I... I think I've just sent in the first draft of the new book...
It's rough around the edges, with some bits missing, some chapters blank... I don't mind this at all, because when my agent and me editor look at a first draft like this, they're focussing on the big picture, things like;
Does the story make sense?
Does the story work?
Are the characters consistent?
Is it as tense as it needs to be?
Does it have enough pace?
Is the book any GOOD?
These are all things I don't know, because when your head is down and you're working away, you can't look up and step back far enough to see how everything slots together. I hope they don't have any major issues with it. I hope they like it. I hope they think it's GOOD.
As I explained in a previous post, I scrapped most of what I'd written for this book at the end of December and started again. In the last month, I've had to average about twice my usual daily word amount to reach the deadline. It has been as HELLISH as it has been rewarding. I've barely been able to take any breaks, not even for twitter. The work isn't over, of course it's not, there's still a lot to do — and if my editor or agent find any major flaws in the book, that work will double.
But I managed it. I got the first draft done by writing twice as much per day as usual, and the only way I could do that was by having ridiculous amounts of fun. I wish I could tell you about it — I wish I could tell you the title that spun it off in this brand new direction — but all these things are yet to come.
Right now, though, we are gearing up to release the Armageddon Outta Here paperback in two days. As usual, I found myself in a Catch-22 position. I had a paperback coming out of a book most of you already bought in hardback (or trade paperback — the hardback-sized paperbacks), and I know a lot of you would want every edition available — because you're uber-geeks, just like me. So I wanted to give you an extra story or two (or three, as it turned out) to make it worthwhile. Of course, by including new stories, it kinda also makes people who were NOT intending to buy the paperback want to buy it, cuz they want the new stuff.
I don't like making my readers buy multiple copies of my books. If you want to, hey, go right ahead, I won't stop you, but I've never wanted anyone to feel left out if they don't buy every edition. There are some things, unfortunately, that I can't win no matter what I do. So apologies, for those who feel like they ARE missing out. That was not my intention.
But what ARE these new stories? Well, for those Billy-Ray fans out there, two of these stories are about him. They were sequences that just wouldn't fit in the last few books. Death and Texas throws our favourite hit man deluxe into a Texas Chainsaw Massacre situation, with a notable twist. Eye of the Beholder, meanwhile, explores some of his history — including how and why he lost his eyes.
And then there's Theatre of Shadows. The original version of this was written in an afternoon, behind the scenes at the roleplaying event in Dublin last year. It was at this time that I learned one very important lesson about writing — don't try to write and publish a story in the same day.
The original was flawed. This new version is radically different, and it takes the original's place in canon. So that story that was sent to everyone who took part is now a one-off, never to be reprinted.
There are some other, minor changes to one or two other stories in the collection. For instance, I noticed a mistake too late in Across a Dark Plain, which made a mess of where the story sits in continuity. This mistake is now fixed, as will be a corresponding mistake in one of the books. Remember when the Dead Men were talking about the war, and Shudder's birthday? There was a pretty significant typo that I hadn't spotted, which basically set that story a hundred years after I had meant it to take place. All that is now changed, and once again the stories make sense.
I think.
The paperback is out on Thursday, and right now I'm going to go shopping. The cupboards are bare. I won't be able to poke my head up for too long, though — I got work to do.
Good thing I love it.
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
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«Oldest ‹Older 801 – 1000 of 4750 Newer› Newest»*creeps up on the zombie with a spatula in hand*
*whacks it in the back of the head*
Hey! No eating my stuff!
(Great... Zombies... Hi :) )
*Frowns and pokes J's cheek*
Big meanie!
*screams, up against the wall and staring at the zombie*
*looks at Clyde*
Excuse me? Your kitchen? I believe this is mine.
*turns around, more annoyed by the spatula*
BANANAS!
*pauses, looking confused*
Bananas?
John, do be careful. That fellow there seems hardly human.
*brandishes teacup*
*sees a bunch of bananas on the counter*
*throws it at the zombie*
Here's your bananas, brain eater!
How are you people so calm?! There's a fricking zombie in the house, oh my god!
Don't worry, Mr. Findlay. I know what I'm doin'.
*looks at the bananas*
Uh... these are not bananas.
*points to his head*
In there! THAT IS BAHAMAS!
...
No wait THAT IS BANANAS!
Wait, what? Don't you live next door?
*Looks around*
Oh. Oh dear. Terribly sorry about that. I need to clean my glasses.
*Cleans glasses with tea*
*Can't see any better*
*runs in with half-finished Chemistry homework and a textbook*
I SENSED BANANAS IN DANGER!
