161,556 words. That's how long the book is right now. I wanted to have the edit done by tonight, but unfortunately that's not going to happen. I'm up at 6 in the morning to catch a plane to Leeds, so I'm about to hit the sack.
Oh, and for those of you who were pleading with me to keep LSODM as long as possible... you've got your wish. My editor Nick and my agent Michelle both got back to me, suggesting tiny changes here and there, but nothing that would shorten the book.
So the HUGE amount of characters stay in. The MASSIVE battles stay in. The HILARIOUS jokes and LIGHTNING-FAST wit stay in. Verily, it is a good day to be a Minion.
And I've just been chatting to Laura, who calls it the "deepest and darkest one yet". So I've got her all-important seal of approval, which makes me happy.
When it's out, when you've read it, I'll talk more about the writing of it, and the various problems I had to deal with in order to make it work. Everything from Book Two onwards has been leading up to LSODM, after all. Of all the books, this is the one I was certain about from the very beginning, in 2005, but it was one I was the most unsure about when I was actually writing it. So it comes as a relief to know it's actually good.
So... tomorrow I'm in Leeds— the tickets to which are now sold out— and on Saturday I'm signing in Waterstones in York at 11AM— and no tickets needed.
I'm been really quiet lately, on the Blog and on Twitter, and I do apologise for that, but I had to devote all my attention to the book. Now that it's (practically) done, I can get back to normal. Which'll be... er... nice.
I guess...
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#ChaseForBook9
You were completely sane thirty minutes ago when Alastair was here...
[hugs Mara]
[vanishes again]
#ChaseForBook9
I am so far from sane...
Msd to go see firework
I gtg be back later
Bye! *waves*
*lies back down on her stomach with another book*
Well this is boring. Any more questions?
*shrugs* not really. I'm just wwaiting to see how long it will take you to get out.
*pauses*
Actually...
*throws a knife to where it makes a clean but across his face*
Now, what was that for?
*picks up a bow-staff and brings it down, sweeping his feet out from under him, then hits his stomach with the staff so hard it breaks in half*
Not so fair is it, when you're able to be hit, eh? The opponent can do damage, but you can't?
*laughs* I understand why you'd want to hurt me, but what do you have against that poor stick?
You're expecting me to make a break for it, then? Well, I wasn't planning on doing that anytime soon. Was that really all you wanted to do with me? Ask me a few questions- which you could've asked me anyway- and then hope that I don't escape? I just don't see how this is helping you accomplish anything. *gets up and dusts self off*
Okay, okay, what's going on 'ere?
*Throws bottle of whiskey in backpack under jacket*
I could hit you, if I wanted to. I could be blocking your strikes. But your desperation amuses me.
*pulls out a gun, and shoots him in the leg*
I've got a few other mortal toys, some of them... Unusual.
Who gave you the impression that I care about 'fair', anyway?
Rose, I locked and bound the room that we're in. Sorry, but even if you wanted to, you couldn't get in. *grins*
Desperation? More like annoyance
Adra, would you mind letting me in? I'm not entirely sure it's...
Never mind. [Turns back to vanishingness]
#ChaseForBook9
Really? You think I don't have a way to get in?
*Calls Texan friend* *Nods and hangs up*
Two minutes you have of killing each other!
It's bound through multiple layers. *shoots Alastair again in the shoulder, then again in the foot*
*shifts weight onto one leg* Well, if you're really so eager, I suppose I could leave now. *pulls four knives out of coat, throws each of them into the centers of symbols on the walls* *slowly begins to heal self*
Sorry to say, however, but your little trick doesn't work with alchemy.
*tosses a grenade into the cell and ducks as it explodes*
So does that mean I can come in?
....Maybe.
I wouldn't advise it, however. there are still MULTIPLE LAYERS
I'm not all that worried about the wall of blue, but the binding on the walls... I always carry a few knives engraved with sigils. The layers will be slowly breaking down right about now, but emphasis on the word slowly. *stares at tears on coat as they slowly close* Did you really have to destroy all the leather? It's rather a pain to regenerate.
*Shrugs*
If I can't, I'll go back to the bar with my bottle!
*Walks to door and turns knob* *Hits semi-hard layer* *Pushes through and falls over* *Looks up*
Ow...
