Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Christmas, 2012

Ah, Christmas...

Every year, my family tell me they don't know WHAT they're going to get me, and every year we have a great big laugh about it. But every year I think ah, THIS is the year. This is the year when they DO know what to get me, but they're all PRETENDING they don't. They're all conspiring with each other, pooling their money and resources, going that extra mile to get me the thing that will make me happy, whatever it may be. It's all a surprise, I think to myself. It's all a wonderful surprise and on Christmas Day when I've handed them their really really expensive gifts and I'm standing to one side while they ooh and ahh and laugh and hug, they're suddenly going to turn around and say Derek, surprise! We have what you've always wanted!

And then they show me a parcel beneath the tree and I fall to my knees, and with trembling hands I slowly tear the paper and lo... the most perfect present ever in the history of the world. And I am happy.

This year my mother got me a dart board.

She got me a dart board because, obviously, she knows how much I secretly love darts. She has cleverly read between the lines during each of our many conversations throughout the year- conversations in which darts have not been mentioned one single time- and she figured out that what I really wanted for Christmas, the thing that will finally make my life complete, is a great big dart board.

Mother, I think it is safe to say you have excelled yourself this year. Well done.

My brother and sisters, meanwhile, all got together and arranged an aircraft simulation lesson- where you sit in a cockpit thingy and take off and land a plane without actually, you know, being IN a plane. Well, they ALMOST did that. What they ACTUALLY did was hand me a piece of paper with all this written down. They got me a SUGGESTION for Christmas.

Now, to you, this mightn't sound that bad. You might be thinking hey, they didn't know if Derek would be interested in this, so they suggested it, and if he seemed agreeable, they'd go off and book it. And this, dear Minion, would a reasonable thing for you to think.

Unless you remember a few years ago where my sisters told me that what they were going to do for me that Christmas was renovate my bathroom. Oh wow, said I. A bathroom renovation, just what I've always wanted. A bathroom renovation as done by two pregnant women with no prior history of bathroom renovations, nor indeed any relevant knowledge of said undertaking. I just couldn't get any luckier.

And if you remember that, you may also remember that they never actually got around to doing it.

And you may also remember that last year, in some feeble attempt to make up for it, they got me a bath mat and towel. For Christmas. Between the two of them.



It wasn't all terrible disappointment and quiet tears when no one was looking, because today was also the day of Doctor Who and The Snowmen!

I'm not entirely sure who the villain was or what the logic was, and I thought Richard E Grant could have been used SO much better, but it was fast and funny and Matt Smith is great and Jenna Louise Coleman is... is...

Jenna Louise Coleman is just so PRETTY.

I know, I know, I have a history with Amy Pond. We were close. We were even in love, for a while. But times change. People change. They move on. I've moved on. I love Amy, I do, and she will always have a special place in my heart...

But Jenna Louise Coleman is just so PRETTY.


I... I think I love Jenna Louise Coleman. I think THAT is what I got for Christmas.

God (or whatever random deity you might acknowledge) bless us, every one.



4,931 comments:

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Zanida Laufeydottir Queen of Asgard (Zafira Kerias) said...

He might be playing darts

*shudders*

How does anyone trust him with a sharp object? Ah well hope the cats dont get in his way

Alice (Or Tyler to some) said...

Hej Mara *Hugz back*

It's from this, love this song :3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=12PWq22E9CQ

Alice (Or Tyler to some) said...

Who's playin darts?

Unknown said...

Master Derek. Stop playing darts. You WILL hurt yourself. You know that.

Zanida Laufeydottir Queen of Asgard (Zafira Kerias) said...

Derek

Unknown said...

Derek.

Alice (Or Tyler to some) said...

Derek is?
Mr Landy, I'd advise you don't play that game. You could harm those marvellous writing fingers of yours

Miss Cain; The Aussie Ninja Stalker said...

MAYBE DEREK IS FROLICKING AND SINGING, ONCE AGAIN, ZAF!!

Zanida Laufeydottir Queen of Asgard (Zafira Kerias) said...

I picture him breaking somevase his sisters bought him and then saying Mammy cat did it

MASTER DEREK! Speak enlighten us give us a line you just wrote

Unknown said...

