London had Justin Bieber turning on its city's lights. Dublin had Michael Buble. And who did my neighbouring village Donabate have to turn on THEIR Christmas lights last Saturday evening? Why, they just had international superstar author Derek Landy drop by to ROCK. THEIR. WORLD.
And verily, their world was indeed rocked.
I was surrounded at all times by a pack of chattering girls, led by my very good friend Molly, whom I had met at the Twilight premiere a few weeks ago. 'Tis a small world indeed. A small, odd world. Filled with small, odd girls, who wouldn't stop talking.
But that's not why I'm here to talk to you today. Specifically, you people with the funny accents. Even more specifically, you people with the funny accents from Australia and New Zealand. I am here to tell YOU people that, good Lordy, we are running ANOTHER create-a-character competition just for you- because I am a kind and gracious Golden God.
I wasn't planning on running another competition quite so soon, but after talking to my publishers I decided to squeeze one last contest into the final few weeks of 2011, and it's all to do with The End Of The World, which is being published in Ireland and the UK in March as part of World Book Day. Now, I'm sure all of you know just how much I love synchronicity, how much I love releasing books at the same time across the world, so we have arranged for TEOTW to be released in Australia and New Zealand at the same time, and it was decided that it should include a brand new and exclusive short story featuring two characters that you guys will have to come up with.
But I digress.
The competition! The deadline is tight, my Australiminions, my New Zeali...minions.... (I'm not sure that works... ahem...). The deadline is 11.59 PM on New Year's Eve in whatever Time Zone you happen to be in, and not a second after!
Because we have this tight schedule, I'm going to give you a few pointers which might improve your chances of winning- pointers which look a lot like ten rules you MUST OBEY.
RULES
1. Readers from Australia- I need a female character from you lot. Readers from New Zealand- I need a male character from you.
2. There will be ONE winner from each country.
3. Be practical when giving them their powers. I couldn't use some FANTASTIC characters from the other competitions because their powers would either have needed some heavy-duty explanation, or the characters were just TOO DAMN POWERFUL.
Restrict yourselves to a discipline of magic we've already seen in the books. Don't make your character someone who can do both Elemental and Adept magic. Don't make your character half-unicorn. Don't make your character Skulduggery's long lost brother. Who is also half-unicorn. Who can do both Elemental and Adept magic.
Be practical!
4. Post your entries HERE, in the Comments Section, which is now off-limits to everyone else! (The Blog entry accompanying this one will be for the usual chatter.)
5. You can post as many times as you want.
6. Before your entry, write this: "I hereby give my Golden God, Derek Landy, full rights to take this character and adapt it into his brain-explodingly brilliant work."
7. Understand that I might have to tweak your character in order to get the best fit for the story.
8. I can't think of an eighth rule.
9. Oh, oh! I thought of one!
10. Bring me... a shrubbery.
4,849 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 1401 – 1600 of 4849 Newer› Newest»I spent HOURS memorizing these. HOURS.
The sparrow flies south for the winter.
The stream of Death carries us where it may.
*punches a lampost in the face*
Hehehe
*SPOILER FOR DEATH BRINGER. THIS IS A WARNING*
Skulduggery Pleasant walked off the battlefield, and
Lord Vile walked into my Temple.
NO, NOT THE LAMPOST!
A Chief must show no fear, no worry... A Chief is a leader first, and a man second...
There's nothing wrong with a healthy sense of self respect.
*Applauds*
Love it!
"I mean, when was the last time we used a last-resort weapon?"
"Monday."
"Oh. Well, we won't need to use it again so soon, right?"
We are all snatching precious moments from the peaceful jaws of time...
Brb.
I shall find my Hiccup Books and then I can quote!
Also is there an official name for the series?
I call it the Hiccup series or the How to Train Your Dragon books...
But I'd like an official name.
Dat-Da-Dah! We're dead.
Howza about: HTTYD?
The deadliest and most feared species of dragon known to man will inevitably be adorable.
Viking helmets are made from the used breastplates of Viking woman.
Having a weird name builds character.
Dragons always go for the kill. Unless they don't. Then they let you ride them.
Girls walking away from explosions are sexy.
A dragon will become you're friend if you touch it's head, no matter how many times you've kicked it's butt.
Dragons are like big scaly cats. That breathe exploding blue fire. And can fly.
Stitch is not a dog at all. He is a Night Fury.
Chicks dig guys who slay dragons, but they dig guys who ride them even more.
Chicks dig guys who slay dragons, but they dig guys who ride them even more.
A true friend always eats his buddy's half of a regurgitated raw fish.
If you live in an area infested by fire-breathing dragons, it's a good idea to construct as much of your village as possible out of wood.
Back! Sorry for taking so long.
I have so many books.
And they're so unorganised ever since I ran out of bookshelves.
