Friday, December 21, 2012

The Button

This story- which I had intended to be REALLY REALLY short and funny and quirky- eventually became a little longer. And a lot less funny. But this is it.

And it will come down at midnight, Irish time, on the 22nd...



And it has now been taken down... only to reappear in the Skulduggery Pleasant Collection of short stories and novellas, available... um... some time in the spring of 2014...




5,000 comments:

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Lemony Good said...

First!

Zephr Shadows said...

just thought to check the blog. fab story!!

Zephr Shadows said...

just thought to check the blog. fab story!!

Mycroft Holmes (Ember) said...

Lemony, you have to ded now!
AND FOURTH!

Zathract Mist said...

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Mycroft Holmes (Ember) said...

I wonder if Derek's still here...

Mycroft Holmes (Ember) said...

Hi Zath!

Iguanaofdoom said...

wooo! 7th?

Mycroft Holmes (Ember) said...

Actually 8th, but... I love the story BTW, just finished reading.

Drew O'Connor said...

KABOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There goes the epicness meter... well worth it though!

Lemony Good said...

I have to ded?
And the story is pretty damn good. Poor Liam. I'm sure any novelist who can't seem to finish their own great work knows his plight very well.

Nuttermeg said...

Ah, magical world, when will you stop spewing out potential apocalypses?
Never, I hope.

ChapterHouse-Reads said...

HMMMM!

ChapterHouse-Reads said...

aha! Thursday blog post!

Anonymous said...

Amazing...just amazing

Niamhy Jay said...

OMG BLOODY AMAZING!!
I <3 IT!!

Derek I have something I really need to ask you!
I know it's a long shot, but could you e-mail me??
njmaverick@hotmail.co.uk

AmericanMinionReborn >:) said...

Hahaha ive never been this high up!

Moonie said...

Fantastic!

I laughed my ass off at Valkyrie noting that they got there first. What, do you guys get a bonus for averting the end of the world before Christmas?

Emmmmmm said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Emmmmmm said...

So Glad I Stayed Up To Read That! Yay! I Swear If The World Ends Because The World Cracks Open I Will Die Immensely Creeped Out By That Fact!
Thank Youuuu Mister Derek :)

Zathract Mist said...

Ahahaha...

Americans. Do not mess this up. *starts laughing again*

No offense to any Ameriminions at all.

Mangoo-the-Monkey said...

That was awesome!

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

"The Americans?"



Yeah, that's what I thought.


Awesome story!

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

I think I have the farthest time zone from Ireland in America...


I should screw something up, so then Skulduggery will have to come and save the day!

AmericanMinionReborn >:) said...

just finished! Don't worry, we'll take care of the other apocalypse threats over here in America! :)

Patrick James said...

Excellent job Derek... Been looking forward to this all week and waited up tonight to read this - well worth it. Thanks for the story.

Unknown said...

Near the top!

Now to go read the story

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

Also, I'm not surprised that his name is Liam. My arch nemesis is named Liam.


So of COURSE he built a bomb.

And isn't Liam a goblin, anyway?

Xanna said...

Ohhhh ohhhh! Have to read it!

Kilandra Xyle said...

AWESOME!!!!!!!!

So..Derek, what's wrong with us Americans, hmmm?

Xanna said...

Oh my god! Today's the end of the world!

AmericanMinionReborn >:) said...

I think our mages will kick ass!

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

Today I had someone ask me if they could borrow a Skulduggery book from me because they like what I've told them about it.

Ten awesome points to me.

Zathract Mist said...

I bought one of my distant friends at school Skulduggery for Christmas and I know that two more are getting the first and second from their families as well.

YeAH.

Colleen McGuigan said...

Oh My God.
This is absolute fabulousness.

Unknown said...

Oh.
My.
God.

Liam is just so perfect. I feel so sorry for him, but he managed to not press it, and he's sacrificing so much for the rest of the world, and yeah.

TWENTY THOUSAND MILLION THUMBS UP!

Unknown said...

Derek! What would have happened if Liam had pressed the Button?

Unknown said...

Hehe it's funny. I've been writing the number of days until this story came out on my hand, and people kept seeing it and thinking I was counting down until the world ended. "How are you preparing for it?" they keep asking. "What do you want to do before the world ends?"
Read Skulduggery Pleasant of course. Their blank faces are so funny.
Great story. I feel bad for Liam though.

Unknown said...

My friend left school two days early to visit her dad in New Zealand.

She left today, the 20th in America. She'll arrive tomorrow, on the 22nd in New Zealand.

SHE'S CHEATING!

Unknown said...