SPEAK TO US O GRACIOUS LORD OF WRITING AND CATS.

Zanida Laufeydottir Queen of Asgard (Zafira Kerias) said...

Thats on Saturdays its not that time kn Ireland

Unknown said...

It's 3:02pm on Friday here Zaf.

Zanida Laufeydottir Queen of Asgard (Zafira Kerias) said...

Speak Master Derek one tiny comment even?

Zanida Laufeydottir Queen of Asgard (Zafira Kerias) said...

10:03am

Unknown said...

O GRACIOUS LORD OF CATS AND WRITING SPEAK TO US. ENLIGHTEN US WITH YOUR ENLIGHTENING ENLIGHTMENT.

Luciana said...

He's probably writing book 8...

Sorry for disappearing, by the way.

Star Inkbright said...

Derek can be trusted with sharp objects! He's DEREK!

I love the song Stupify so much. *smiles* I just like the music.

Unknown said...

Ah. 5 hours behind. I see.

Unknown said...

JUST. ONE. COMMENT?

MASTER DEREK US BLOGLANDIANS WE LOVE YOU, YES. O LORD. O GRACIOUS LORD, WE BOW DOWN IN FRONT OF YOUR... SHOES.

Zanida Laufeydottir Queen of Asgard (Zafira Kerias) said...

Luce we established he is playing darts

Maybe he IS writing and in that case we might want to let him be

Zanida Laufeydottir Queen of Asgard (Zafira Kerias) said...

Blogspeak to us o Masterful God of SP

Star Inkbright said...

J'aime les melodies. *nods*

J'adore Disturbed, car j'aime les paroles et les melodies, mais j'aime Stupify parce que j'aime les melodies.

Aussi, j'adore being able to speak in languages. :)

We did about music in French last term . . .

*looks upwards* Actually I could probably say the above in German as well. :)

Unknown said...

Mhm. I want to chat to O GRACIOUS LORD DEREK. WE SHALL BOW DOWN INGRACIOUSNESS. US BLOGLANDIANS, WE LOVE YOU YES!

Star Inkbright said...

MAybe he's throwing darts nto the book. O_O

NO, MASTER DEREK, NO!

Unknown said...

MASTE DEREK, NOOOOO! O GRACIOUS LORD, NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Unknown said...

*MASTER

Miss Cain; The Aussie Ninja Stalker said...

WHY AM I SO EASILY DISTRACTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED?!?!

Zanida Laufeydottir Queen of Asgard (Zafira Kerias) said...

Master Derek!!!!! PLEASE WE SACRIFICE CHEDDAR CHEESE TO YOU

Unknown said...

DEREKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK O MERCIFUL MASTER OF ALL THINGS SKULDUGGERY, AND PLEASANT, AND SKULDUGGERY PLEASANT.

Zanida Laufeydottir Queen of Asgard (Zafira Kerias) said...

Okay come on Derek if you writing make one tiny comment and tell us and we'll badger you later

Unknown said...

Yes. What Zaf said.

Star Inkbright said...

*flicks through German textbook, trying to remember how to talk about the lyrics and tune* I'm not my fault my French teacher is a much bette teacher. :(

*gives up and grabs German dictionary.

Aha. Ich mag der Text. Ich liebe Disturbed, weil ich mag der Texte und die Melodie, aber ich mag Stupify, weil ich mag der Text.

Ich auch mag speaking in lanuages.

WOOOOOOOOH.

. . . Okay, that was a waste of fifteen minutes. Whatever.

Luciana said...

TAs are amazing.

Means I can have a break. c:

Star Inkbright said...

*better
*dictionary*

Zanida Laufeydottir Queen of Asgard (Zafira Kerias) said...

Mara i think Master Derek is being mean to us

Unknown said...

DEREK I WILL LOOK YOUR HOUSE UP ON GOOGLE MAPS AND GO TO YOUR HOUSE AND THROW DARTS AT YOUT COMPUTER IF YOU DON'T DO WHAT ZAF SAID.

Unknown said...

That should fix it, Zaf. *dusts off hands*

Charisma Thorne said...

DEREK COME TO THE BLOG

WE HAVE COOKIES



PLEASE?

Unknown said...

