I should have announced this yesterday, to be honest, but I was in Swindon, in England, doing writerly things like chatting to 600 people, signing all their books, and then travelling on to the WH Smith head office and signing 500 copies of LSODM, so you'll forgive me if I was a tad... distracted.
But, without further ado, to those who have not yet heard, the title of the short story collection out next summer is...
Armageddon-Outta-Here.
Bwahahahahahahahahahaha!
I swear to god, I never thought Harper Collins would agree to this. My first instinct was to call it Tales of the Dead Men, but that wouldn't have been accurate because there'd probably only be one or two stories featuring the Dead Men — not enough to warrant a title.
Harper came back with The World of Skulduggery Pleasant, which is, let's face it, a title far too boring to exist.
I suggested Armageddon-Outta-Here as a joke, expecting everyone to dismiss it. But the more I thought about it, the more I said it in my head, the more I loved it. And suddenly I became determined to be the writer who has a book with THAT title.
Amusingly, Harper Collins agreed. And I couldn't be happier.
And if that wasn't awesome enough, we should actually have a cover reveal early next month for you to gawp at. Could I BE any nicer to you?
No. The answer is no.
Posts
4,956 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 2601 – 2800 of 4956 Newer› Newest»Here lies:
Adrasdos Dark
Death by Julius Caesar
Holy shit it's Adra :)
Rhydian! If you're still here, could you read my Nameless Chapter please??? :3
HOLY SHIT IT'S EM
em
Can YOU read my chapter? :D
Get. Out.
That was fucking amazeballs!!!!!
Hey?
Sparkyyyyyyy
And I know
I try
*tosses hair dramatically over her shoulder*
Now you've made me feel inadequate as a writer lol biatch!
I don't know how to answer, tbh. I don't think I cans at "thank you", but thank you
Did I miss something, or...?
She read my Nameless chapter about Adra :3
Ohhh.
Yup yup yup!!! *nods vigorously*
*tosses Sparks into a lake*
*drags her in with me*
ARGGHS *is pulled under* *kicks at Sparky*
*swims to the shore*
*stays there, shivering*
IT'S FREEZING
NORTHERN HEMISPHERE, REMEMBER? GAH
It's Blogland, remember?
*snaps fingers*
There. It is now a warm spring day, perfect for swimming in.
Or you could just warm up in one of Blogland's many building structures. Your lab, for example.
*swims* WEATHER FREEDOM
*hits the shore, breathing heavily*
*chuckles*
Oh my Hilary.
Adra, Demi and Adam get a duet two episodes from now on Glee.
*begins sobbing*
STARCHILD
Well. SOMEone's in school now :3
Hello...?
ADRA! *TACKLEHUGS*
Hey Rhydian!
*hugs* Sup?
Adra can you add me to the Nameless blog please? Or get somebody who can? Really wanna be on it...Have a great idea for a rp.
I'm good! School drivinge insane though. Literally broke down at school and when I got home me and mum and dad talked. Better now.
*Chase walks into the living room where Emerald is reading a book. He closes the door*
Chase: You cannot change the baby's name. His name is Lorcan! That boy that came back from the alternate is not our child.
Emerald: It's already been done Chase because the older boy, is our child.
*Chase starts pacing up and down*
Chase: You've already changed it!!!!! What the fuck Emerald?!
Emerald: Tough Chase!! Lorcan needs a family right now and I am going to do all I can to right the wrongs of the alternative me. So from now on the older boy is Lorcan and the baby is Fionn.
*Chase grabs his hair in frustration*
Oh, I'm sorry to hear, hun.
I don't know if I have the ability to, but I'll try
Fionn? Sounds like a great name for the kid!!!
Hi btw Em!!
Cheers Adra
Er, the page isn't loading right now. I'll have to do it later
Ok...
NO ADRA YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
THEY'RE SINGING
THEY'RE SINGING
THEY'RE SINGING
The Fox.
Hello?
Sorry :/
*Chase takes Em and holds her arms*
Chase: Please reconsider Emerald. Please.
Em: Chase let go, you're hurting me. I'm not going to change my mind.
*Chase grits his teeth and then slaps Em with his back hand. Em falls to the ground, stunned, holding her face where the red welt begins to form*
Chase: You're a stupid bitch!!
OH SHIT SPARKY
hey willow
SPARKS
PH MY GOD
I NEED TO-
omg
*glares at Chase* Why did you hit Emerald?
Hi Sparky!
Nice to meet you Willow! (Have we met?)
@Em: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#ChaseForbookNine
Hi, btw! :)
#ChaseForBookNine
Hi Star *hugs*
Hi Star!
*Covers Rhydian's eyes and laughs* Guess who?
Blogger Fabi S. said...
I guess I'll take this moment, then
To remind you all
Of how much you mean to me
It's really nice to have a place here
It's really nice to know you all
Thank you
Thank you for being you
#ChaseForBook9
November 19, 2013 at 6:12 PM
Lantern is amazing. :)
#ChaseForBookNine
HEY DEATH! :)
#ChaseForBookNine
Hiya!!
Hey Adra!
Hiya Rhydian! Nice to meet you, too! (I'm not sure, I think I could be friends with you on facebook with the account I never use?)
I love Fabi :3
Yeah...
WILLOW!!!! *Grins* Wassup?
ROSE!!!!!! *TACKLEHUGS* HOW ARE YOU? MISSED YOU!!!!! *HUGGLES*
(I think we may be friends on Facebook...so I guess I know you then. Hello friend!!)
Hi Willow! :)
@Adra: Anyone who doesn't deserves to have their eyes fried and eaten. :)
. . . Well, no they don't.
Because they're already blind, if they can't see that, and it's not really their fault.
Or they just don't know her.
