Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Christmas, 2012

Ah, Christmas...

Every year, my family tell me they don't know WHAT they're going to get me, and every year we have a great big laugh about it. But every year I think ah, THIS is the year. This is the year when they DO know what to get me, but they're all PRETENDING they don't. They're all conspiring with each other, pooling their money and resources, going that extra mile to get me the thing that will make me happy, whatever it may be. It's all a surprise, I think to myself. It's all a wonderful surprise and on Christmas Day when I've handed them their really really expensive gifts and I'm standing to one side while they ooh and ahh and laugh and hug, they're suddenly going to turn around and say Derek, surprise! We have what you've always wanted!

And then they show me a parcel beneath the tree and I fall to my knees, and with trembling hands I slowly tear the paper and lo... the most perfect present ever in the history of the world. And I am happy.

This year my mother got me a dart board.

She got me a dart board because, obviously, she knows how much I secretly love darts. She has cleverly read between the lines during each of our many conversations throughout the year- conversations in which darts have not been mentioned one single time- and she figured out that what I really wanted for Christmas, the thing that will finally make my life complete, is a great big dart board.

Mother, I think it is safe to say you have excelled yourself this year. Well done.

My brother and sisters, meanwhile, all got together and arranged an aircraft simulation lesson- where you sit in a cockpit thingy and take off and land a plane without actually, you know, being IN a plane. Well, they ALMOST did that. What they ACTUALLY did was hand me a piece of paper with all this written down. They got me a SUGGESTION for Christmas.

Now, to you, this mightn't sound that bad. You might be thinking hey, they didn't know if Derek would be interested in this, so they suggested it, and if he seemed agreeable, they'd go off and book it. And this, dear Minion, would a reasonable thing for you to think.

Unless you remember a few years ago where my sisters told me that what they were going to do for me that Christmas was renovate my bathroom. Oh wow, said I. A bathroom renovation, just what I've always wanted. A bathroom renovation as done by two pregnant women with no prior history of bathroom renovations, nor indeed any relevant knowledge of said undertaking. I just couldn't get any luckier.

And if you remember that, you may also remember that they never actually got around to doing it.

And you may also remember that last year, in some feeble attempt to make up for it, they got me a bath mat and towel. For Christmas. Between the two of them.



It wasn't all terrible disappointment and quiet tears when no one was looking, because today was also the day of Doctor Who and The Snowmen!

I'm not entirely sure who the villain was or what the logic was, and I thought Richard E Grant could have been used SO much better, but it was fast and funny and Matt Smith is great and Jenna Louise Coleman is... is...

Jenna Louise Coleman is just so PRETTY.

I know, I know, I have a history with Amy Pond. We were close. We were even in love, for a while. But times change. People change. They move on. I've moved on. I love Amy, I do, and she will always have a special place in my heart...

But Jenna Louise Coleman is just so PRETTY.


I... I think I love Jenna Louise Coleman. I think THAT is what I got for Christmas.

God (or whatever random deity you might acknowledge) bless us, every one.



5,000 comments:

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Jubilance Glee (Jubi) said...

haha!
Nice





COWS
ARE
BLUUEE



my argument is final

Luciana Clover Scáth said...

Cows are lazy! :P

Jubilance Glee (Jubi) said...

I DEDICATE THIS PAGE TO BLUE COWS! EVERYONE MUST NOW BELIVE THAT BLUE COWS ARE REALY BECAUSE THEY ARE!!!!!




*rides around on a blue cow*
GIDDYUP YOU COW!

Jubilance Glee (Jubi) said...

*Real not realy

Melica Frost said...

well to be honest with you...I have never properly looked at a cow...just like Ive never had a solid plan about well anything really...

Anonymous said...

COWS. ARE. ORANGE.

Hi L.!

Star Inkbright (Ink!) said...

We see things as different colours because of the light they reflect. If something reflecs all light, we see it as white. If something reflects no light, we see it as black.

SO, everything COULD actually be orange, but we don't know it coz we only see how much light things reflect and not their true colour.