KEEP IT GOING CHARISMA! THAT SHOULD DO IT!

Derek, O Masterful Master of Masters.

Star Inkbright said...

IF YOU COME TO THE BLOG I'LL . . . I'LL . . .

*looks around room for inspiration*

TAKE A PICTURE OF MY SEQUIN ART AND SHOW IT TO YOU?

Unknown said...

YES! YES! STAR WILL SHOW YOU HER SEQUIN ART!

Unknown said...

DEREK.

Alice (Or Tyler to some) said...

Brb guys

Star Inkbright said...

Which Sequin Art? I have three finsihed ones and one unfinished one I'm doing now.

. . . I took a picture of my owl one last night to show Eve, so I can use that picture . . .

DEREKKKKKKKKK! COME ONNNNNNNNN!

Unknown said...

K back, Just switching accounts

Star Inkbright said...

Gtgt, sorry. :( Bbs.

Zanida Laufeydottir Queen of Asgard (Zafira Kerias) said...

DEREK COME!!!!! MASTER DEREK!!!!

Miss Cain; The Aussie Ninja Stalker said...

BYE STAR!!

Unknown said...

I think I'm gonna walk to Dublin to find Derek's house, I live near dublin :3

Unknown said...

BuhBye Star

Zanida Laufeydottir Queen of Asgard (Zafira Kerias) said...

Skylar good idea! I live in America which i'd need to SWIM to Dublin

Unknown said...

DEREK!

Zanida Laufeydottir Queen of Asgard (Zafira Kerias) said...

LANDY ON NOW NO HIDING OR ELSE

Charisma Thorne said...

DEREK COME ON THE BLOG

I'LL MAKE A CAKE WITH SKULDUGGERY ON IT.

Luciana said...

I was talking to Zath about a cake the other day...

A rainbow baguette cake.

OH MY GOLDEN GOD


WE NEED TO MAKE DEREK A RAINBOW BAGUETTE CAKE

LE GANG NEEDS TO HAVE A MEETING BECAUSE THIS MUST HAPPEN, OMGG

Zanida Laufeydottir Queen of Asgard (Zafira Kerias) said...

*dies of laughter*

He'd die of laughter

Unknown said...

*Grabs baguette*
I'MA COMMING FOR YAH LANDY!

Unknown said...

I'LL GET THE LUAS TO YOUR HOUSE

No I won't, I don't have any money

Zanida Laufeydottir Queen of Asgard (Zafira Kerias) said...

*attacks Derek with baguette*

Unknown said...

BAGUETTE ATTACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*Joins Zaf*

Miss Cain; The Aussie Ninja Stalker said...

BAGUETTES!!! *hides*

Zanida Laufeydottir Queen of Asgard (Zafira Kerias) said...

*slips away and attaches the baguette to Skulduggery*

DEREK!!!! Skully can have a baguette!!'

*ends up severly burnt by the skeleton*

Unknown said...

*Sighs*
Don't give Pleasant a baguette, I learned that the hard way, the same way you learned

Zanida Laufeydottir Queen of Asgard (Zafira Kerias) said...

*attacks Skulduggery and ends up more burt with broken bones*

Skeletons hurt

Unknown said...

DEEEEREK. *joins Zaf and Sky*

Zanida Laufeydottir Queen of Asgard (Zafira Kerias) said...

DEREK COME!!

Unknown said...

Looks like Skeletor is in a bad mood

Zanida Laufeydottir Queen of Asgard (Zafira Kerias) said...

Skulduggery hurt me!!!
LANDY FOR THE LOVE OF CAKE GET YOUR DAMN IRISH BUTT ON

Unknown said...

Derek PLEASE! O GRACIOUS, MERVIFUL, MASTERFUL LORD

Unknown said...

HEY! ZAF THAT IS VERY IRISHIST! AKA RACIST TO IRISH PEOPLE! AKA RACIST TO ME!

Luciana said...

I AM GUESSING THIS IS WHY PEOPLE TELL ME I SHOULDN'T DRINK PEPSI XD

Unknown said...

*Whispers* Someone needs to be Skully :3 Not me though

Unknown said...

And Me.....Well not really

Unknown said...

Forgot to re-fresh sorry

Unknown said...

