It is Awards time again, and you can vote for your favourite Irish book of the year here- http://www.irishbookawards.ie/PublicVote.aspx
This year I’m going up against my good friend Sarah Webb and the wonderful John Boyne, so it’s going to be close. I’m also up against Marie-Louise Fitzpatrick- I haven’t met her yet, but I’ve heard great things...
Now, even though you are my Minions, and you would die horribly for my own amusement- which I DO appreciate- feel free to vote for whatever book you prefer. It doesn’t have to be mine.
There, now that THAT’S over, I can tell you what I’ve been thinking about for the past few days. I’ve been trying to figure out what the new book IS.
The first book was an adventure, through and through. Young girl snatched away from her ordinary life into a world of sorcerers and vampires and ancient gods… Yep, that’s adventure.
Playing With Fire was a monster movie of a book. You had the Grotesquery being reanimated, you had the Torment turning into that huge spider, you had a fight between the two and lots of running and screaming… Yep, monster movie.
The third book, of course, that was the Whodunnit- that was the murder mystery. Aside from everything else going on, there was a killer stalking teleporters, and a (possibly) surprise twist at the end… Definitely a Whodunnit.
Naturally, Dark Days was a revenge flick. That’s pretty obvious.
Mortal Coil was my Invasion of the Body Snatchers- a fantastic movie that I loved when I was a teenager. It’s also my version of The Thing, possibly the best horror movie of all time.
But what, I’ve been wondering, is the next book going to be? What handy little label can I give it? What approach should I take? And the more I thought about it, the clearer it got, and now, NOW, I have it.
The next book is the culmination of all the Necromancer stories and plots and themes, and so in one corner, we have the Death Bringer, and in the other corner, we have the person who has returned simply to DESTROY the Death Bringer- we have Lord Vile. Two hugely powerful people with astonishing levels of magic, battling it out. We’re talking tidal waves of darkness. We’re talking people being punched through buildings.
Add in the fact that now the twins know magic exists, and are making normal life tough for Valkyrie, and now she’s doing everything she can to protect her secret identity from the rest of her family.
Hugely powerful people. Secret identities. MASSIVE battles.
The next book is, let’s face it, the darkest superhero story you’re ever going to read. With a bucketload of horror.
Sweet.
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which isn't the answer to EVERYTHING. *news flash pops up* DON'T TRY ANY OF WHAT BEN SAYS AT HOME KIDS. ADULTS . . . FEEL FREE!!!!!!!!
MAM'S BACK
who can i call mr/ms. smellyfeet
No not a lady KILLER... I have my ways... but on the internet when you've never seen them for real... pretty much yeah
sigh
At least I'll have my tea soon...
(OMG) HI all...
i'm mr. coldfeet
call kallista ms smelly feet *chuckles and faints*
oh hi dragona...
Ben have you done the 'thing' yet?
POO!
*zooms in on hoverboard*
Just been to the future
IT WAS AWESOME
I also know what happens in the SP books
YAY!
q=WORKS HXM SHHG HDWSY £&*%$£" DYGSJ
ms. smellyfeet has nice smelling feet
sarcasim
interesting...
hi Dragona
what... no not yet... SHE hasn'T been online
Yes Kallista... much better thanks...
oh hi dragona
how bout' you and the Fone Lthat Oyou like?
ms smellyfeet is kallista
i hereby christen you ms. smellyfeet
Fone Lthat Oyou like?
oh yeh and amm writing my new book!!!!
I get that ben... very funny haha...
(sarcasm)
*walks up to Giant Panda*
How much DO you weigh?
*Giant Panda goes crazy*
Sorry... CALM DOWN!
ruler of the page has smellyfeet
oh cool you get it ... no reason to say it loud... i'll delete the PERSON
i'm writing a story too
DONE
*comes in, mauled by panda*
NEVER tell a Giant Panda to calm down...
Ha bloody ha...
the name was ben's idea
HAS ANYONE SEEN MY BRAIN?
LANGUAGE. OH crap.
ewfje
*grumbles*
you know SMS messages... save MY soul
i have your brain pickeled in a jar over here Lunar
OK
I've lost my brain
So there goes my mind...
Now I really HAVE lost my mind
You're soul will need saving once I've finished with it...
brains smell bad
*looks at kallista and shrinks into corner.* erm erm... thrice came up with the name...but i said kallista so...