*Stands up and looks around*
I think I'll just watch until I figure out when to come in!!
[Sits outside and orders magical items from the magical version of Ebay]
#ChaseForBook9
*picks up a few more throwing knives and begins hurtling them at Alastair* I was practicing for this, you know.
Damn. Well I've gotten dirt and blood over my best dresses because of you so, it's only fair.
*blocks knives with other knife* Not bad. You practiced, just for me? I'm flattered.
*drags out a mace from the chest in the corner* *swings it at Alastair*
*Takes off purple backpack and looks through its contents*
Bread, bottles, knives, pocket knife, flare gun with flares, sunglasses, spare socks and first aid kit. Nice.
*mace passes through body*
So, are you just out to kill me now?
*curses and takes a glance at the walls*
The walls have failed me...
*shrugs* I did what I could in the time allotted.
*pulls out the gun and shoots him in the face*
[Dashes off, muttering about enemy tactics]
#ChaseForBook9
*bullet passes through face* *shrugs* I wouldn't blame myself if I were you. You had no way of knowing I was experienced with sigils.
*Tosses knives at Alistair*
That purple gleamy one is my favourite. Do. Not. Break. It. It's enchanted with a strange toxin that, once it has touched the flesh of another, the toxin sends agonising spasms of pain through its opponent. And even better, it replaces itself every five seconds!!
No, but NJ Maverick was. *grimaces* Damn.
If you really wanted this to be worth something, you should have demanded a list of all my disciplines. Granted, I doubt I would have told you anyway.
*grabs the bedpost, breaking it off into a shield, fastening it onto her arm* WELL, I MIGHT AS WELL
*shifts into sparrow and dodges knives in the air*
Just curious Alistair, did you get showed your theme song?
*facepalms* Alastair those were meant for you
Alistair!! They're for you!! To use!!! I'm on your side!!!
*Sighs and retrieves knives quickly*
*dashes over and grabs the purple one*
Nice.
Oh darn..
*Hides*
[Chops hole in ceiling]
[Mentally directs knives towards Alastair]
#ChaseForBook9
*speaks in mind* I saw it.
*Brings out bread and starts eating it*
I hope you choke on your food
*Coughs and stares at Adra*
How mean!!!!
I speak my mind,
And I told the future.
Yes, I know what the knives were for, but this is more fun. Well, in truth, I didn't catch any of those because my hands were shaking- healing myself while being blown up and fixing all of that leather simultaneously while still not having access to half of my magic took its toll on me. The small bird doesn't take much energy. And *shifts back to human* I've recovered now.
Of course you have. *sighs and tkes a swig of her fire whiskey*
*Opens hidden pocket in backpack and reveals little book, quill and ink*
Dear lord, I'll have to make another one...
*Opens book and starts copying symbols and chants enchanting spell*
Death, I thought you had decided to act against me again. So, what happened?
*draws a symbol around her in what will hopefully be a counter-attack*
She and Dwyer were bring stupid and tried to trick me.
And she's a crazy Renegade
[Lowers self from ceiling on wire]
[Pulls out a pack of gummy candies]
Anyone want Swedish Fish?
...I gave Jubi the bag. Right.
Ah, well!
#ChaseForBook9
*Sigh*
I'm a double crosser!! I'm awesome and I kept thinking about your question... Why stop?
*Looks at knife*
Mencapi!