For some rediculous reason, no one in my town knows about Skulduggery Pleasant (gasp). But everyone who knows me, knows it, because I pester them all the time to read it. I've gotten most of my friends hooked on the series now. Be proud of me Derek!

Unknown said...

Same with me Quintessa! Though I did get Jubi reading it, got Mysteria starting it, got my family reading it, and a random guy at my school just started reading it.

Unknown said...

It's tragic, isn't it Persephone? I'll mention it and when they ask what that is I can't help but stare at them and say, "You poor, stupid person. You don't know what you're missing."

Anonymous said...

I want to hear more about the other potential apocalypses...

Unknown said...

I was at rehearsal with Jubi and Edmund (the boy who's reading them) and we were playing and improv game.
Me: Let's play Skulduggery Pleasant Improv!
Jubi and Edmund: YES!
Me (to Jubi): Miss Sorrows! I love you! Please take this as a token of my love.
Jubi: *crippling laughter* (I can't remember what she said.
Edmund: Hello, does anyone need anything tailored?
Me: No, go away Ghastly.


And it was just generally wonderful.

Alexander Mythology said...

Hi all! Bye all!

Unknown said...

Bye Alexander!

Unknown said...

Oh, I have to go to.

Toodles!

Don't die!

Unknown said...

*too

Izz said...

Awesome story of awesomeness.

Glad I popped by. Hello everyone!

Unknown said...

Haha Oh my that sounds so fun! I've got to try that with my friends... Hehe especially my brother, we ALWAYS do random improv scenes while people are watching. It's hilarious really.

I'm Jubilance Glee / Occasional Haiku-er / And a dinosaur said...

Haha awesome story! Love it!

Hi everyone btw :P

Peter Van Werkhoven said...

I love it! Been looking forward to this since you told us about it!

Izz said...

Or you know. It's possible that everyone just left...

Zathract Mist said...

Hi Izz!

Long time no see.

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

Hi Izz! Hi Moose!

Mycroft Holmes (Ember) said...

I so want to do that with my friends, except NOBODY I KNOW READS SP.
We should do it here!

Izz said...

Oh yes! People are here!
I wasn't sure.

Indeed I have only just been getting back on the blog recently. It's so good to be here waiting for the apocalypse with you guys.

Mycroft Holmes (Ember) said...

Hi Izz, Moose, and Val!

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

Wait, Lemony Good, if you come back... Are you the person who does the Skul-man comics?

Mycroft Holmes (Ember) said...

Weeble. Weeble. Weeble.

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

I know lots of people who read SP, because I forced them to.

I made my friend Emily read it, so when she asked what character she could be, I said Mr Bliss. And I drew a really buff shirtless guy on her Christmas card and said it was her.

Zathract Mist said...

Silver, do not call me Moose...

Izz said...

Also. An update from me.
three of the electric windows in our car just stopped working today. Definitely the end of the world.

I'm Jubilance Glee / Occasional Haiku-er / And a dinosaur said...

I finally got my friend reading the books... she's been on the first one for almsot 2 weeks now though...
Her excuse is homework, but I don't buy it

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

*does victory dance*

Concert in...

*checks*

1 and a half hours!

Nixion Strange said...

That was great, as always Derek

Nixion Strange said...

MSD

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

Nix, where'd your picture go?

Zathract Mist said...

Hi Nix!

Nixion Strange said...

Ah, that's better

Drew O'Connor said...

Howdy everyone!

Anyone got any bombs handy... a few werewolves I have to kill.

Izz said...

Hey Nix

Nixion Strange said...

PEOPLE
Hi Val!
Hi Mist!
Hi Em!
Hi Izz! Haven't seen you in ages

Zathract Mist said...

*murmurs about people never checking Dashboards anymore*

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

DEREK CHANGED IT! HE EDITED IT IN THE LAST HALF HOUR OR SOMETHING!

HAHAHA, DEREK, I FIGURED IT OUT!

YOU STALKER! YOU MUST BE WATCHING THE COMMENTS TOO, THEN!



*reads over comment*


Um, okay, I'm crazy.

Izz said...

*salutes*

Just thinking everyone should know I'm high on Doctor Who.
About a week ago I got series 1-6 on DVD. I've been watching an average of three a day and bananas are a good source of potassium!

Drew O'Connor said...

How are we all on this apocalyptic morning??

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

Izz, right now I'm wearing a black shirt with a grey TARDIS outline and on the inside it says "RULE #1: THE DOCTOR LIES".

Izz said...

Nice Val. Very nice.

What were you talking about before? With the whole edited thing?

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

It's only about 6 PM here on the 20th...