THRICE!
HOWEVER WILL I GET IT BACK?
lunar i already told you i have your brain over here
*takes out gun and kills self...* oh hi devil... AGAIN
HOW WILL I GET MY BRAIN BACK?
here, you can have your smelly brain, ms.smellybrain
*DIES AGAIN*
*comes walking back in*
I'm in a miscivious mood :]
ben, you finally entered my domain, hell
Grr...
thanks...
how do I insert my brain?
hi ms. civious
oh dam ....nicolette
thanks...
How do you insert a brain into your own head?
Alert Alert I warn you now I have been reading about demons and vampires and am in an evil mood :]
hello ben hello darkane hello anyone else who came whilst I was gone
Hi Nicolette...
you just cut off the top of your head and... OH MY GOD! don't google how, it's violent.
@ben ..
am I really that bad in my evi moods >:]
kallista, im a boy and \I want to stay that way. Young and in a good status in secondary
Yeah!
You'll need to turn your face UP
(literally)
Hello Kallista :]
dinner brb
erm... nicolette. From our recent wars im saying...YES
Ben I think you should so it, y'know?
How do I do it?
*begins to cry*
The brain is sticky!
do sorry damn typos grr...
CAN ANYONE HELP ME?!
hehehehe but I wasn't in an evil mood then *laughs then disapears into shadows*
*taps ben behind he turns and I stab his shoulder with a dagger whilst laughing*
hehehe oh being evils fun
*jumps back into shadows unseen*
ew... i googled how to cut someone's head off...
*shoots tranquiliser dart at Lunar*
(whispers) who wants to be terrorised next ?
*gets gun out* i've been looking foward to this!!!!
*attempts to thread brain through ear*
*brain hangs from ear*
help? anyone?
kallista... you should hide because things are going to get MESSY
*last comment happened after waking up from tranquilliser dart*
*fires gun at nicolette catching her left thigh*
*dies*
*laughter can be heard from shadows coming from different points every second constintly moving then stopping behind ben*
What makes you think you could hit me? take a guess any of the shadows
*dissapears silently into shadows constently moving silently*
Left thigh? *goes back to her bunny*
ahh poor might
*gets up and fires again at random. hits kallista as she peeks out*
*Goes into shadows as well*
*tries lots of hats on in mirror*
Top hat or fedora hat?
Atually nicolette ... i was thinking that we keep havin wars and that... if we worked together we could reighn SUPREME. and then destroy the world. at this rate all wer'e destroying is a town...
*hugs random guy from street*
FEDORA
*puts on fedora hat*
How do I look?
damn all you little £*$"$^ kids!
*kills all of the kids*
Hmmmm I like that though ben *surprises ben by tapping his shoulder and handing him a dagger*
just don't miss or you mess up my reputation
*disappears into different shadows*
*grabs ben and nicolette*
hey guys :D
did u enjoy ur birthday yesterday kallista?
*telepathcically* OH COOL... I CAN MOVE STUFF WITHOUT TOUCHIN THEM NOW!
NO FIGHTING GAYS!
OK Nicolette... deal
(sinds in a whisper ring a ring a roses behind Kallista - represents black death)
*moves then grabs Kallista and pulls her into shadows covering her mouth to stop her screaming*
If you dare use any violence or reign supreme or whatever you shall die...
*puts dagger in belt*
*Grabs lunar and covers her mouth*
*dagger hits Dragona* WERE NOT GAYS!! *laughs then goes silent*
*a muffled scream escapes Kallistas lips so I slit my dagger down her arm and she holds in another scream*
*picks up Nicolette, making the shadows release Kallista*
YOU BLOOMIN LITTLE MONGREL!
*throws Nicolette*
*chuckles behind dragona and then disapears*
brb
tea
*laughs at Dragona* Do realize you just grabbed kallista there?
*punches Nicolette across the jaw, before taking her dagger and slitting her throat with it*
THAT IS WHAT YOU GET!
I TOLD YO NO VIOLENCE!
*looks upon seen before her and gawps* woah....what did i miss?
*dragona grabs for me but can't escape because laughing to hard he slits my throat and I fall to ground limp*
no problem kallista ;) glad u had a great day
you can never defeat the supreme...
are we all being violent?! *grabs crossbow* yay! its like christmas!
Um............... *Grabs a water gun and sprays Ben* MWAHAHA!
