sigh

You broke the internet AGAIN??

You do these things just to annoy me, don't you? It's because you're all evil, that's what it is. All my minions are evil.

Sigh.

Well, I suppose we needed a new blog entry anyway- a special Halloween themed one... So use the comments section wisely, my wicked minions, and tell me what you did, who you dressed up as, and did you get any tricks or, indeed, treats...

Placemats

A lot of people are asking where they can buy Skulduggery placemats, and the answer is NOWHERE! My sisters actually breached copyright to get them made, but because they had the permission of my publishers, they're not being sued...

I'd love to sue my sisters. That would be FUNNY.

Wouldn't make me too popular around Christmas time, though...

Post-Birthday Blog

My cats are all around me.

They’re twisting around my feet and jumping onto the desk, nudging my hand, and then dropping to the floor again. I think they do this to remind me that I’ve known them the longest- much longer than I’ve known those silly dogs in the kitchen. Groomer, bless her little soul, has acquired the unsettling habit of falling asleep behind the computer monitor. At least once a week I’ll walk in here, sit down, start answering emails or writing blogs, and half an hour later a little puzzled head will pop out from behind the monitor and give me a fright. Or worse, I’ll be writing away and I’ll suddenly sneeze, and this will freak her out completely and she will LAUNCH herself out from behind the monitor and I’ll jerk back and generally have a heart attack. Oh what fun cats are.

It was my birthday yesterday. I would get depressed, but the fact is I seem to be improving as I get older, so I really don’t mind. I also got these pictures texted to me, first thing in the morning.

I am the worst person to buy a present for, because everything I want I already own, but even so, my family managed to get me some nice surprises. My mother got me the coolest aftershave ever- for those moments when I have to be grown-up. My dad got me a bag of Wine Gums, because he knows what I like. My brother got me a DVD of a film I had loved when I was a teenager but had completely forgotten about- Vamp. And my sisters...

My sisters, and let’s be honest here, do not have the best track record for buying me presents. I think we all remember the “Fix Your Bathroom Up” fiasco, and the “Curtain Rail” debacle, and to top it all off, last Christmas’ “Bath Mat” embarrassment. So, what did they get me, you ask?

We were all sitting around the table, and my nieces were being hilariously cute as always, and my sisters gave me the present they had bought (with the assistance of their husbands, naturally). Smiling politely, I unwrapped it. I was actually holding it upside down, but even so, there was no disguising what it was.

“Ah,” I said. My sisters were looking at me eagerly. “It appears,” I continued, “and bear in mind that I could be wrong, as I haven’t turned it right-side up yet, that you have, in fact, got me some placemats for my birthday.”

They nodded, delighted with themselves. I was perplexed. Only five minutes earlier, they had assured me that they had finally found me a present I would regard as cool. But placemats? Those square things you put on your table for the plates to sit on? How on Earth would I find THAT cool?

And then I turned them over.

“Huzzah!” I cried. “Skulduggery placemats!”

And there was much merriment (yayyy) and verily, it was a good day.

So now I am 36, and a much better person than I was a few days ago. I feel that 35 was merely a rehearsal for 36- that the last 35 years were just to prepare myself for being who I am now. Finally, I am the age I was born to be.

Thank you all for your birthday wishes, you crazy lunatics. I see that you continue to ignore my calls for less comments, which is how it should be. Minions should be allowed to babble every once in a while. It’s only healthy, after all.

So, what will I be doing for the next year, I wonder? I plan to start the next Skulduggery book sometime in November, and I’m going to take the opportunity to keep you all informed about the writing process. I know there are plenty of writers out there who have been asking for tips, so all my tips will be explained over the course of writing Skulduggery 6. Wow... the sixth book. The end of the second trilogy. After that, only three more books to go. All of those plotlines and themes and stories will have to be tied up, as it all rushes towards the final, epic, conclusion.

Kinda scary, to be honest.

My God. You broke the Blog.

Did you know there was a 5000 comment limit on this Blog? I didn't. Of course, I never thought it would ever MATTER what the limit was, as the idea of reaching it was just so silly...

And now you've reached it.

Okay fine, you haven't actually BROKEN the blog, but still! I got an email from my agent a few minutes ago, and it simply said- "Five THOUSAND comments!"

So I came on here, realised what you'd all done, and I wept, for now my publishers will be jumping for joy and clapping their hands, because we have reached a landmark moment... And it's all down to the fact that you're all insane.

As for me, my Krav Maga course is over tomorrow, and I shall return to my normal life, in which I can complain about Blogs and I only have to train once or twice a week, instead of every single day... Normal service will be resumed shortly.

In the meantime, try not to break the internet, okay?

A Short Post

This is a small little entry, in a desperate attempt to stop the comment section from growing any larger... Sifting through 3000 comments by you oddballs is not an easy thing to do...