Timezones are weird.

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

It used to say, “I can barely hook my phone up to the internet- why do you think I know how to destroy the planet? This is ridiculous. Please leave me alone.”


But NOW, it says, “I can barely work out how to make a call on my own phone- why do you think I know how to destroy the planet? This is ridiculous. Please leave me alone.”

Drew O'Connor said...

Oh it's still my birthday there Val lol that is so weird!

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

It's my sister's birthday too :D

Izz said...

They most certainly are. Everyone on Tumblr is asking the Aussies about the end of the world. Everyone forgets that the kiwis would have experienced it first.

I find that amusing.
But Queen Victoria probably isn't amused.

Nixion Strange said...

Waitin' for the zombies... Waiting for the zombies...

Oh, I heard the funniest damn thing. There are people betting on how the world will end today
*facepalm*
If they're right, and it does end, How do they collect their money?!

There was this one guy in the newspaper that said he hoped they paid before the apocolypse
...
*doublefacepalm*

Zathract Mist said...

People are weird.

Izz said...

He did that a while ago. It was there when I read it.

Nixion Strange said...

People are stupid

Zathract Mist said...

It wasn't there when I read it. It was still the internet.

DEREK. Y U EDIT STORY?

Izz said...

I don't know what to have for lunch...

I mean. I know bananas are great and all but not everyone keeps fruit in their dressing gowns.

I don't know what to have.

NOM Ominous said...

BOTTONN!!!

Zathract Mist said...

Hi Thrust!

Izz said...

OH MY GOD I JUST REMEMBERED!

I NEED TO COVER MY HEAD IN FOIL SO THE ALIENS CAN'T READ MY MIND!

brc

Unknown said...

21:00 12/20
Then end of the world is tomarrow... damn timezone. I don't live anywhere near Ireland

NOM Ominous said...

Oh God, none of our comments will be saved.

Izz said...

Ok I'm good now. I looked a bit stupid a t first but now I've managed to line the inside of my cool fedora with foil. Now I'm prepared.

Still need lunch though...

Izz said...

Oh sh*t you're all dead aren't you?

Drew O'Connor said...

No I'm trying not to kill my characters off...

It's a very patient process lol

Izz said...

Ah well.
That's alright then. I think.
Poor characters.

NOM Ominous said...

I am, but but that doesn't mean I can't use the bathroom.

Izz said...

I should probably go anyway.
Need food and Who.

Auf wiedersehen alle!

Zathract Mist said...

Bye Izz!

Yes I am dead.

Eve the ROCK said...

:)

Anonymous said...

Excellent!

Americans mess it up? Hmm? What is THAT supposed to mean, Derek?

Kilandra Xyle said...

THATS WHAT I SAID!

Anonymous said...

I know. I read the comments...

Anonymous said...

Also, my dad is cured! 'Twas Zeppelin and The Who in the car.

Nixion Strange said...

Damn internet

Unknown said...

Oh dear God, i've been waiting for this short story and I'm so happy it's here!!

Anonymous said...

My comment poofed... I said:

Hi Nix! What did the Internet ever do you, hmmmm?

Also, hi Lucinda!

Fiona Valkyrie said...

See, I was smart and copied and pasted into a Word Document so I can read later. Don't worry, this won't be sold for money, I always make sure to advertise the Skul-bug books when my friends are looking for new reads! So I won't do anything illegal with this :-) Just glad that I can now cherish this story forever. Merry Christmas to me! XD Thank you for the new story, Derek, I'm really excited to read it when I get the chance!

Anonymous said...

Hi Fiona!

Anonymous said...

Actually, that's not a bad idea...

*copy and pastes into Notes*

Anonymous said...

Anyone?

Bethany said...

brilliantly written as always. just wish we'd found out who planted the idea and how it came to be.

I'm Jubilance Glee / Occasional Haiku-er / And a dinosaur said...

Hey everyone!

Anonymous said...

Hi!

Distant, YouTubing.

Xanthe Grey said...

Wow, that story really was serious. I never would have thought skulduggery was capable of such a sensible conversation. Oh well I guess he must have been tired after saving the world eight times in the one day... and I haven't even gotten any of my homework done...

Mycroft Holmes (Ember) said...

Homework? WHY?

Ebony Law said...

This was absolutely brilliant, Derek. This story put more visualisation in my head than any other SP book. And I look forward to the Tanith Low novella coming out in March. I've already pre-orded it on my Kindle. (e-book)

Mycroft Holmes (Ember) said...

Hey, guys, I'm being made to do a Serpine/Mevolent and I don't know what to call the pairing? Should it be Servolent or Merpine?