I AM BLOOMIN WELL FED UP OF THESE F***ING WARS THAT EVERYONE KEEPS HAVING, IF YOU DO NOT STOP IT I'LL TEAR YOUR BLOOMIN THROAT OUT AND MAKE YOU EAT IT YOU BLOOMIN LITTLE MONGRELS!
*Dragona goes for ben and i stand creeping back to the shadows*
hehehe I'm good *cut on throat has healed*
*Slits darkanes arm*
*listens to Dragonas threat whilst tossing a dagger in the shadows*
.. well someones a little grumpy :]
*grabs ben and tears his throat out, shoves it in his mouth and throws him off a cliff*
Oi! *slits Bens throat*
*ducks out of dragonas way* by the way i think supreme was the wrong word. moree like amature
No Kallista... the people who are fighting I call bloomin little mongrels...
*cheers on Kallista* YOU GO GIRL!!!
*darts to skylara and whispers something in her ear she staggers off terrefied my threat to help Kallista*
Thanks Kallista.
*looks at dragona filled with anger and slowly puts crossbow down* ok dragona.....ive put the crossbow down....just calm...do-KIDDING! *throws random granade and it hits cheryl cole* WOOOOTTTS!
c'mon dragona... is tht all you got. since these BLOOMIN LITTLE MONGRELs are getting better...
*hi fives ben*
*Grabs a bag of bombs and throws them at ben, they explode and he runs around on fire*
Soz darkane. you can help me and nicolette to destroy the world if you like?
*tuts at Kallista and grabs her back into shadows teaching her her lesson again before throwing her back out into open heavily bleeding and eys fixed on dragona*
*Puts out the fire and ponders*
No ben... that is not all that i've got... if anyone else uses violence I'll kill them...
Seriously , my blade slipped and hurt your arm
destroy the world?! nicolette and ben why are you trying to destroy the world?!
*grabs Nicolette, tears her throat out and throws her off a cliff*
DO YOU NOT LISTEN YOU STUPID LITTLE BRAT?
nicolette carry on without be for a bit. its my dinner time
Meh, the world is over rated *joins Nicolette and Ben in their evil plan*
What's going on?
*before goes, kick dragona in the face* i'll be back soon for MORE of tht
*side steps as Dragona reaches into the darkness*
of course I listen .. I just don't learn >:]
Sorry Nicolette... I didn't mean that about calling you a brat, you aren't... but if there's one thing I cannot stand is violence on here... ben, Nicolette, please stop fighting...
ohhh no you dont nicolette, darkane and ben *grabs flamethrower* your gonna have to go for me before you destroy this world. THIS WORLD HAS PRINGLES! I CANT LET YOU DESTROY IT!
You what ben?
I'll batter the crap outa you...
*jumps on Dragonas Back and slits a dagger threw his armour peircing his arm*
*jumps bak into shadow and darts off*
Cough *taps Skylara on the shoulder and grabs the flame thrower off her*
If you join us we can steal the pringle recipe and make them on the place we're going to.
NICOLETTE STOP IT NOW!
YOU DAMN LITTLE...
JUST STOP USING VIOLENCE...
*Watches stem coming out of Dragona's ears.* hehehe.
you...you'd steal the pringle recipe? ohh...erm...now you've stumped me....give me a sec.
*walks over to corner to ponder on whether to join the other side or not*
*ponders question* hmmm mabey later
*runs at skylara daggers at the ready she uses flame thrower and I dodge over it heating marshmellows on the way*
skylara were not completly destroying it just destroying all the bad and keeping all the good to ourselves so think about it?
*makes dagger against skylaras neck noticible for if she makes wrong desicion*
Okay, I have gathered three people are trying to destroy the world
(Been there, done that)
Everyone else is fighting
(Been there, done that)
Except for Dragon, who is trying, and failing to keep control
(Yes, been there, done that)
Anything else?
*bangs head against a wall, hits so hard the wall breaks*
I swear... if anyone uses violence again I am never coming on... and you lot will be having all these huge wars, have no friends and you'll wish 'Oh if we just had listened to Dragona', then you can have as many wars as you like, happy?
*grabs kallista* were not betraying you were making the world a better place .... for us ...
please join us
And Skylara likes pringles...
i'm back
Dragona, do..... do marshmallows count as violence? *Hides the big pack of marshmallows she was about to pelt him with behind her back*
*looks at dagger nicolette is holding on her neak* hmm..ok darkane now i dont think im gonna join the side that has a dagger on my neak.