In which case I pity them. :)
#ChaseForBookNine
Look, I was gonna go easy on you and not to hurt your feelings
But I'm only going to get this one chance
(Six minutes, six minutes)
Something's wrong, I can feel it
(Six minutes, six minutes, Slim Shady, you're on)
Just a feeling I've got
Like something's about to happen
But I don't know what
If that means, what I think it means, we're in trouble
Big trouble – and if he is as bananas as you say
I'm not taking any chances
You were just what the doctor ordered
I'm beginning to feel like a Rap God, Rap God
All my people from the front to the back nod, back nod
Now who thinks their arms are long enough to slapbox, slapbox?
They said I rap like a robot, so call me Rapbot
But for me to rap like a computer must be in my genes
I got a laptop in my back pocket
My pen'll go off when I half-cock it
Got a fat knot from that rap profit
Made a living and a killing off it
Ever since Bill Clinton was still in office
With Monica Lewinsky feeling on his nut-sack
I'm an MC still as honest
But as rude and as indecent as all hell
Syllables, killaholic (Kill 'em all with)
This slickety, gibbedy, hibbedy hip hop
You don't really wanna get into a pissing match
With this rappidy rap
Packing a Mac in the back of the Ac
Pack backpack rap, yep, yackidy-yac
Now the exact same time
I attempt these lyrical acrobat stunts while I'm practicing that
I'll still be able to break a motherfuckin' table
Over the back of a couple of faggots and crack it in half
Only realized it was ironic
I was signed to Aftermath after the fact
How could I not blow? All I do is drop F-bombs
Feel my wrath of attack
Rappers are having a rough time period
Here's a maxipad
It's actually disastrously bad
For the wack while I'm masterfully constructing this masterpiece as
Cause I'm beginning to feel like a Rap God, Rap God
All my people from the front to the back nod, back nod
Now who thinks their arms are long enough to slapbox, slapbox?
Let me show you maintaining this shit ain't that hard, that hard
Everybody want the key and the secret to rap
Immortality like I have got
Well, to be truthful the blueprint's
Simply rage and youthful exuberance
Everybody loves to root for a nuisance
Hit the earth like an asteroid
Did nothing but shoot for the moon since(PEEYOOM)
MC's get taken to school with this music
Cause I use it as a vehicle to bust the rhyme
Now I lead a new school full of students
Me? I'm a product of Rakim
Lakim Shabazz, 2Pac n'
W.A, Cube, hey, Doc, Ren
Yella, Eazy, thank you, they got Slim
Inspired enough to one day grow up
Blow up and be in a position
To meet Run DMC and induct them
Into the motherfuckin' Rock n'
Roll Hall of Fame even though I walk in the church
And burst in a ball of flames
Only Hall of Fame I be inducted in is the alcohol of fame
On the wall of shame
You fags think it's all a game
'Til I walk a flock of flames
Off of a plank and
Tell me what in the fuck are you thinking?
Little gay looking boy
So gay I can barely say it with a straight face looking boy
You witnessing a massacre like you watching a church gathering
And take place looking boy
Oy vey, that boy's gay
That's all they say looking boy
You get a thumbs up, pat on the back
And a way to go from your label everyday looking boy
Hey, looking boy, what you say looking boy?
I got a "hell yeah" from Dre looking boy
I'm a work for everything I have
Never ask nobody for shit
Get outta my face looking boy
Basically boy you're never gonna be capable
To keep it up with the same pace looking boy, cause
*Laughs cheerfully and hugs Rhy back* I'm... I'm good, I think. Year ten has started so I feel really old. But I'm... I'm better. I'm better than before. *Hugs him tighter* I missed you too, buddy. So freaking much.
I'm beginning to feel like a Rap God, Rap God
All my people from the front to the back nod, back nod
The way I'm racing around the track, call me Nascar, Nascar
Dale Earnhardt of the trailer park, the White Trash God
Kneel before General Zod this planet's Krypton, no Asgard, Asgard
So you'll be Thor and I'll be Odin
You rodent, I'm omnipotent
Let off then I'm reloading
Immediately with these bombs I'm totin'
And I should not be woken
I'm the walking dead
But I'm just a talking head, a zombie floating
But I got your mom deep throating
I'm out my ramen noodle
We have nothing in common, poodle
I'm a doberman, pinch yourself
In the arm and pay homage, pupil
It's me
My honesty's brutal
But it's honestly futile if I don't utilize
What I do though for good
At least once in a while so I wanna make sure
Somewhere in this chicken scratch I scribble and doodle
Enough rhymes to
Maybe try to help get some people through tough times
But I gotta keep a few punchlines
Just in case cause even you unsigned
Rappers are hungry looking at me like it's lunchtime
I know there was a time where once I
Was king of the underground
But I still rap like I'm on my Pharoahe Monch grind
So I crunch rhymes
But sometimes when you combine
Appeal with the skin color of mine
You get too big and here they come trying to
Censor you like that one line I said
On "I'm Back" from the Mathers LP
One when I tried to say I take seven kids from Columbine
Put 'em all in a line
Add an AK-47, a revolver and a nine
See if I get away with it now
That I ain't as big as I was, but I've
Morphed into an immortal coming through the portal
You're stuck in a timewarp from two thousand four though
And I don't know what the fuck that you rhyme for
You're pointless as Rapunzel
With fucking cornrows
You're like normal, fuck being normal
And I just bought a new Raygun from the future
Just to come and shoot ya
Like when Fabolous made Ray J mad
Cause Fab said he looked like a fag
At Maywhether's pad singin' to a man
While they played piano
Man, oh man, that was a 24/7 special
On the cable channel
So Ray J went straight to the radio station the very next day
"Hey, Fab, I'm a kill you"
Lyrics coming at you at supersonic speed, (JJ Fad)
Mara! Hi!! *Waves*
Hi to everyone who just came on!