*charges at Mr. Clyde, aiming to bite his head*
*grabs the lamp next to her and raises it threateningly*
*sees the zombie*
What the hell is THAT?!
A zombie!!
Oh.
Oh dear. It is a zombie! How very frightening!
*throws teacup at zombie*
*hides behind newspaper*
*uses his spatula to smack Zerald, drawing his attention away from Clyde*
Stella! Does that chemistry textbook of yours tell you how to concoct a zombie-repelling formula?!
Stella! Does that chemistry textbook of yours tell you how to concoct a zombie-repelling formula?!
(Why am I beating up a zombie with a spatula? ._.)
(*Laughs and cuddles her tightly*
Yup, and I'm proud of it too.)
*screams a high pitched scream*
NO! NOT MY HAIR! DO NOT TOUCH MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR!!!!!
*he doesn't seem to realize his hair is now non existent*
*freezes*
It... Speaks?!
I have no idea! I barely understand half of what's in here anyway!
*holds it up like a shield*
*winces*
*starts feeling sympathy for Zerald*
Guys, let's leave his hair alone...
(I don't even know what's going on...)
*playfully resists the cuddle and tries to struggle free*
THE MEANIE'S GOT ME!!! Help!!
Mr., uh, Mr. Zombie, perhaps we could recommend you a hairdresser if you were to--to--to refrain from devouring or otherwise consuming our--our brains.
*brandishes the spatula like a sword over his head*
Get it out of the house!
*runs at the zombie*
That's what happens when you don't study, young lady. When I was your age, I was working hard and running my own newspaper business!
I just came to save the bananas! I don't know the first thing about zombies!
*tilts head in confusion*
Brains? What be that?
And of course I can speak! Don't be a bunny!!
*the way he says bunny, you'd think it was the worse insult*
*would volunteer to be hairdresser*
*but is too scared to go near the zombie*
*remains silent*
You mean...You mean you're not going to eat our brains? Isn't that what zombies do?
I think he thinks bananas are brains. And that we're bunnies.
*stops charging and looks at Zerald in confusion*
Ookay? This zombie needs his head examined. Or something?
*looks at text book*
*looks at the zombie*
*looks back at the text book*
*Shrugs*
*raises the textbook above my head preparing to charge the zombie*
*Falls backwards from the weight of the text book*
(Mr. Findlay's profile picture looks like my Pop...)
*grabs John's head, savagely biting into his head*
BANANAS!
See, see, see?! Bananas equals brains!
NO! *picks up the text book again and chucks it at the zombie with as much force as possible*
AAAAARGHHHH....
*moans*
I smell bananassssss...
JOHN!!
John!
*Shakes fist at zombie*
He's a perfectly nice young man, you know. He mowed my lawn for two whole months while I was recovering from surgery!
*Zerald isn't very strong and he gets knocked down by the book*
Bananas...?
Or...he was a perfectly nice young man.
*starts making his way to Annabelle*
You got bananas?
Oh no
oh nonononono
Now there are two
*looks at clyde*
WHAT DO WE DO?
SAVE THE BANANAS! *grabs the bunch on the floor*
It's OK... You're safe now
John...
*looks at him, horrified*
And he was so cute too...
(*Keeps laughing and holds her tightly*
Nobody can help you now!)
(I'm going to take that as a compliment, Ms. Rose. Thank you. Thank you very much. Now, fleeing is advisable.)
*changes course once he hears Stella*
I want bananassss...
Heh... no, no, no, nonononono, I--I... don't have... bananas...
*grips lamp tighter*
*the zombie slowly stands up*
*he attempts to glare at Stella*
That no nice. I didn't do anything to you!
*walks towards her slowly*
BANANAS...!
*grabs the text book off the floor*
*flips through it*
C'mon there's gotta be something in here....
*heaves the lamp at Zombified John*
*misses by several feet*
*looks to see Zerald*
*eyes widen*
*holds book up threateningly*
*Thrashes as tries to break free of J's hold*
*Sees the scuffle with the zombie and screams*
*Hides under J*
Help...
*stops going towards Stella*
*looks at the lamp several feet away*
*looks back to Annabelle*
Why you throw lamp?
*starts walking back towards Annabelle*
*sees Zombie-John too*
Aw crap...
*whacks John with the book and makes a break for it*
(I would flee, Mr. Findlay, but J is a meanie. And it's nice to meet you! :) )
*spots John*
Zombie fried egg! :D
*waves*
Hi! Where'd you come from?
