Thursday, December 15, 2011

ANOTHER Competition??


London had Justin Bieber turning on its city's lights. Dublin had Michael Buble. And who did my neighbouring village Donabate have to turn on THEIR Christmas lights last Saturday evening? Why, they just had international superstar author Derek Landy drop by to ROCK. THEIR. WORLD. 

And verily, their world was indeed rocked.

I was surrounded at all times by a pack of chattering girls, led by my very good friend Molly, whom I had met at the Twilight premiere a few weeks ago. 'Tis a small world indeed. A small, odd world. Filled with small, odd girls, who wouldn't stop talking.

But that's not why I'm here to talk to you today. Specifically, you people with the funny accents. Even more specifically, you people with the funny accents from Australia and New Zealand. I am here to tell YOU people that, good Lordy, we are running ANOTHER create-a-character competition just for you- because I am a kind and gracious Golden God.

I wasn't planning on running another competition quite so soon, but after talking to my publishers I decided to squeeze one last contest into the final few weeks of 2011, and it's all to do with The End Of The World, which is being published in Ireland and the UK in March as part of World Book Day. Now, I'm sure all of you know just how much I love synchronicity, how much I love releasing books at the same time across the world, so we have arranged for TEOTW to be released in Australia and New Zealand at the same time, and it was decided that it should include a brand new and exclusive short story featuring two characters that you guys will have to come up with.

Readers elsewhere need not worry, of course, as this bonus story will be collected along with all the other short stories 'n' stuff sometime soon (or soonish...). And readers in Ireland and the UK will also get a few pages of bonus material in the back of TEOTW, just for being you...

But I digress.

The competition! The deadline is tight, my Australiminions, my New Zeali...minions.... (I'm not sure that works... ahem...). The deadline is 11.59 PM on New Year's Eve in whatever Time Zone you happen to be in, and not a second after!

Because we have this tight schedule, I'm going to give you a few pointers which might improve your chances of winning- pointers which look a lot like ten rules you MUST OBEY.

RULES

1. Readers from Australia- I need a female character from you lot. Readers from New Zealand- I need a male character from you. 

2. There will be ONE winner from each country. 

3. Be practical when giving them their powers. I couldn't use some FANTASTIC characters from the other competitions because their powers would either have needed some heavy-duty explanation, or the characters were just TOO DAMN POWERFUL.

Restrict yourselves to a discipline of magic we've already seen in the books. Don't make your character someone who can do both Elemental and Adept magic. Don't make your character half-unicorn. Don't make your character Skulduggery's long lost brother. Who is also half-unicorn. Who can do both Elemental and Adept magic.

Be practical!

4. Post your entries HERE, in the Comments Section, which is now off-limits to everyone else! (The Blog entry accompanying this one will be for the usual chatter.)

5. You can post as many times as you want.

6. Before your entry, write this: "I hereby give my Golden God, Derek Landy, full rights to take this character and adapt it into his brain-explodingly brilliant work."

7. Understand that I might have to tweak your character in order to get the best fit for the story.

8. I can't think of an eighth rule. 

9. Oh, oh! I thought of one!

10. Bring me... a shrubbery. 


4,849 comments:

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Anonymous said...

I spent HOURS memorizing these. HOURS.

The sparrow flies south for the winter.

Anonymous said...

The stream of Death carries us where it may.

Octa said...

*punches a lampost in the face*

Hehehe

Anonymous said...

*SPOILER FOR DEATH BRINGER. THIS IS A WARNING*


Skulduggery Pleasant walked off the battlefield, and
Lord Vile walked into my Temple.

Anonymous said...

NO, NOT THE LAMPOST!

Octa said...

A Chief must show no fear, no worry... A Chief is a leader first, and a man second...

Anonymous said...

There's nothing wrong with a healthy sense of self respect.

Anonymous said...

*Applauds*

Love it!

Anonymous said...

"I mean, when was the last time we used a last-resort weapon?"
"Monday."
"Oh. Well, we won't need to use it again so soon, right?"

Anonymous said...

We are all snatching precious moments from the peaceful jaws of time...

Octa said...

Brb.

I shall find my Hiccup Books and then I can quote!

Also is there an official name for the series?

I call it the Hiccup series or the How to Train Your Dragon books...

But I'd like an official name.

Anonymous said...

Dat-Da-Dah! We're dead.

Anonymous said...

Howza about: HTTYD?

Anonymous said...

The deadliest and most feared species of dragon known to man will inevitably be adorable.