Actually, everything is energy, only some particles are clustered closer together and some even closer together, making liquids and solids. And some is looser - gases. So all the energy could actaully be orange, but we don't SEE everything as a solid sheet of energy so we don't know that . . .

Jubilance Glee (Jubi) said...

http://christinemeytras.com/images/cows/blue_blue_cow.jpg

http://piggybankpie.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/purple-cow.jpg

my argument is final CASE CLOSED!!

Jubilance Glee (Jubi) said...

STAR STOP HURTING MY BRAIN!!

Star Inkbright (Ink!) said...

HI SCÁTH!!!!!!

NOOOOOOOOOOO! YOU NEEDED TO DEDICATE TO MYCROFT HOLMES AND HIS UMBRELLA!

*is slowly joining Ember in her Mycroft Holmes and his umbrella thing*

Anonymous said...

Star, that was PART of my argument.

Maralie Lily Charm said...

Cli be very mean...

Anonymous said...

What is going on? Cows are purple!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Hi!!!! XD

Jubilance Glee (Jubi) said...

i ALSO dedicate this page to Mycroft Holmes and his umbrella, Sherlock and his pipe/nicotine patches, The Doctor and his TARDIS, and Merlin and Arthur...

YAY!

Star Inkbright (Ink!) said...

:)

OH WOW I THINK I'VE JUST FOUND A PERFECT VID FOR THE GAME ON MY FIRST CLICK. O_O

Jubilance Glee (Jubi) said...

FABI!!!!! hi.

Star Inkbright (Ink!) said...

THANKS, JUBI!!!!!!!! :) :) :) :) :)

Is that now nine deds to Mycroft Holmes and his umbrella? XD

Anonymous said...

Go Jubi! TARDIS FTW!

Anonymous said...

Hi, Jubi!!!! Mara!!!! [hugs]
Greetings, Star/Ink!!!!
Hiya Kestrel!!!!

Jubilance Glee (Jubi) said...

YEAH!
*high-fives*

hehe TARDIS

Anonymous said...

Hi, Luciana!!!!
Hello anyone else I may have misse in the confusion!!!!!

Maralie Lily Charm said...

I HAVE TO GOOOO.


Kessie wish Mara luck on talking to Cli?

Anonymous said...

Bye, Mara!!!!

Anonymous said...

*missed

Anonymous said...

Bye Mara!

Luciana Clover Scáth said...

HELLO!:D

Anonymous said...

Wbd, still writing short-short and trying to find a good name.

Jubilance Glee (Jubi) said...

BYE MARAA!

Anonymous said...

Hello!!!

Star Inkbright (Ink!) said...

:( FOURS MARA!

Anonymous said...

Good luck, Mara!

Jubilance Glee (Jubi) said...

LUCI!! hi.

Anonymous said...

Fabi, use the name Senna somewhere. It's an awesome name.

Star Inkbright (Ink!) said...

Gahhhhhh. I've found two good vids for Stupify, but they BOTH start saying rock instead of fuck. Grrrrrrrrr.

Luciana Clover Scáth said...

SOMEONE GAVE ME DR PEPPER

NOT SURE IT WAS THE BEST PLAN IN THE WORLD, TBH


ALSO, I LOVE PERCY. I FEEL SO BAD FOR HIM. :(
BUT LUKE(?) IRRITATES ME OMG
DON'T LIKE HIM AT ALL

I KNOW THALIA ISN'T ACTUALLY IN IT COMPLETELY, BUT I LOVE HER SO MUCH<3
DEFINITELY DAUGHTER OF ONE OF THE BIG THREE. SO BRAVE AND SELFLESS

Anonymous said...

I like it!! I'll use it for Senna Resolute!!!

Thanks, Kessie!!!

Anonymous said...

Star, at the part with the

All the people in the right wing, ROCK!

It IS rock, not f**k.

Anonymous said...

L., Thalia is awesome, Luke becoe awesome in Sea of Monsters, Percy epic, Annabeth amazing, Rachel Elizabeth Dare fantastic, and Nico Di Angelo awesome.

Anonymous said...

Which Percy Jackson book are you on?

Anonymous said...