*is momentarily distracted from Stella*
*Throws newspaper at John*
*Newspaper flutters to the floor, landing on Mr. Findlay's foot*
*Newspapers are not particularly aerodynamic beings*
John, please reconsider your present course of action. You have a wonderful life ahead of you as a human. You're an intelligent young lad. As a zombie, however, I...I'm afraid I must obliterate you.
*He opens the refrigerator and reaches for...a jar of mayonnaise*
Um...
*gulps*
Because... the lamp was... being a bad lamp.
*nods*
*backs away slowly*
Fried egg!
*waves at Zerald*
I came from you, 'member?
*gets hit with the book*
*groans*
*looks confused*
I'm your mummy? But I'm a zombie..
*also looks confused*
Then... How did I get here?
*Looks around*
You ladies run, I'll take care of the zombies. I'm an old man and my time is almost up, anyway.
*Picks up a spoon*
*Circles the zombies, using the spoon to flick mayonnaise at them*
*dives under the table and looks through the, now blood-stained, book*
Zombie repeller... Zombie repeller....
*gasp*
I FOUND IT!
*reads aloud*
'Potassium Nitrite is lethal to the undead, causing severe inflammation of the skin cells and boiling of the intestines'
.... Potassium
... oh no
*groans again*
*starts walking back to the fridge*
Want... Bananas...
Uh... Idk dude. But I am not a mummy. *holds up his arm*
I'm not wrapped up.
*turns to Mr.Clyde*
How did Fried Egg get here?
*gets mayonnaise on him*
Argh...
BANANAS!
*waltzes in*
*looks around for his next victim, his eyes resting on Annabelle*
BANANAS...!!
Eh, what's that? A fried egg? It probably came from the frying pan, and before that, the refrigerator, and before that, a chicken.
No, Mr. Clyde, we can't leave you!
NOT BANANAS! NO BANANAS HERE, NOPE!
*refuses to sacrifice the bananas for their potassium and just sticks with trying to kill the zombies the hard way*
*Crawls out from under the table*
DIIIEEEEEEEEEE *prepares to swing the text book around*
*ends up falling again*
Ooh! Ya here that Fried Egg? You come from a .... Frying pan :0
*looks at newcomer Zombie*
Who's you?
*Flicks mayonnaise at Zerald*
Leave her alone!
*Gasps as the mysterious tangoing zombie waltzes in*
There are too many! Flee! Flee!
*dances up to Stella and pulls her into the waltz*
Another zombie?! Stella, what'd you say the repeller was?!
*continues walking forward, towards Annabelle*
You got bananas
*sees other zombies*
*Shields the bananas*
YOU WILL NOT HARM THEM!
LISTEN TO THE OLD DUDE! WE CAN'T FIGHT THEM ALL AT ONCE!
I DON'T! I REEEAAALLY DON'T!
*goes back to Clyde, standing next to him just watching the zombie dancing*
*realizes that I'm currently waltzing with the weird zombie that just came in*
Oh...
hi
*whimpers*
*looks at Stella*
*dashes out the door*
...
Welp. This is happening.
Soy, but I can't stay.
And I'm really enjoying reading this!!
*Bristles indignantly*
My name is Clyde Geoffrey Erasmus Findlay. That would be Mr. Findlay to you, young lady. Old dude indeed.
*tangos with Stella mysteriously*
*this zombie appears to be mute but somehow menages to get across that it's name is Geoff*
*slowly creeps closer to Clyde, hoping he won't notice*
*is suddenly very taken with the mysterious mute zombie and his superb dancing skills*
*starts nibbling on Mr. Clyde's shirt*
*Looks after Annabelle*
She did the wise thing.
Stella! We should run now, not ballroom-dance!
*smiles a zombie-like smile at Stella and switches to a foxtrot*
*Positions himself so if the zombie decides to come over (Which he doubts seems as it looks like they're doing their own thing taking up quite a bit of comment space) it'll have to go through him first*)
*bolts after Annabelle, gaining on her*
COME BACK BUNNY!
*Screeches*
NO. NO NO NO. That shirt was a gift to me from my dear Ruthie, may she rest in peace. You have no right to touch it, young man! I retract every kind word I have ever uttered in your direction!
*somehow manages to ask Stella what dance they should do next*
*groans, having the old man yell in his undead ears*
*continues nibbling*
*Snuggles up to J and hides her head in his shoulder*
*hears Clyde and suddenly comes to*
Right.
Leaving.
No.
Running
because... Zombies
right
*somewhat reluctantly lets go of Geoff*
Um.
I'm sorry
*Scoops up Chem book and sprints away*
*isn't very fast at running*
NOOOOOO I'M NAHT A BUNNEHHHH
*frowns and tap dances after Stella*
*magically manages to ask where she is going*
*Pulls away*
I said, remove your teeth from my shirt.
