...it has just been pointed out that maybe the important post, the COMPETITION post, may be slightly overlooked because it is no longer the "new" post. So I'm just posting again to make sure that you read the one below the one below this.
Oh dear God I've just overcomplicated a simple situation, haven't I?
Anyway, READ ALL BLOG ENTRIES, DAMMIT!
Posts
About Derek
- Derek Landy
- Derek Landy writes the Skulduggery Pleasant series because getting a proper job is so overrated.
4,812 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 2001 – 2200 of 4812 Newer› Newest»bye *hugs bac*
soooo, anyone here?
Derek, I just showed my Uncle Rocky the posts where it had something to do with me in it... He got really excited and started smiling and stuff :)
Valkyrie Cain sat down at Skulduggery Pleasant's laptop while she waited for Skulduggery to pick out his hat, which took a surprisingly long time, so she decided to go to Google and type in her name.
She was shocked at the amount of results there were for "Valkyrie Cain". She kept seeing one name, and they seemed to know a lot about her, so she clicked on a link.
The link took her to a website called, "Derek Landy Blogs Under Duress". She frowned. How did this guy know so much about her? "Hey Skulduggery," she called, "come look at this. I think we're being... I think we're being stalked."
Skulduggery walked in. He was wearing a black pinstriped suit and a black hat. "Stalked?" he asked. "By who?"
Valkyrie didn't even look at him; her eyes were glued to the screen. "All these people. There's someone named Amanda Moore/China Sorrows, Sparky, Flame Phoenix, Kribu, Kallista, Crystal Darkflair, Mar-Chu, nights.raven, Octaboona, Pyro, Mistical Future, Rosella Embers, Invisible Fly... They're's tons of them, all Bloglanders, following this website... There's so many more... Wait." She looked again. "They all seem to, like, love this Derek guy," Valkyrie said. "He's the one who posts these things, then tons of other people comment on it. There's so many people..."
Skulduggery came over to where Valkyrie was sitting. He looked at the screen, then hesitated. "That's really odd," he said. "How could these people all know about us? Are they mortals?"
"I can't tell," Valkyrie said, staring at the posts. Derek Landy. She needed to remember that. She looked a little closer. "Hey, this girl, Valkyrie V., she's... She's obsessed with us. Look!" Valkyrie pointed.
Skulduggery looked at where Valkyrie was pointing. He was shocked, Valkyrie could tell. She was pointing at some of the comments "Valkyrie V." had posted.
"This girl had a party on your deathday, Skulduggery. Apparently October 23rd is this Derek guy's birthday also." She scrolled to the bottom of the page and clicked on "Home". She started scrolling down, then shrieked and leaped out of the chair. Skulduggery looked down at Valkyrie in shock, then looked at the screen and he screamed too.
They were staring at a post called, "First Competition Ends". There was a photo in that post, and in that photo Valkyrie saw herself, except it was when she was 12. "I never took that photo!" she screamed. "How on earth am I in that photo?!"
Skulduggery didn't move. He just stared. "I don't know," he said, speaking slowly. "Are you sure you never took that photo?"
"Yes I'm bloody sure!" Valkyrie shouted. "I have no clue who any of those other people are!"
Skulduggery went back to Google and typed in "Derek Landy". Skulduggery made a sound, a sound of surprise, and read it aloud. "Derek Landy is an Irish author, known for his book series called "Skulduggery Pleasant", about a sharply dressed skeleton and his partner, Valkyrie Cain..." He trailed off. He turned to look at Valkyrie. All the colour had drained from her face.
"Valkyrie," Skulduggery asked catiously, "are you going to faint?" She gave a small nod, then closed her eyes and started falling. Skulduggery rushed over and caught her, moved her to the couch, then went back to the computer and started reading again.
Valkyrie woke up to Skulduggery poking her arm. She looked at him, then looked at the ceiling. "Was all that real? With the stalkers, and the photo?"
"Unfortunately," Skulduggery said, pulling Valkyrie to her feet, "it was real. Very real. A little too real. I've found Derek Landy."
"Are we going after him?" Valkyrie wanted to. She needed to figure this out.
"Yes, we are. We're leaving. Right now."
About thirty minutes later, the Bentley pulled up to the mysterious Derek Landy's house. Skulduggery activated his facade and got out first, checked that it was clear, then beckoned for Valkyrie to join him. They approached the door. Skulduggery knocked three times, then stepped back and waited for an answer. A few minutes later, a man came out. Valkyrie thought he looked pretty cool.