Uh, sama lamaa duma lamaa you assuming I'm a human
What I gotta do to get it through to you I'm superhuman
Innovative and I'm made of rubber, so that anything you say is
Ricocheting off of me and it'll glue to you
I'm never stating more than ever demonstrating
How to give a motherfuckin' audience a feeling like it's levitating
Never fading, and I know that the haters are forever waiting
For the day that they can say I fell off, they'd be celebrating
Cause I know the way to get 'em motivated
I make elevating music
You make elevator music
Oh, he's too mainstream
Well, that's what they do
When they get jealous, they confuse it
It's not hip hop, it's pop
Cause I found a hella way to fuse it
With rock, shock rap with Doc
Throw on Lose Yourself and make 'em lose it
I don't know how to make songs like that
I don't know what words to use
Let me know when it occurs to you
While I'm ripping any one of these verses diverse as you
It's curtains, I'm inadvertently hurtin' you
How many verses I gotta murder to
Prove that if you're half as nice at songs
You can sacrifice virgins too
School flunkie, pill junky
But look at the accolades the skills brung me
Full of myself, but still hungry
I bully myself cause I make me do what I put my mind to
When I'm a million leagues above you
Ill when I speak in tongues
But it's still tongue in cheek, fuck you
I'm drunk so Satan take the fucking wheel
I'm asleep in the front seat
Bumping Heavy D and the Boys
Still chunky, but funky
But in my head there's something
I can feel tugging and struggling
Angels fight with devils and
Here's what they want from me
They asking me to eliminate some of the women hate
But if you take into consideration the bitter hatred that I had
Then you may be a little patient and more sympathetic to the situation
And understand the discrimination
But fuck it
Life's handing you lemons
Make lemonade then
But if I can't batter the women
How the fuck am I supposed to bake them a cake then?
Don't mistake it for Satan
It's a fatal mistake if you think I need to be overseas
And take a vacation to trip abroad
And make her fall on her face and
Don't be a retard, be a king?
Think not
Why be a king when you can be a God?
*hugs Rose tighter* year ten...must earn you...it's hard, but great. Trust me :)
Hi Mara!
Okay, I'm done. :P
I can rap some of it! #lifecomplete
Omfg who am I kidding i suck at it
Hiiii everyone *huggles*
Warn**
I'm fast tracking outdoor Ed. I'm going scuba diving and skiing and rock climbing. I'm going to die.
That's... *gulp* long
Herrow!
#ChaseForBook9
Hiya, Mara!
*hugs*
TRIP!!! *TACKLEHUGS* HOW ARE YOU? AND WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN?
Well, not where you were.
How are you old friend?
#ChaseForBook9
(Hi everyone that arrived!!)
Em: *shaking and tears rolling down her cheeks* Where's your light Chase?
Chase: You don't worry about my goddamn light! I'm more concerned about how you're gonna fuck up my family!!
Em: This isn't about you Chase!!! This is about what is right by these kids, including Lorcan!!
*Chase kicks Em hard before hunkering down and grabbing her jumper at the neckline*
Chase: When we're in this house, you're alone. Do you hear me? Its just you and me and as far as I am concerned, you're just a fuck up Emerald!!
*Chase sees that Emerald is getting angry and is trying to shift. He laughs before hitting her again*
Chase: Stupid bitch!! Alternative me is not the only one who worked out a cure for lycanthropy. I injected you while you slept as soon as I figured it out. You don't have a wolf anymore.
(Holy....... That's........
Hi Em.)
#ChaseForBook9
@Mara: Awesomeness. :)
@Death: ROCK CLIMBING!!!! :)
Yaaay! :)
Um, good luck. :)
#ChaseForBookNine
I JUST HIT 1 FREAKING THOUSAND FOLLOWERS ON INSTAGRAMS SCAVI VSDAHU FENUWBFWEJIBFDHWQUOFBWDQHUBHUAOZBHUOqbuvhhvhv?<78@(67,)79;68. !bhiQPvcswhjlcbhjj i
Aag huomvQyufz
(I just realised something. Trip had people working on an antidote for the cure if people ever changed their minds.
Ignore it. :P)
#ChaseForBook9
I have detention tomorrow! D:
I'm going to have to go outside in the cold and pick up rubbish!
Fairly good Trip! School us going to be the death of me probably. I just know it. Yourself old friend?
@Em: WTF!!!! GR8 RP!! BUT ITS MESSING WITH MY FEELS!!!
O.O
That's a lot Mara.
#ChaseForBook9
Hey Trip *waves*
@Em: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#ChaseForBookNine
Holy cow this is a lot if people
@Mara: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!! :)
@Willow: :(
#ChaseForBookNine
Watching people mature is making me quite sad. No one has the confidence to be a complete but job when girls are around, and it isn't half as fun when you're alone. But aside from that and my tonsils being the little pricks they are, I'm on tip top condition!
How's the writing?
#ChaseForBook9
I'm uncomfortable with how many people are here
*hides*
I can't be bothered to do my RS homework . . . :P
It's the first homework I can remember deciding just not to do because I can't be bothered. I mean, I've put things off till last minute all the time, and I've left them till I'm on the bus, and sometimes I haven't revised for tests and stuff, and when it's a homework that it just has to be in sometime soon, not IT HAS TO BE IN ON THIS DATE, I've left it, and I've often forgotten homework, but as far as I can remember, I've never actually gone "Fuck this, I can't be bothered."
. . .
Well, first time for everything. :)
#ChaseForBookNine
Good! Planning on writing a book. I could be an author :) doubt it :( life is taking an unexpected turn for the worst atm.
(;FUCK YOU CHASE (character) ))
. . .
Actually.
Fuck that.