*He tries to run*
*trips and falls, as Annabelle escapes*
*sighs, standing up, and walks back towards the house*
*suddenly chomps on Mr. Clyde's shoulder*
*Screams*
Run! Save yourselves! I--BANANAS
Par..don...me, but do...you..know where I could...could...locate any bananas?
*drools*
Bananasss, yum.
*licks his lips, searching for Annabelle*
*Stops running and turns to look at Geoff*
I--I can't stay... I'm kinda in the middle of fighting for my life... y'know?
I'm sure you can unders-*sees Clyde*-tand
Sorry gotta go!
*runs toward John and tackles him*
*has developed an attachment to Stella and does not want her to leave*
*panics and grabs onto her, in the process accidentally biting her*
*looks at Geoff, shocked*
You.... you bit me!
*looks quite shocked himself*
*apologizes in a mute sort of way*
*starts preforming some duo ballet with Stella*
*Wants to eat Bananas*
*But there don't seem to be any fresh ones around*
*Watch beeps*
*looks at it*
It's close to midnight.....
*perks up at the mention of midnight*
*dances with Geoff*
Something evil's lurking in the dark....
(It's okay... the zombies aren't real. Well, they are but they're not worried about you.)
*viciously waltzes with Stella to the beat*
*distant music from an unknown source begins playing*
*Has a sudden flash of inspiration*
*Grabs a broom and holds it like a mic stand*
*Sings*
It's close to miiiiidnight.
Somethin' evil's lurkin in the dark.
*moans along*
You see a sight that almost stops your heart
You try to scream
But terror takes the sound before you make it
*cuddles J tightly and bops his nose*
Meanie hero... That's what you are.
*Is somehow singing in unison with Stella*
*twirls Stella around and dips her before pulling her close and tangoing towards the door*
*Somehow knows exactly what to do...*
Under the mooooonlight... You see a sight that almost stops your heart.
You try to scream but terror takes the sound before you make it.
You start to freeze as horror looks you right between the eyes. *Stares into Geoff's eyes*
... You're paralyzed
'Cause this is THRILLER
Thriller at night
And no one's gonna save you
From the beast about to strike
*Zombie shuffles*
*joins*
You know it's thriller
Thriller at night
You're fighting for your life
Inside a killer
Thriller tonight, yeah
*suddenly spins Stella away, twirling to the coat wrack and pulling off a hat*
*he places the hat so it's dipped over his eyes and does some majestic hip hop moves back towards his dance partner*
You know it's thriller
Thriller at night
You're fighting for your life
Inside a killer
Thriller tonight, yeah
*zombie shuffles along*
*twirls into Geoff's arms*
(And now they're all dancing... Well, stranger things have happened.
*Cuddles Rose and smiles when she boops him*)
You hear the door slam
And realize there's nowhere left to run
You feel the cold hand
And wonder if you'll ever see the sun
You close your eyes
And hope that this is just imagination
But all the while
You hear a creature creepin' up behind
You're outta time
*does the meerkat*
You hear the door slam
And realize there's no one left to run
You feel the cold hand
And wonder if you'll ever see the sun
Dancing zombies... How quaint...
*Pushes the corners of J's mouth up so he smiles wider*
You have a nice smile...
*spins the both around in a circle, lifting Stella off the ground*
*as he places her back down, he moves so he's at her side and pulls off some tap dancing moves*
*stares in wonder at at John and Mr. Clyde*
We sung...
AT THE SAME TIME! :O
*Dances the macarena*
You're outta time!
Yussss...
'Cause this is thriller
Thriller at night
There ain't no second chance
Against the thing with the forty eyes, girl
Thriller
Thriller at night
You're fighting for your life
Inside a killer
Thriller tonight
*Pulls Zerald and John in for some ring-around-the-rosie*
'Cause this is thriller!
Thriller at night! :D
*Dances along to the singing*
You hear the door slam--and realize there's nowhere left to run
*spins out then back in*
You feel the cold hand
And wonder if you'll ever see the sun....
*suddenly starts doing the sprinkler and prompts Stella to do the same*
You close your eyes
And hope that this is just imagination
But all the while
You hear a creature creepin' up behind
You're outta time
*joins Geoff and Stella, doing the sprinkler*
*sprinklers with Geoff*
You close your eyes and hope that this is just imagination
But all the while
You hear a creature creepin' up behind
You're outta time
*busts put doing the shopping trolley*
THRilllLLerRRr
*Struts to Stella and mutely does some tap dancing again, before looking at her challenging-ly like "beat that"*
*HUMS THE TUNE WHILE DOING AWESOME ZOMBIE DINOSAUR DANCE MOVES*
*bursts out singing, sounding like a dying sea urchin with a British accent*
'Cause this is thriller
Thriller at night
There ain't no second chance
Against the thing with the forty eyes, girl
Thriller
Thriller at night
You're fighting for your life
Inside a killer
Thriller tonight!!!!!!
