Babies, Volcano Gods, and Jedward

I have a new niece.

Her name is Sophie, she is nine pounds, four and half ounces with black hair, a squashed-up face, intriguingly large ears, and she is exactly four hours old. The prophecy is now complete. Life is imitating art. Sophie is now Valkyrie. Rebecca and Emily are now Carol and Crystal (sorry girls). I am now Gordon Edgley, and as such, I only have twelve years left before I am murdered by an evil sorcerer.

So much to do, so little time...

The first thing I want to do is thank everyone who turned up at my various tour dates around the world. I’ve already blogged about Hong Kong/Australia/New Zealand, and then I had two weeks off before the UK tour started. It was delayed slightly by the ash clouds from Iceland's volcano, and in fact it looked like I wouldn’t be able to go at all. It got so bad, I was taking votes as to who I should sacrifice to the Volcano Gods in order to appease them. Irish superstar duo Jedward were out in front for the longest time, with Justin Bieber a close second. The problem was, I didn’t really know who Justin Bieber was. Yes, I knew he was, like, eight years old or something, and he sang about true love like only an eight-year-old can, but I didn’t think the Volcano Gods would be satisfied. Justin Bieber is, I think, entirely inoffensive.

Jedward, on the other hand, are hilarious, and I felt they would be a fitting sacrifice. I don’t mind the fact that they can’t sing, and I find it endearing that they are incapable of moving to any kind of rhythm, and I think it is positively adorable that one of them is always a move behind the other in their “dance” routines. Many people mock them, but I say to you- could you do what they do? Could you be asked a question about what dreams you have left, after achieving so much, and proceed to tell the baffled interviewer that you had a dream last night that you were flying...?

I think not.

I couldn’t quite catch Jedward though (they’re surprisingly slippery little fellas), but I think the Volcano Gods were impressed by my intentions, and so they allowed planes to take to the skies once again. I toured the south of England for five days, signed an awful lot of books and pieces of paper, and stayed at some truly odd hotels. I met amazing people- including one or two I knew from the comments section in this Blog and the Bebo page- and generally felt good the entire time. And then I came home, and was happy.

For the next tour, in September, I think the plan is to tour the NORTH of England, and hopefully Scotland. I’ll also be in Germany for a few days, and of course do a tour of Ireland. What all this means, of course, is that now I have five or six months completely free, to write something new...

Well, ALMOST completely free. I still have to finish Book Five. It was going to be called Mortal Coil, but apparently nobody knows what that means, so I’ve just been told I’m going to have to come up with a brand new title. Yay. I love coming up with titles. Just love it. I realise none of you actually know what happens in the next book, but I can tell you that there’s intrigue and a scary new assassin and some disturbing repercussions concerning Valkyrie’s revelation at the end of Dark Days. So if you guys have any good titles, feel free to let me know, and I shall steal them from you and they shall make me millions and my laughter shall echo hollowly in my golden mansion of gold.

Failing that, I’ll just have to come up with a title myself. Sigh.

Oh, and I swear, the photos from the tour WILL be posted, as soon as I find that little connecting lead thing that hooks the camera up to the computer. Then you shall marvel at my photo taking ability. Or possibly not.

I go now.

Oh, and by the way... 66 comments for my last post? SIXTY-SIX?? Are you people INSANE? Everyone at my publishers is stunned at the sheer amount of comments this Blog gets, because no one has seen this kind of volume before.

You KNOW what this does to me! You KNOW you are torturing me, and yet you persist! You are sick, evil people, and if this kind of behaviour continues, I shall hunt you down, each one of you, wait until you’re alone, and attack you with a dry sponge.

You have been warned.