I practically wade through them now.
But I found them all at last!
If your son's life is endangered by a large, toothy, fire-breathing reptile, the best possible thing you can do is yell really loudly and make lots of noise.
*Cheers*
Y'ello!
GO AWAY! Toothless NOT your Papa...Toothless just tried to eat you...
If you step on the lines of a drawing made by a dragon, they will growl at you.
The hero never dies, but he might end up slightly mutilated.
Vikings don't get their accents until they hit puberty.
Volcanoes are like Easter eggs, but instead of Jellybeans and stickers, you have twelve story high dragons transported from your darkest nightmares.
Volcanoes are like Easter eggs, but instead of Jellybeans and stickers, you have twelve story high dragons transported from your darkest nightmares.
Double Post!
So here we are at the beginning again.
Stories do not always tell the truth.
The bard gets carried away, legends get added to and exaggerated, and so gradually, gradually... the truth gets lost along the way...
Stories do not always tell the truth.
Except, of course, for this one.
Dragons are allergic to eels.
I love his entries! They're so wise. :3
'H-H-H-HAUNTED eggs!' moaned poor Toothless. Probably inhabited by the ghosts of vengeful suppers that Toothless had burgled over the years, and let's face it, there were loads of those.
It was the only explanation.
Gah. My brother kept staring at me vengefully. I had to hide this tab.
He scared the life out of me.
My sister's asking me why I'm laughing like an idiot.
The talon of the Green Death had pierced the very heart of the supposedly heartless little dragon.
DON'T KILL ME JUST BECAUSE I'M A RED-HEAD NORBERT!
"T-T-Toothless tried to warn you!"
Fly, Wind-Walker, fly!
The Slavemark. *Dramatic gasp*
"YOU Norbert,' teased Camicazi, 'have the mental capacity of a jellyfish with a lobotomy. You have the leadership skills of a lemming with a learning difficulty. You couldn't run an Empire larger than my toilet without making a complete dog's breakfast of it... which is a bit of a problem for a dictator...'
"GO FOR HIS EYES! OR BITE HIM ON THE NOSE! DRAGON NOSES ARE VERY SENSITIVE!"
"Oh, very helpful, Camicazi, very helpful..." Thought Hiccup. "What if he doesn't obligingly hold me up to his nose? What if the only part I get close to is the TEETH?"
In an instant, a Plan popped into Hiccup's mind. The Archipelago was a dangerous place to live, and Hiccup had spent many years coming up with one desperate plan after another, but this was a plan too crazy even to be given the name 'desperate', so let us call it the Suicidal Plan.
*sighs* The Overmother has confiscated my books :(
Well it's been fun anyway.
Hopefully I'll be able to do more quoting later.
YAY SHAKESPEARE!
AND YAY DOCTOR WHO!
AND YAY GARTH NIX!
I myself grew up to be not only a Hero, but a Writer. When I was an adult, I rewrote a Hero's guide to Deadly Dragons, and I included not only some descriptions of the various deadly dragon species, and a Dragonese Dictionary, but also a story about how the book came to be written in the first place.
This is the book you are holding in your hands right now
Perhaps you even borrowed it from a Library?
If so, thank Thor that the sinister figure of the Hairy Scary Librarian is not lurking around a corner, Heart-Slicers at the ready, or the whirring whine of a Driller Dragon's drill.
You, dear reader, I am sure, cannot imagine what it is like to live in a world where books are banned.
For surely such things will never happen in the Future?
Thank Thor that you live in a time and place where people have a right to think and write and read in peace, and there is no need for Heroes anymore...
And spare a thought for those who have not been so lucky.
Am I babbling again?
YAY SKULDUGGERY!
YAY ERAGON!
YAY ME!
YAY OCTA!
YAY NYE!
I love that part.
The epilogues and introducutions are always so amazing!
No, not at all.
Maybe we are both babbling.
And I know! They are so damn brilliant!
MY HICCUP BOOKS WERE TAKEN AWAY AND I CAN'T QUOTE THEM
:(
Wait what?
I'm confused.
Blogger is weird!
ANd now it is working again....
Oh, okay! :D
Derek, we have memorized your books.
And you know that. We love you! Now I demand you put more Nye in your books.
Please?
And thank you in advance.
Yes! MOAR NYE! AND MOAR CLARABELLE TOO!
*starts whistling for fun*
I am...
THE PINK DEATH!
MUSHUHAHAHAHA.
.
I AM THE PURPLE DEATH!
Because purple is amazing and we love you!
I AM AN OIL LAMP!
HENRY VIII
THE LAST HENRY WE'VE HAD FOR 500 YEARS!
In fourteen hundred and ninety two
Columbus sailed the ocean blue
:DDDDD
Molly? Where did you go?