*becomes

Star Inkbright (Ink!) said...

Disturbedpedia says it's fuck. I trust Disturbedpedia. :)

http://www.disturbedpedia.com/sickness.html#stupify

Luciana Clover Scáth said...

I don't like Luke! At all!

Star Inkbright (Ink!) said...

My sister's just started reading PJ O_O

. . . For about the tenth time, I might add.

Star Inkbright (Ink!) said...

*PJ.

Anonymous said...

L., then you have good instincts.


Star, then all five hundred lyric videos I've seen are wrong...

Anonymous said...

That's...that's really weird.

Star Inkbright (Ink!) said...

It makes sense for it to be fuck, though. Rock makes no sense.

All the people in the left wing (fuck)
And all the people in the right wing (fuck)
And all the people in the underground (fuck)
I find myself stupified, coming back again
All the people in the high rise (fuck)
And all the people in the projects (fuck)
And all la henté in the barrio (fuck)
I find myself stupified, coming back again

The lyrics are saying that absolutely everyone has sex . . . uh . . . yeah . . . :/

Anonymous said...

Star, true, but I was assuming that he was saying that they rocked, as in were awesome, for being there. *goes off to listen to Stupify*

Maralie Lily Charm said...

STAR PLEASE DELETE THAT *blocks eyes*

Zafira Kerias said...

Landy needs to post

Maralie Lily Charm said...

Indeed, Zaf.

Anonymous said...

Star, I'm listening to it now, and you're definitely right. hmm.

Anonymous said...

And the weird thing is, when you listen to a clean version on YouTube that part is left in...

Star Inkbright (Ink!) said...

:/

I've been doing nothing BUT listening to Stupify for half an hour. *groans*

Eventually, MrGun1001 won the privilege, mostly because it has the clearest picture of the album cover for The Sickness that I've ever seen.

Anonymous said...

Star, that's...that's really weird.

Star Inkbright (Ink!) said...

I'm right??? O_O

I mean, of course I'm right! I'm always rigth! How could I be not right? *coughs*

Thanks.

Have to listened to Down With The Sickness without the swear words? The bridge amuses me.

Anonymous said...

I have not, no. I need to.

*imagines bridge without swear words* *laughs*

That's, like, every other word cut out...

Anonymous said...

Right, now I have Stupify stuck in my head, and if I start singing that...

Star Inkbright (Ink!) said...

Not counting the and when I dreams, it's only 8 out of 119 words cut. :)

Anonymous said...

Hmm. Really?

Jubilance Glee (Jubi) said...

hey guyss

hehe i poofed :P

Anonymous said...

I have to go. Bye, all!

Luciana Clover Scáth said...

I love how they say Panem in the propo

Star Inkbright (Ink!) said...

Yes, but there are jsut over forty words before the sewraing starts and then two lines on the end with no swearing, so there's a chunk of cut-out words on the middle and it's vaguely amusing . . .

Jubilance Glee (Jubi) said...

Bye Kessie!

Maralie Lily Charm said...

KESSIE I HUGGED YOU!

Star Inkbright (Ink!) said...

:( FOURS KES!

And despite this conversation, in Ten Thousand Fists, Indestructible AND Asylum there's only like three swear words toal. XD

Star Inkbright (Ink!) said...

*total

We've going to this castle museum tomorrow and my mum said we were leaving at about nine. I really doubt any of us'll be awake by then . . .

Maralie Lily Charm said...

One Direction have no swear words in their songs...

Star Inkbright (Ink!) said...

*We're

Star Inkbright (Ink!) said...

The later Disturbed songs don't have any swearing part from a few (like The Curse - "Why does this shit keep happening to me?") - but The Sickness is, like, full of swear words and Believe has quite a few too . . . *thinks of Liberate*

Star Inkbright (Ink!) said...

*apart

Maralie Lily Charm said...

*mumbles* I still think 1D are better...

Anonymous said...

I agree. 1D is better!!!! XD

Star Inkbright (Ink!) said...

*shakes head* DISTURBED IS AMAZING.

I'm getting sick of Down With The Sickness. *laughs at the irony*

Maralie Lily Charm said...

