My sister just sent me this video of my niece Becca getting VERY upset because her dad keeps getting the snorting from Peppa Pig wrong...
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About Derek
- Derek Landy
- Derek Landy writes the Skulduggery Pleasant series because getting a proper job is so overrated.
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((Oh my god I hate you why did you do that stop I'm going to be sick Aretha it's so good shit))
*does a tight spin and skates backwards*
Maralie it sounds like you're talking about Moriarty.
*shouts* ME TOO MARA!
*shouts* ME TOO MARA!
*skates in a graceful loop*
I miss the old days. Have you ever looked at the past, Adra, and wished you could go back?
*spins elegantly*
There are some things in my past I'd give anything to live again. But, then again, there are somethings that I'm GLAD are in the past.
*considers for a moment and does a jump spin, landing backwards and moving*
I do, but it doesn't matter. It happened. I have had time to deal with it
@Ari
O.O
#ChaseForBook9
*moonwalks across the ice*
I'm over 500 years old, you know. You would think I'd've learned not to be childish.
*laughs and twirls across the glassy surface of the lake*
But the longer I live, the more I realize that being childish is the only refuge of the aged.
Or maybe I'm just going senile.
*laughs* 420 something. 426, I think. I don't remember.
No, at this point in more surprised I made it this long
I'm surprised too. Either someone up there really loves me . . . or someone down below really, really hates me. At this point, I'm not sure.
*shrugs* I'm not religious.
* does a massive flip and lands in a crouch, one foot out* weeeeeeEEEEeeee
*slips*
*falls on her arse*
Ow! Ha!
*springs up again*
You've got to know how to take a spill in this business.
*becomes very serious*
The business of ice-skating.
*dances across the ice*
What do normal people talk about while ice-skating? I haven't been skating in so long . . .
I dunno? *skates alongside her* I mean....
I dunno
I might just have to go soon, I'm growing weary..
*sits down on the edge of the lake*
Life is tiring.
If you have to go, I won't stop you.
But it was fun skating with you, Adra.
*sigh*
I don't have many friends, you know.
Ah, and here I thought I was by far the eldest. How old are you exactly, Precocious, if you do not mind my asking?
#ChaseForBook9
*skates over and hugs* IM YOUR FRIEND
Ah! Niccolo! I didn't see you there. Hello.
Don't you know one should never ask a lady her age? *laughs* But I am 512, if you're curious.
*hugs Adra back*
What do we want
Hearing aids
When do we want them
Hearing aids
*shouts* LADIES PLEASE AGE IS A DELICACY
*stumbles and smacks into the ice*
Mara please
*coughs* please
(Ah, Maralie, that was very funny. I laughed.)
I should be sleeping I wake up in approximately 7 and a half hours ugh
*lays in the cold* *spits out blood* ow gods I feel like I've been bit by a car...
Again
I'm sorry, Adra. There's nothing I can do, is there?
*murmurs* no
((Aretha would like to pass her thanks on to everyone who read and/or enjoyed her incursion into our past, and also requested that I ask if she ought to write another.))
I must admit I am pleasantly surprised to have met someone else born around the same era as myself. I am 531. Would you mind my inquiring as to where you grew up? Forgive me if I ask too many questions- you certainly aren't obligated to answer.
#ChaseForBook9
((If she did, I'd read it.))
#ChaseForBook9
Is there anything I might be able to do for you, Adra? I understand it is unlikely, although I feel it worth asking anyway.
#ChaseForBook9
*curls up in a ball and listens to their conversation*
Niccolò Croatoan your 'I own you' thing to Aretha may freak anyone but I assure you I don't fear you anymore.
Oh yeah she should
And we have been through this a few months ago. No, I'm afraid there isn't. *smiles sadly* sorry
(Oh, I thought the story was great!)
I don't mind, Niccolo, but it's rather a long tale. I was born in what is now New England, but back then, the white men were only just beginning to carve out their place in the wilderness.
Gosh . . . I can hardly remember that far back, now. I was just a kid. And I haven't been a kid for a long time.
