped.
*Slowly stands up and brides her hair back. Looks up to Zaf in the sky and speeds up next to her* Sweetie, if you try to kill me, I'll drop you.
I'm gone
Alexis: He'll die....I can't...do this! I don't wand him dead.
Monster Truck Rally Commentator: AND NOW, INTRODUCING THE UNICORNS! FOOOOOOOR TESTOSTERONE!
*gate bangs open*
*a small, limber-looking white unicorn prances into the center of the arena and begins to sing sweetly at the sky*
Monster Truck Rally Commentator: FOOOOOOR STERLING!
*gate bangs open*
*a light-as-air-looking unicorn gently picks its way to the center of the area, leaving a fresh spring breeze in its wake*
Monster Truck Rally Commentator: FOOOOOOOR PRECOCIOUS!
*gate flies off it's hinges*
*a massive, eight-foot tall coal-black unicorn charges into the center, screeching like a falcon, eyes blazing orange fire, muscles churning beneath its flesh, and a four-foot-long horn encrusted with dried blood projecting from its iron-hard skull*
(Bye Mara babe!!))
Well, good bye, Ms. Maralie.
(Hey Sir!!
Doctor... I'm loving reading this!!))
Don't drop me!!! *looks petrified*
Oh . . . oh dear . . .
Monster Truck Rally Commentator: MOUNT YOUR UNICORNS!
*Testosterone mounts his unicorn*
*unicorn's legs get a bit wobbly under his weight*
*Sterling mounts her unicorn*
*unicorn looks ready to collapse*
*very gingerly approaches her unicorn*
Please . . . please hold still . . .
*unicorn spews fire into the air*
Oh my . . .
*closes eyes*
*leaps onto unicorn's back*
Monster Truck Rally Commentator: BEGIN!
*falls off*
*Laughs sweetly* Darling, you're not going to kill me, are you? *Lets Zaf drop for a few feet before catching her*
No! *is screaming*
No! NO!
*leaps onto unicorn*
*clings to his fur*
*unicorn leaps into the air, spewing fire and screaming*
*runs in manic circles*
*while leaping up and down*
*twelve feet in the air*
*screaming*
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
*stadium is howling approval*
Monster Truck Rally Commentator: AND HOW ARE THE OTHERS GETTING ON?
Testosterone: *sitting on his unicorn*
*who is beginning to drool rainbows*
*he gives the thumbs-up* S'all good.
Sterling: *sitting on her unicorn*
*checking her fingernails*
No complaints here!
*black unicorn waves horn wildly*
*almost slicing off Precocious's head*
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Good girl! *Slowly places Zaf back on the ground as joins her. Sends a kick to her jaw and an elbow to the nose*
(Damn. EM! IM CRYIG OVER LORCAN AGAIN!!)$
Drew: Well then we just have to wait until the worst of it subsides Lexi.
I wish there was someone or thing that could help but there is nothing.
*moves away and sends shadows at* What did I do?!
Monster Truck Rally Commentator: IT LOOKS LIKE PRECOCIOUS IS HAVING A LITTLE TROUBLE WITH HER UNICORN!
*unicorn hurls her off*
*its hooves thunder down around her*
AHHHHHHHHH!
Monster Truck Rally Commentator: OOOH, UNLESS SHE CAN GET BACK ON WITHIN FIVE SECONDS, SHE IS DISQUALIFIED!
Guy Named Fred: Yeah! Come on, Doc! I've got good money riding on you!
*hoof hits her in the head*
AUGH!
*rolls onto her back*
*unicorn stares down murderously*
Ack!
I'm going to die!
Gored by a unicorn!
*unicorn is about to stab her in the face*
*grabs its horn*
*unicorn bucks wildly*
*flinging her onto its back by accident*
Oh yeah!
Oh yeah!
That's how I do IIIIIIIT!
*screams as unicorn begins charging towards Sterling*
Look out!
Sterling: AHHHHHHHH!
*leaps off her unicorn*
*Precocious's unicorn kicks Sterling's unicorn in the face as it passes, knocking it out*
Stadium audience: OOOOOH!
Alexis: My mother is a Necromancer she has a way with healing with her own magic reversing death
*Ducks under the shadows* Sweetie, don't you see the hole in my shirt? I really liked this shirt. It went so well with so many of my outfits and now it has a hole in it. *Glares at Zaf* You will never be forgiven.
*falls to knees screaming* Make it stop!!!
Drew: he's not dead yet Lexi. And plus his wolf, which is nothing but a blood thirsty animal, is fighting to get out as well.
-IN LORCAN'S DREAM STATE-
*Looks around the clearing of the woods, confused*
Lorcan: Where the hell am I?
A place where we can finally speak
*Lorcan turns around to see the 7 foot brown coloured werewolf behind him*
Lorcan: Are you...
