Sunday, March 16, 2014

Here We Go...

I had meant to write a well thought-out, reasoned, logical-yet-impassioned blog entry about this... but I still haven't figured out how to do that. So I can tell that this little entry is going to be, y'know... slightly rambling.

I want my nieces to grow up in a world where they can do anything they want to do.

Obviously, right? That's what we'd all like. Duh.

What I don't want is for them to grow up and have their options curtailed by their gender. What I don't want is for their attitudes towards men and women, boys and girls, their own selves, to be decided by a society, and a media, that is slanted.

Big Books for Boys are about adventure and exploration. Big Books for Girls are about makeup and looking pretty.

My niece Becca is 4. Becca loves pink. She loves princesses. She wasn't BORN loving pink and loving princesses — she learned that. She learned it from the people around her, from the TV she watches, from the other kids at the school-type place she goes to. And you can see it. You can see it happening. People go up to her and the first thing they say, the FIRST thing, is "Oh, don't you look ADORABLE!"

Boom. Now she thinks that her physical appearance is THE most important thing about her. Now whenever she's wearing a new dress she always runs up to me and says "Derek, look at my dress!"

I don't want my nieces thinking their looks are the only things that matter. For their birthday, the twins got a big dollhouse. It is, admittedly, awesome (if you like dollhouses). And I knew they were getting the dollhouse, so I went to buy them dolls. I bought them a princess doll and a mermaid doll, because Becca loves princesses and Emily loves mermaids. But I also got them an Annikin Skywalker doll, with lightsaber and sound effects, and an Iron Man doll. So now Iron Man has tea with Princess Barbie (and by all accounts, he's loving it) and the future Darth Vader (spoiler alert) sits awkwardly on the couch with Mermaid Barbie.

I buy them toys for boys because I don't want them limited by what toy companies tell them they can be.

(Er, not that a princess, a mermaid, a Sith Lord or a super hero is an achievable goal anyway... well, maybe the super hero...)

And then I start thinking about my books because, well, my books are awesome and deserve to be thought about. I think I've done well, all in all. The decision to have the main character be a teenage girl wasn't a decision at all — it's just something that fit. I've also worked very hard to refrain from idealising Valkyrie. Having a female main character but treating her like she's this flawless wonder is as damaging and disingenuous as the very things I've been trying to avoid. But treating her like a real person? Giving her an ego, an arrogance, a selfishness that we'd all have in her situation? That's FAIR.

But I've also failed, in certain ways. I've given in, without even thinking. Val is pretty, for a start. Was that necessary? No, not really. I could have made her plain. I could have taken away the height, the slimness, the little dimple when she smiles... But I didn't. Yes, the pretty fictional character is based on my pretty real-life friend, but I could have changed THAT aspect, right? Only, I'm as biased as anyone else. I like beauty. I like a pretty face. I like Gina Carano and Ronda Rousey. I admire them as people, as fighters, as athletes — but would I pay them this much attention if I didn't also appreciate how they look?

I'm as bad as anyone, but the thing is, I'm trying NOT to be.

So while you're digesting all this, and figuring out if what I'm saying has ANY relevance to ANYTHING, I want you think about Captain America: Winter Soldier. You all know what a huge comics fan I am. Most of you know that I own the shield he used in the first movie. I am REALLY looking forward to the sequel, and nothing will stop me from going to see it.

But seeing as how I'm talking about how women are valued primarily on their looks, I'd like you to take a peek at the posters released. Here's Cap, looking pensive...


And Nick Fury, also looking pensive...


And here's Black Widow, looking... wow.


Is that it? Is that her only worth?

In some ways, I'm old fashioned. I believe in old-fashioned things. I believe men should be strong. If they can't be strong physically then they must be strong morally. I believe men should hold the door for women, should stand up from the table when they walk over, and they should, when possible, pay for dinner. I also believe that men and women are equal in every way that's important.

So when I ask "Is that her only worth?", I'm not asking that from a feminist's perspective. I'm asking it from a man's perspective. The Black Widow is a secret agent, a spy, an assassin, and a hero... so why can't she be pensive in a series of pensive posters? Why does she have to adopt the sexy pose?