*Knife glows purple*
*raises her shield, which begins to glow blue with the alchemy symbol*
It's almost as if you think Alastair can't handle anything himself. *grins* You looooooveeeee himmmmmmm
Sit Back Now
Let Me Tell You A Tale
Where Justice Does Not Prevail
About An Ill-Fated Life
So Very Full Of Strife
Where Two Wrongs Do Not Make A Right
So
When I Was Born
I Did Surely Scorn
My Proud Parent's Name
Then Their Lives Went Down The Drain
Drove Them Insane
My Birth Was A Curse
I Bit The Nurse
Oh, But I Love The Worst
I Deserve To Be Slowly Submersed
Dried Out Then Laid In A Hearse
When I Was Two
I Poured Super Glue
Into My Fathers Hair
As He Sat Unaware
In His Arm Chair
Much To His Dismay
Had To Cut It All Away
Oh, But It Felt Great
I Deserve To Be Cut And Filleted
Then Tossed About In Disarray
Until The Pieces Melt Away
I Am Not A Bad Man
Even Though I Do Bad Things
Very Bad Things
Such Horrible Things
But It's Not Quite What It Seems
Not Quite What He Seems
Not Quite What I Seem
Ah, Hell
It's Exactly What It Seems
When I Was Four
I'd Wait By The Door
With A Knife In My Hand
And A Most Devious Plan
It Would Be Quite Grand
As The Mail Fell Through The Slot
The Sharp Edge He Got
Oh, But I Love The Thought
I Deserve To Be Tied In A Knot
Broken Bones And Blood Clots
When I Was Six
I Used To Trick
The Next Door Neighbors Son
In The Woods We Would Run
Time For Fun
Hide N Seek Has A Cost
He Would Be Forever Lost
Oh, But I Love To Scoff
I Deserve To Have My Head Lopped Off
Hidden And Covered In Moss
Until This Memory's Forgot
I Am Not A Bad Man
Even Though I Do Bad Things
Very Bad Things
Such Horrible Things
But It's Not Quite What It Seems
Not Quite What He Seems
Not Quite What I Seem
Ah, Hell
It's Exactly What It Seems
When I Was Eight
I Used To Hate
The Color Of My House
So As Quiet As A Mouse
I Burned It Down
To The Ground
When No One Was Around
Oh, But I Love The Sound
I Deserve To Be Quickly Put Down
Rotting Six-Feet Underground
When I Was Ten
I Used To Pretend
To Drown In The Sea
Till They'd Come To Rescue Me
Then Preceed
To Laugh In Their Face
Such A Disgrace
Oh, But I Love The Taste
I Deserve To Have My Brains Displaced
All Over The Fireplace
Until This Life Has Been Erased
I Am Not A Bad Man
Even Though I Do Bad Things
Very Bad Things
Such Horrible Things
But It's Not Quite What It Seems
*Not Quite What He Seems*
Not Quite What I Seem
Ah, Hell
It's Exactly What It Seems
When I Was Twelve
I Used To Delve
Into Evil Schemes
Just To Elicit Screams
Boost My Self Esteem
Pushed My Sister Down A Well
She Just Fell
Oh, But I Love To Dwell
I Deserve To Roast Deep Down In Hell
Where No One Can Hear Me Yell
When I Was Fourteen
Nothing Much Happened
Well
There Was That One Time
I Am Not A Bad Man
Even Though I Do Bad Things
Very Bad Things
Such Horrible Things
But It's Not Quite What It Seems
Not Quite What He Seems
Not Quite What I Seem
Ah, Hell
It's Exactly What It Seems
When I Was Sixteen
Life Was Frightening
My Brother Was Quite Dull
So With Laughter In My Skull
Pushed Him In A Hole
Then Buried Him Alive
He Barely Survived
Oh, But I Love The Cries
I Deserve To Be Battered And Fried
In An Electric Chair That's Set On High
Now That I'm Eighteen
I Still Hate Things
From This Padded Cell I Call My Home
No Friends, No Phone
No Life To Call My Own
Here I Will Lie
Until The Very Day I Die
Until My Blood Begins To Dry
And I Return To The Darkness From Whence I Came
So
I Am Not A Bad Man
Even Though I Do Bad Things
Very Bad Things
Such Horrible Things
But It's Not Quite What It Seems
Not Quite What I Seem
Ah, Hell
I'm Exactly What I Seem
That is what I think Alistair's new theme song should be!!
WHAT?!
*Glares at Adra*
Oh hell yeah. Thank you for just proving that to me.
*horrified* And you still spell his name "Alistair"
*Stands up and roars*
WHAT THE HELL HAS HOTTEN INTO YOU!!! I DON'T LOVE HIM!!! ADMIRATION IS CLOSER!!!
My iPod keeps changing it!!!!!
*Throws iPod against wall*
Stupid darn thing!!!
*giggles* They say that getting angry is part of desire for someone..
*Starts banging head against wall*
Shut.
The.
Hell.
Up.
Now.
How lovely.
Oh, my gosh, the ideas, the ideas!