I am your wolf
Monster Truck Rally Commentator: SINCE SHE DID NOT GET BACK ON HER UNICORN WITHIN FIVE SECOND, STERLING IS OUT!
Sterling: What!? No! That's only because my unicorn is upside-down!
Monster Truck Rally Commentator: NO EXCUSES!
*still clinging to her unicorn*
*unicorn slams her into the wall*
AUGH!
*unicorn does it again*
*and again*
*and then bounces Precocious 20 feet in the air*
The Crowd: *goes wild*
Monster Truck Rally Commentator: THIS GIRL'S BETTER THAN A RODEO CLOWN!
Guy Named Fred: You go, Precocious!
The Crowd: Go Precocious, go!
Testosterone: Hey! What about me!?
*his unicorn starts singing the My Little Pony theme song*
It's taking all my strength to subdue this vicious beast!
*Doesn't react to Zaf's words in any way, other than moving closer and peering at her*
Alexis: He isn't dying. Not on my watch.
It hurts when you glare!!!
*Smiles at Zaf but keeps her glare* That's the point, *Takes out a few knives from her jacket and starts trailing the blades in Zaf's flesh*
*unicorn tosses Precocious in the air again*
*and again*
AHHHHHHH!
Monster Truck Rally Commentator: THIS CHICK IS CRAY-CRAY!!!!!!!
*gives him a desperate look*
Someone save me, my unicorn is starting to foam at the mouth!
*unicorn stampedes Testosterone*
Testosterone: *screams like a girl*
*the black unicorn's horn shears through his red uniform*
*he's dangling on the end of its horn now*
Testosterone: AHHHHHHHHH!
AHHHHHHH!
Testosterone: AHHHHHHHH!
AHHHHHHHHHH!
*unicorn leaps over Sterling and her unicorn*
*centrifugal force sends Testosterone flying off the unicorn*
*he sails into the crowd*
Monster Truck Rally Commentator: I THINK WE HAVE A CLEAR WINNER HERE, FOLKS!
*unicorn keeps charging*
Monster Truck Rally Commentator: HINT: IT'S YOU, PRECOCIOUS! HA! YOU CAN LET GO OF THE UNICORN, NOW!
I caaaaan't, he's out of controooooool!
*unicorn stampedes out of the arena*
*Precocious still clinging to him*
*my screams echo around* What....did....I....Do?! *has a fearful look as if I'm remembering something horrible*
-LORCAN'S MIND-
Lorcan: What do you want?
Let me out Lorcan and we'll both stay alive.
Lorcan: But you'll kill everyone...
So what, you want to spend your last days strapped to a hospital bed while your love's heart slowly breaks?
Lorcan: Of course not.
Then let me out Lorcan and we can help one another
*Lorcan suddenly wakes up from his dream with a huge gasp as he feels his wrists tugging on the straps*
*unicorn stampedes down the street*
Help! Help me! It's gone berserk!
*unicorn leaps into the air*
*flinging Precocious into the air*
*unicorn slams headfirst into a building*
*getting its horn stuck*
*it struggled violently to free itself*
Oh noooooooooo!
*falls five stories*
*lands on an awning outside a pharmacy*
*bounces into the air*
*lands on the pavement*
Ow . . .
Monster Truck Rally Commentator: *walks up to her*
CONGRATULATIONS! HERE'S YOUR 500 BUCKS!
*places bag of 500 little plastic deer on the pavement next to her*
*walks away*
. . .
. . .
I HATE UNICORNS!
The End
*Stops glaring and pats Zaf's cheek* You destroyed my favourite shirt. *Straightens up and raises and eyebrow* No one ever destroys my favourite shirts. Death blew up the company so they can't make them anymore. *Kicks under Zaf's jaw*
Alexis: Lorcan what...?
*Hugs Precocious* That was epic.))
*cries out and shadows curl around Judi's leg like daggers*
*Lorcan lies his bed back down*
Lorcan: I just... I had a bad dream. I'm okay now.
(That was EXHAUSTING is what it was.)
Alexis: *goes and sits beside* Alright I'm here still I won't leave *smiles*
*Cries out in pain and quickly composes herself* Ow... *Sends a knife deep into Zafira's side, twisting it before pulling back out*
(Anni, that was freaking epic.))
(*sigh*
I dedicate this page to life, the universe, and everything. To Winchester sofas and salmons of doubt, to clip-boards and insults and Norse gods and space-travel. To journalists and Ford Prefects and guides to the universe.
I dedicate it, in short, to stuff and their things.)
(I guess now Precocious can say that yes, she has experienced a unicorn rodeo, and no, it was not fun.)
(Hear hear!! *Raises knife coated in Zaf's blood*))
Well naturally. Unicorns tend to be extremely rude to most people.
*a scream escapes my lips and I finally calm down* Trying to kill me?!
*Nods an hides the pain on her face* Yep! Ow. Shoot. *Sends another knife into Zaf's side, twisting then pulling it back out*
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