"Hello," Skulduggery said. "Are you Derek Landy?"
"I am," Derek Landy replied. "And you are...?"
"I think you know," Valkyrie said. "We saw your website."
Derek thought for a moment, then nodded to himself, then realised who was standing in front of him. He looked at them. "Are you guys seriously Skulduggery and Val?"
"We are," Skulduggery said, tapping the tattoos etched into his collar bones, and his face flowed down, leaving his gleaming skull visible. "May we come in?"
"Yeah, sure," Derek said, then lead them into the living room. He sat down and grinned. "So, how are you guys? Saved the world recently?"
"Oh yes," Skulduggery said. "You know, the usual stuff. Bad guys, monsters, dark gods... Same as always. Until earlier."
"Earlier," Valkyrie said, "was when we saw your blog. 'Derek Landy Blogs Under Duress'. We were wondering, because we found it slightly odd, how come you know so much about us?"
Derek hesitated. He looked at them both. "You guys really don't know?"
"We don't have the slightest idea," Valkyrie said, "and the only thing we could come up with is that you're stalking us."
"Stalking you?" Derek laughed. "No, I'm not stalking you. Skulduggery, do you have any thoughts?"
"I wish I did," Skulduggery said, "but I honestly have no clue."
"Well," Derek said, "what would you do if told you that you're both characters from a book?"
Valkyrie stared at him. "What?!"
"Because you are. I thought of you."
Valkyrie turned and looked at Skulduggery. "Do you hear what he's saying?!"
"I may not have ears, but yes, I do." Skulduggery looked at Derek. "So we're just figments of your imagination?"
Derek nodded slowly. "Basically, yes, you are. But don't worry, I'm amazing, so you guys are too."
"Well that's good to know," Skulduggery said. "So if you wrote about us, then how come this is happening now? I mean, I don't see a piece of paper and a pen in your hands."
"Oh," Derek said. "Well, I have no control over right now."
Valkyrie frowned. "You don't? Then who does?"
He pointed through the computer screen, and pointed directly at me. "She does. She's one of my Ameriminions."
Valkyrie stared at Derek, then at me. "This doesn't make any sense! How is this happening?!"
"Because I'm making it happen," I said. This was really fun. " I can prove it. Say the name of someone who isn't here right now."
"Um," Valkyrie said, "the girl in that photo I saw."
I appeared in the room, behind Skulduggery, Valkyrie, and Derek. "Boo!" I shouted. They all spun around. "I told you, " I smiled.
Skulduggery looked back and forth from the screen where I was and from where I was standing, in the same room. "How are you in both places?!"
"Because," I said, trying my best not to giggle, "I'm the Narrator, and I'm also a character." I waved to Derek. "Hi! I really, really, really want to meet you in real life. Too bad we're in entirely different countries. But don't worry, I'm working on going to Ireland and finding you, just you wait." I looked at Valkyrie. She was looking at me warily. "What? You asked for the girl in the picture, so I came."
"But," Valkyrie said, "that doesn't explain why there's two younger versions of me - you right here and you as in the Narrator - in the same room."
"It does a little. If you really pay attention."
Valkyrie sighed.
"Hehe. I made you sigh just now."
"No you didn't."
"Yes, actually, I did, because I'm the Narrator, and I'm also making you argue, because it's funny."
"So," Derek said, "is this getting anywhere? Because, Val V, I think you like to annoy yourself."
"You're right. I do. It's amusing to me, and the audience." I peered at the reader through the screen. "'Sup."
The reader's head jerked back and they made an odd face.
I laughed. "Hehe. Funny again."
"Well," Skulduggery said, "this has been amusing, but I'm afraid Valkyrie and I have to go, because Val V is typing that we're leaving now. So Bye!"
"Bye," Valkyrie said, following him out the door.
Derek looked at me. "I don't have to leave, do I? It's my imaginary house we're in."
"Naw," I said, "you don't have to leave. I'm going. Narrator! We're leaving!"
"Ok," I said. And then I - the person in Derek's house and the Narrator - left, causing the story to end.
The End.
hi val
Hi Chloe
how r u?
I'm swell.
good good,
*bursts out into song*
AND THE BELLS WERE RINGING OUT FOR CHRISTMAS DAY!
JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE ALL THE WAY!
i like bursting into song at random intervals, escpecially with christmas songs
I like dressing up as a zombie with my best friend Amanda and screaming Christmas songs in a quiet neighbourhood.
u do that? thats soooo awesome, what do i do ? go shopping! i wish i could do that
I have a picture of us like that... It's posted at http://bringingskulduggerytothemasses.blogspot.com/
hey pepz!
hi! im OBSESSED with Skulduggery Pleasant, and I draw pictures of the characters all the time! i would love to show some to derek, but dont know how to post them or email them. does anyone know how?? PLEASE TELL ME! or should I just post the link of my YouTube video of them?
Valkyrie Cain AKA me
xoxox
Lordy lordy lordly....
A week?!? Gone a week?!? I missed alot...
hi, i c we have 2 new conversationalists joining us this evening
Thanks :)
PHOENIX NIGHTSLAYER ARE YOU FLAME???
*looks confused*
Who are you random person screaming at me about a person I do not no!
Hi im Phoenix Nightslayer, wanna donate your spine,, or your brain of which you've seemed to lost...., ;)
emmm as i said before...hi people!
Hey gem
Hello Val, Flame and Gemma. Flane y did u change ur name again!!??
*slaps Flame* I found my brain last tuesday, for your information, and put it in a hamster cage. *looks in cage* Dang it, it ran away again...
Hi Chloe we haven't met I'm Phoenix.....
Were are you from? And how are you? *offers cookie*. Mmmmmm cookies
Hi gEmma *repeats all of the above* *gives cake*
Hi everyone! Great story Valkyrie V!
* rubs sore face*
I changed it back after both you and shadow left...
And don't even attempt to pester me again * glares*
Yay! Crystal!
Have you guys seen my post with the random photos and stuff? You should go look at it. Amanda and I look funny. Besides, there's cute pictures of my cat. Who wouldn't want to see that?
hi *takes cookie and smiles*
i dont tell ANYONE, ANYTHING bout me, soz to disappoint
and i'm fine, u?
I saw the zom b one!?!
Hey Chloe too! Ur evil Flame, Pure Evil
Bb in 10
hi crystal
g2g now, byyi c u 2moz
Thanks Tanith!
*takes a step back, slightly wary*
Bye Chloe!
Oh and I looked at ur pictures Val Ur cat is soo cute!
Crystal, I changed my profile picture, do you like it?
Your welcome. *smiles evilly*
Thanks (I'll tell Clara XD)
Yes its very Valkyrie likeness. U do like her well how I would imagine Valkyrie anyway.
Hi everyone ^^ how are y'all?
u do look like her i mean
I'm great! How are you Jonah?
*glances at Tanith, then pulls out phone* I'm not afraid to use this...
@Crystal- Thanks for saying I look like Valkyrie! It always is a huge compliment to me :D
I'm good, Tanith! Good choice of name, by the way :)
Hi Jonah
Hi Crystal!
Hi Jonah
(Oh my gosh how come so many people are suddenly on? It's confusing! :D )
hey crystal *eats cookie(
Thanks Jonah!
@Valkyrie V, "A phone? What are you going to do with a phone?" *eyes up the phone*
Hey Val! I like your story by the way - very funny!
I agree Val there is so many people on o.O
Thanks Jonah
I'LL CALL SKULDUGGERY WITH IT! THEN SMACK YOU IN TE HEAD WITH IT!
Bye Dragona :)
(Bye Dragona!)
Not if I hit you with my phone first! *grabs her iPhone*
Bye Dragona
*steals Tanith's sword and slices her phone with it* Ha!
Gosh it's lucky I'm not on Facebook at the moment - then that would be twice the number of people talking at the same time :L
That was brand new! You'll pay for that! *steals Valkyries wallet and takes out all the money* Literally!
*fearfully hides her iPhone from Tanith and Valkyrie* I'm guessing I shouldn't trust either of you with phones . . .
i never see the laughing face in :L I see someone kinda going like this :/
Hey, I need that to pay for the cleaning service to get rid of all the blood in my carpet! *snatches money back*
BOO!!
*Snatches Valkyries phone* Give me the money, or the phone gets it!
Hey Robin!
Hi Robin!
My phone sucks. I don't even care. *cuts off some of Tanith's hair with her own sword* *grins*
I g2g everyone BYE!
