Monday, March 18, 2013

Germany!

I love German book fairs.

Every single one I've been to has been PACKED, and while that does tend to slow things down as you're trying to walk from one gigantic hall to the other, you really don't mind all that much. All these people crammed in around you are book-lovers, for god's sake. How annoyed can you actually be?

Over the weekend, I was at TWO German book fairs. The first one was in Cologne, on Friday evening, and I was up on stage with Rainer, the actor who does the German audiobooks, and Margarete, the translator. We've been doing this together for a few years now, so we're all quite comfortable with the process. The main difference between events in Germany and events everywhere else (apart from the need for a translator) is the emphasis put on the audio book. Rainer is as integral to the show as I am, and his readings make up half of our time on stage. The event in Cologne went wonderfully, and we had a really receptive audience, and I even spotted some familiar faces in the queue.

Once I'd finished signing, we went back to our hotel, where we had a very nice meal attended by the weirdest waiters I've ever encountered. One was tall, one was short, and they looked so alike that I started to suspect that they were the rejects from a batch of clones some mad professor had concocted in a dark and dingy lab. They were both wearing ill-fitting suits, both had the same type of glasses, and they both stood around and stared into space in the corners of the room while we were waiting to place our orders. So incredibly ODD.

Thankfully, we managed to escape the restaurant before they could kill us and harvest our organs to replace their own failing ones, and I got to my room and got into bed and put my head on the most deadly pillow the world has ever known. It was so big and so soft that when I put my head onto it, the whole thing folded up on either side and tried to suffocate me.

Convinced that the clone waiters were hovering outside my door, waiting for me to die, I slept without a pillow that night. I also slept sideways, because the double bed I'd been given was, in actual fact, two single beds pushed together, and I kept slipping down between them. Who knows what was waiting for me if I had slipped all the way? Scorpions? Tarantulas? Really lazy ninjas? Or maybe just a hole in the floor and a twisting slide that would deliver me to the mad professor's Experimentation Table of Doom?

I survived the night. Barely.

The next morning, we got a train to Frankfurt and then a plane to Leipzig. No attempts on my life were made during this time.

Leipzig Book Fair is half book festival and half comic convention. There are all these people dressed as Manga characters roaming around, chatting on their phones, browsing book shelves. Also, all of Germany had had a pretty bad winter, and there was piles of snow everywhere and it was pretty damn cold— and in the middle of it all you have these really cute German girls walking around in bizarre costumes that don't really cover a whole lot. They must have been FREEZING.

We did our first event, and although we only had a half an hour, it went very well. Such a huge crowd. The signing went on forever, and it was so cool seeing that many people wanting me to scrawl my signature over whatever they had.

The moment we were finished there we got in a car and drove to a graveyard. Because that's what you do once night falls, obviously.

We went to a huge sarcophagus-type place and we yapped in front of 200 people, doing our best to ignore the deep hole behind us with the old coffin. So just an average Saturday night, then...

Once that was done with, we went to dinner with a bunch of other people, including American author Maggie Stiefvater, and I sat at a big table with a bunch of people speaking German all around me. Best night EVER! Well, not quite. But Maggie is a funny lady.

Then I got back to my hotel. This time, my bed was a proper double bed, but the waiters had obviously followed me from Cologne because those damn pillows tried to drown my head again.

Sunday was my last day there. It was also Saint Patrick's Day.

(That's St PADDY'S Day, in its shortened version. Not St PATTY'S Day, as some Americans insist on calling it...)

I had an interview to do in the morning, and then I had two hours off before my event, so I went wandering through the halls. It was all so incredibly strange, and wonderfully so. It made me wish that Irish book festivals were like this. Imagine if The Mountains to the Sea festival had hundreds of teenagers walking around dressed as characters from comics and books. That would ROCK.

We did our event, signed for an enormous amount of people, and then I was whisked off to the airport to catch my first flight. I arrived back to my front door a little under eight hours later, tired but happy to be home, and looking forward to spending a night with my head on a pillow that doesn't try to kill me.



4,920 comments:

  1. At least the ninjas didn't get you, Derek! That's the main thing!:3

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  2. AND AVENGERS IS ON TV.

    Andddd, Sherlock Series 3 began filming, today. And Doctor Who. C:


    SO EXCITED

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  3. I changed it to TheBookGazer, instead of Editor's Article

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  4. Hulk/Iron Man is so my Avengers brotp.