Anonymous said...

Viking helmets are made from the used breastplates of Viking woman.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Having a weird name builds character.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Dragons always go for the kill. Unless they don't. Then they let you ride them.

Anonymous said...

Girls walking away from explosions are sexy.

Anonymous said...

A dragon will become you're friend if you touch it's head, no matter how many times you've kicked it's butt.

Anonymous said...

Dragons are like big scaly cats. That breathe exploding blue fire. And can fly.

Anonymous said...

Stitch is not a dog at all. He is a Night Fury.

Anonymous said...

Chicks dig guys who slay dragons, but they dig guys who ride them even more.

Anonymous said...

Chicks dig guys who slay dragons, but they dig guys who ride them even more.

Anonymous said...

A true friend always eats his buddy's half of a regurgitated raw fish.

Anonymous said...

If you live in an area infested by fire-breathing dragons, it's a good idea to construct as much of your village as possible out of wood.

Octa said...

Back! Sorry for taking so long.

I have so many books.

And they're so unorganised ever since I ran out of bookshelves.

I practically wade through them now.

But I found them all at last!

Anonymous said...

If your son's life is endangered by a large, toothy, fire-breathing reptile, the best possible thing you can do is yell really loudly and make lots of noise.

Anonymous said...

*Cheers*


Y'ello!

Octa said...

GO AWAY! Toothless NOT your Papa...Toothless just tried to eat you...

Anonymous said...

If you step on the lines of a drawing made by a dragon, they will growl at you.

Anonymous said...

The hero never dies, but he might end up slightly mutilated.

Anonymous said...

Vikings don't get their accents until they hit puberty.

Anonymous said...

Volcanoes are like Easter eggs, but instead of Jellybeans and stickers, you have twelve story high dragons transported from your darkest nightmares.

Anonymous said...

Volcanoes are like Easter eggs, but instead of Jellybeans and stickers, you have twelve story high dragons transported from your darkest nightmares.

Anonymous said...

Double Post!

Octa said...

So here we are at the beginning again.
Stories do not always tell the truth.
The bard gets carried away, legends get added to and exaggerated, and so gradually, gradually... the truth gets lost along the way...
Stories do not always tell the truth.
Except, of course, for this one.

Anonymous said...

Dragons are allergic to eels.

Anonymous said...

I love his entries! They're so wise. :3

Octa said...

'H-H-H-HAUNTED eggs!' moaned poor Toothless. Probably inhabited by the ghosts of vengeful suppers that Toothless had burgled over the years, and let's face it, there were loads of those.

It was the only explanation.

Octa said...

Gah. My brother kept staring at me vengefully. I had to hide this tab.

He scared the life out of me.

Anonymous said...

My sister's asking me why I'm laughing like an idiot.


The talon of the Green Death had pierced the very heart of the supposedly heartless little dragon.

Octa said...

DON'T KILL ME JUST BECAUSE I'M A RED-HEAD NORBERT!

Anonymous said...

"T-T-Toothless tried to warn you!"

Anonymous said...

Fly, Wind-Walker, fly!

Anonymous said...

The Slavemark. *Dramatic gasp*

Octa said...

"YOU Norbert,' teased Camicazi, 'have the mental capacity of a jellyfish with a lobotomy. You have the leadership skills of a lemming with a learning difficulty. You couldn't run an Empire larger than my toilet without making a complete dog's breakfast of it... which is a bit of a problem for a dictator...'

Anonymous said...

"GO FOR HIS EYES! OR BITE HIM ON THE NOSE! DRAGON NOSES ARE VERY SENSITIVE!"

"Oh, very helpful, Camicazi, very helpful..." Thought Hiccup. "What if he doesn't obligingly hold me up to his nose? What if the only part I get close to is the TEETH?"

Octa said...

In an instant, a Plan popped into Hiccup's mind. The Archipelago was a dangerous place to live, and Hiccup had spent many years coming up with one desperate plan after another, but this was a plan too crazy even to be given the name 'desperate', so let us call it the Suicidal Plan.

Octa said...

*sighs* The Overmother has confiscated my books :(

Octa said...

Well it's been fun anyway.

Hopefully I'll be able to do more quoting later.

Octa said...

YAY SHAKESPEARE!

Octa said...

AND YAY DOCTOR WHO!

Octa said...

AND YAY GARTH NIX!

Anonymous said...