Trying to get over one direction is like trying to walk through a wall yOU CAN GET CLOSER TO THE WALL BUT NOT FUCKING THROUGH IT
*hauls herself to her feet*. Alright, let's keep going Anni! Be my partner for this dance? *holds out her hand and gestures towards the ice*
The sad thing is it'll take a hell lot to petrify me. I mean face it, I've been raped, tortured and betrayed. To me, Niccolò freakin cuddly compared to what I've had, and I've experienced pain via Niccolò torturing me twice
I don't understand, Mara
*looks away from Zafira* You ought to. I've done far worse things to her than she wrote about there. And she failed to describe the panic she felt in that moment as well. She nearly always feels inclined to panic when she cannot breathe, especially when the air is forced from her lungs in such a way.
Do not apologize, Adra- you've done nothing wrong. It is I who ought to apologize to you, although I would imagine you'd only tell me I am not at fault either.
#ChaseForBook9
*spins across the ice*
Oh, I love skating. We used to skate a lot, back then. When I was a child. I don't remember too much, but I DO remember fall leaves, skating on ponds, and-
*stops abruptly*
Exactly Adra
Exactly
omg harry hackED GEMMA AGAIN DDNJDJDDJDJSKWOERJDNCSJMSIDIFID
((That was in response to the first comment Zafira posted regarding Aretha's story.))
I daresay I could still frighten you if I wished to, Zafira. The things I did before I met Aretha were far worse than anything I've done since. ...I don't think I'd have the heart to tell those stories.
#ChaseForBook9
O Ari your story was amazing btw :)
*skids to a halt*
Niccolo . . . do you remember anything from your childhood?
*looks a little panicked*
It's so difficult for me . . . I think my memory's going. My life just . . . blurs . . . when I try to think back that far . . .
Of course you aren't!
*knocks into Anni* AGH
It's scary, you know? It's like . . . It's like you know there's something there, but no matter what you do you can't find it. It can't be anywhere but in YOUR head, but your head is so cluttered with . . . with . . . nightmares . . . that you can't pick out the real bits from the lies. It's scary, Niccolo. It's so scary . . .
*knocked out of her reverie by Adra*
Ah!
*looks Niccolò in the eye* You could try to scare me. I won't budge. You know it. I think you are aftaid because I don't fear you. Because I'm probably the first female in centriues to have a heart for you and not fear you.
Ms. Annika, sometimes it is better to forget the past. From what I have seen, humans are creatures of the future.
*slips and falls on her stomach* OW
((Intriguing tale, Moss.))
I remember quite a large portion of my childhood, actually, although I attribute that to the fact that I've spent a majority of my life simply remembering- or rather, attempting to remember- those moments, painful as they were. I quickly gave up on trying to control myself once I'd stolen my second name, and from that point on, savoring what memories I had of my family were a diversion from whatever disgustingly criminal act I happened to be involved in. I would imagine, for most people, it is natural to have some gaps in memory.
#ChaseForBook9
Humans are creatures of the future, but we are creatures formed by our past.
Mm. I'm gone.
See y'all later.
#ChaseForBook9
Bye Moss :/
Hello my weirdos.
*skates half-heartedly across the lake*
It's so difficult not to remember . . . I mean, after the war, and all . . . I've lost all my connections to that whole time, a whole period of my life, lost! And not even memories to tie me to my own childhood! Only one thing, one thing, remains.
*looks down angrily*
And he hates me.
(Goodbye, Moss!)
What do you mean dear?
Hi Em
Perhaps. I, at the very least, believe that the ability to forget is a merciful one.
Hi Em I'm trying to prove something to a scholar that I houldn't fear him! Result: interesante
Greetings, Emerald.
In my experience, the nightmares were all real- I don't have to wonder. Aretha often confuses her dreams with her memories, however, although she's grown accustomed to not knowing, and it does not cause her much dismay anymore.
You are not the first, Zafira, and you know I wouldn't... *takes a shuddering breath* I only tell people to fear me because I honestly believe they ought to. Aretha does what she can, but someday, if, for whatever reason, she can't anymore, I will become a different person and likely kill everyone I lay my eyes on. It would be unwise of anyone to trust me.
#ChaseForBook9
(Hello, Emerald!)
I mean . . . I mean I'm starting to forget things, Adra, and I'm terrified. Terrified that I'll forget myself. Before 1542, I remember NOTHING. Only the fall leaves, and skating on frozen ponds, and him. Guess what? No more fall leaves, no more frozen ponds. All that's left is him. And I can't lose him. Because if I lose him, I might lose myself. You see?