    Almost as awesome as Ghavel:3

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  5. Hey! How are you?
    I was at your appearance in Leipzig on Saturday too.
    You was hilarious.
    And even my sister liked it, although
    she had not read a single book.
    (After that, she said to me, she wants to read it soon, because it was
    so genious)
    It was so exciting! That was the top of my day there!
    Thanks!

    Taira

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  6. This Post is hilarious! xD I was THERE, well in Cologne and i LOVED it! YOU ARE AWSOME! YOURE BOOKS ARE AWSOME! :P EVERYTHING WAS AWSOME! :)

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  7. Yeah, Germans are odd. And ALL of our pillows try to kill intelligent people. Hope, sometimes my books also are on a book fair, or at last in a dusty bookshelf in the house of my dying stalker. THAT would be nice

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  8. DEREKS!.... THAT POST WAS HYSTERICAL!
    You should really blog more! (if you want)

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  9. Though the waiters didn't follow you to your house kinda killed the fun. That'll teach them to chase awesome people.

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  10. Look! I'm here! Hello!

    I won't be here for long though... I have stuff to do.... Nothing to do with German Waiters... or pillows... and definatly not cloneing....

    ahem.

    Anyways, Hope everyone is ok! Will try come back later, but needed to leave my mark!! Like a wolf(or is that called scenting the area? Dunno)

    Laters!

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  11. *frowns*

    ...Where is everyone!?

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  12. I just made an account of this... Hey guys!! I hope I'm doing this right... what could go wrong?

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  13. AMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY *tacklehugs*

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  14. hi any one no if both the books come out next month or just the tanith one and what dates

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  15. LitCologne was just awesome!!
    My father took a picture of me and Derek and sent it to a friend who printed it out 61x86 cm!!!!!
    Sooo cool!!! :D

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  16. I'm an American aka Ameriminion so I never met Derek in person but I will meet Derek via Skype March 30th at a signing

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  17. @ Zaf,

    You're meeting Derek via Skype?

    Awesome. Is there anyway I could join that Skype meeting?

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  18. Sorry for vanishing.

    Trying to finish Chaoter 6...

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  19. Yay, first page ^-^

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  20. Oh! It is St Paddy's, isn't it? I hope I never assumed it was St Patty's. I probably did though cuz I'm American!

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  21. Wach out for those murdersome pillows!

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  22. Uhm this is kinda NJ Skyping me AT the event...so to be honest i think it's just gonna be me since it's like my very late birthday present and i am scared actually

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  23. I like this post. It was detailed and funny and didn't give away much about the book but that's ok. It was very funny, I love you Derek! Please come to Kilkenny soon so I can interview you!

    http://tealovingshamrock.blogspot.ie/

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  24. @ Zaf no problem :)

    Hopefully I'll be able to see Derek at the London signing anyways.

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  25. *hugs*

    Cuz this is my first time EVER even talking to him in a face to face setting usually it's Blogland or Twitter....So yeah I am pretty much scared and nervous because I have exploded Ireland...

    *explodes Ireland*

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  26. Some Americians think that Paddy's day is Patty's day???

    How? That doesn't make sense. But then that's probably just cause I'm Irish and I've grown up with Paddy's day and have never heard Patty's day before.

    Derek I'd say the evil waitors with the deadly pillows were paid assassins sent by an author that's very jealous of how awesomely amazing your books are. And how awesomely amazing you are.

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  27. Zaf you'll be grand. There's nothing to be scared about. Just be VERY VERY happy that you're getting to talk to him in person.

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  28. It's alright, Zaf.

    I'm so terrified of meeting Ellie in the Summer.

    And, if there's actually a signing I can go to... I'm not sure I'd want to go. I'd be too terrified. >-<

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  29. I dont know what my feelings are they range of scared to death to happy beyond anything


    AAHA!!!!! Well least he can't run away in fear Mary will keep him in line

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  30. *is sobbing in a corner*

    He told me on Twitter i interacted with VEX!!!!

    *faints*

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  31. God only knows what I am doing near Vex but I told Derek I loved Ravel...he can't possibly pull a Serpine and Harmony on me i mean Ravel and Zafira are on opposite Councils whom are at WAR

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  32. I can't find my shoes.

    I had them earlier and now they've vanished.