*disappointed face* No one got scared, dammit. Bye Crystal
"My hair!" *tackles Valkyrie* "YOU HAIR STEALER!"
Bye Crystal!
someone tell me what they r getting for christmas
Er Jonah, help me out why are Tanith and Val fighting?
(Bye Crystal!)
*drops Tanith's hair off a cliff, then focuses on the fact she's attacking me* *manages to push her off the cliff with her hair*
Gemma - I'm getting lots of books the most important being The Fear
*grabs on to a rock jutting out the side of the cliff* Your not going to kill an old friend are you?
@Robin Um, I'm not actually too sure . . . it started off when Tanith complimented Val on her story . . .
yes she is...u have an evil remanant instide you
I see very well, CHILL OUT! *yells at Val and Tanith*
*pulls Tanith up and stands between them* Can't we talk about this?? I don't want anyone dying! Even if they do have an evil remnant inside them!
it started when valkyrie stole tanith's phone
@robin gd luck reading them ;)
Good for you Jonah! Remind me not to kill you when I rule the world.
Yes, but Tanith that also means you're not allowed to kill Val :)
Imma stand with Jonah on this one, no killing.
Gemma - already done
I'll kill an old friend if I want! *pushes Tanith off the cliff again* And when I say 'old', that's supposed to be an insult!
no,no...valkyrie rules the world thats what finbar saw don't try to change the vision!
*grabs on again* I hate you Val! Pay for a new iPhone for me, OR ELSE!
Ah, good point... YAY THE WORLD IS MINE! *looks at the sky* I COMMAND YOU TO RAIN ICE CREAM!!!
Jonah you get Tanith and I'll get Val?
Yup, will do *pulls Tanith up again* Don't worry Tanith, we'll get you a new iPhone :)
*charges at Val and pins wrists together* Do not make me put magical binding cuufs on you. No more trying to kill Tanith!
Yay! An iPhone! And I WILL rule the world!
*cuffs
*somehow somewhere flame walks in*
*hands new iPhone*
MERRY CHRISTMAS
Tanith, it's not gonna happen, kay?
Ahem, I think Robin meant "stop you from falling to your death", Tanith *holds Tanith back from attacking Valkyrie*
PHOENIX!! *runs and hugs*
*to Flame* Remind me to kill Robin when I rule the world will you? And THANKS! *Turns on iPhone*
Oh I love blogland
Hey Robin.
Hi Phoenix!
Tanith, you want me to rule the world, remember? *grins evilly at everyone*
Phoenix, she wants to kill me, that's a little rude *goes back to Val and pins hands again*
*do not touch Robin*
*glares*
*Hugs Robin* *bounces up and down*
How r u?
No, I want ME & DARQUESSE TO RULE THE WORLD!
*Sigh* I give up
I'm fine apart from the death threats you?
Don't give up Jonah!
Good! *smiles patronisingly at Jonah*
*scowls at Tanith*
She is really annoying me... *scowls at Robin* Could someone kill her please?
Tanith, Darquesse will kill you, not rule with you
Truth Jonah!
She will not Jonah! She will RULE WITH ME!
No! Not Robin!
Darquesse is dangerous...
And I will do anything to stop val ruling the world
Flattery gets you nowhere Tanith *smiles superiorly*
tanith that means u would be working with valkyrie cause darquesse is a part of her...lol
Tanith, that's not the way Darquesse works. Why can't you and Val just be friends again?
Are you with me Flame? *smiles sweetly at Flame*
EVERYONE, VAL/DARQUESSE WILL RULE WITH ME!
Phoenix is mine, Tanith *growls*
No . . . she won't . . . because Val isn't evil, and Darquesse is too bad to not kill everyone
EVERYONE, VAL/DARQUESSE DOESN'T WANT TO RULE WITH HER
No he isn't Flame is mine! *growls and plays Angry birds on her new iPhone*
Phoenix come back me up here *stares at Tanith*
EVERYONE, VAL/DARQUESSE DOES WANT TO RULE WITH ME! ANYONE WHO DISAGREES WILL DIE...
Flame is mine! *drags Flame away* (GTG, BYE!)
EVERYONE, VAL/DARQUESSE DOES NOT WANT TO RULE WITH HER. EVEN IF YOU AGREE YOU DIE SO WHAT'S THE POINT?