I'd post another blog, but I am SERIOUSLY tired... I've just started a 14 day highly intensive course at my Krav Maga school, a course that takes up 10 hours of every day... And this is what I do instead of a holiday... Actually, this IS my holiday...

I'm on holiday! Yayyyy!

Tobias, the Lonely Ghost

What’s this? What’s this? A blog entry that isn’t about ME? Has the world gone INSANE?

Yes. Yes it has. But I’m sure you don’t mind. Most of you were already nuts long before this...

Tom Percival, the wonderful cover artist for Skulduggery, has his own book out for younger readers- "Tobias and the Super Spooky Ghost Book". I could tell you a bit about the story, I could tell you that Tobias is a lonely ghost who sets out to play some scary tricks on the girl who has just moved into his house, but what’s the point of that? Just look at this cover!

Isn’t it awesome? Now, yes, some of you may be thinking that it’s a tad too young for Skulduggery readers (it’s aimed at 3-5 year olds), but I’m fairly certain that fans of Mr Percival are looking at this right now, just itching to get their greedy little hands on it.

Good God, I think I’ve just realised what I’m going to buy for my nieces for their first Christmas.

Yes, fine, they’re still only a few months old, but STILL! This can be the first book on their shelves! Oh I like that. I like that idea. It’s a gloriously fun book, and perfect for preparing them for Skulduggery a little further down the road. 

I am seriously going to be the best uncle ever.

For those of you who are interested- and I know there are many- you should pop over to Tom’s site- www.tom-percival.com -  and take a wander around. And to celebrate the release of his first book, I’ve asked Tom to draw a piece of Skulduggery “fan art”, in the Tobias style.

Be prepared for an overload of Skulduggery cuteness.

Look! A New Entry!

I’m not even going to mention the amount of comments in the last entry.

In a few days, I’ll talk about the tour and the events and how well it all went, but right now I’m going to talk about how much I’m hurting.

Your Golden God is bruised.

I have recently returned to martial arts, and the main thing that I’d forgotten about it all is how much it HURTS. Getting thrown around a room is SORE. Getting punched is ANNOYING. Being strangled is NOT FUN. At the end of every session I limp out to my car, panting and perspiring, with every part of my body complaining very loudly indeed.

God I’ve missed it.

I used to train in Kenpo Karate. I got my black belt, became an instructor, began to train others. I loved it, for the most part. Yes, there were aspects of the style that were totally unrealistic, techniques you would never attempt on the street, but all in all, it was a nice, effective martial art.

Then I stopped training, and became lazy, and put on weight and lost my fitness. But I was still a blackbelt, and it was always uppermost in my mind when I came to write the Skulduggery books. I wanted the fights to be as realistic as possible. I wanted them to be entertaining, sure, but I was determined to show the consequences. You might notice, as the books progress, that the fights get harder and meaner. Valkyrie gets some real injuries- injuries that I’ve suffered myself. I didn’t want to give the impression that a teenage girl can go up against a grown man and emerge without a scratch. The reality is, that’s not going to happen. If she does win, she’s going to be battered and bloody. If she doesn’t win, it’s going to be much, much worse.

So my training played a big part in my writing, because my passion for martial arts never went away. I always wanted to get back into it. I wanted to train again, but I was older now, and I didn’t want to suffer through egotistical instructors- which are a BIG problem in any club you go to. And then I found my ideal match.

Actually, Krav Maga is not, technically, a martial art. It’s a fighting system, developed by the Israelis and now taught around the world. It is BRUTALLY effective, wonderfully economic, and it doesn’t matter what shape you’re in, or what size or age you are- it’s designed to help YOU defend yourself.

So I’ve been training in Krav Maga for a few months now, and loving every bruise and scrape that I get. The people I train with are cool, the instructors have no ego, and everyone is there to learn and have fun while doing it. I just got back from a class about half an hour ago, and I’m about to go and have a shower, but I realised I hadn’t posted a new entry in AGES, and this was on my mind, so I figured I’d give you an entry you wouldn’t be expecting.

I think that everyone should know how to defend themselves. Lads, you need this knowledge and these skills because violence is a part of life now. There are ALWAYS thugs out there and, unless you’re very lucky, one of these days you’ll be dragged into it. You need to learn how to defend yourself and you need to learn to be one of the good guys.

Girls, you need those skills and that knowledge for the exact same reasons, plus a whole lot more. You need to be formidable. You need to be able to save yourself AND save others.

Look around, visit a few clubs, try out a few styles. Join a club that’s friendly, get a few mates to join with you. Have fun. Get some exercise. Learn how to throw a punch and defend against one. I want my Minions to be unstoppable fighting machines, dammit.

Next entry, I shall talk about the tour, and address the MASSIVE amounts of comments that have been building up in my absence. Also, there’ll probably be more jokes in the next entry, too.

(One final thing: is anyone else disappointed with the new Spider-Man game? And is anyone else enjoying killing zombies as much as I am in Dead Rising 2? Just wondering...)