They’re making me write a blog.

I hate blogs. Hate them. Don’t know why anyone would want to read any blog I write. Who could possibly be interested in what I have to say? Who could possibly be interested in my movements, plans, or thoughts? Lunatics, that’s who. Lunatics and weirdos. Are you reading this? Are you?

Allow me to be the latest to tell you- you are a lunatic and a weirdo, and your brain scares me.

They want me to write a blog, but we all know what they’re REALLY after. They want to keep TABS on me. That’s what all this is about. They want to find out what I’m thinking. They know I’m dangerous. I know all their secrets, you see. They’re scared I’ll TELL.

Hate blogs. Hate them.

One of them is standing behind me right now, a golden crossbow aimed at the back of my head. He’s telling me to be nice, and write nice things. I can see his reflection in my computer screen. I can even see the GLEAM in his eyes. He’s serious. He’s telling me, in a whispery voice of evil, to be nice. He’s telling me to give you the official spiel.

The following passage, I assure you, is written under duress.

Hi everyone! Welcome to the Best Blog Ever! Written in a land of Rainbows and Moonbeams! Where everyone is a friend! I love you all! Even the ugly ones!

In this blog, I’m going to be keeping you up to date with my many goings on! Oh it’ll be so much fun! You’ll be told about tours, and publication dates for my books, and all my zany and wacky writing adventures!

We’re going to be the best of friends!

He’s gone, drifting out the window like a ghost, leaving me with nothing but his sadistic cackle. Fine. So I’m writing a blog. Big deal. I can handle that. I can play their game.

Until it’s time to strike...