Nixion Strange said...

Hey, it's spelt Benct

Ebony Law said...

Hello?

Ebony Law said...

I'm talking about PewDiePie's Bengt. From Lucius.

Calidae Dark said...

Its amazing.
YAY.
FINALLY.

Calidae Dark said...

Hello everyone that is on.
Valsnacks all round!! * makes it start raining valsnacks *

Ebony Law said...

I prefer this more than KOTW. Which is my second favourite book. Well, third now. Dark Days is my fave. Because it really gives a sense of the deep love Val has for Skulduggery, and what lengths she'll go to for him. And it brings out her independence.

Ebony Law said...

Calidae, are you Jaden's brother?

[I made a character called Jaden Dark]

Ebony Law said...

Hello?

Ebony Law said...

Don't press the big red button...

I'm Jubilance Glee / Occasional Haiku-er / And a dinosaur said...

Hi!

Nixion Strange said...

I know. It's spelt Benct

Calidae Dark said...

Err.... Bengt, I have never heard of him. Maybe we're long lost siblings.

Ebony Law said...

Hi. My name is Connor Trinton. My abilities are that I can control all liquids. Even blood inside people

Calidae Dark said...

Right, well, thats a teeny tiny bit disturbing.

Nice to meet you!

I'm Jubilance Glee / Occasional Haiku-er / And a dinosaur said...

Oooooh! so it's kinda like water bending from Avatar: Last Airbender?

Nixion Strange said...

I thought you were an elemental?

Calidae Dark said...

Jubilance, are you refering to the movie or the cartoon series?

I'm Jubilance Glee / Occasional Haiku-er / And a dinosaur said...

CARTOON! THE MOVIE FAILED EPICALLY

Calidae Dark said...

I KNOW RIGHT!!
Im so angry at them.
ITS UNFAIR.

NOM Ominous said...

I didn't dare watch the movie.

I'm Jubilance Glee / Occasional Haiku-er / And a dinosaur said...

Cali, I jst wanted to go up to M. Night Shamallama, or whatevr his name is, and kill him... painfully

Calidae Dark said...

MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY.
But, he is known for making AWFUL movies, except for one, I think...



I'm Jubilance Glee / Occasional Haiku-er / And a dinosaur said...

Haha yea... That's why they kept on saying it was produced/directed or whatever by him... cuz he apperently did a good job on something...

but this one just crossed the line of horrible movies... I don't think I've ever been more dissapointed EVER...
not ever for Harry Potter HBP

I'm Jubilance Glee / Occasional Haiku-er / And a dinosaur said...

Sorry... I'm ranting...

:P

Calidae Dark said...

I dont know how he's still making movies. Are people BLIND!?

WHY!!!

But yes. Its called the sixth sense of something, I cant remember, I havent seen it...

Calidae Dark said...

I always rant.
Its annoying, even for me.

Calidae Dark said...

Sorry, just read a story about the DOCTOR WHO CHRISTMAS SPECIAL on stuff.co.nz.

Its an NZ site.

Unknown said...

GAHH OMG THE SHORT STORY!!1 *fangirls*

I'm Jubilance Glee / Occasional Haiku-er / And a dinosaur said...

haha!

Calidae Dark said...

IT IS AMAZING

I'm Jubilance Glee / Occasional Haiku-er / And a dinosaur said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
I'm Jubilance Glee / Occasional Haiku-er / And a dinosaur said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
I'm Jubilance Glee / Occasional Haiku-er / And a dinosaur said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Calidae Dark said...

I expected it to be fantastic - I wasnt let down :)

I'm Jubilance Glee / Occasional Haiku-er / And a dinosaur said...

haha
It was really awesome :)
*yawn* I'm tired...

Azazel Infariel said...

THAT WAS AWESOME

I'm Jubilance Glee / Occasional Haiku-er / And a dinosaur said...

I loved the ending :P

Calidae Dark said...

Yeah :)
Only thing is, I do enjoy a good fight scene. Or something with a bit more laugh out loud Skulduggery-Valkyrie conversations.

BUT it is still AMAZING.

Unknown said...

Now I want to know about the eight other potential aapocalypses..

That was fantastic Derek!

I'm Jubilance Glee / Occasional Haiku-er / And a dinosaur said...

Haha yes!
Derek! You should make other short stories about the other apocalypses that could've happened!

Calidae Dark said...

Please!

Mycroft Holmes (Ember) said...

Hello universe. Am I alone right now? Yes? Well then.

MYCROFT IS AWESOME!!!!!! *echoes*

Calidae Dark said...