I myself grew up to be not only a Hero, but a Writer. When I was an adult, I rewrote a Hero's guide to Deadly Dragons, and I included not only some descriptions of the various deadly dragon species, and a Dragonese Dictionary, but also a story about how the book came to be written in the first place.


This is the book you are holding in your hands right now

Perhaps you even borrowed it from a Library?

If so, thank Thor that the sinister figure of the Hairy Scary Librarian is not lurking around a corner, Heart-Slicers at the ready, or the whirring whine of a Driller Dragon's drill.

You, dear reader, I am sure, cannot imagine what it is like to live in a world where books are banned.

For surely such things will never happen in the Future?

Thank Thor that you live in a time and place where people have a right to think and write and read in peace, and there is no need for Heroes anymore...

And spare a thought for those who have not been so lucky.

Octa said...

Am I babbling again?

Anonymous said...

YAY SKULDUGGERY!
YAY ERAGON!
YAY ME!
YAY OCTA!
YAY NYE!

Octa said...

I love that part.

The epilogues and introducutions are always so amazing!

Anonymous said...

No, not at all.

Maybe we are both babbling.

Anonymous said...

And I know! They are so damn brilliant!

Octa said...

MY HICCUP BOOKS WERE TAKEN AWAY AND I CAN'T QUOTE THEM

:(

Octa said...

Wait what?

I'm confused.

Blogger is weird!

Octa said...

ANd now it is working again....

Anonymous said...

Oh, okay! :D

Anonymous said...

Derek, we have memorized your books.


And you know that. We love you! Now I demand you put more Nye in your books.

Anonymous said...

Please?
And thank you in advance.

Octa said...

Yes! MOAR NYE! AND MOAR CLARABELLE TOO!

Octa said...

*starts whistling for fun*

Anonymous said...

I am...

THE PINK DEATH!

MUSHUHAHAHAHA.
.

Octa said...

I AM THE PURPLE DEATH!

Octa said...

Because purple is amazing and we love you!

Octa said...

I AM AN OIL LAMP!

Octa said...

HENRY VIII

THE LAST HENRY WE'VE HAD FOR 500 YEARS!

Octa said...

In fourteen hundred and ninety two
Columbus sailed the ocean blue

Anonymous said...

:DDDDD

Octa said...

Molly? Where did you go?

Octa said...

Oh there you are!

Octa said...

Desmond the Moonbear!

How did I get here?

The end.

Octa said...

ASDFGHJKL

Octa said...

Boing.

Octa said...

Geronimo!

Octa said...

Teehee.

Anonymous said...

TREE POWERS ACTIVATE!

Anonymous said...

I baked you a pie!

Octa said...

What flavour?

Pie flavour!

Anonymous said...

YOU STOLE MY LINE!

PIANO!

Octa said...

WHOSE IDEA WAS THIS?

Octa said...

Do you like my new shoes?
Honey you are a chair.
I CAN STILL DREAM HAROLD!

Anonymous said...

Now, Octa, don't touch that cactus!

Octa said...

Honey the baby's on fire.

BUY ME MORE JEWELERY!

Anonymous said...

Honey, why is the baby on fire?

BUY ME MORE JEWELRY!

Octa said...

*pokes cactus*

*floats away*

Octa said...

Bah. I quoted it wrong :P

Octa said...

When I grow up I wanna go to the moon!

WHY WAIT?

Anonymous said...

You're dead to me.

_._._._._._

*Kicks*

Octa said...

I like singing!

I like dancing!

Anonymous said...

Octa, I must leave you. It is almost midnight in NZ, and I need my beauty sleep.

Rainbow Dash: You'll need to sleep forever then.

Me: Shut up, you animated pony.

Anonymous said...

I LIKE TRAINS!

Octa said...

Awww ok.

Night Molly!

Was fun chatting.

Octa said...

1518

The Dancing Plague of 1518 hits Strasbourg.

Loads of people die of exhaustion from non stop dancing.

Octa said...

1519

Panama City is founded.

Octa said...

1520

King Henry VIII of England and Francis I of France meet at the Field of the Cloth of Gold.

Octa said...

1521

Last Aztec Emperor surrenders to the Spanish

Octa said...

1522

Battle of Bicocca

Octa said...

*hums*

Octa said...

Time for more....

TIMETRAVEL!

Octa said...

*whoosh*

Octa said...

That whoosh is the whoosh of destiny! Of fate! The parting of the curtains of time itself!

Octa said...

WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Octa said...

*bounces*

Octa said...