Harry is, like, amazayn.

FABI I LOVE YOU *tacklehugs*

Anonymous said...

[is tacklehugged] XD

Anonymous said...

Wbd, trying to finish short story.

Star Inkbright (Ink!) said...

*laughs* Amazayn is an amazayn word. :)

Star Inkbright (Ink!) said...

YES. YES!!!!!!! *grins*

Did it! Now there's only, like, sixty more videos to go!

. . . *smiles fades*

Sixty is a big number . . .

Star Inkbright (Ink!) said...

It's so odd how Disturbed have all these songs saying war is bad and then they have Violence Fetish. "Bring the violence! It's significant !" :/

Star Inkbright (Ink!) said...

TAKE A LOOK AROUND
CAN'T DENY WHAT YOU SEE
WE'RE LIVING IN A VIOLENT
SOCIETY

Jubilance Glee (Jubi) said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Star Inkbright (Ink!) said...

BRING THE VIOLENCE!
IT'S SIGNIFICANT!
TO THE LIFE
IF YOU'VE EVER KNOWN ANYONE!
BRING THE VIOLENCE
IT'S SIGNIFICANT
TO THE LIFE!
CAN YOU FEEL IT (OW OW, OW)

Star Inkbright (Ink!) said...

I love this vid's use of punctuation.
"Sit on the side and expect to keep . . . sane?"

OKAY I'LL STOP NOW. :/

Jubilance Glee (Jubi) said...

Haha! Star I think you really like that song...

xD

Star Inkbright (Ink!) said...

I like all ob dem. :)

But this one's lyrics are really clear and I was just listening to it and . . . yeah.

Now I'm onto Fear. I like Fear. :)

Star Inkbright (Ink!) said...

Msd.

Star Inkbright (Ink!) said...

Scratch that, I adore Fear.

Star Inkbright (Ink!) said...

SO. How's everyone? :)

Anonymous said...

Tres bien, merci.

Anonymous said...

Will be very distant.

Jubilance Glee (Jubi) said...

Well I'm good...


Derek has to post soon

Eve the ROCK said...

Dem vowels

Star Inkbright (Ink!) said...

HI EVE!

Ooh, a new person who hasn't be 100% annoyed by this quest of mine yet. O_O

Star Inkbright (Ink!) said...

I might have found a winner for Fear. *grins*

Luciana Clover Scáth said...

Ugh, guys who play with your emotions are pricks

And liars, ugh

People are annoying me today... ._.

Luciana Clover Scáth said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Star Inkbright (Ink!) said...

And I'm really tired now, so I'm going to sleep. :(

Fours.

Eve the ROCK said...

Bye Star!

What's up, Luce. You can vent. XD

Chase said...

We're not all that bad Luce

And sometimes it's not just one sided as well...

NJ Maverick Renn (Sigil Student of China Sorrows) said...

DEREK CONGRATULATIONS!!
YOU HAVE NOW PASSED 2000 FOLLOWERS ON THE BLOG :D
WOOHOO
*Throws Confetti everywhere*

Anonymous said...

Ooh, confetti!!!

Anonymous said...

Really? That many?

*goes off to check*

Hi, by the way!

msd

Anonymous said...

Wow. That's...a lot of followers.

NJ Maverick Renn (Sigil Student of China Sorrows) said...

HEY EVERYONE!! :D

Anonymous said...

Yeah, it is...
[throws more confetti]

Anonymous said...

Hey. XD

Anonymous said...

Hi NJ, fellow student of China!

:P

Anonymous said...

Hi Fabi!

What does the 'S' stand for?

NJ Maverick Renn (Sigil Student of China Sorrows) said...

Hey Kestrel!
Hey Fabi!
How're you both??

Anonymous said...

Depends on my mood.

Like I said, I'm bad with names.

Anonymous said...

And have either of you entered Mist's Hunger Games Competition?

http://thehungergamescompetiton.blogspot.com.au/

Anonymous said...

I am good.

The competition on the website closes tomorrow, and I am ridiculously excited even though I know the chances of me winning are ridiculously small. You?