I'm doing it. -_-
BUT I'M WRITING IN FELT TIP.
TAKES UP MUCH MORE SPACE.
#ChaseForBookNine
Cba with P.E. tomorrow. Coz I miss one pe lesson a week everyone in my pe class say I skive. -.- really want to punch the first person to say anything
Oh... Wow...
Erm...
*slinks back into the shadows*
Ah, there are always times when things seem to be going badly. It'll be fine.
#ChaseForBook9
*Emerald starts sobbing and taking short breaths*
Em: You... you took my... you took my wolf away from me!? How could you, how...
*Chase kicks her again, catching her chest and ribs. She falls flat on the floor in agony*
Chase: I did it because I can. From now on I'm gonna start putting you in your place and once that is done, I'm gonna get rid of that bastard and send him back to whatever fucked up dimension he came from. Now you stay on the floor where you belong until I say get up.
*Chase sits on the couch and turns the television on while Emerald stays lying on the floor, sobbing in pain, scared to move in case something was broken*
(I love you all ;) )
(Em... You're hurting my /sooouul/. My sooooooooouuuuuuuuuuul.)
(ChaseForBook9)
#ChaseForBook9
Why do you miss PE?
#ChaseForBook9
And I have Drama tomorrow *sighs* had to do a performance in front of the entire year group today. I didn't do it,Coz I freaked out. Now everyone keeps going on about it. Fml
Coz I struggle in school (My ASD/autism) so I miss a few lessons a week to catch up with lessons I may be falling behind in.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO CHEMERALD!!! D:
@Rhydian: :(
Ah well. At least you aren't freezing to death in the cold. :) :) :)
And - *hugs* Good luck with your book. :) What's it gonna be about?
@Zaf: HI!
And - IKR. D:
ChaseTC, why you be such a bastard and break our hearts?
#ChaseForBookNine
((Oh my god. If I didnt have limitied time I'd go kill Chase but...))
@Star: Magic. Lol like I could write about anything else haha
*walks out of the shadows*
*watches from the sidelines*
@Rhydian: :( That's okay. Those who mind, don't matter, and those who matter, don't mind. :) Society sucks.
You know how I was saying about how disappointed I was with society in relation to Miley Cyrus? Me and my friend were talking about it at break, and I said - why would she want to impress society when society is that bad? Surely it would be better to look awesome to purple carrots than to orange carrots? (*had to explain that*) Quality, not quantity. Why would you want to be highly regarded by a load of trashy people?
(Er, not saying that anyone who likes Miley Cyrus is a trashy person. A lot of people sing her songs, and then people go oh my gosh why are you singing that, and they go, if you actually listen to the lyrics, it's a really good song, and start going on about that, and those people, who like Miley Cyrus for things like good music and good lyrics and stuffles . . . they're not trashy. If people like her because she's a slut (whether she is or isn't, if they think she is and like her because she is) . . . er, yes. :)))
. . . My point being - society sucks. Don't listen to them. :)
You know, on Mario Kart, me and my siblings call the big group of people in the middle 'society'. And when you're surrounded by COMs, the response is to go "Argh, I'm in society!"
And it's way better to be coming 1st and be ahead of society than be jumbled up in it getting bashed and coming medium and stuffs. :)
. . . When we last played, a set of 12 games, we came first, second and third. That's on 150cc with all the COMs on Hard. XD
#ChaseForBookNine
@Rhydian: Awesome. :) :) :)
#ChaseForBookNine
*sips her tea*
Society deos suck. Wbd while I feel sorry for myself about how shit my life is atm.
Does**
Bbs.
Sorry, got to poof.
#ChaseForBook9
*Em groans and pants but she quietly gets to her feet. She takes a step at a time before she gets to the front door. Her hand slowly turns the handle but before she could blink, Chase grabs her by her hair and drags her back into the living room*
Chase: You are some stealthy little bitch ain't ya?
*He throws her up against the wall before driving his elbow into her face. He then grabs her throat and holds tight but doesn't squeeze. Yet.*
Chase: What did I tell you to do?
Em: *quietly and sobbing* to stay on the...
Chase: *squeezes slightly* I can't hear you! What did I tell you?
Em: *whimpers and says it louder* to stay on the floor!!
Chase: But you didn't, and now look what you've gone and done. You've gotten yourself hurt because you didn't listen to me. Poor Emmy.
*Chase lets go of her throat and grabs her left wrist. He then plunges a knife into the palm of her hand, pinning her to the wall. Before Em screams, he covers her mouth with his hand*
Chase: If you wake the baby, you will be in bigger trouble than you are now. You've to stay there for 30 mins and then you've to apologise. Other than that. Not. A. Sound. Understand?
*Em nods her head before he takes his hand away. She stands there with her teeth gritted, trying not to sob out loud as tears roll down her face. Chase walks away into the kitchen.*
Rhydian, I find that it helps to write it out.
I made a private blog yesterday at about 12 at night and just kinda spill there..
*shrugs* I was able to sleep after that.
So perhaps a blog?
Bye Trip *hugs*
*rolls around hyperventilating*
Btw- I'll be gone for about 45 in 15
Blake: *takes earphones out* *nudges Adra* Is Rhydian alright?
*nudges Blake back* He'll be fine, it takes time
Blake: Ok. *walks over and hugs Rhydian*
*sips her tea further, worry of her own*
*checks her watch*
YEAS I DONT HAVE TO DO A GRAD PROJECT
Let's get you home, eh?
Bye everyone!
*waves to Rhydian* Bye!
Going to sleep now. Fours!