Goodbye, Moss.
Hello, Emerald.
If you are referring to Oscar Neurotic, I believe he hates you far less than he would care to admit, although your relationship with him is not my concern.
#ChaseForBook9
*sneezes* *murmurs ungodly things*
Ugh I feel so sick
Bhuovguovguitcyivgui
I love my picture
It's so relatable ❤️
I'm sleeping nanite xx
Goodnight, Maralie.
You have my condolences, Precocious.
#ChaseForBook9
Night Mara!
OSCAR LOVES YOU
Yes well Niccolò look at me, do I truly look like I'll bac down to stop you? You can't rely on just her she's 19 she'll probably find someone in her life, you're relying on someone who isn't reliable. You're way too far from your age range to even think to rely on a 19 year old. It will cause you problems unless you find someone trustworthy who you know won't find someone in the end. Because she may, and you think you want to kill us? You'll be hardpressed to try to kill me. You can stop the future change it, only if you look past Aretha.
*shakes her* *hugs* It's okay, darling. We're here for you
I . . . I've been fighting him for 500 years and I don't even know why. I know I hate him, and I know he hates me, but what . . . what happened? Was I a villain? Was he? Are we STILL villains? I don't know, I don't know! It's like my mind had a mind of it's own. Hah, silly thing to say aloud. But it's like it's keeping something from me, and I hate it, I hate it!
(Goodbye, Mara!)
*hugs her more*
...
C'est la vie, Doctor. Time erodes the minds of all.
*picks up handful of snow*
*watches it melt*
You know, the Mortals only live for a century, at the most.
I used to pity them.
I wonder if they should pity us instead.
She is more trustworthy than anyone else I've ever met, Zafira, and that has nothing to do with her age or our relationship- which, to be clear, is not romantic in any way, shape, or form. While I couldn't hope to deny my feelings for her, she has none beyond friendship for me, and I understand and accept that. And the fact that we are linked has nothing to do with any other relationships she has. She knows she is free to do whatever she likes. It appears to me that you have seriously misinterpreted our situation.
*some blood drips from his shirt onto the snow* *sighs* *mutters to self* Honestly, if I'd known he was this unskilled in combat, I'd have give him a better sword...
Excuse me for a moment. *vanishes*
#ChaseForBook9
*frowns*
Mortals. How I dislike that term.
Forgive me, Sir, if it offends you. That is how I was raised to speak of them. I mean . . . I mean that is how I've always . . . that was what . . .
*yells*
Dammit, I don't even know anymore!
*sighs* we all are human
*a cough bubbles up and blood splatter on the ice and she wheezes* *sits down a little light headed*
It does not offend me, per se, but...
It operates under the assumption that it is possible to be everlasting. And that... That is a fact I cannot accept.
*bites lip* Not what I expected. Not at all. I really ought to stay on his good side.
Mortals, I don't pity them I wonder still today how it is we live for so long and they don't. It's sad, yo think living far beyond your life expectancy as a mortal is good, I think all of know it isn't. I'm over 200 and in just the past few years I was tortured by Niccolò twice, bettayed by my husband, raped by a lunatic, and many other things none of you guys know of. It's not a joyful thing to live for so long but I make what I can do, I choose to take the place of Bisahalani and to work for good and I set my heart to it.
Ah! Forgive me. Here I am, yarning on and on about my own troubles, and here you are, in need of comfort.
*sits beside her and pats her shoulder*
I've never been good at eloquently phrasing my thoughts, so I'll keep it frank. How long have you got before you lose too much blood?
I regenerate quickly... As an alchemist and a scientist, I took something that makes my blood cells go through more mitosis...
*waves her off* Please, don't worry about me
I see you've lived through a lot, Zafira. I have as well.
*laughs*
Oh, here I am laughing. I'm sorry, but after all, I have seen too much suffering to take it very seriously.
*plays with some snow*
I was tortured twice, too. By my nemesis, in fact. Never raped, but I have thought I was in love before.
*lowers voice*
But I wasn't.
Ms. Adrasdos, this cold is most likely doing you no favor. Could you, at least, retreat to a warmer area?
*reappears* Then what did you expect, Zafira?