I'm so boreeeeeeeeeed!

Octa said...

But this is fun!

For me! At least.

Octa said...

*whizzes along the motorway of time*

Octa said...

*bounds along on the giant pogo stick of time*

Octa said...

BOING!

Octa said...

Malmo is a funny word.

Octa said...

So is begonia.

Octa said...

Let's go on a road trip!

Octa said...

TO MACHU PICHU!

Octa said...

Out of all the Scandinavian countries.

Sweden is undoubtedly the most awesome.

Octa said...

Take that Norway! :P

Octa said...

Although Oslo is a cool name for a city though.

Octa said...

I'll give you Oslo Norway.

Octa said...

Ouch.

History is nasty.

Octa said...

Because of famine.

When the people of Henan province

Octa said...

Had to survive

Octa said...

on leaves, bark and HUMAN FLESH.

Octa said...

I now bombard you with the opression of dates!

Octa said...

1547

Russia gained its first Tzar

Octa said...

Oh well.

I should probably leave now.

Octa said...

Lunch and whatnot.

Octa said...

DUN DUN DUN!

HONEY BADGERS!

Octa said...

How many roads must a man walk down?

*sings in a deep bass voice witha Southern twang*

Octa said...

How many roads must a man walk down?

*sings in a deep bass voice witha Southern twang*

Octa said...

DOUBLE POST!

Octa said...

PI IS EXACTLY EQUAL TO THREE!

Octa said...

ARE YOU SHOCKED?

Octa said...

*runs 500 volts through your head*

Well you are now!

Octa said...

How long will it take to make the new page?

Octa said...

A minute?

Octa said...

An hour?

Octa said...

40 days and 40 nights?

Octa said...

Who knows?

Octa said...

Not I!

Octa said...

I hope less than a year and a day

Octa said...

So close!

Octa said...

I am so very very close!

Octa said...

I can almost see the new page over the horizon!

Octa said...

A fresh blank white wilderness.

Octa said...

Waiting for me to fill it with noise and chatter and nonsense.

Octa said...

And beyond it lies 16 additional blank white empty wildernesses.

Octa said...

Let me reach you!

Octa said...

Let me sully your pristine depths with my babble!

Octa said...

This is beginning to sound overly sensous!

Octa said...

But have no fear!

Octa said...

I shall persevere!

Octa said...

Step by step.

Octa said...

Comment by comment.

Octa said...

Moving ever onwards.

Octa said...

Towards my goal.

Octa said...

A mere score of comments lies between us.

Octa said...

But I shall vanquish

Octa said...

Each.

Octa said...

Each.

Octa said...

And.

Octa said...

Every.

Octa said...

Last.

Octa said...

One.

Octa said...

I can smell it now!

Octa said...

The scent of success!

Octa said...

The aroma of achievement!

Octa said...

The perfume of prevalance!

Octa said...

The tang of triumph!

Octa said...

The fragrance of fulfillment!

Octa said...

The odour of overcomance!

Octa said...

The vapour of victory!

Octa said...

It's mine!

Octa said...

ALL MINE!

Octa said...

I win!

Octa said...

MINE!

Octa said...

Haha!

A blank white empty wilderness no more!

No longer a fresh and pristine void!

Octa said...

I dedicate this page to wildernesses that are no more.

And to polar bears.

Octa said...

Your number counter is stupid Derek.

It adds an extra four comments.

That aren't even there.

Octa said...

WHY IS IT DOING THIS TO ME?

Octa said...

Also it's a long long way to Tiparary.

Octa said...

Llama!

Octa said...

This page has now been adequately llama-fied!

HUZZAH!

Octa said...

Four score and seven years ago

Octa said...

I was 87 years younger.

Octa said...

Thus making me -70.

Octa said...

The end.

Octa said...

*yawns*

Octa said...

*explodes*

Octa said...

I have a phobia of alarm clocks.

Octa said...

I lived in a cake.

100 comments in a row!

I MUST BE BORED :P

Octa said...

*turns into a bumblebee*

Octa said...

This is my 210th comment today.

I mean if we're going to fill all 5000 comments any time soon we're going to need more people.

Molly and Robin we must band together and enlist the help of the other bloggers!

Octa said...

This is now my favourite title for a historical event.

The Second Defenestration of Prague.

Which caused a low key rebellion to turn into the Bohemian Revolt which sparked off the Thirty Years War.

And all because some noble dudes got thrown out of a window into a pile of manure.

Octa said...

POTATO!

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