#ChaseForBookNine
Msd
I is here
*Em takes a big breath and tries to calm down, ignoring the pain in her hand*
Em: I have to get out of here, I have to let someone know that something's wrong
*She looks around trying to stay as still as she can to cause less pain. Chase walks back into the room and sits on the couch again, his back to her.*
(*is waiting for some way he can find out he needs to help Em*)
#ChaseForBook9
one day henry stiles wuz walkin To da town. Nd he sees you walkin Round in yo crocs, wiff yo weave Fresh cut on da hur salon. He say "Wow DAT bitch fine as hell" he walk up to yo and say "Dayum" you sat "my name be shanaenae"
Two monts l8r u andHenry are murried.
You say henry. u love me 4ver? He smiled nd say "no" U cry an run away, U die.
Henry look at ur ded budy n sayd, "i luv u 5ever shanaenae"
Sorry, distant.
Um, yeah Mara! I completely agree!
#ChaseForBook9
*Chase gets up and stands in front of Em. He punches her in the stomach before grabbing her jaw and kissing it*
Chase: So now I want to hear you say you're sorry for not doing what you were told.
*Em whimpers and cries*
Em: I'm sorry...
Chase: *smiles* Good. Now I'm just gonna let you hang tight there for a second, I need to clean up before we go to bed.
*Chase goes back into the kitchen. Em tries to pull the knife out but it's embedded into the wall and without her wolf she hasn't the strength to really pull.
Em then spots a book on the table beside her. She is close to the window. Just maybe. She just about grabs it without slicing her skin even more on the knife and with one almighty effort she chucks it through the window and winces at the sound of glass breaking.
Chase comes running back in and screams in frustration. He pulls Em off the wall, tearing most of her palm off the knife and pulls her towards the basement as the baby starts to cry upstairs*
Chase: You just had to ruin it you little bitch!!!
I dedicate this page to you.
Because you're beautiful.
You're also a human being (or an intelligent feline or whatnot) with feelings and emotions, and sometimes you make mistakes, but that doesn't make you a bad person.
You're you, and at the end of the day, that's the only thing that matters.
#ChaseForBook9
*hears the commotion from the bar, anger growls within, picks up sword and steps outside, running down towards Em and Chase's house. Pops head through window*
What the fuck is going on down here?!
#ChaseForBook9
*hears the commotion from the bar, anger growls within, picks up sword and steps outside, running down towards Em and Chase's house. Pops head through window*
What the fuck is going on down here?!
#ChaseForBook9
Aw, that's sweet Fabi.
#ChaseForBook9
*Em hears the baby first and then hears Trip. She screams as Chase brings her down the stairs of the basement*
Em: TRIP!!!! TRIP HELP!!! Something's wrong with Chase! TRIP!!!!!!
Chase: Shut up! *throws her down the rest of the stairs and barrels down after her*
*unsheathes sword and jumps through the window, an weft swirling around his palm as he runs to the base ment door, points outstretched palm at Chase*
I repeat. What, the fuck, is going on here?
#ChaseForBook9
(Hullo.
Is anybody on?
I just posted an extremely important piece of the Doctor Precocious puzzle on Superfluous Adventures.
It is short, however, never fear.)
(Herrow.)
#ChaseForBook9
(Herrow.)
#ChaseForBook9
(Sorry, very preoccupied, but I'll read it later.)
#ChaseForBook9
(Herrow Twip.)
(That's perfectly alright, Trip, I understand.)
*Chase ignores Trip as he grabs Em's unconscious body and tosses her onto an old mattress on the floor*
Chase: Nothing to worry about Trip, Em just got a little carried away with her wolf. Stress of the baby and all.
(Well, I can see you're doing something, and I don't want to get in your way, so I suppose I will do a Thing.)
I almost just fainted... Oh gods
The Master who taught us this time was a lot faster than the one from last week... But me legs nearly have out and I felt, like, pressure in my ears. Then I couldn't breathe and HELL
IT FUCKING SCARED ME
(oh my god Ads, are you alright??)
Not really... I really hope soneones's doing some laid back thing here...
Oh my god I need protien. I need... A cheeseburger
But yeah now I get to go do my homework and be in pain again yay
Pilot: Hullo hullo hullo, this is your pilot, Martin Crieff, simply announcing that there is absolutely nothing wrong. Everything is fine, and we are all happy. End message.
. . .
*sits in his seat*
*happy because he purchased all the seats on the left side of the plane*
*so he doesn't have to sit next to anybody*
*or behind anybody*
*or in front of anybody*
Martin: Hullo, this is your captain speaking, informing you once again that there is no need to panic, or to look out of the windows. End message.
Arthur: Here you are, sir, your peanuts, your headphones, your pillow, your slippers, your David Bowie CD, your playing cards, and your unregistered sleeping pills. All compliments of the flight. What's your name again?
Oscar.
Oscar Neurotic.
Arthur: Well, Mr. Neurotic, I hope you enjoy your flight. And I hope you don't mind that the Cabin Pressure is a bit high today.
I luv your story maralielie
It is liiieek SOO saaad
1Lieeek=1praiiyer
Oh. Hi, by the way.
Chase, have you forgotten what I do for a living?
Em was screaming for help, and you screamed at her, the baby began to cry, and I heard all this from the bar. As I ran here, I saw one of your windows was smashed open by a bloodied knife, and there was a knife shaped hole in you wall, right next to your window. Looking now, Em a has a wound in her hand, she screamed that there was something wrong with you, the Tv is on, the knife was thrown from inside, you threw Em down the stairs and the baby is still crying.
I'm not an idiot Chase. Something is going on. And you have one minute to tell me before I fire this beam if energy straight through your head.
Wait. Who Are you?
I can't believe I didn't realise this! You pop up out of nowhere, to everyone's delight, generally help out and everyone just accepts you're back.
What are you? Some creation of Deacon? A shape shifter?
So, to summarise, what's really going on, who are you, and why the hell do you have a mattress down here?
