It's getting harder and harder to find the time to watch movies these days, so you'd think my criteria for the films I DO get to watch would improve, right? Like, I should probably make the decision to ONLY watch movies that have a chance of being actually good, and to stay away from films I've heard are terrible. Right? Right.
But where's the fun in that?
Besides, adopting such a sensible attitude to movie-watching would have robbed me of the delight of realising that two films I expected to be absolute rubbish turned out to be surprisingly good fun. Let's take the first one— a sequel to one of the worst films I've seen in the last few years.
GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra was an awful film. I mean, it was just dreadful. It was so bad that I felt compelled to talk about it on this very Blog, way back in 2009. Here is what I said about it:
"I now hate this movie, for it is awful. It is worse than X-Men 3. It is even worse than Transformers 2. I have not hated a film so much since I saw Van Helsing. Van Helsing was directed by the same man. There are lessons in life I should learn, and yet learn them I do not."
Ah, good times. This was back when I was writing Dark Days. What a fantastic book that was.
Sorry, where was I? Oh yes.
The first GI Joe was horrible. It had a stupid story and stupid action and stupid characters and everything was stupid. It had the worst CGI I'd seen in a long time and they'd taken a monumentally dumb approach to the whole thing. They gave the Joes super robot suits, for god's sake.
So naturally, knowing how much I hated the first one, I went ahead and watched the sequel. And maybe it's because I expected it to be every bit as bad— but it was actually pretty cool.
The story was still dumb. COBRA'S ultimate plan was just daft. But there were so many cool bits in it. The ninjas on the mountain. Adrianne Palicki jogging. Cobra Commander's AWESOME outfit. Adrianne Palicki in the red dress. Bruce Willis and his house of guns. Adrianne Palicki doing stuff.
And the two best scenes were between the Rock and Channing Tatum. The video game and the sharpshooting. Funny writing, funny performances- if every scene was as good as these two, it would have been an amazing movie. As it was, it was fun, action-packed, quite stupid, but there is NOTHING about it you'd hate after watching it.
Oh, but there is ONE moment I should mention. To show how high tech the Joes are, they're given all these cool gadgets at the start. One of these gadgets is a pair of gloves that MELTS THROUGH a chainlink fence. Melts THROUGH it! How awesome is that?? No more waiting around for the extra few seconds while they cut through the fence with stupid, old-fashioned fence cutters! No way! Now they save VITAL SECONDS by using these gloves! And the best thing? THEY GLOW BRIGHT ORANGE! So instead of dumb soldiers cutting through a fence with stupid fence cutters in the dark, being all sneaky and stuff, now the Joes can cut through the fence and alert any enemy within a five mile radius to their presence at the same time! Yippee!
(But apart from this moment of dumbness, it's not a bad movie. I swear.)
And the other film I thought would be awful was Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters.
I heard this was diabolical. It's not. There are parts of this that are SO COOL. The witches are the best witches ever in the world EVER. They're evil and hideous but no two are alike. The make-up is brilliant. Famke Janssen is the head witch, and it takes guts to turn one of the most beautiful women in the world into a hideous monster, but they do it, and she's utterly brilliant.
It's a lovely idea at its core— what would Hansel and Gretel be like when they grew up?— and while it's set in a vague time, hundreds of years ago, the language and the music are modern day, which adds to the anarchic quality of it all. That said, the American accents sported by Jeremy Renner and Gemma Arterton are a tad distracting, especially seeing as how everyone else has a thick European accent. But come on... Renner's cool and Gemma Arterton is Gemma Arterton. Mmmm Gemma Arterton...
Word of warning, though. This looks like a family film, like a slightly dark fairytale, but it's not. It revels in bad language and gore. There are exploding heads a-plenty. So naturally I loved it.
I don't know if I'd ever watch either of these movies for a second time, but they were pretty damn good the first time out. Which was a really nice surprise.
Monday, July 22, 2013
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«Oldest ‹Older 3601 – 3800 of 4990 Newer› Newest»Hi again...
#ChaseForBook9
Hi Niccolò!
Have we met before?
#ChaseForBook9
Ok. :(
1ST!!!!
Hi Fabiiiii! :)
#ChaseForBook9
Hello, Fabienne.
I do not believe we have, Dragona. It is indeed a pleasure to make your aquaintence.
#ChaseForBook9
Does anyone else wanna join.
I'm sorry, Dynasty, but I'm going to say no for pretty much the same reason I've said no to other collabs--I already have too much going on, and as much as I'd love to join, there's almost no way I can do it every week.
#ChaseForBook9
Ok, have you got any idea when your collab star (if it does) (sorry for nagging)
Um...whenever I have time, I guess. Or whenever people bug me to do it. I don't really know. Right now it's just an idea.
#ChaseForBook9
Merci beaucoup, Niccolo^^
It's nice to meet you as well!
#ChaseForBook9
Ok.