If any of my nieces grow up to be a secret agent, a spy, an assassin or a hero, I'm going to be as proud of them as if they grow up to be a princess or a mermaid. But I'm going to have to insist that they be given the opportunity to be WHATEVER they want to be, and those kinds of opportunities begin with me — the writer, the creator — and with you — the reader, the consumer. Don't settle for less. Don't settle at all.

4,926 comments:

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Mycroft Holmes (Ember) said...

Greetings, Miss Charm. It's been quite a while, hasn't it? Or perhaps my version of time has warped over the months.

Mycroft Holmes (Ember) said...

And my apologies for disappearing earlier. Miss Silver's mother had called her away for supper.

Mycroft Holmes (Ember) said...

Ah, once again, I have missed you.

Not to mention everyone else.

Perhaps the lack of faces is a blessing. I wouldn't want to have an awkward reunion, and I think we all know I wasn't sorely missed.

Mycroft Holmes (Ember) said...

((Cool, you guys are doing the awards thing again!))

((I'm sorry I missed most of the process...))

Mycroft Holmes (Ember) said...

((I wonder if I've been nominated for anything...))

Chione Asahina said...

Mycroft I nominated you for something!

Dragona Pine said...

Hello.

Chione Asahina said...

Hi, to anyone who may be here, I'm just gonna do the build up to the wedding until Blake and everyone comes on.

*wakes up in bed after her girls night out with Silente, grinning like a maniac. It's finally here. She's getting married...*
*looks at the piece of paper in the table and remembers to call the dress maker*
*calls the number*
Hello?
Guy: hello miss
Is my dress ready yet?
Guy: Just finished it this morning miss.
Oh thank god. I'll come to collect it right now.
Guy: i'll be waiting.
*hangs up, gets dressed, gets her purse and opens a portal back to Edinburgh*
*goes into the shop and sure enough the guy is standing at the till with a black bag and a hanger*
*picks up the bag, places it over her arm*
Thank you.
*pays him the money*
No problem miss.
*goes into the portal back home and places the dress into her wardrobe so no one sees it*

Chione Asahina said...

((hey dragona))

Dragona Pine said...

(I've been nominated for a really random mix of things - best writer, worst influence, best at meeting new people and most creative discipline) 0_0

(I disagree with them all)

Chione Asahina said...

Nah, I agree with best at meeting new people and most creative discipline.

When I started you, kall, Aquila, Octa, BB, Isabella were all so nice to me.

Dragona Pine said...

(Well atm I didn't CREATE my discipline - but in the past I have. You can literally read Wikipedia articles about every single one of the powers Sophia uses.

Such as:

http://masseffect.wikia.com/wiki/Shockwave

http://masseffect.wikia.com/wiki/Warp

http://masseffect.wikia.com/wiki/Slam

)

Dragona Pine said...

*starts repairing the inside of the shuttle where it was burned by the grenades*

*starts repainting the inside*

Dragona Pine said...

(Where is everyone?)

Jai (Silente Tempest - St Of Sinners) said...

*leans on the outside of the shuttle*
*staring at the clouds*
Just so you know there's no hard feelings concerning the bitch bots or the arrest.

Chione Asahina said...

Cake... *goes into the kitchen and sees that there are still cake making ingredients*
*grins*

Dragona Pine said...

(Hey Silente! How are you?)


*looks at Silente*

That's fine. Now if you excuse me, attempting to blow up Blake nearly wasted me three million credits. I'm trying to fix the damage so it isn't a complete waste of money.

Jai (Silente Tempest - St Of Sinners) said...

(Hey Chi! Hey Dragona!)
(I'm fine thanks Dragona!)
(How are you both?)
(CHI IT'S YOUR BIG DAY!)

Maybe next time don't try to blow someone up when they're in your shuttle.
*smiles*
*frowns*
Do you miss them?

Star Inkbright said...

http://www.popularresistance.org/hunger-games-salute-used-as-protest-in-thailand/

O_O

(These are the things my dad emails me, like. :P)

Dragona Pine said...

(I'm fine, thank you. ^^)


*paints over the blood splashes on the floor*

Next time, I hope some bloody idiot won't try and break every part of my body. I thought I was going to die - the most I could do was try and take him down with me.

Do I miss who?

Dragona Pine said...

(Hey Star! How are you?)

Jai (Silente Tempest - St Of Sinners) said...