If I hadn't come up with it, it would even work against me.
[Facepalm]
What the 13102222 am I doing?
Never mind that. [Throws gummy bears at Alice]
#ChaseForBook9
Admiration... *exhales* Well, I can't say this is the weirdest day I've ever had, but it's certainly up there.
You know, Death, you really aren't doing anything to disprove her claim. *appears mildly concerned*
*laughs until she's fallen on the ground, tears in the corners of her eyes* Oh my god...
*laughs even harder so that she's just a curled up ball in the ground*
Looks like we've blown killing each other out of the water.
I can't kill you because you've decided to go full-out transparent again. SO.
Why not
[Bird cry]
[Elevates back to the roof and disappears momentarily]
#ChaseForBook9
*laughs* Seriously, I'd love to see you try though.
See who try what?
Adra, you're the one always fighting against him all the time.
*picks up a few more throwing knives and begins hurtling them at Alastair* I was practicing for this, you know.
Going out of your way to do something for him? Yeah, it seems that your just trying to get all the eyes off you.
To actually kill me. It's not like you've tried before... *shrugs* It'd be nice to have a fair match is all I'm saying.
Don't think I've forgotten the no-magic rule!
[Lowers down again with parcel]
MORE CANDY GUYSSSS!!!
[holds up Swedish Fish.]
[Adjusts hairpins] Stupid things keep falling out! But they're metal! :D
#ChaseForBook9
*laughs* Now, this has definitely never happened.
You forgot quotation marks, Rosie. *giggles* your attempt in denial's cute. I'll give you that much.
I'm getting ready for a sleep over at WarZone's, I can't look at this properly!! Thank god for autocorrect!!
*tosses knife at Fabienne*
*Walks to Fabi and hands her Mars bar*
Americans don't have these, do they?
[Dodges it and/or melts it]
(Is the binding spell still up? I would actually be able to tell this by being in the room, so...)
So I take it you don't want candy?
#ChaseForBook9
No, because Rose got in here
No, we don't! Thanks!
Want some Swedish Fish? [offers her a pack]
#ChaseForBook9
(Obviously the barrier is gone, I seem to be here too, but the magic layer?)
#ChaseForBook9
Gone as well. Apparently Alastair was quite the sigil student.
What's Sweedish Fish?
*shrugs* I was bored, so I threw a knife at you.
(Yes, although there's still some degree of binding. I used knives engraved with sigils to start breaking them down.)
Tracked down and killed the best sigil student in the time.
Okay then!
[Eats a Swedish Fish]
Oh, and the original meaning? It's gone! XD
[Skips around in circles]
#ChaseForBook9
They're red gummy candy!
Also it used to be a code. XD
#ChaseForBook9
*Skids new purple knife at Alistair*
This is a present to kill her with!!
Okay...
*Takes one slowly*
*grins and waves* hi!
Wow Rose, don't think you can handle me? Is it because I killed you before?
*catches knife and immediately throws at Adra* Why thank you, Death.
[Stops and pulls pin out of hair]
[Scowls]
[Pulls needle and thread out of hair]
The nice thing about the magical version of EBay is that it has really quick delivery! [Runs needle through where the digit spell was]
[Symbol starts working again]
[Runs to the next sigil]
#ChaseForBook9
It's cause I quite like my spine intact!!
WILL BE DISTANT!!! Painting nails!!
How much do you put in your hair, Fabienne?
[Melts knife before it reaches her]
[Runs needle through the next sigil]
[Turns and runs toward the third]
#ChaseForBook9
A lot of pins to keep it in shape!
And in this case a needle that sews spells together!
[Activates the third symbol]
#ChaseForBook9
Thanks, Fabi! Appreciate it! *touches the wall so the ceiling collapses on Alastair*
No problem!
This isn't going to work, is it?
[Dodges debris and runs needle through the fourth sigil]
#ChaseForBook9
*shrugs* No harm in trying. Whatever it is.
*holds pieces of ceiling up with air, throws them at Adra and Fabi*
It's supposed to re-activate spells, the binding spell, but I bought it off the Internet, so who knows what it does!