*Merciful

Damn phone.

Zanida Laufeydottir Queen of Asgard (Zafira Kerias) said...

DEREK ENLIGHTEN US!!!

Dont give up guys he'll eventually come on

Unknown said...

Brb I'm playing Pro. Layton
I'll still take, it mite take me a minute to talk

Unknown said...

HAVE FUN SKY! Tell Luke to get a life while you're at it. He's annoying -_-

DEREKKKKKKK!

Zanida Laufeydottir Queen of Asgard (Zafira Kerias) said...

I am going to add my iTunes card

Miss Cain; The Aussie Ninja Stalker said...

...

This is all very weird...

*is hiding in tree*

Unknown said...

I don't find him annoying

Although Hershel needs to stop leaving them on cliffhangers when telling the story of his past

And I meant *talk on that last comment

Unknown said...

Miss Cain. HELP US PLEASE. I have brownies.

DERRRRRRRRRREK!

Unknown said...

Cain, why are you hiding?

Luciana said...

I JUST LOST THE GAME D;

Unknown said...

Sky - I know! :o What game are you playing now? Miracle Mask?

Unknown said...

Yep, The only Pro. Layton game I have, I want to get all of them, I'll be saving for awhile

Unknown said...

What game did you lose Luci?

Unknown said...

Oh, what a title

Unknown said...

Sky - I have all of them. CV is good. But I prefer LF. Dammit I'm getting all obsessive...

Unknown said...

You have them all?!
So jelly

Miss Cain; The Aussie Ninja Stalker said...

I'm hiding in a tree because...

I have no idea, maybe it's because I'm distant or something...

Unknown said...

Okay.............

Miss Cain; The Aussie Ninja Stalker said...

Yeah.
I'm random.

Unknown said...

wow it's quiet.........
*Puts down 3ds, Bashes symbols*

WAKE UP PEOPLE!!!
*Goes back to playing 3ds*

Miss Cain; The Aussie Ninja Stalker said...

*has officialy run out of room on my bookshelf*

Drew O'Connor said...

Evening everyone!

Miss Cain; The Aussie Ninja Stalker said...

Hey Em!

Hi Phoenix!

Drew O'Connor said...

How is everyone today??

Miss Cain; The Aussie Ninja Stalker said...

I'm good!!

And I finally reached 100 books today on my shelf!! HUZZAH!!

I have more in my wardrobe, but I can't be bothered counting them...

Miss Cain; The Aussie Ninja Stalker said...

Aaaaaaaand now I shall go read, then sleep.

Bye all!
*disappears*

Charisma Thorne said...

DEREK!!!!!!! IF YOU DON'T COME ON THE BLOG I'LL ........ I'LL ............

UMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

I'll make Skulduggery and Valkyrie and Tanith gingerbread people!!

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

*is stalking*


Hello.


*disappears into the background*

Anonymous said...

Naturally, Val.

I'm Jubilance Glee / Occasional Haiku-er / And a dinosaur said...

HEY GUYS!
*Runs in*
*Trips*

Charisma Thorne said...

Jubi Jubi!! I finally watched last Merlin on Christmas day! *Wails*

Anonymous said...

OMG, Mara!!!! You didn't leave!!!!!!
[Not sure if you're still here from earlier, but hugs!]

Anonymous said...

Hi JUbi!!!!!!

Robin Snowscar said...

Yo

Anonymous said...

Hi Charisma!!!

Anonymous said...

Hi Robin!!!

Drew O'Connor said...

Hey everyone!!

Robin Snowscar said...

Hello Fabi

Robin Snowscar said...

Yo Em!

Anonymous said...

Hi, Em (is it ok if I call you Em?)!!!!!

Robin Snowscar said...

*takes a bath in marshmallows*

I'm Jubilance Glee / Occasional Haiku-er / And a dinosaur said...

Charisma, OH MI GOD

*DIES AGAIN FOR LIKE THE 800TH TIME*

Anonymous said...

[makes hot chocolate, and passes it around to whoever wants some]

Anonymous said...

[frowns at Jubis corpse] I thought you'd gotten over dying?

I'm Jubilance Glee / Occasional Haiku-er / And a dinosaur said...