(Hey Star. That's an interesting story! It was only a matter of time..)

Do you miss them? As in..
*sighs*
Nevermind. Silly question.
*shrugs off from the shuttle*

Star Inkbright said...

I'm fine, thanks. :)
You?

And - yeah. O_O It's cool.

*watching :)*

Jai (Silente Tempest - St Of Sinners) said...

Brb, food :)

Dragona Pine said...

(kk Silente. ^^)

Chione Asahina said...

((I'm great, excited for the after party tonight :D))

*puts egg, flour, sugar and margarine in a bowl with milk and mixes*

(it's just gonna be spounge with icing, quite boring cause Blake doesn't like any berries so...)

*has an idea*
*checks if she has butter cream she does.*
Yes!
*gets out bake tins in 3 different sizes*

Dragona Pine said...

(I'm fine, thank you. ^^)

Dragona Pine said...

(For some reason - I don't like butter cream. I dislike it. I don't like having cakes that have been bought for that exact reason - I always ask for a home made one.

That DOES have its advantages. Last year I had an N7 cake and it was both tasty AND awesome)

Chione Asahina said...

I/love/ butter cream and red velvet cakes.

Dragona Pine said...

(Butter cream might be too sickly for me. I don't like sickly stuff :P)

Star Inkbright said...

@Dragona: That's ACE. :)

And - I'm not fond of icing . . . I prefer cakes without icing. I don't mind eating it, though. :)

Jai (Silente Tempest - St Of Sinners) said...

Back! Butter cream is AMAZING! It's so tasty! Yummy mcyum yum. *nods*

Chione Asahina said...

((But Star... It's /us/ we need an awesome cake and I can't do that without icing. It's gonna be awesome.))

*puts the mixture into the different sized tins and puts them in the oven*

Jai (Silente Tempest - St Of Sinners) said...

BUT OMG CHOCOLATE GANESH! MMMMMMMM! I CAN'T EVEN EXPLAIN HOW MUCH I LOVE IT!

Jai (Silente Tempest - St Of Sinners) said...

*heads up to Chi's house*
*knocks on the door before walking in*
Helloooooo? Anyone home?

Chione Asahina said...

*opens the door with flour all over her apron and face*

Hello there.

Star Inkbright said...

@Chi: No, it's okay, I like icing. :)
I just prefer things without.

I like biscuit-y bread-y kind of stuff . . . *shrugs*

Jai (Silente Tempest - St Of Sinners) said...

Chi!!!
*hugs*
*pulls back and laughs*
Been baking?
*smiles*
Do you have the dress?! Did you get it?! Which one is it?!

Dragona Pine said...

(Star - same. I like gingerbread. Gingerbread is just awesome. There's a place in the Lake District called Grasmere and it has a Gingerbread shop and it's all made in the shop and everyone dresses up in Victorian clothing and it's quite cool and they also do other stuff apart from gingerbread like ginger butter and stuff.
But the gingerbread is AMAZING. It's like salkasdfklasflkdslklsdlfk this is awesome gingerbread.
We went there on a school trip a few years ago for three days - when I came home I had three packs of twelve pieces of gingerbread and ate them all.)

Chione Asahina said...

I do. It's upstairs.
The one you voted for.

Jai (Silente Tempest - St Of Sinners) said...

Yey!
*jumps up and down*
Omg Chio your getting /married!/
*hugs her again*
I'm so happy for you!

Chione Asahina said...

Sil don't say which number. I want it to be a surprise

Chione Asahina said...

I am...It's still kinda weird...

((It's my mum and dad's 10th wedding anniversary today too :3 ))

*the timer rings and goes to take the cakes out*

Mary Contrary said...

If, on Blogland, you can effectively be who/what you want to be (vampire, shapeshifter, N7 Operative and Council Spectre, salt-shaker, etc) ... surely you would be able to personalize your tastebuds at will.
So, if you WANTED to like buttercream or icing or anything else... maybe you just COULD?

Alternatively, you could make a cake with the ability to change form to suit the taste of each consumer, which would basically just be incredible. :P

But, anyway,

Hi! :)

Dragona Pine said...

(Yeah Taia my character isn't allowed to go to the wedding so... it doesn't really matter :P)

(And yes - that taste-changing cake would be awesome. ^^

How are you, btw?)