((Aretha wanted me to ask if she should write another pre-Mevolent Collaboration story, or a more recent one.))
#ChaseForBook9
*smiles sadly at Anni* Ah, the beast of love how she screws is all
Sir, then I wouldn't be with my friends...
Sir does have a point, Adra. I could fetch a blanket from my van. Or a hot water bottle. Or a cute wittle bunny wabbit.
*shakes head* You have no idea I still have nightmares of what Hyde did to me. I don't feel comfortable around many people right now I truly only trust Adra Alexis Olivia and Niccolò not to kill me. It's not normal but...*sighs* I am in love with someone but they probably will never return the feeling.
I certainly would have nothing against relocating, Adra, and I doubt anyone else here would either, although I cannot speak for everyone.
#ChaseForBook9
...I mean, if you all want to stay out here... I wouldn't want you all to move on my behalf
((Don't you dare Aretha. I do not need my emotions dead I had enough emotional trauma for one day. Adra knows why.))
*looks up at Niccolò* I didn't truly know. I didn't know your situation as you do. Now I do. I don't know what you do with Ari and god knows I don't want to. I didn't expect you to defend her so well and the fact that you don't deny you're in the same boat as me. You love someone who doesn't want past friendship. Amazing how similar I am to you. In that aspect.
I would hardly be a lady if I refused to move for your sake.
Ms. Adrasdos, please. There is no need to force yourself to suffer even more.
How about we relocate? I know a charming little ski lodge nearby. It has coco.
I would hardly be...
An Empress if I asked you to move for me
*sits there grumpily*
Zaffy doesn't mind where she goes. So long as I got Niccolò I'm good.
I thought that was EXACTLY what empresses did.
((My mom got sparkly spiders. Um...))
#ChaseForBook9
That's what rubbish empresses do
Well, Adra, if you are so set on remaining here, then I'll stay too.
*sits*
We're on iceeeee *dances a bit*
*sigh*
Ms. Adrasdos. Please do not continue this course of action. I honestly do not wish to force you in any way, but I shall if I must.
*gives him a hard glare* you will not
*shifts into a cat and bites a chunk of Sharky and walks away to Niccolò shifting to human* Ah.
*skates in circles on the ice*
Ahhh. This is good, this is nice. Skating and friends. More peaceful than I've been in a while.
*slips*
Whoa!
*hits the ground*
*sleeves jerk up to reveal spiderweb-like white scars going up her arms*
*hurriedly jerks sleeves down*
*gets back up*
Let's continue.
Well, Zafira, that has been my position for quite some time now. I did think it apparent enough, although I suppose I could not expect you to pay very much mind to it. I don't make a habit out of talking about it, nor do I intend to. But of course I would defend her. I have shared everything I am with her- that was not an easy decision for me to make, and it was not easy for her, either. I would think it rather obvious that I think highly of her.
Relocating sounds lovely. It's not as though you've asked us to move for you, Adra- we're choosing to.
((Sparkly spiders... Interesting. I would assume the issue with those would be the lack of realism, and/or the amount of fear they might inspire in others.
You needn't read anything she writes, Zafira.))
#ChaseForBook9
Ms. Adrasdos, I shall.
Now, which tropical island fits your tastes most?
YOU WILL NOT
*grabs Anni and waltzes with her on ice*
Someone help me, I'm waltzing against my will!
I guess I just need to deal with it. I wish things were slightly different but....it's what I can expect. So! I guess I'm with you on this one. Maybe I'll find a way to get to what I truly want but I can handle you. *gives a sly smile* After all you still can never scare me. I dare you to try. You can't do much worse unless you top Hyde.
Please, Ms. Adrasdos, I wish not to choose an island contrary to your sensibilities. Tell me, I beg of you.
DEAL WITH IT
NO
I DON'T HAVE TO LEAVE
((Just... Madame Mist with sparkly spiders. Doesn't work for me.))
#ChaseForBook9
So, his name was Hyde then?
My torturer was Oscar Neurotic. Nearly three-hundred years ago, I think. We were young, then. We've mellowed with age.
But I still can't forgive him.
Do you know what he did to me?
There were a lot of hot knives, and a lot of blood. I couldn't walk for fifty years. Confined to a damn wheelchair. And he didn't even have the decency to kill me!
I'll kill him.
Someday.