BUT while i was here 'pondering in the corner' i made a few calls.
*nicolette looks behind her to see a giant army of oompa loompas riding alpacas* ohh YEAHH!
i'm sry i started the smellyfeet war
*darts to Thrice and holds him dagger pressed against throat*
Heya Thrice do you want to join int the fight ... if not you can just die its all good :] .. for me anyway
MARSHMALLOWS!
*leaps at Darkane's marshmallows, trying to reach the fluffy goodness*
i like alpakas
SKYLARA!!!! *slits her neck and stabs her into ground*
THAT WIIL TEACH YOU TO GO AGAINST ME!! ...
Aw, that's a pity Skylara. *Grabs pringle recipe and holds it over flames*
i hate llamas
a llama bit me when I was 5
ok i have smelly feet, i am mister smellyfeet
* takes out loads of daggers and therws them into ecveryone who's fighting neck
*manages to keep Skylara alive long enough to watch all pringles and there recipe burn away*
I would offer you one of the last pringle but since you have no throat and are about to die .... >:]
*Gives Lunar some marshmallows* Sorry I need the rest for amo. *Loads marshmallow gun*
that Is what this war is about right
*takes throat out of her neck like she just been hit my a fly and gkares at Thrice with peircing yellow eyes*
I'd advice against that Thrice
*Sneaks up behind Kalista and grabs the pringle recipe and all the copies she made and burns them*
*fills mouth with marshmallows*
marshmallows...
*grins with mouth full of marshmallows*
NOOOOOO THE PRINGLE RECIPE!!!! WHY OH WHY DID THAT HAVE TO DIE IN THIS WAR!!! OK, NOW IM ANGRY!
*nicolette thinks shes slit skylaras throat but acutally skylara switched herself with a dummy while nicolette was staring at alpacas and oompa loompas*
ATTACK!!!!! *nicolette and darkane are trampled by alpacas and skylara dives for pringle recipe*
* eats ashes af all pringles and holds mouth in front of marshmallow gun
*grabs kallista and tears up recipie*
I offer you a place without threat and you go against me!! ONE OF MY BEST FREINDS!!!!!!!
*slits her neck and stabs her in side then heart*
HOW COULD YOU!!!!!!!!!11
oh thank god! kallista saved the pringle recipe!
no food shall go to waste in thei war
I had pringles yesterday
now I'm having MARSHMALLOWS
haha
*Fires marshmallow gun and thrice zooms away and wakes into Skylara*
How did that happen?
*heals kallista* why? why did the pringles have to goooooo?
2nd of new page... not bad
i rule the page!!
O
*stabs self in side and lets herself die*
*Takes out a pack of pringles and throws them at Skylara, they explode everywhere and there is pringle confetti* AWESOME!!! *Dances aroung in confetti*
i shall get derek to call upon the rest of his minions to stop this war
as i rule the page
NICOLETTE!
YOU DESTROY THIS PLACE AND LET YOURSELF LEAVE!
HOW COULD YOU?!
PRINGLE CONFETTI!!!!!!!!! *dances madly in pringle confetti with mouth open catching pringles*
i will eat all food wasted in this battle
*Grabs pink furry dinosaurs and shoves them in Thrice's mouth*
Derek is busy
Writing the awesomeness that shall surely exist
DO DO DOO
*says through mouth full of pringles* is de war ober now?
*dances*
for no reason
just dances
*Throws marshmallow in the air and they turn into fireworks, when they land they are toasted*
I started this war, i will kill myself to stop the fighting
* cut's self up in front of a bunch of rotwilers
*puts knife through heart*
*blood pours down the unhealing hole, where Lunar Tears' soul once lay at peace*
No, no it's not Skylara. *Fires pringle and marshmallow guns while laughing hysterically* MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
*sees everyone killing themselves* MY WORK IS NOT DONE!
*grows magical fairy wings and flys over everyone healing them instantly* PRINGLES GIVE YOU WINNGGGS!
* eats all pringles and marshmallows in the form of a rotwiller
pringles and marshmellows!!!!!!!!*flys catching pringles and marshmellows while darkane fires them*
*Turns serious, sees Skylara flying and levitates up to her. Points pringle gun at her* Open your mouth or die.
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