HOT CHOCOLATE!! *grabs*
*Takes a huge sip*
*Spits it out*

OUCH! IT BURNED MY TOUNGE!!!

Charisma Thorne said...

Jubi, *hugs* I full on cried my head off. On Christmas day. FULL ON CRYING.

*WAILS*

Robin Snowscar said...

Hey Jubi!!

Robin Snowscar said...

And hello Charisma!

*sips hot chocolate*

Anonymous said...

How can you drink hot chocolate if you're dead? [offers ice cube]

I'm Jubilance Glee / Occasional Haiku-er / And a dinosaur said...

HI Robin!!

Charisma, IT RUINED MY ENTIRE CHRISTMAS


GAAH!!

I'm Jubilance Glee / Occasional Haiku-er / And a dinosaur said...

Fabi I came back to life...DUUHH

Anonymous said...

Of course. Totally. [rolls eyes]

Zanida Laufeydottir Queen of Asgard (Zafira Kerias) said...

Well i just spent an hour on the phone with the Apple guy :P

Robin Snowscar said...

I'm actually going to make a hot chocolate now.

Anonymous said...

Haha, Ok. XD

Anonymous said...

Hi Zaf!!!!

I'm Jubilance Glee / Occasional Haiku-er / And a dinosaur said...

HEY ZAF!

Robin Snowscar said...

Yo Zaf!

Charisma Thorne said...

Hello everyone!!

Anonymous said...

An hour, eh? That's longer than my grandma takes 2 talk about her sewing projects!

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

Well, I need to call the Apple store people, because my freaking iPhone isn't working after having it for 3 days.

Anonymous said...

Well, my iPod touch works... Except it can't access the Internet backstage [there is no Internet backstage!!!!XD]

I'm Jubilance Glee / Occasional Haiku-er / And a dinosaur said...

oh no! whats wrong with it?

Robin Snowscar said...

Yo Val!

Anonymous said...

Hi, Val!!!!!

Anonymous said...

[Puts iTouch away and gets out laptop, for fear that bugs are contagious]

Robin Snowscar said...

Robots will take over the world!

Anonymous said...

They were supposed 2 do that a while back. Ever wonder why they didn't? [ Flexes muscles] I have ways to deal with robots. It's the piranhas I'm worried about.

Zanida Laufeydottir Queen of Asgard (Zafira Kerias) said...

Have fun with it :P security questions put me over wr didnt have any answers

Robin Snowscar said...

Robots live in sweet things and are gradually invading people's brains worldwide

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Pulls out blackberry pie with actual BlackBerries in it. Lifts her hand, and all the metal pops out of the pie and hovers in the air. Bends the metal into a French Horn and begins playing Phantom of the Opera]

Anonymous said...

* [Pulls

Robin Snowscar said...

*wide eyes*

The robots will be after you Fabi

Anonymous said...

[bends euphonium into really big scythe]
Robots are metal, too Robin. At the very least, the wires in their circuitry are metal. I don't think I have anything to worry about!

Robin Snowscar said...

*points to giant robotic llama*

Like that one.

Star Inkbright said...

TWO AND A HALF HOURS OF MONOPOLY IS TOO MUCH. D:

Anonymous said...

[bends scythe into really long poker, and pokes llamas leg joint, fusing is solid. Llama limps toward me, slower, but still coming.]

Robin Snowscar said...

Hi Star! I despise monopoly.DESPISE IT.

*glances at llama*

Anonymous said...

I totally agree with you, Star!!!!!

[bends poker thing back into scythe and cuts Llama in half]

Anonymous said...

[is attacked my llama halves. Top half bites me, bottom half poops metal poo on me.]

Anonymous said...

[grabs llama head and bends the top half into a metal umbrella, the bottom half steps on my toe, which seriously hurts, cause its netal]

Robin Snowscar said...

*watches the robot llama with amusement*

Would you like some help Fabi?

Anonymous said...

*metal

Anonymous said...

[Sets harmless metal umbrella aside, grabs bottom half and bends it into a bench.]

Star Inkbright said...

I like monoploy, but I would have preferred to quit the game after two hours . . .

Plus I was really rich this time. I've only been really rich once or twice before. *laughs*

I've discovered being rich gets very boring.