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  33. *sits in tree*

    Damn I am scared to DEATH i have a gut feeling if Zafira is near Vex she either is seriously in love or fighting

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  34. Really? Patty? That just reminds me of Spongebob Squarepants and gives me the need to wear my yellow jeans (or 'Banana Jeans' as my uncle/godfather Derek insists on calling them . . . )

    I got Spongebob Squarepants PJ's for my brother last Christmas . . . He screamed >:)

    I've never been to a book fair but when the day comes, I'm gonna ROCK MY CHARACTER CLOTHES!

    Just as much as I got my FUNKY LEPRECHAUN ON for Lá Fhéile Pádraig :c)

    Also, to you fabulous people - of course that includes Derek - here's a late Lá Fhéile Pádraig Shona Díobh Go Léir!

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  35. You met Maggie? Oh how cool.


    Hey guys.

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  36. Was that in Irish? I dont speak Irish I speak English and am learning Spanish

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  37. hey Zaf! ha love the name change :)

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  38. I'm cool. How're you?

    Game of Thrones Season Three is going to be epic.

    AND clockwork Princess comes out tomorrow

    AND THE HOST MOVIE COMES OUT. YES.

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  39. Aww thanks!

    Mel I cant calm I CANT after Derek told me I interacted with Vex except I dunno whether to be overjoyed or scared

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  40. Im good! I was standing in my living room and the trailer for the Host came on and I did actually think OMFG ROBIN.

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  41. ._.

    Wasn't really even here... But I'm going now.

    Bye.

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  42. Zaf, you should probably be scared...

    aww ok Luce bye :)

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  43. I forget what Vex can do! I know he's freakin hawt well Ravel is hotter..ANYHOW I also know he was one of the Dead Men

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  44. Hi there Robin!

    Well if it helps I was talking bout how I love Ravel Derek was teasing me then I told him I was coming to get him then he said I should then i said:

    Well look at Ravel he's...SO am i well behaved in LSODM?

    And Derek said

    Well you did interact with Vex

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  45. Was it you who I gave Derek the darling pink post it note from tp put you in the book?

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  46. I duno the way I found out was in Blogland

    Derek fired me from Grand Mage so I asked to be an Elder he said I may be an Elder but he might kill me off so i agreed then I asked if I was definetly in LSODM he said yes then i asked on Twitter if I was an Elder and he said yes

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  47. I#ve been in Leipzig on saturday! It was awesome!! I just LOVE my T-Shirt with your autograph *.*. Just bad that we couldn't hear that much at the first reading -.-. this stupid neighbours were too loud!! (hope, you understand what i try to say... My english isn't the best, i know :-/ )

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  48. I can't remember who it was now *sigh* It was six months ago. Can't wait for TMS though *grins*

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  49. TMS yay!!

    And J.LY I understood you and uhm Guten Tag? I dont take German so...

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  50. *rolls in*

    Guten Abend.

    Will be distant, Might suddenly fall asleep.

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  51. Uh wait Guten Tag is good day Guten Morgen is good mornig and Guten Abend is good eveing/night?

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  52. *nods* 'Guten Abend' is 'Good evening', 'Guten Nacht' would be 'Good night'. ^^

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  53. I'm thinking of my inevitable death of my OC by Derek's hand

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  54. @Robin - Pokemon rules. Which game?

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  55. See I took Spanish for a reason!

    Buenos dias means good morning buenos tarde means good afternoon buenos noche means good evening/night

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  56. oh man you make Germany sound a bit creepy. murderous pillows.weird waiters.
    But i had so much fun, espcially at the cemetery. although it felt kind of wrong to laught out loud in a place like this. But it was still awesome!
    Do you remember that out of those 200 people there were only 3 that watch Doctor who!( or i saw just 3 and two of them were me and my sister).

    And I am never going to forget that you said 'we are practically friends' in front of all those people AND fist bumped me at the saturdays book signing because you recognised me from twitter. Thank you for that! It was gorgeous!! YOU ARE GORGEOUS

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  57. I'm doing a project which is due Wednesday

    @Robin I LOVE POKEMON, the games and the shows

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  58. I'm playing Heart Gold so yeah second gen WOOP!