#ChaseForBook9
I'm just... Gonna... *collapsss in the snow in a heap*
Hey Adra.
#ChaseForBook9
Martin: Hullo, this is your captain speaking.
Attention, people on the right: We hate the people on the left.
Aw, come on!
Arthur: Oop. Looks like Martin's in one of his moods. Let's hope that Douglas can sort it out, eh?
At least we don't have otters on the deck again.
Otters? On the deck?
*starts compulsively wiping his hands*
Arthur: You know, you could use our complimentary lemon-scented hand wipes, sir.
*thinks of Sir*
*blinks the thought away angrily*
Don't call me Sir!
Wait.
Wait, you have lemon-scented hand wipes?
Arthur: *produces hand wipes*
Yes, sir. Madam! I mean, Mr. Neurotic?
That will do . . .
*takes a wipe*
*sniffs it*
STARS ABOVE, I'M IN HEAVEN.
THIS SMELLS LIKE HEAVEN.
I'll have the whole box!
((Hi *cuddles all*))
Chase: Jesus Christ, trying to help out my wife because once again her goddamn wolf is out of control and I get accused of some shit.
Of course she's gonna blame me and turn it away because she doesn't want it to look like she's losing control.
Now let me make her comfortable down here while she's working her wolf out then I can tend to my son.
And I am Chase, smart ass.
*Em groans and tries to sit herself up but just ends up collapsing again in pain*
*sits*
*stares out the window*
Ah, look at all the dirt down there, and me, up here, in a metal tube thousands of feet in the sky.
I finally feel safe.
Stars above, I love flying.
*passenger on the right begins smoking*
Um, excuse me?
Dude: Eh?
This plane is a no-smoking zone.
Dude: Your face is a no-smoking zone.
I, what?
Dude: I paid good money to be on this flight, and I'm smoking on it.
I paid good money to get the left side of the plane to myself, you don't see ME smoking.
Dude: That's because you're a pretty boy.
What?
Dude: You look like a pretty boy.
I am NOT a pretty boy!
*cabin door bangs open*
*co-pilot Douglas leaps out*
Douglas: THE ALARMS ARE GOING OFF!
THE PLANE IS ON FIRE!
One more chance, or I blow your brains out.
#ChaseForBook9
Dude: Whoa, man. The plane isn't on fire. I'm just smoking.
Douglas: This plane is a non-smoking area!
Dude: Your face is a non-smoking area.
I thought MY face was a non-smoking area!
Dude: No, your face is the reason women prefer internet dating.
What- What- That doesn't even make sense!
Douglas: Sir, I will require you to PUT THAT CANCER STICK OUT.
Dude: Fine, dude, quit getting up in my face.
*puts out the cigarette*
Douglas: *turns to Oscar*
*whispers* If the plane catches on fire, spray the fire with that extinguisher over there.
Is the plane likely to catch on fire?
Douglas: No, I mean, if the alarms say the plane is on fire . . .
*jerks his head at the Dude*
. . . then spray the suspicious area with foam.
Even if the fire is very
very
small
and glow-y.
. . .
. . . Gotcha.
Douglas: That's my Number One passenger talking!
Am I your Number One passenger?
Douglas: Well, you DID buy half the seats.
True . . . true . . .
(Flips over and stares up at the sky, lying still*
*Em groans and turns her head to look at Trip. She winces in pain*
Em: His light has gone... out. He's all... wrong. Don't hurt... him.
Chase: Damn, you went and spoiled it again. You just can't learn to keep your mouth shut!!
*Chase goes to kick her again*
Ah, I love flying.
Biker: Hey, check out that pussy with the moist-towelettes on the left side of the plane!
*laughs*
And you aren't a pussy because a pussy wouldn't know a word like 'moist-towelette,' I'm guessing?
Biker: *fidgets*
Biker Chicks: *giggle at his embarrassment*
And furthermore, I suppose those lovely lady friends of yours don't know that male bikers are more likely than your average hobo to contract Hepatitis K?
Biker Chicks: *inch away from Biker*
And I'm guessing they don't know that, while bikers are generally unemployed, a 'pussy' like me makes, let me think, a little over 4.2 billion in less than a year?
*mumbles* Admittedly by less-than-honest circumstances . . .
Biker Chicks: *get up*
*sit around Oscar*
*on the left side of the plane*
Biker: Dammit!
Chick: Y'know, you're kind of awesome.
Thank for noticing.
Chick: Can I give you a neck massage?
*hands her towelette*
Wipe your hands first.
Biker: The world ain't fair . . .
Ah, I love flying.
((Oh wow))
*she quietly gets to her feet, going off on her own to her small barn* *tacks up one of her horses, swinging one leg up* *goes out on a small ride, feeling less heavy-headed*
So, have I ever told you lovely ladies in tight leather the story of how I single-handedly brought down Al Capone's crime syndicate?
Biker-chicks: *giggle*
Chick: No WAY you're THAT old, sugar.
Oh . . . ri-ight . . . forgot about that.
*turns pink*
So you're not . . . you're not, okay . . .
Biker-chicks: *giggle even more*
Chick: Awwwww, he blushed! That is, like, the cutest thing EVER.
Dude: *lights up a cigarette*
Douglas: *shouts from inside the cabin*
The plane is on fire!
One moment, ladies.
*grabs the fire extinguisher*
*sprays the right side of the plane*
Oops! Sorry.
Chick: That was SO hot.
Martin: This is your captain speaking. Attention, people on the right: You now know why we hate the people on the left.
*she rides out on a little path that circles Blogland, her cloak flowing after her* *pets her horse*
Arthur: Great Scott! What happened here!?
I may have sprayed some people with foam.
Oh!
Oh, oh hell!
I got foam on my arm! Ugh!
*every hot biker chick produces a lemon-scented hand wipe*
Thank you, ladies, but one will suffice.