Chione Asahina said...

((Hello Taia.
Star and someone else, wanna go do the decorations?

Silente you stay with me and help me get ready and stuff))

Jai (Silente Tempest - St Of Sinners) said...

*follows her leaning on the side*
I bet it is! Only like 4 hours to go! Four more hours.
*smiles*
Oh and wait till you see the present I got you! I know you normally get stuff like...I don't know...irons or something but I thought that was to boring..
Anyway need help with anything?

Chione Asahina said...

You got me a present?!

And Silente, I guess you could help with the cake?

Jai (Silente Tempest - St Of Sinners) said...

((Hey Taia!))
((I wasn't planning on leaving you. Silente's jumping around in my head! She's excited for you!))

Jai (Silente Tempest - St Of Sinners) said...

Of course I got you a present! I even got Blake one so he wouldn't be jealous!
*rolls her eyes*
Sure what needs to be done?
*goes to sink and washes her hands*

Chione Asahina said...

Decorating :D

*pulls out different food colourings and cutters and the butter cream*

Jai (Silente Tempest - St Of Sinners) said...

Oooh butter cream!
*dries her hands*
Blue and black cake by any chance?

Mary Contrary said...

((*laughs* I just panicked for a second because I didn't recognize my picture, having forgotten that it became Pigeon Kirk, and had a kind of mini identity crisis trying to work out who the hell I am. :P ))


Hey Dragona! :)
*laughs* xD
I'm good, thanks! :)
I think I have failed my Welsh exam though, since I quite literally had to make up words in my essays and hope that they might vaguely resemble actual words that could get me some marks. :P
BUt I weirdly don't care. :)

How're you doing? :)

Hi Chi! Hi Silente! Hi Star!
How are ye all? :)


Star Inkbright said...

I don't know HOW to do decorations, but I'm sure I could try!

Now?

@Taia: Yes, but if you're making characters, then they have to be themselves, so . . . :P
Hi! :)

@Dragona: O_O
I want to go there. O_O

Chione Asahina said...

((Brilliant Taia, you're coming to the Wedding right?))

Star Inkbright said...

@Taia: Oh, dear. :P

I'm okay, thanks! :)

Chione Asahina said...

Yes it will be black and blue but I'm not sure what to decorate it with... I Thought to do half blue and half black.

My half would be sky blue decorated with snowflakes and sparkles and stuff and Blake's I thought a dark blue with maybe black wavy strips to act as shadows?

Jai (Silente Tempest - St Of Sinners) said...

((Im fine thanks Taia! Making up words in exams....oh well?))

Dragona Pine said...

(I'm fine, thanks Taia)


(Star - you really do. You really, really do. It's not at all expensive, considering)

Jai (Silente Tempest - St Of Sinners) said...

Sounds cool! Snowflakes for you and shadows for him.
*nods*

Chione Asahina said...

And it kinda shows how different we are but how together we are one ^.^

*glances to the spaceship outside*
*sighs*

Dragona Pine said...

(Uh, Chione, the starship is in for repairs and won't be available for a while - Trip put holes in the hull for some reason and caused quite a bit of damage. If by "spaceship" you mean the shuttle then it makes sense)

Star Inkbright said...

Oh! :O

Just realised . . .
Um . . .
I have to go to a meeting at half six tonight . . . :/

Sorry - I didn't know it was today until a few days ago, and I didn't know I was going until every fewer days ago, and then the level of my brain that sorts out this stuff must have just been like: "Meeting day . . . wedding day . . . hey that's the same day . . . maybe I should inform Star's conscious level of thought over there? Nah, it looks a little busy thinking of nothing. Idk. *asks messenger braincells* Can you be bothered to send this info over to the conscious level of thought?
Messenger braincells: *like the rest of Star's brain, have an aversion to work* Uh. No.
Brain: Ah well. I suppose she's live.
*chucks notification in dustbin*"

Yeah. -_-
My brain, I swear. :/

Jai (Silente Tempest - St Of Sinners) said...

It does. And you really are different. But your also the same. *smiles*
*looks out at the ship too*
Still angry at her then?

Star Inkbright said...

*she'll

Chione Asahina said...