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  59. OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOGMOGMOOKGJOIUBHPG8GSHVODSYUU


    SHERLOCK SERIES 3 BEGINS TODAY


    IGRJSPOEBVIUIBNPVNSIUBIUOEHUBIU

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  60. I don't know Spanish, at all.
    But I'm not too bad with German. :3
    Germany's a nice place, to my own experience. A part of me regrets not joining the German Exchange.
    Granted, my experiences with restaurants and pillows there weren't brilliant, but Derek's easily top mine. :P

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  61. hello peoples, lets have a kiki while admiring Grell Sutcliff
    !
    Im in a cheery mood today

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  62. HEY DEREK, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW!!
    Glad you had a good time in Germany!!

    I WILL BE SEEING YOU IN LESS THAN 2 WEEKS!! :D

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  64. *Is busy educating the Americans on our currency*

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  65. oh my goodness, thank you for addressing the patty/paddy situation. and also, i am gla i'm not the only one who likes graveyards.

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  66. Brave I love your profile picture! Hey :D

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  67. Happy Paddy's day Derek! I hope you celebrated as I did - with a congratulations cake given to your uncle with congrats on getting his PhD that was meant to be a Swiss roll that you baked but that you couldn't roll and so turned into a Flat Cake, a term courtesy of your uncle. And, of course, your mother told everyone the amazing Flat Cake of chocolate sponge filled with raspberry coulis of your own making and whipped cream was MEANT to be rolled into a traditional Swiss shape. And embarrassed you in front of all of your family. Plus, the cake was decorated with a shamrock made out of green M&Ms. Epic. I'm a mind reader, you say? Nah, just awesome.

    And Ulcabhábhan, I am a TOTAL SWIFTIE!

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  68. So the pillows DIDN'T kill you?

    Goddammit, that stupid professor isn't working hard enough for the amount I pay him...

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  69. OHMYGOD THERE'S A NEW POST AND I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT IT GAH I'VE BEEN ON THE OTHER POST FOR LIKE..... A LONG TIME!


    Jubi's here btw xD

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  70. Wait, whoa, there was a new post this whole time??? [Facepalm] I really should've guessed! I thought it was weird that I didn't see Ieni or Lucy, but Ieni emailed and Luce said Blogland was quiet on Twitter... [Facepasta] Well aloha hi, I'm here now. Not for long though, dinner break! Busy day in Fabi's world.

    Pillows are evil.

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  71. Hi Jubi!

    [Laughs] Fabi wouldn't notice if she sprouted an extra nose! [Double-checks to make sure she hasn't sprouted an extra nose.]

    Competition's in two days, so I will be vanishing to go do more history fair soon!

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  72. Fabi will be randomly depositing these to entertain or bore you.

    ET-DA-JB-KA-JE-TC AA-A-JD-A-CK-A-IJ!!! (add the two letters together!)

    XDFGV-POKM-WSDR-NJKL-TGHU!!! (keyboard)

    And. Uh... Cheese!

    Bye!!

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  73. I had dinner before you. That's weird.

    And I am going too, byeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!

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  74. you had diner before me...??? but.. it's like 4 there right now....

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  75. DEREK.
    I SENT THOSE PILLOWS.
    ...sorry. XD

    Alrightip, I'm off to school where I then head off to my literacy excursion :3

    Bye!!

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  77. I love pillows that try to kill you

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  78. Hey, do any of you have Instagram? I'm finding myself way too entertaining because of this.

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  79. well i actually got it pretty recently so I haven't had time to use it xP

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  80. I just got it and I keep putting up funny pictures... Thank god I don't have any normal people looking at it

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  81. hello, im Regan June, in case u dont rememba meh :)

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  82. i got a blogger!!!

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  83. Damn, i'm not going to Germany until August Dx..I wish I was sitting at a table with the German language being spoken as I love conversating with people in German but sadly I can't do that here

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  84. Hello! Distant, doing fifty bajillion things at once, but I haven't exactly had an abundance of time lately!

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  85. Hi!

    1946 1946 1946 1946 1946.

    I am doing the splits and rehearsing for History Fair, so Reallyreallyreally Distant.

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  86. Busybusybusybusybusy and I hate it! Yours?

    [Nods] WEIRDDDD. The more Ds, the WEIRDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDER it is!!

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  87. YOU HAD A BREAKK??? TOTALLYYYY UNFAIRRRRRRRR!!! I wannahavabreakkk!!!!!


    Also, your break shouldn't be over. It should continueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!

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  88. They should be longggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg

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  89. Exactlyyyyyyyyyyyy.