Arthur: Did you just seduce a group of 20-somethings in tight leather?
I didn't mean to, I swear!
Biker: *sulking in the corner*
Dude: *lying on the ground*
*covered in foam*
*and not moving*
Arthur: Why isn't he moving?
I don't know . . .
Arthur: Check his pulse.
You check his pulse!
Arthur: YOU check his pulse!
Simon says, check his pulse!
Arthur: Okay.
*checks his pulse*
. . . He's dead, Jim!
*the whole plane gasps*
The Whole Plane: He is dead!
*gasps*
My name's not Jim!
(Ooh! Adra! I posted a rather important piece of the Doctor Precocious puzzle on Superfluous. It's short. You might want to check it out.)
((OMG Star Trek references thank you)
Arthur: You killed him!
No! I didn't mean to!
Creepy Goth Teens in the Back Row: You killed a guy?
No! Well, maybe. I mean, yes, but, no, no!
Goth 1: You killed a guy.
Goth 2: Yeah, you totally killed a guy.
Goths in unison: Can we sit with you?
*sit in back row of the let side of the plane*
Arthur: He must've had a heart attack when you sprayed him!
Well, I wasn't expecting THAT.
Martin: This is your captain, speaking. WHAT IN THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU DOING BACK THERE?
Arthur: *turns white*
Nothing! Nothing at all! There has been no unscheduled death!
*looks around wildly*
We have to hide him!
Hannibal: *raises his hand*
I could eat him . . ?
In Unison: NO!
Arthur: I know! I have gotten it!
The bathroom!
We'll hide him in the bathroom!
(*bows elegantly*
Star Trek references. They're what I live for.)
((Read! I hope my comment got sent in...))
((I do believe our over the ponds may have departed.
Hm.
Not that I wanted to RP peacefully with them...))
*she clops in circles around the 1D house then continues*
Back but msd for notes
(I'm actually waiting to see if Trip replies... )
Mine
*helps Arthur drag Dude down the isle*
Chick: OMG, he's doing manual labor.
Biker Chicks: *sigh wistfully*
Those Two Goth Teens: OMG, he killed a guy.
*sigh wistfully*
Douglas: OMG, he actually sprayed that jerk with a fire extinguisher.
*sighs wistfully*
Arthur: We will never get him into the bathroom before the captain realizes something is amiss!
*sighs wistfully*
Doctor Precocious.
*sighs wistfully*
Arthur: What was that?
NOTHING.
*together they push Dude into the bathroom*
*and lock the door*
Arthur: Phew!
That was a close one.
Hannibal: I wish you'd let me eat him.
He was covered in foam.
You would've gotten sick.
Hannibal: So . . . you're cool with cannibalism?
*lies* Sure!
Hannibal: Can I sit on the left side of the plane?
. . . sure.
Hannibal: *sits with the biker chicks and the goth kids*
Martin: This is your captain speaking. Attention, people on the right: STOP DEFECTING TO THE LEFT.
Little Old Lady: *raises hand*
I have to pee!
I dedicate this page to two families: Bloglandian family because you're so awesome and no matter how we may fight I love you all. To my drama family because we're so epic and fun to be around.
*she digs her heels into her horse's side, turning his head and she makes kissing noises*
*the horse begins cantering*
(I am having TOO MUCH FUN right now.)
Dammit, do you have to go now? There's a dead body in the bathroom!
Lady: It is really quite urgent. My tender old bladder, you see.
Damn.
*looks at the door*
I guess . . . I guess we have to take the body out, let her use the toilet, then put the body back in.
*shudders*
Ew!
Arthur! Help me!
Arthur: Must I?
YES, YOU'RE IN THIS JUST AS DEEP AS I AM, NOW.
Arthur: Fine! Fine!
*opens the bathroom door*
*helps Oscar drag the corpse out*
*and prop it in a seat on the left side of the plane*
Here. Wipe off some of the foam, and nobody will notice.
*holds open the bathroom door*
*with great care*
Here you go, Madam.
Lady: YOU WOULD DRAG A CORPSE OUT OF A BATHROOM SO AN OLD WOMAN LIKE ME COULD USE IT GOD BLESS YOU EVERYBODY COME LOOK AT THIS YOUNG MAN DOING SO MUCH TO HELP HIS ELDERS I LOVE YOU GOD BLESS YOUR SOUL YOU SWEET AND DARLING BOY.
May I sit on the left side of the plane?
. . . Yes, yes, you may sit on the left side of the plane.
Now, please, FINISH QUICKLY.
(Oh great, Trip leaves me in my hour of need and Ads is going for a horse ride... fuck you all lol)
((He's tired, don't be too harsh. I could hardly stand being up at 12 last night.))
This, is, without a doubt, the weirdest flight I've ever been on!
Argh!
*flops back into his chair*
Chick: *begins massaging his shoulders and neck*
Did you wash your hands?
Chick: Yes, I washed my hands.
Excellant. Continue.
Business Woman: Excuse me, Mister . . .
Neurotic.
Woman: *raises eyebrow*
. . . Alright, then. Neurotic. You look troubled. Tell me, what's on your mind?
. . .
*sighs*
Well, I'm an overworked OCD supervillain pining over my ex-nemesis who I'm now trying to impress by bringing about the apocalypse which involved flying to Malibu on the oddest flight I've ever been on.
Woman: . . .
. . .
. . . Mr. Neurotic, my name is Dr. Winchell, and I am a psycho-therapist.
Let met put this bluntly:
You are very screwed-up in the brain.
May I sit on the left side of the plane?
Sure! Sure! Whatever!
Shrink: *sits on the left side of the plane*
Martin: Attention, this is your captain speaking. Co-pilot Douglas and I are currently having a friendly gentleman's wager to see who can fly this plane the farthest after having drunk a liter of vodka through a straw, so please, prepare for turbulence.