[Decides to wait and see]
#ChaseForBook9
*raises the shield, and the pieces disintegrate before hitting her*
[Ducks, holding jumbo-pack of Swedish Fish over head]
#ChaseForBook9
Rubbish!
[runs fingers down needle]
It's pulsing....
Oh no!
[Runs to the first symbol and pushes the needle through in the opposite direction]
#ChaseForBook9
*piece of ceiling that had been aimed at Fabi suddenly flies into self* *sound of bone cracking, then quickly snapping back into place* *stands up, breathing a tad harder than usual* Fabienne, what did you say those were for?
[Melts my hairpins into a sword as I run towards the next symbol]
#ChaseForBook9
*laughs* Good job, Fabs.
The needle?
It reactivates spells! Or it's supposed to!
#ChaseForBook9
Okay, the opposite direction doesn't seem to have changed things at all! What on Earth...?
#ChaseForBook9
So Alastair's spells are reversing on himself?
Then that means...
Thanks, I think!
NEVER trust the magical version of EBay!
#ChaseForBook9
I don't know! My sword looks okay. I didn't turn into a sword... I don't think! Do I look like a sword?
#ChaseForBook9
[Sword turns into hairpins again]
Ah. Well then.
#ChaseForBook9
HELLOOOOO
(Hi Jubi! [Tosses a Swedish Fish] How're you? Don't use the magical version of EBay!)
#ChaseForBook9
...I threw a grenade at him earlier.
Well I don't think that's what it's doing. Maybe rebounding, but not reactiviting. That made things a bit difficult.
Is this happening to the rest of you...?
*a pile of rocks falls on Adra*
F*ck's sake.
FABI!!!! ADRA!!!! *Supermegatacklehugsofdoom*
hi
*catches swedish fish*
I'm craving swedish fish now
*sticks her arm out the top* Ow.... Ow ow ow
DAMMIT.
This, my dear friends, is why I don't rely on magic too much.
hello....
nice to see the role-play is continuing... (is it?)
Oh hey it's Alice...
*Opens up bad of Swedish Fish* *Pulls out the snake*
SNAKE! *points to Alice*
212-200-001-121!!
*Waves and returns with bright green and black*
Okay, back and fabulous!
*Shudders and pulls out symbol covered gun*
And armed...
[Ceiling repairs and closes itself and my wire-thing rises again]
[The knife Alastair threw at my head rises from the puddle of metal and flies backwards to where he was standing when he threw it]
This is...bizarre. Any suggestions, people?
#ChaseForBook9
*Snake wraps around Alice and binds his powers*
yay...!
No, JUBI!
[Snake wraps around Jubi]
The magic in here, it's reversed somehow! I have no idea what the 2$:8.)€_'di is going on!
#ChaseForBook9
hello...??
are people ignoring me??
whats going on
(MSD)
SNOW!!!! *supermegatacklehugsofdoom*
hi.
*catches knife* I've got one. *starts to throw knives at pins, dislodging them*
(Hi Snow! Yeah, it is.)
#ChaseForBook9
F*** THIS.
F***. THIS.
*kicks her way out of the rubble* I am done with magic. *trips and rolls down the pile*
(We're still RPing snow)
.... You ok, Adra...?
(Snow, the roleplay from several days ago is still alive and well.)
*Looks around*
I don't think so... I was gone for a bit...
*Contents of bag throw themselves back in*
Okay... Scary...
@Jubi Erm... [Shrugs]
The pins in my hair? [Dodges as best as I can]
#ChaseForBook9
NO, DAMMIT!. *kicks a rock at Rose, hitting her in the face*
(thank you...)
whats going on...?
*grins*
Jubi's hyper...
I LITERALLY HAD A BROWNIE 5 MINUTES AGO!
IRL!
*the bullets fly themselves back at Adra*
NO! *raises her shield where they impale* *the staff re-forms itself hitting her hard in the stomach*
oh, for....
WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING??????
*Falls back with a bleeding lip*
Great. I am going to a sleep over and I'll be like this?
*Groans*
*hunched over* I don't know whether to be angry or happy I hit so hard...
I'm completely lost on this role play ...
[Goes to the symbol I did last and runs the needle through backwards]
HOPE THIS WORKS! [Shouts over the chaos]
#ChaseForBook9
Hm. I have a radical idea. Everyone who doesn't want to die should barricade themselves behind something strong.
will someone please answer my question!!!