Do not force me to open the gateway beneath your feet. If I do, 'tis a long drop, and I do not believe you shall appreciate being forced to be dunked into water.
Please.
*pulls away from Adra*
Adra, please. I don't like to waltz.
*kicks the ground angrily*
*slips*
*falls*
*swears*
His mame was Edward Hyde. *shifts coat and shows Annika a scar across my neck* I have them over my etite body. It's my one true fear to be helpless while a man is able to do what Hyde did.
*has to turn wildly to avoid Annika and ends up wiping out* UGH
ANNI
*hisses at Sir like an ocelot* I REFUSE TO INCONVENIECE YOU
That's what I've been getting at, Zafira- I have "topped Hyde", actually. Multiple times. You met Celine- she told you she was engaged, but didn't live to attend the wedding. What she didn't tell you was that I killed her the night before, while she was still in her dress, and... I- I really don't care to continue. My apologies for bringing it up.
*shifts into a wolf and lays down in the snow, staring at nothing* *every now and then, a deep cut will appear somewhere on his body, but they all heal quickly*
#ChaseForBook9
*rolls up sleeves, revealing spiderweb-like scars*
I've got these all up my arms and all down my legs. He had me nailed to a wall. Was that what it was like for you? Were you nailed to a damn wall?
He broke me. I couldn't walk for fifty years, until a Life-Giver, not him, a different one, healed me. I could walk again, but I still have the scars.
I guess I should consider myself lucky. I was helpless. He could've done anything with me. Anything at all.
But he did not.
I don't know why.
*dashes to Niccolo and sits next to him**studies curiously* *pokes his nose*
*shouts* CUZ HE IS ATTRACTED TO YOU
*moves nose slightly away from Adra's hand, but does not otherwise move*
#ChaseForBook9
*sighs and kneels beside Niccolò* You don't scare me because now I see you differently. Please don't leave because 'm sitting with you. You don't want to know what I experienced today and right mow being near you I'm calming down. *sits beside*
Ms. Adrasdos, you are being most inconvenient right now.
*sigh*
Very well, a vertical gateway it shall be. I shall go link them together, then. It would be most irritating to end up in New Jersey again...
*opens a screeching gateway to blackness, frowning disappointedly as he walks though*
Heh, turning into a wolf. A neat trick. Can't turn into anything myself, though as you know, my van can do some pretty strange things.
Oh! Goodbye, Sir! Don't be gone too long! Bring back some snacks!
*peers over to where Sir went*
*looks between the portal and her fitness back and forthwr*
ParaFabi:
[Is standing in the shadows, listening to y'all's stories]
#ChaseForBook9
*friends
*the gateway ceases its screaming, and snaps shut*
He's attracted to me, Adra?
*laughs derisively*
Yes, because that's how men treat the women they like. THEY PARALYZE THEM FOR FIFTY YEARS.
You don't even know the bloody great bastard.
*frowns at the portal but doesn't say anything*
*closes eyes and buries face in the snow*
#ChaseForBook9
Goodbye, Sir. You and your monocle will be sorely missed.
I think Niccolo would like some time alone.
*sighs, drifting through the emptiness*
Well, I suppose the Bahamas are as good a place as any other.
*opens a portal, and begins drifting back*
*flicks him* don't do that
I turn to a cat. And Annika try having a leg made of stone q hand frozen a hand impaled with a shadow and I think the other leg was left alone, then becoming blinded and cut open like a blood autopsty, Niccolò did that. Then he killed me and brought me back but i died again and again since he never healed me, I don't fear him he didn't do what I fear and until he somehow manages to do that then he'll have me fear him.
Of course but sticking one's face in tehe cold snow doesn't help
I turn into a sexy beast
*in Precocious' mind* I am fine, Precocious, although I am grateful for the gesture.
#ChaseForBook9
Niccolò *hugs and lets go stroking him gently* Hey you can talk to me you know that. *sounds gentle* I'm always willing to listen you need not bottle your emotions. *continues to gently stroke* Growl if you want me to stop stroking you. I understand.
Zafira, Zafira, must we have a contest to see who has been physically tortured the worst by the men in their life?
It is enough that we are alive.
*buries face deeper into the snow, but makes no sound or other motions*
#ChaseForBook9
I will smack you bitch
Well, that escalated quickly.