Though, the more time he spends writing short stories, the less time he spends writing book 8....

I'm Jubilance Glee / Occasional Haiku-er / And a dinosaur said...

Mycroft? is in Sherlock?

I'm Jubilance Glee / Occasional Haiku-er / And a dinosaur said...

Cali, Yeah.... good point

Calidae Dark said...

And, Derek does have a life. Hes probably busy enjoying christmas. And eating, and stuff.

Rosella Embers said...

My goodness...
Just when I thought things couldn't get any more epic!
Magnificent story, Derek! You'll be pleased to know that it is the 22nd, at 4:06pm in Australia and so far the world hasn't ended. Personally, I never thought it would, but I'm glad to hear that Skulduggery and Val's continuing efforts to prevent the apocalypse have proved successful.
Anyway, thank younger posting such an epic story! Glad to hear from you again, master Derek, and your story has broken the epica-o-meter yet again. (as always, I suppose)
Thank you for posting!

Mycroft Holmes (Ember) said...

Yep. As in Sherlock.

Mycroft Holmes (Ember) said...

And hello, miss Rosella! I'm Ember.

Calidae Dark said...

umm, no offense Rosella, but its not the 22nd.

Calidae Dark said...

Oh yeah, and HI!
Im Calidae :)

Mycroft Holmes (Ember) said...

Normally, I would be Silver, but I met another Silver, who's now my twin, so I'm now Ember.

I'm Jubilance Glee / Occasional Haiku-er / And a dinosaur said...

Haha Mycroft is pretty awesome...

But he's also really... Mycrofty...
There's realy no other word for him
haha

Mycroft Holmes (Ember) said...

Really Mycrofty... Yeah, I think that should be put in the dictionary.

Calidae Dark said...

He is AWESOME.
And hilarious.
And mad.

Mycroft Holmes (Ember) said...

Isn't he lovely? Isn't he wonderful? Isn't he precious? I know he is. Less than a minute old, but not really, because that would be weird.

I'm Jubilance Glee / Occasional Haiku-er / And a dinosaur said...

Yes!
Mycrofty
(MHY-krof-tee)
Verb
to act like Mycroft

Mycroft Holmes (Ember) said...

If you know where that came from, you get ten bonus points, which means absolutely nothing.

Mycroft Holmes (Ember) said...

I thought Mycrofty was an adjective?

Mycroft Holmes (Ember) said...

The verb would be Mycroftiate.

I'm Jubilance Glee / Occasional Haiku-er / And a dinosaur said...

Oh yea... haha there's my grammar knowledge for you...

Mycroft Holmes (Ember) said...

No, I think I'm Mycroftiating right now anyway. I think it deserves a capital letter, btw.

I'm Jubilance Glee / Occasional Haiku-er / And a dinosaur said...

We'll have to create this word and then send it to the Oxford people to get it published in the dictionary...
xD :P
haha

Calidae Dark said...

THAT would be funny.

Mycroft Holmes (Ember) said...

EXACTLY!
You know, the other day I was trying to do Mycroft's umbrella swing thing, and 1. I whacked my nose really hard and 2. The umbrella flew across the room and everyone looked at me.

I'm Jubilance Glee / Occasional Haiku-er / And a dinosaur said...

HAHA! i just don't even try... I know that i'm gonna mess up if I do... n that'd be reeally awkward...
haha

Mycroft Holmes (Ember) said...

I have been trying for about three days now. IT'S NOT WORKING! I will write Mark Gatiss a long letter asking him for instructions.

Calidae Dark said...

Smooth, Ember. Real smooth.

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!



My concert was successful. I didn't trip on my face once.

Mycroft Holmes (Ember) said...

Isn't it just?

Mycroft Holmes (Ember) said...

HI VALKYRIE!!!!!

Do you know how to do Mycroft's umbrella thing?

And congratulations!

Calidae Dark said...

Hey Val :)

I'm Jubilance Glee / Occasional Haiku-er / And a dinosaur said...

haha
Hi Valkyrie!
n Congratulations...! I think...?

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

I had to play two instruments for my concert... Cello and viola.


BECAUSE I'M JUST SO AWESOME.

My grandpa didn't even recognise me when I walked past him because I was - and still am - all dressy.

Mycroft Holmes (Ember) said...

Valkyrie, are you still there?

Mycroft Holmes (Ember) said...

Oh, you are, sorry.

IPLAY THE VIOLIN TOO! HIGH VIRTUAL FIVE!

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

HIGH VIRTUAL FIVE BACK!

Calidae Dark said...

She said viola :P

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

Close enough.

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