Oh there you are!
Desmond the Moonbear!
How did I get here?
The end.
ASDFGHJKL
Boing.
Geronimo!
Teehee.
TREE POWERS ACTIVATE!
I baked you a pie!
What flavour?
Pie flavour!
YOU STOLE MY LINE!
PIANO!
WHOSE IDEA WAS THIS?
Do you like my new shoes?
Honey you are a chair.
I CAN STILL DREAM HAROLD!
Now, Octa, don't touch that cactus!
Honey the baby's on fire.
BUY ME MORE JEWELERY!
Honey, why is the baby on fire?
BUY ME MORE JEWELRY!
*pokes cactus*
*floats away*
Bah. I quoted it wrong :P
When I grow up I wanna go to the moon!
WHY WAIT?
You're dead to me.
_._._._._._
*Kicks*
I like singing!
I like dancing!
Octa, I must leave you. It is almost midnight in NZ, and I need my beauty sleep.
Rainbow Dash: You'll need to sleep forever then.
Me: Shut up, you animated pony.
I LIKE TRAINS!
Awww ok.
Night Molly!
Was fun chatting.
1518
The Dancing Plague of 1518 hits Strasbourg.
Loads of people die of exhaustion from non stop dancing.
1519
Panama City is founded.
1520
King Henry VIII of England and Francis I of France meet at the Field of the Cloth of Gold.
1521
Last Aztec Emperor surrenders to the Spanish
1522
Battle of Bicocca
*hums*
Time for more....
TIMETRAVEL!
*whoosh*
That whoosh is the whoosh of destiny! Of fate! The parting of the curtains of time itself!
WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!
*bounces*
I'm so boreeeeeeeeeed!
But this is fun!
For me! At least.
*whizzes along the motorway of time*
*bounds along on the giant pogo stick of time*
BOING!
Malmo is a funny word.
So is begonia.
Let's go on a road trip!
TO MACHU PICHU!
Out of all the Scandinavian countries.
Sweden is undoubtedly the most awesome.
Take that Norway! :P
Although Oslo is a cool name for a city though.
I'll give you Oslo Norway.
Ouch.
History is nasty.
Because of famine.
When the people of Henan province
Had to survive
on leaves, bark and HUMAN FLESH.
I now bombard you with the opression of dates!
1547
Russia gained its first Tzar
Oh well.
I should probably leave now.
Lunch and whatnot.
DUN DUN DUN!
HONEY BADGERS!
How many roads must a man walk down?
*sings in a deep bass voice witha Southern twang*
How many roads must a man walk down?
*sings in a deep bass voice witha Southern twang*
DOUBLE POST!
PI IS EXACTLY EQUAL TO THREE!
ARE YOU SHOCKED?
*runs 500 volts through your head*
Well you are now!
How long will it take to make the new page?
A minute?
An hour?
40 days and 40 nights?
Who knows?
Not I!
I hope less than a year and a day
So close!
I am so very very close!
I can almost see the new page over the horizon!
A fresh blank white wilderness.
Waiting for me to fill it with noise and chatter and nonsense.
And beyond it lies 16 additional blank white empty wildernesses.
Let me reach you!
Let me sully your pristine depths with my babble!
This is beginning to sound overly sensous!
But have no fear!
I shall persevere!
Step by step.
Comment by comment.
Moving ever onwards.
Towards my goal.
A mere score of comments lies between us.
But I shall vanquish
Each.
Each.
And.
Every.
Last.
One.
I can smell it now!
The scent of success!
The aroma of achievement!
The perfume of prevalance!
The tang of triumph!
The fragrance of fulfillment!
The odour of overcomance!
The vapour of victory!
It's mine!
ALL MINE!
I win!
MINE!
Haha!
A blank white empty wilderness no more!
No longer a fresh and pristine void!
I dedicate this page to wildernesses that are no more.
And to polar bears.
Your number counter is stupid Derek.
It adds an extra four comments.
That aren't even there.
WHY IS IT DOING THIS TO ME?
Also it's a long long way to Tiparary.
Llama!
This page has now been adequately llama-fied!
HUZZAH!
Four score and seven years ago
I was 87 years younger.
Thus making me -70.
The end.
*yawns*
*explodes*
I have a phobia of alarm clocks.
I lived in a cake.
100 comments in a row!
I MUST BE BORED :P
*turns into a bumblebee*
This is my 210th comment today.
I mean if we're going to fill all 5000 comments any time soon we're going to need more people.
Molly and Robin we must band together and enlist the help of the other bloggers!
This is now my favourite title for a historical event.
The Second Defenestration of Prague.
Which caused a low key rebellion to turn into the Bohemian Revolt which sparked off the Thirty Years War.
And all because some noble dudes got thrown out of a window into a pile of manure.
POTATO!
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