Right, was it HERE that Adrasdos stood...?
*opens a gateway, and an entire tree falls through, with a considerable amount of soil as well*
... No, then.
*continues to stroke him* *tone is gentle* If you cannot speak show me what is troubling you. Just please never hold back how you feel from me. You have lived so long you know I will never judge you. I'll never repeat anything you did to anyone.
*tilts head to one side*
I . . . I may be mistaken . . . but I do believe that tree just vanished.
What?
*looks around* I didn't see anything
Zaf, um
ParaFabi:
[Was hiding behind that tree]
[Oops]
[Turns and runs]
#ChaseForBook9
That was a dynamite tree....and Adra what?
*waves to Moss*
*stares bleakly at the ground*
Are you petting him
*hugs Anni*
*whispers* I wish I could remember things.
*whispers* Be careful what you wish for . . .
I am. I felt it more wise to pet then hug a wolf.
*hugs Adra*
Always the tortured, never the torturer.
((waves back. Considers bringing ParaFabi into the scene, but doesn't really want to start something too big because I might have to go soon))
#ChaseForBook9
*in Precocious' mind* You're not mistaken.
#ChaseForBook9
That's the way the cookie goes, dear
*coughs once and pulls up the collar of her coat*
I should probably move...
*smiles faintly*
*thinks* That's a very good trick, Niccolo.
((In the event that you do have to leave, we could easily continue wherever we leave off another day.))
#ChaseForBook9
Adra! Is that not what we were trying to make you do before?
*stays quiet still stroking him watching Niccolò* Adra I just feel bad I wish I knew what was troubling him so I did what I can do...he hasn't told me to stop because I would as soon as he felt uncomfortable. I'm not that cruel.
*in Precocious' mind* Thank you. It has certainly proven to be useful.
#ChaseForBook9
...
Wait
That came out wrong
Nevermind. *takes off one of her coats and puts it over the Niccolo-wolf*
Life has been cruel to me.
It has taught me how to be cruel.
One thing it didn't teach me was how to choose NOT to be cruel.
I learned that all by myself.
(Oh, son of a banshee.)
*laughs*
*goes and starts the fire, scooting close to it*
*frowns, and pops his head out of the gateway*
Oh, THAT is where Adrasdos stood. How silly of me.
(That's two pages in a row! Oh, well.)
Oh dear, simply must know how to not feel when you love this long. It's the only saving grace
*laughs quietly and as I pet Niccolò something red is on my hand* Why are you so soft? *smiles faintly trying to hide my emotions*
*pulls head out of the snow and pushes coat back towards Adra*
#ChaseForBook9
*sits beside the fire*
I dedicate this page to Zafira, the tortured. Niccolo, the cruel. Reingington, the wise. Adra, the pained. Fabi, the shy. And myself, the frightened.
I dedicate it, in short, to us.
The pained. Sounds about accurate
*glares at Niccolo*
take.
It.
Or I will make you
((Precocious, the frightened- Aretha feels for you. Since she's not here, I thought I'd tell you on her behalf.))
#ChaseForBook9
Correction: Niccolò the epic *my hand that is red starts to throb* *mutters* damn it why did he attack me?!
I would hardly call myself wise, but an excellent dedication nonetheless.
*pushes coat a little closer to Adra* *in Adra's mind* My fur is rather thick, Adra- I am not cold. If I was, I have a coat of my own which I could use. In short, you need it far more than I do.
#ChaseForBook9
Would you prefer Reingington, the literate?
I like the sound of that.
*takes off her shoes and sticks her bare feet near the fire*
*glares at him further* Not when you stick your face in the snow you idjit
((It's not like there's any plot I'm dying to do just now, but thanks.))
((The shy. Hm... People don't usually call me shy, not because I'm not shy, but because my sister is shyer. Same with tall, people haven't called me tall in a while because I always go places with Nel. Interesting...))
#ChaseForBook9
*rubs hands*
*huddles closer to the fire*
Ah, this is a nice fire. Nothing like a fire on a snowy day, I say.
Right, ahem...
Ms. Adrasdos!
*waves*
I think it prudent to give you warning: Keep your body loose!
*a gateway opens beneath Adrasdos*
(Well, Fabi, I could hardly say Fabi the tall when I've got no clue what you look like.)
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