(The needle was supposed to reactivate the binding spell on the entire room, but instead it seems to be rebounding everyone's magic!)
[Runs to the symbol I did third]
#ChaseForBook9
..*jumps into the cage with Alastair*
I regret this.
@#$%!!!!
WHAT IS GOING ON???
I'll slice your arm off if you try anything.
Something strong..?
ok *Dives behind a rock*
Yeah, I'd run and hide if I were you, but it's my mess, I'll fix it!
[Pushes the needle backwards through the second(to last) symbol]
[Needle snaps]
9$njeiH$€{*jm!!!
#ChaseForBook9
WE DON'T KNOW!!!!
GAH!!!!
*Knives start flying back and hits self in the side*
Ow!!! Thank God you're a good, non-enchanted knife!!
*Pulls knife out and grits teeth* *Starts slashing the symbols on the wall*
Okay, here goes nothing!
[uses magic to break the needle]
[Needle repairs itself]
[Runs to the next symbol]
[Dodges a random knife]
#ChaseForBook9
@#$%!!!
I GIVE UP!!!
*poofs away*
(bye for now)
DEATH!!!
I think I have to reverse it with the needle!
#ChaseForBook9
Rose, you're not supposed to take the knife out it quickens the blood loss.
Derp.
DAMMIT CONFLICTING EDITS
Snow, I'm about as lost as you are.. so....
*Jumps behind chest that held the mace* *Screams* #@&$!! I had to!! I had to glare at Adra!!! *Bites down on backpack to muffle the screams*
(They locked me in a magically bound room, I broke the bind, now all our magic is rebounding)
*energy explodes out of self and breaks down walls and cieling* *after a moment, walls and ceiling return and energy implodes* *lies motionless on ground*
[Pushes needle backwards a bit more cautiously this time]
One more!
[Dashes towards the symbol I activated first]
#ChaseForBook9
*Sighs*
Ah, thank God I didn't glare for long... And I think I shoulda known about that knife... I'm an idiot...
*Takes out first aid kit and starts to bandage wound*
*pokes Alastair*
So, I'm right next to you....
You still alive?
[Screams and dodges the wall]
Do you want me to 11410321142412 fix this mess or not?
#ChaseForBook9
*is breathing, but barely*
[Is now thoroughly covered in bruises, scrape marks and dust from all the rubble]
[Gets to next symbol and...hesitates]
#ChaseForBook9
*slaps Alastair* I'm going to kill you if you don't wake up.
[Pushes needle backwards through final symbol]
[Steps back and eyes the ceiling warily]
#ChaseForBook9
*Closes eyes and leans against the wall* *Attempts to stop the room from collapsing on itself and stops the objects in the room flying around by manipulating gravity*
*Talks in dead voice* You might feel like your being pulled into the ground but don't fight it. Let it do what gravity does best.
Fabi... What's going to happen to the ceiling?
(Watching i have nothing else to do
I don't know!
#ChaseForBook9
There's only one person...
Dammit. *places hands on Alastairs chest, and begins to press down* Wake up, you lazy arse!
Hey Zaf! You just got first!
(Oh, speaking of first, I'm going to try reuploading the over-a-week-late video ded. It said an hour or two, not several days. I think there's a bug. Or bad wifi in vampire town.)
Death...?
And hopefully nothing happens to the ceiling?
#ChaseForBook9
(Adra can i join for few min? I can try to get you out
(Not in the middle of all this, of course. It's fun! Mostly!)
#ChaseForBook9
Zaf... Anything you can do can and will be reversed on you. You better think it through first.
*Slumps against the wall*
Okay, the gravity is going to be funky in here for a while but the celing won't fall...
*Sighs heavily*
I'm leaving to go to WarZone's soon so I won't be on for a while...
I'm not giving you CPR, Alastair.
*draws a circle around his head, and touches it, where it lights up blue*
Well, let's see if the reversal/rebounding thing is still working.
[Melts hairpins into a sword again]
#ChaseForBook9
I...I CAN SHADOW WALK if i connect all of us together i can get us out
[Moment of suspense]
#ChaseForBook9
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