Anonymous said...

Great, thanks. I'm really close to finishing my short-short!!!

Anonymous said...

No, I haven't. Not sure if I have the time.

Anonymous said...

brb

NJ Maverick Renn (Sigil Student of China Sorrows) said...

I am good :D

NJ Maverick Renn (Sigil Student of China Sorrows) said...

I haven't entered the competition

Eve the ROCK said...

2000???? We should have 2000 people talking on the blog. -_-

Anonymous said...

Neither have I. I considered it, but I'm waaaaaaay too busy.

NJ Maverick Renn (Sigil Student of China Sorrows) said...

LOL
Hey Eve!! How're you??

Anonymous said...

Haha, that would be amusing.

Anonymous said...

HI Eve!

That would be...amazing. We would fill up the 5000 comments so fast...!

Anonymous said...

Hi, Eve!!!

Anonymous said...

Everyone wouldn't even be able to comment three times...

Anonymous said...

Speaking of filling up the comments, what's the standard procedure for when a post is filled? Back to the one before it? Remain silent until Derek posts another one?

Anonymous said...

We go back to the one before it.

Anonymous said...

People would get lots of 'conflicting edit' messages.

Eve the ROCK said...

*reads earlier comments* Hmm, Star, I think that's the first time I've seen you swear without bleeping the word out. :P

Anonymous said...

Ok, thanks.

Anonymous said...

And we usually spend the whole time on the old post begging Derek to post again. xD

NJ Maverick Renn (Sigil Student of China Sorrows) said...

Damn, I have to go now.
Night guys!!

Anonymous said...

Eve, I've been getting the impression that when SHE swears, she censors it, but when she's quoting someone/something, she leaves it as it.

Eve the ROCK said...

Hi everyone! I'm pretty goose, how are YOU...all....?

Anonymous said...

Haha. XD

Anonymous said...

Night NJ!

Anonymous said...

Bye, NJ!

Anonymous said...

Eve, I am a chicken. But I'm a dead chicken, so no eating me.

Eve the ROCK said...

Bye NJ!


Makes sense.

Eve the ROCK said...

Not if I....BRING YOU BACK FROM THE DEAD!

Anonymous said...

I'm afraid I don't know what bird I most compare to. Maybe a rook?

Anonymous said...

I never thought of you as chicken, Kessie.
I guess you learn something new every day.

Anonymous said...

No!

*runs away*

*realises it's impossible*

*collapses*

The only reason I'm dead is because I don't want to be eaten.

Anonymous said...

Rook attack in Ponghai Pleats!!!!!!

(yet another Glitch reference no one will get)

Anonymous said...

Fabi, I'm not a chicken, I'm a kestrel.

But Eve eats live chickens.

Anonymous said...

Ah.

Anonymous said...

[google searches kestrel]

Anonymous said...

[gets distracted by page on sparrow hawks]

Anonymous said...

They're prettiful, colourful, the smallest birds of prey, and eat rodents, insects, and snakes.

Anonymous said...

Ok. Thanks. My knowledge of ornithology is extremely limited, sorry.

Anonymous said...

Sparrowhawk? Have you read The Earthsea Chronicles?

Eve the ROCK said...

*brings Kessie back to life*

*eats live chicken*

Anonymous said...

Surprisingly, no. At least I don't think so...

Anonymous said...

I know very little about birds, but I spent a night researching kestrels because they're my name sake.

Anonymous said...

Aw.

The live chicken got eaten. But I'm not a chicken anymore, I'm a kestrel! Yay!

Anonymous said...

Eve, there's an episode of Chad Vader I think you would enjoy.

Kessie, glad you're not a chicken. XD

Anonymous said...

What do you guys think of the name Senna Tresan?

Anonymous said...

Chad Vader?

Anonymous said...

YouTube series. My dad knows every Star Wars parody in existence. One of the episodes, a particularly funny one, features live chickens.

The name... The s-n combo repeating, ehh. The individual names are great by themselves though.

Anonymous said...

UnLess your character goes by both names a lot, it's great.

Anonymous said...