Phoenix is a peacekeeper Tanith, not your ally! *snatches the iPhone and continues the game of Angry Birds*
*Steals him back* Mine, always (bye:P)
bye ppl speack to you tomorrow!
I say, we should make up now and go have a friendly Mario Kart Wii tournament at my place.
Bye Tanith!
HA bye Gemma, maybe we should Jonah.
*Goes to turn on the Wii*
*waits patiently* Did Phoenix leave?
Hi! *hugs everyone*
How are you all?
I'm not too sure. A few of them seem to have done
No my Internet being a mistaken thing
Well lilie
Robin said I was hers... *winks*
Hi Lilie! I'm good - although a little bruised and bloodied from that fight earlier. How are you?
What fight? Did gem give up on being world ruler or was that tanith?
I'm good thanks!:)
I think it was tanith - i get their names mixed up. The whole phone thing :/
Robin come back... *super sad face with a tear*
We miss you, Robin! :(
Ugh.
Robin left
*glares at Jonah* we?!?
Brb..
Sorry for disappearing... I was helping my uncle make cards for his fans :)
(how funny is it that Gordon was kind of famous and so is my real uncle? XD)
Well then, I stand corrected. 'I' miss you, Robin! *glances at Phoenix, offended*
Hi Val!
Sorry my computer just had a fit, it froze but I'm back :D
I was joking...
*I miss Robin*
Come back
And val remember our partnership?!?
Hi Val, Hi Robiin! *hugs*
partnership *questioning look for Phoenix* I am back
:) I know, Phoenix. So was I.
*yay*
*huggies*
Robin my computer did that too... But it didn't revive..
It wiped all my stories books characther descriptions...
LILIE! *hugs* sorry I left, stupid machinery is broken.
Hi Lilie!
Flame, I've got ninja memory. Of course I remember. *mutters under breath* I was hoping you'd forgotten...
lol!
Phoenix *hugs* My first computer did that, it's awful but all my stories are on my memory stick.
Not in that way... It was a kinda partnership in battling zombies and other magical demons it was months ago I was just seeing where it stood
How Are you Val?
We haven't battled zombies in a while... I broke a hole in Blogland when I was Darquesse, though, then I pulled out a mortal and crushed their skull. Always fun.
Oh nothing
Just a childish thing
*starts playing music*
I'm GRAND, Lilie. CHRISTMAS IS 6 DAYS AWAY!
@ Val: lol, Sounds like fun!
*the mortals got away though*
They could be anywhere...
*glances around nervously*
Battling partnershipp hmm *looks a little relieved and a little afraid*
Christmas is the best!?!
What's everyone getting from santie??!!
Books! YAY! Oh and Neverland on DVD I'm in love with that film... CHRISTMAS YAY!
DAMN THE FREEZING LAPTOPS!!!! Must be my Adept magic - those mortal contraptions never seem to work around me
*i think its over though*
*plays music louder*
May I have this dance?
Indeed Jonah.
Presuming that was aimed at me Phoenix? YES!
How would I know what I'm getting from Santa?
Our family decided not to get presents for X-mas and rather donate money to a charity
Well that's a nice thing to do, Lilie! Even if it does mean no presents
Wow, that's generous.
Maybe I wouldn't no...
I am not getting anything this year... I didn't ask for anything...
Everyone thinks I'm stupid..
*takes robins hand*
*twirls her around*
Heck! We get what we need when we need it. But still painting a pic for my friend for X-mas.
*giggles and spins with garce* I know you're not stupid.
Robin? Remember that question that secret of ours? Well did you say yes?
I only asked for one thing, but I can't even have it :( I asked for a trip to Ireland but it costs too much...
WHICH IS WHY THE PERSON I WANT TO SEE SHOULD JUST COME TO SEATTLE INSTEAD *hint hint to Derek*
I think I'm getting The Hunger Games: Mockingjay . . . even though it's already been spoiled for me :(
*grace
and yes, I did say yes
I was gonna get Hunger Games don't tell me!
Oh yay!
*twirls her into my arms*
*lifts into the air*
*makes it rain my speacial way*
:) at least, I don't know how it ends, Robin . . . I think . . .
*giggles some more* I love our rain
Don't worry, I won't say anything
and good shh Jonah.
I'm so confused as to what's going on between Phoenix and Robin...
*laughs*
The hunger games? I know them but what are they about?
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