Anonymous said...

There. Oh, NOW you offer to help! :-P

Anonymous said...

I bet. I stink at monopoly, sink wouldn't know.

Anonymous said...

But easily destroying armies of robots has a similar effect.

Melica Frost said...

Hey guys :D

Robin Snowscar said...

*shrugs* I was watching.

Robin Snowscar said...

Yo Mel

Star Inkbright said...

HI MELICA! :)

What usually happens is that my brother gets really rich, my sister and me are really poor, and my mum . . . Is poor more than she is rich.

My brother is nearly ALWAYS rich. I don't know how he does it. D:

Star Inkbright said...

*sings* GIVE IN, GIVE IN, DECIIIIIIIIIIDE!

Robin Snowscar said...

My brother's always rich too xD

Anonymous said...

[Goes over to tripod behind bushes, and looks at the footage.] didn't you hear? I'm cameraninja now, everything I do has to be entertaining. Its boring to watch if someone easily morphs a bunch of robots into the statue of liberty.

Melica Frost said...

I love monopoly...I also love gambling...no Im just kiddin I dont...

Star Inkbright said...

*grins* Must be a brother thing.

Anonymous said...

Gtg, nothing to do with vamps or robots. Bye!!!!

I'm Jubilance Glee / Occasional Haiku-er / And a dinosaur said...

msd... :P

I'm Jubilance Glee / Occasional Haiku-er / And a dinosaur said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
I'm Jubilance Glee / Occasional Haiku-er / And a dinosaur said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
I'm Jubilance Glee / Occasional Haiku-er / And a dinosaur said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Melica Frost said...

Vamps...? Aww yeah nevermind I know...

I'm Jubilance Glee / Occasional Haiku-er / And a dinosaur said...

gah! what tha heck??

STOP COPYING MY COMMENTS

I'm Jubilance Glee / Occasional Haiku-er / And a dinosaur said...

UUGGHH ded...

I dedicate this page to fluffy blankets. Because they're really warm and fluffy and they're just really awesome...


YAY FLUFFY BLANKETS!

Star Inkbright said...

These Disturbed albums on YouTube are really odd, but mostly in a good way. Asylum doesn't include the cover of ISHWILF, which I don't like, but all the covers covers are include (which is good, coz I like them.) Then The Sickness has the extra track which is also good coz I like that, but it also has these live performancers on the end, which I mostly DON'T really like.

:/

Anonymous said...

No, really nothing to do with vamps. It's breakfast time actually. Bye-a!!!XD

Melica Frost said...

Aww its fine :)

Star Inkbright said...

FOURS FABI! :(

I love blankets.

BUt I love duvets more. *smiles*

Anonymous said...

Star, I found an Asylum album on YouTube that had ISHFWILF...

Robin Snowscar said...

BYE GUYS

Anonymous said...

Hello, all, by the way!

msd

Star Inkbright said...

Gtg, dinner. :(

I listen to Planet Florenti's albums on the playlist of all the Disturbed albums. :)

When one finishes, it goes to the next. Almost six hours of Disturbed, nit that I've listened to more than two at a time . . .

Anonymous said...

Bye Star!

Zanida Laufeydottir Queen of Asgard (Zafira Kerias) said...

I can watch Asylum of The Daleks when i want

Anonymous said...

Hi Zaf! I can watch The Snowmen whenever.

Soon, I am going to get every single Matt Smith episode. For free. On Amazon. Prime is amazing.

Zanida Laufeydottir Queen of Asgard (Zafira Kerias) said...

How do you get prime?

Anonymous said...

And Tennant. And a lot of the original series too.

Anonymous said...

I dunno.

I think you have to sign up for it. You pay by the month or something. I dunno. I use my parents' Amazon account, so...

Zanida Laufeydottir Queen of Asgard (Zafira Kerias) said...

Ah we got amazon but i doubt my dad does it so eh

Anonymous said...

Hahahahaha!

Anonymous said...

gtg, bye!

Star Inkbright said...

HI PEOPLE!

Zanida Laufeydottir Queen of Asgard (Zafira Kerias) said...

Hi Star!

Star Inkbright said...

HI ZAF!

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