Then again, I'm probably not the one you should be asking for name advice. XD

Anonymous said...

Well, I have an original story, but I was too lazy to think of names at the time, so the character was Kestrel LeStarre. But now she's Senna, and I can't figure out a decent last name.

Anonymous said...

Usually it's just Senna though, so...

Anonymous said...

The last name doesn't have to be perfect if she's just called Senna.

Anonymous said...

I know, but at the beginning it goes...

Senna Tresan struggled against the crowd, attempting to force her way to the sign-in booth. Most of the people there were taller than her, and older, forcing her to employ the use of her elbows to the best of her advantage. Usually the twin katanas strapped to her back would make people steer clear of her, but not here. Not now.
She ducked out of the way as a huge man with a flamberge of some sort strapped to his back came barreling in her direction. Once she was a safe distance away, she turned and shouted at him, “Watch where you’re going! You could have taken my head off!”


So if the first words are her full name, I want it to be good.

Anonymous said...

Ah, makes sense.

Anonymous said...

*explodes head*

Not my head, mind you. Someone else's.

Anonymous said...

Have you read anything by Terry Pratchett?

I've just realised that he was the person in my top five authors that I've been missing all day.

1. Derek Landy(of course)
2. Terry Pratchett
3. Michael Grant
4. Eoin Colfer
5. J. R. R. Tolkien

(3-5 are subject to change)

Anonymous said...

Thinking....
Masterson?
Kelly?
Not sure...

Anonymous said...

I like the really weird ones that would never, ever exist in real life. Thus, LeStarre. And one of the reasons I think Inkbright is really cool as well.

Anonymous said...

I'm pretty sure I have read some Terry Prachett, at one point. I don't really remember.

Anonymous said...

*thinking*

Senna Crane! Like a female version of Seneca Crane!


...No.

Anonymous said...

[looks at head]
That is so fake.

Anonymous said...

*shows body that the head was on*


No, it's not!

*pouts*

Anonymous said...

Haha, XD.
Actually, there's a girl named Seneca Crane in a book I read once...

Anonymous said...

Nope! It's a disguise! He just escaped from Snow, so he's pretending to be a girl so he can be safe.

Anonymous said...

Her name is now Senna Nadir.

Anonymous said...

Sounds good.

And he suddenly turned 13 and learned to play the piano like a maestro? Ok.

Eve the ROCK said...

Hm. My brother says that if Skulduggery became an animated movie/tv series, Anne Hathaway should be the voice of Valkyrie.

Anonymous said...

Why? Hello again, Eve.

Anonymous said...

Fabi, yes. But he already knew how to play piano.

Eve, um...ok?

I'm reading them to my sister, and she's scared of the vampires.

Eve the ROCK said...

Because she was Red Riding Hood in the movie Hoodwinked, and he said she reminded him a lot of Valkyrie.

Anonymous said...

Oh. I never saw that.

I have no cast choices. At all.

Anonymous said...

Well, I haven't seen hoodwinked, so I wouldn't know. I can't imagine her as Valkyrie though.

Kessie: Cool, didn't know Seneca Crane could travel back in time!!! XD

Anonymous said...

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1039637/

Anonymous said...

Fabi, he was short. Duh. He just made himself LOOK younger.

Anonymous said...

I'm reading them to my sis, too! She's not particularly scared of the vampires, but remnants give her the creeps.

It's so fun reading them to her!!!

I LOVE reading out loud.

Anonymous said...

Well, obviously. Duh. XD

Anonymous said...

Well, we're in the Middle of Book 1, so she doesn't know about the remnants. I have to go, bye!

Anonymous said...

Bye!

September Silver said...

Why is nobody here?

September Silver said...

Hmph.

September Silver said...

We're running out of space.

September Silver said...

We're running out of space.

Anonymous said...

Yep

Anonymous said...

Whoever said there was nobody here? Do you want to do a news episode on running out of space?

Anonymous said...

Ok then. [films]
We are running out of space. That's the latest news from Blogland! There's only room for one more comment! Who will it be? And the winner is...

Valkyrie V. Cain said...

LAST

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