((Yeah I meant the shuttle))

Be right back Silente...
*takes off her apron and wipes her face then heads out to the shuttle*

Star Inkbright said...

@Dragona: I don't live in the Lake District, though. :P

Dragona Pine said...

*is currently calibrating the shuttle's weapons after the grenade screwed the weapon system up*



(Star - That's too bad)

Dragona Pine said...

(Neither do I - but it isn't too far away, Star)

Jai (Silente Tempest - St Of Sinners) said...

Oh..okay...
*waits for her to walk out*
*runs to the window to watch*

Star Inkbright said...

((Yeah. :P
Lynxia lives in the Lake District . . . :)
. . . I haven't spoken to her for like a year . . . :O))

Chione Asahina said...

((Oh no Star D: Awww....))

*knocks the shuttle* Sophia!

Dragona Pine said...

*shuttle door opens*


*sees Chione*


*keeps her hand next to her pistol's holster, just in case*

What do you want?

Star Inkbright said...

@Chi: Yeah . . . :/
I don't know how long the meeting lasts, but probably not that long . . .
I'll read the comments. :/

Mary Contrary said...

@Chi: Good. :)
I'd love to! :) Where should I be and at what time?
Congratulations, by the way! C: ^^

@Star/Silente: Yeah. :P
Some of them I had vague ideas of, and others I was just like "This MIGHT be similar to a real word." :P
Like, idk, I couldn't remember the word for "valuable", and I ended up writing "werthful", like worth+full. xD

Jai (Silente Tempest - St Of Sinners) said...

*resists the urge to run and stick her head out the door*
*opens the window slightly and let's her senses reach their full potential so she can hear and so what happens*

Chione Asahina said...

Considering that Silente has no hard feelings and Star's talk to me yesterday...maybe I was too hard on you... But the house did mean a lot to me and I was falling apart as it was... just because everyone helped to build it and stuff but... *looks over to it* It's back to normal now so...

Jai (Silente Tempest - St Of Sinners) said...

**see

Chione Asahina said...

((3 and a half hours now Silente? At the lake.))

Star Inkbright said...

@Taia: That's perfect. XD

Yeah . . . Ez is better at saying things than me. XD

Hunter and Ez are currently competing to see who can be the nicest to me . . .

. . .

. . .

Jai (Silente Tempest - St Of Sinners) said...

((Yup 3:30 (ish) hours to go!))

Jai (Silente Tempest - St Of Sinners) said...

((@star that must be...terrifying really. Scary..))
((..whos winning?))

Mary Contrary said...

@Chi: I make that 9 o'clock in BST, then. I think I should be able to get here - it's on this blog, then, right? :)

Also, sorry, wbd.
I only have three exams left now and they're over like three weeks and I have time and I need to draw things. :P


@Star: xD

Dragona Pine said...

*frowns slightly* What did Star tell you?

*shrugs* As far as I'm aware, what happened was nothing personal. At least between us. Trip, on the other hand... *growls at the thought*

I see that it has been rebuilt. What about it?

Noelle said...

https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?postID=6485200910574534043&blogID=1104475307058729066&isPopup=true&page=14

There's the next post..

Chione Asahina said...

((Yeah Taia :) Glad you can make it. Star and Mithria can't ;-;))

So um...Sophia...I guess what I'm trying to say is sorry and that you can come to my wedding...

Noelle said...

I'll be watching, by the way- that's what the link was for

Dragona Pine said...

You don't sound sure, Chione. Just don't expect me to wear a dress. I don't wear dresses. As a rule.

Fabi S. - Fashion-Conscious Fire Wraith said...

I've put together a few decorations... Not sure it's actually what you had in mind, though... And the picture probably won't show up too well as a profile picture.

Mary Contrary said...

(That comment was in the wrong order.
The noting of my here-ly status and explanation should be at the end. It doesn't feel right otherwise I feel the need to explain. :P)


@Adra: *nods* Thank you. C: I looked but I wasn't sure if we skip spoiler section posts because spoilers, or not, and I forgot to ask. :P
Also- *tacklehugs* Hey. :)

@Chi: Well, I can't thing of a reason why I shouldn't be able to get here, so, :) :) :)


wbd

Mary Contrary said...

*thinK

:P

Noelle said...

*Hugs Taia back* Hello, dear

Jai (Silente Tempest - St Of Sinners) said...