((Anni I love you))
*her horse starts, rearing back with a loud whine*
Whoooooa! *gives him a little slack on the reins, not wanting to scare him further*
*he begins to run- much faster than a gallop*
*Adra does her best to control her fear but completely loses it, focusing instead on not falling off*
Arthur: *finally manages to heave the dead body into the bathroom*
*shuts the door and locks it*
*tosses they key out the window*
At last! I have done it!
What did you do?
Arthur: I put the body back!
. . . You what?
Arthur: I put the dead body in the bathroom!
Good.
*piercing shrieking splits the air*
Oh . . . right . . . I forgot . . .
Half a Gay Couple: Did you just lock a dead body in the bathroom with an old woman?
I think so. Why?
The Other Half of the Gay Couple: That woman was my mother in law! You've just saved us from hours of painful torment!
The Gay Couple: Can we sit on the left side of the plane?
Sure! SURE! You get a seat on the left side of the plane, and YOU get a seat on the left side of the plane, EVERYBODY GETS A SEAT on the left side of the plane!
Arthur: Were you channeling Oprah just then?
SHUT UP!
(I love me too! What a crazy random happenstance!
*hugs herself*)
(Mmmmmhhh what to do now??...)
*screams, falling off the horse as it slips in the mud, falling on her leg, thrashing*
*does her best to get away but it runs off without her, stomping on her leg. Twice*
*lays there, looking at the sky, dumbstruck*
Holy hell that hurt..
This is ridiculous! Absolutely ridiculous! Gah!
Oh hell, I stepped in more foam!
Biker Chicks, Goth Teens, Hannibal, Gay Couple, Shrink, and Arthur: *hold out towelettes*
Thank you, but I only need ONE!
*stands in the middle of the isle*
*near the front of the plane*
*and sighs*
Martin: This is your captain speak- oh, goodness, look at that mountain . . .
*the plane bucks violently*
AH!
Left Side of the Plane: AH!
Right Side of the Plane: AH!
*cute lady schoolteacher flies out of her chair*
*tumbling down the isle*
*and Oscar catches her*
. . .
Teacher: . . .
. . . I think you just fell for me.
Entire Plane: *bursts into enthusiastic applause*
Teacher: *whispers* May I sit on the left side?
Yes, yes you may.
Teacher: *sits down near the front*
Wipe. Wipe! WIPE!
Left Side of the Plane: *presents lemon-scented wipes*
*takes them all*
Martin: Hello, this is your cap- Oh, forget it. Is there a little old lady screaming in my bathroom?
What? No! Of course not!
*shouting to be heard over the screaming*
That would be silly!
Douglas: We're being hailed by an Italian landing strip, but I don't speak Italian! You there! The guy everyone on the left side of the plane has a crush on! Do you speak Italian?
I do, actually . . .
Douglas: *barges out of the cabin*
*holds out microphone*
Here. Tell them we're just a simply airline flight, not a UFO or Greek.
(Want me to come help? I'm in the car but I can help))
*speaks fluent Italian into the microphone*
. . . Alright, there. You should be all clear to continue through the airspace.
Douglas: Thanks very much.
*disappears into the cabin*
Italian Ambassadors: What, what, what is this? You speak Italiano?
Well, actually, I-
Italians: Brava! Brava!
*vigorously shakes Oscar's hand*
Hardly anyone bothers to learn our humble little language anymore!
May we sit on the left side of the plane?
NO!
Italians: Huh?
I'm just kidding. Go ahead.
Italians: *sit down*
*screaming continues*
OH, JUST PUT A SOCK IN IT, WOMAN!
*screaming stops*
Elderly Gentleman: *stares wide-eyed at Oscar*
You can shut old women up with just the power of your voice?
I suppose I can.
Why, want to make something of it?
Gent: Can you teach me how to make that work with my wife?
Maybe.
Gent: Can I sit-
-on the left side, yeah, yeah, go ahead.
Gent: *sits on the left side*
(I'm almost done, and Oscar's on an airplane, and Oscar has this well under control.)
*decides to just lay there instead*
Well? WELL?
Is there ANYBODY who's not either dead, or locked in the bathroom, or sitting on the left side of the plane?
Arthur: Meeeeeee!
You don't count! You're a steward!
Arthur: *looks sad*
I thought you liked me.
I do like you! You'd make a fantastic minion!
Arthur: *brightens up*
Well, that's comforting!
Martin: Attention, people on the right: This is just a reminder that we hate the people on the left.
Douglas: Um . . . there's nobody sitting on the right.
Oh hell yeah. Don't you know it.
*sits in his chair*
*reclines it*
*puts his feet up*
*surrounded by biker chicks and hot schoolteachers and elderly gentlemen and gay couples and goth teenagers and cannibals and psycho-therepists and stewards*
You know why?
Because NOBODY hates the people on the left.
*the plane soars off into the sunset while badass music plays in the background*
THE END
((*claps* That was glorious))
(*bows* Thank you, thank you.
The story was my own, though I'd like to take this moment to encourage y'all to listen to Cabin Pressure, a hilarious radio drama about a very screwed-up airline, piloted by Martin, co-piloted by Douglas, and stewarded by Arthur.)
Good morning, afternoon, or evening, current denizens of Blogland.
((okay... :P Will do))
*she watches the stars quietly, waiting for her leg to stop hissing at her like a little snake*
*glances down*
Oh.. Hell.
((Denizens. I KNOW THAT WORD FOR ONCE!!!)
Hello Sir
(I have stumbled into this odd phenomenon where whenever I decide to check back at Blogland one more time and then leave, Sir Reingington as always arrived right then.
It's odd.)
*has
Post a Comment