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  90. I have to goooo! Byeeeee!

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  91. What if the waiters are STILL stalking you?

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  92. Frogs. I can hear frogs. Also, I can't hear rain. It's odd. And I can see the stars... It's usually cloudy/rainy every time there are auroras or a lunar eclipse. The Solstice Eclipse, even! Also, Aurora Borealis twice! I saw them the third time, though, before I fell asleep... They were very faint and they didn't dance across the sky like they would in Norway. They more sort of...shifted. Then they turned pinky-purple. I almost thought it was some sort of weird belated and strangely mesmerizing sunset, but a quick Internet search the next morning told me that it was them. It had been on the northern horizon, and the auroras had changed to pink, so it was definitely them. It was only partly cloudy that night. [laughs]

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  93. I went off on a tangent again!

    I was just thinking about how there was supposed to be a comet visible a few weeks ago, but it was cloudy. There's nothing interesting in the stars tonight. [Creepy fortune-teller voice] When Mars and Venus are aligned, you will have to face your darker soul-half.

    ...

    Never mind.

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  94. I need to make a new blog post...

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  96. If any of you see me tomorrow morning, could you please remind me to make a lotus for Quinnie? I'll probably remember, since I asked someone to remind me, but I really would appreciate it if you'd remind me anyway, anybody. :-)

    I've owed her an origami lotus for almost a month now, but I keep forgetting.

    And goodnight!

    Death, I am emailing you, or composing the email anyway. Glad to know you're feeling better, the other parts not so much. [hugs] I'm so sorry about your uncle...

    Now I really have to go...night.

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  97. Well I don't want to leap to conclusions here but I don't think anybody is on.

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  98. LOL
    But kinda scary how they look alike!

    And i'm VERY glad that your not dead Derek!!!

    ... or are you a clone ... and they kidnaped the real Derek Landy and replaced him with you? and they gave you all of his memories ... and kept the real Derek for cloning of his organs!

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ... well I guess if you have all of his memories and thought then your a good replacement

    BUT I WANT THE ACTUAL DEREK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    ... no offence if you are a clone! but I like the original!!!

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  99. Derek.
    I too have clones hunting me.
    *nods sincerely*
    My pillow choked me last night and then my cousin turned up at 9 at night!
    And I have a really weird reoccurring nightmare that could be true.
    Every night Nye comes and stands over my bed and experiments on me.
    And wipes my memory of it.
    ...
    IT COULD BE TRUE!
    And the dreams are my subconscious trying to alert me.
    ...
    ...
    I AM NOT EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE!
    WHY DO ALL MY FRIENDS SAY THAT?
    *glares at Vienna*
    OH Miss Cain!
    *tacklehugs Miss Cain*

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  100. *facepalm*
    You're not there.
    Right...
    Hmm? Dinners ready? Right gotta go!
    Mum: What are you talking about? Dinner isn't going to be ready for another half hour!
    Me: Mum! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! RUN!
    *sprints off*

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  101. *is tacklehuged*
    ommmf

    Hey Miss C!

    How are you?

    woop brb dinner ... then most likely bath

    I'll be back on later ... in like an hour or something

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  102. GREETINGS

    MISSSYYYY, YOU STILL HERE?

    Gah, incredibly tired from work experience!

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  103. HELLO THERE!!
    *tacklehugs*

    How are you, mon ami?

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  104. I'm good. :D
    Had a literacy excursion today and got to wear free dress. :3
    I also learnt a lot of new writing skills. So that should help with my writing.

    How are youuuu??

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  105. Sounds awesome!!

    I'm good, thanks! Tired as hell from work experience, but it's great because I don't have to go in until five, so I have most of the day free!!

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  106. The rest of the day free sounds like heaven to me. *has too much homework and school*
    I need a 3 day week...
    XD

    I might try writing some more of my HGC entry thingy...
    Wbd.

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  107. Eh, I have a bit of homework ... But watching Aaron Tveit on YouTube is more fun!

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  108. YouTube is amazing. :D
    So much better than homework.
    And YouTube is probably the main reason I'm up late finishing homework. IT'S SO DISTRACTING.

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  109. YES, YOUTUBE IS BEST.

    And my husband Aaron Tveit is so darn beautiful.

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  110. Walruses are best.

    IMAGINE IF THE AMIS DE L'ABC RODE WALRUSES.

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