((Hey Fabi! Hey (if your staying..) Adra!))

Chione Asahina said...

If you don't fucking want to come then don't. But I don't want everyone to hate me for not inviting you and you sitting fixing your stupid shuttle that you threw at my fiancé and I last night and tried to blow him up. But if you want to come. I'm not stopping you. No, I don't want you to be there. Just stay away from Blake. But, I've invited you. Your choice.

*walks backs inside, feeling like a create had just been lifted from her shoulders*

Chione Asahina said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Noelle said...

Hello Silente, as well. And everyone else.

*Sits back*

Jai (Silente Tempest - St Of Sinners) said...

*quickly closes the window as Chi starts heading back*
*leans on the side*
Done?

Chione Asahina said...

((Can't see your picture Fabi D:
Hey Adra, you coming to the Wedding?))

Fabi S. - Fashion-Conscious Fire Wraith said...

Adraaaa [hugs] [gives smiley eraser]

Jai (Silente Tempest - St Of Sinners) said...

((how are you?))

Fabi S. - Fashion-Conscious Fire Wraith said...

It didn't save...

Hm...

One moment. I can go through the items individually. That'd probably be better.

Dragona Pine said...

*folds arms* I didn't throw the shuttle at your fiancé, I threw it at Erebus. And I only tried to blow him up because he could have killed me. If you were in my place you'd have done the bloody same.
I will come to the wedding. I have nothing else better to do.

Chione Asahina said...

Yes I'm done.

*puts icing and a light blue food colouring into a bowl*

Silente can you do the dark blue?

*mixes them*

Noelle said...

*Takes the smiley eraser* Thank you, Fabu.

Yes, Chi. Though, I hope you don't mind, Adra will be in her current state... She isn't murderous, don't worry.

Chione Asahina said...

((Alright, and btw it's fine for her to bring Alastair too. Everyone is allowed to come :D ))

Chione Asahina said...

((Infact he can't come, Him and ari are away for a couple of weeks...))

Noelle said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Star Inkbright said...

((Sorry - went for dinner.
One of the teenagers my mum works with just got mugged . . . :/))

Mary Contrary said...

*hugs Fabi* Hello! :)

wbd/msd

Chione Asahina said...

*covers half of the cake with paper so it doesn't get icing on it and waits for the icing to set*

*does the same with the other two cakes*

*begins to cut little and large snowflakes to put on the sides of the 3 cakes*

Fabi S. - Fashion-Conscious Fire Wraith said...

Okay, if this works, I'll just keep changing my pic and cycle through all the stuff I found. I sort of have a lot, and a bunch of it is probably unnecessary, so... Sorry?

Chione Asahina said...

((Fabi it won't let me onto your profile page...))

Star Inkbright said...

@Lantern: :) *hugs*
I love how you do such a good job at actually doing these things . . . :)

Fabi S. - Fashion-Conscious Fire Wraith said...

Oh right, sorry.

Jai (Silente Tempest - St Of Sinners) said...

Sure.
*puts the icing and the dark blue food colouring into a bowl*
*mixes them together*

Chione Asahina said...

Uh...Silente... do you want a bride's maid dress?

Fabi S. - Fashion-Conscious Fire Wraith said...

Should be fixed now.

Thanks Star. :-) [hugs]

Chione Asahina said...

Awww Fabi they're lovely :D

Jai (Silente Tempest - St Of Sinners) said...

It's fine Chi. I've got a plan for my clothing..
*winks*
And trip knows what he's doing too by the way.
*grins*

Chione Asahina said...

Oh...alright. *trying to not seem worried*

Jai (Silente Tempest - St Of Sinners) said...

Oh don't worry. It'll be fine..
The light blue icing dried yet?
*raises and eyebrow*

Fabi S. - Fashion-Conscious Fire Wraith said...

Thank you. :D

Chione Asahina said...

*touches it lightly*

Yeah

*puts the paper over the light blue icing so Siente can do the dark blue icing*

Jai (Silente Tempest - St Of Sinners) said...

((**an *glares at phone* work. Now. Stop being annoying. *phone glares back* never!))

Dragona Pine said...

(Random question: Are we supposed to bring wedding gifts?)

Chione Asahina said...

((No, it's fine if you don't))

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