*closes J's eyes and rolls over with him so she's laying on his chest*
You sleep. You need sleep, mister.
*cuddles*
*smirks and does some complex disco moves in retaliation*
(Hello, Sapphidactly. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance.)
Night creatures callin;
The dead start to walk in their masquerade.
There's no escaping the jaws of the alien this time (they're open wide)
This is the end of your lifee
There's demons closing in on every side
*does some amazing, complex hip hop moves and looks back at Stella*
THIS PAGE IS DEDICATED TO MEEEEEEE!
*bops Zerald with his spatula*
*Zombie-shuffles slowly away in search of more BANANAS*
*Still singing Thriller*
*says in a very deep voice*
Darkness falls across the land
The midnight hour is close at hand
Creatures crawl in search of blood
To terrorize your neighbourhood
And whosoever shall be found
Without the soul for getting down
Must stand and face the hounds of hell
And rot inside a corpse's shell
*Performs a stunning moonwalk*
*Begins moonwalking toward the door*
I'm gonna thrill you tonight
*zombie shuffles after Mr. Clyde*
Thriller, thriller
*does the thriller dance out the door*
*remains in the middle of the room, solo dancing*
I'm gonna thrill you tonight
Thriller night, thriller
I'm gonna thrill you tonight
*music slowly starts getting softer*
*suddenly disappears*
*from somewhere in the night an evil laugh can be heard*
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
*Is now through the door*
Baby, I'm gonna thrill you tonight
Thriller night, baby.
*is gone*
The foulest stench is in the air
The funk of forty thousand years
And grisly ghouls from every tomb
Are closing in to seal your doom
And though you fight to stay alive
Your body starts to shiver
For no mere mortal can resist
The evil of the thriller
*looks up at the roof and laughs manically*
WE DEDICATE THIS PAGE TO THE ZOMBIES
REMEMBER THIS DAY, BLOGLAND!
WE ARE HERE! AND WE ARE NOT AFRAID TO DANCE AND SING THRILLER!
*shuffles off to find Stella and confess his love*
I-- do I even want to know what that was about?
Also... it made me break my reign of silence. Um...
*awkwardly shuffles away to read what that was from the start*
(Nuh... sleep is for the weak...)
What did I just read. XD
Kitty. :D
*has just read the zombie thing*
Okay, that was crazy! XD
Nice, and hi Moss!
(*Sighs, realizing Rose is probably gone, and drifts off to sleep*)
Have a good night, J...
*hugs*
Yeah, it was definitely crazy. How do a bunch of random people just suddenly decide to have zombie party in the comments section of some author's blog? O_O
Sleep well, J.
I have no idea, but whoever they are, they must have been really crazy! XD
It was hilarious to read though!
But seriously, I wonder who would do that.
Hmm...
[nods]
[doesn't feel like repeating the word crazy again]
How are you, Lav?
*is drinking a really cold lemonade that she just realized is icy cold*
Brain freeze!
Scapegrace fans?
I guess you could say I'm enjoying my late lunch. :P
*laughs*
That could be true!
*mutters something about probably using email*
*winders if I should stay*
....
*will hang around for a bit but will poof if it gets awkward*
I want lemonade...! Lemonade is my favorite beverage. :-)
Ooh, I think we still have some lemons in the fridge. Maybe I'll make some for my lunch tomorrow. :-)
And yep. Scapegrace fans. XD
*huggles the Snow Yeti*
How've you been? :)
Hey Snow! [hugs]
I'll talk elsewhere if you want. Quotev, Twitter, email, send messages via owl. :-P
Ooh! Homemade lemonade sounds better than the store bought one I have!
I've been meh. But okay. You?
I'm good. Sorry to hear you've been meh though.
*hugs again*
Nah. My owls on holiday and i can't be bothered opening another window.
I'm just kinda hesitant to be around thses days *shrugs*
Some store bought ones are actually pretty good.
...
I'm a bit of a lemonade critic the way my dad's a coffee critic.
[hugs Snow]
You need to talk about anything, I'm here, okay?
Annnnd my mother is telling me to do things
*poofs to do telepathic washing*
Well, if you ever want to talk comfortably, you know where to reach us.
*taps her head with a wink*
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