WBD.
MSD.
Might start this idea tomorow.
*makes a portal to the rest, closing it up behind her*
Ugh. Is Trip here? I need a drink.
Hi Adra!
Havn't seen Trip for quite a while...
#ChaseForBook9
No, I do not believe he is. Are you alright?
#ChaseForBook9
Hola mes amigos
Gonna right the firs post for the plot for all stories!
(Sorry I poofed momentarily...back now.)
[Waves sleepily] Hello Adra. Haven't seen him.
#ChaseForBook9
JUBI
Ok Dynasty.
#ChaseForBook9
FABI!!!!! *Supermegatacklehugsofdoom*
hi.
*sits down on a stool* I feel like I've been hit by a train, then run over it, before I slide down a hill and fall off a cliff into sharp rocks. But I'm not being dissected again, so that's a plus...
*retrieves a bottle of vodka*
Thank you, though.
*waves * hi new people
ADRA!!! DYNASTY!!!! *Supermegatacklehugsofdoom*
hi.
Wow... that doesn't sound fun, Adra... :-/
He has improved your respiratory functions, though, has he not?
#ChaseForBook9
It was, surprisingly, not.
*supermegatacklehugsofdoomback*
*frowns* Well, he said so. I don't really value his word. But in theory, yes. A bit.
gtg... sry.
Bye then! :)
#ChaseForBook9
*waves* bye Dragona
Do you feel any better?
I'll have to leave for another hour, soon. Fair warning.
#ChaseForBook9
aw
BYE DRAGONA!!!!!! *supermegagoodbyetacklehugsofdoom*
*Lets go*
Goodbye, Dragona.
#ChaseForBook9
Bye Dragona!
[Swallows and stands up slowly]
[Wobbles and catches the tree for balance]
[Thank goodness it's not the dynamite tree]
#ChaseForBook9
*frowns, breathing* A bit, yeah... Although he said that I shouldn't be too strenuous. Not that much of a problem, unless Hunter decides to stab me again. But I think I've made my point.
How are you feeling?
You ought to ask Fabienne, I should think. I hate to leave you both like this, but I must go... Apologies...
#ChaseForBook9
*waves at him* Don't be sorry, it's not a crime to have things to do. Thanks again.
*calls* FABIIIIII
Goodbye Croatoan.
[Calls]
I'll be there in a minute, Adra.
[Shakily lets go of tree and takes a few experimental steps.]
[Stumbles and catches self]
[Frowns]
#ChaseForBook9
Hey Coci hey everyone
*sighs and goes to wrap up her torso, so not to re-open anything*
*comes back*
*pauses* you can see the bandages above the dress. Damn. This will be fun. *renews the bandages on her hands, almost healed as vile comes over*
*stiffly* Grand Mage
BYE COCO!!!! *supermegagoodbyetacklehugsofdoom*
HIYA ZAF!!! *supermegatacklehugsofdoom*
Hello Zaf. [nods]
[Walks clumsily towards the bar]
#ChaseForBook9
*peeks out the window* FABI!
*runs out, taking her arm* are you alright?
Whate up Adra?
Yeah, I think so. Just...frazzled.
There was this gadget, and it was feeding off a life force somehow... I went to a library to try to figure out what it was. And then... [shrugs] It didn't really work so well. I got zapped by this wave of energy...
I'm fine, though.
#ChaseForBook9
*frowns* are you... Are you dying?
And Zaf, I was going to pick a bone with you, but Fabi might be in trouble. So later
For what? What did I do? I barely did anything I was talking to Niccolò earlier
It's not getting any worse, I know that.
And I'm just...dizzy. And tired...
#ChaseForBook9
I know, Grand Mage. *glares at her* You barely did anything.
*helps Fabi up into the bar, sitting her down in a chair, then going to retrieve some cold water* anything else you need?
Well what do you want me to do? Go back and kick the crap out of Nye?
[Slumps in chair]
Not really... [Gasps slightly] [Frowns] It'd be nice to have some answers, but I guess you don't really have those...
#ChaseForBook9
theplotforallstories.blogspot.
PLEASE GO THERE AND JOIN IF YOU CAN! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!
[Acknowledges Dynasty's existence but can't join the collab]
#ChaseForBook9
Hang on, Fabi.
*turns to Zafira* You know what? For the times that I've helped save your ass, I would have expected you to just once return the favor. All you had to go was flash a badge, get out. But /no/, apparently not.
Not to mention that yesterday you just about fell asleep even though I was begging you to get me back. *growls* this is what happens, apparently if I trust people.
Now if you don't mind-which I'm sure you don't, because you seem to not care if I live or die- I have Fabi to attend to.
*closes the door behind her, and walks back to Fabi* right. I can maybe give you an alchemists insight?
It goes quiet
*sighs irritably* im SICK of people getting pissed at me sorry i can't cater to you! I did go and did you notice I was freaking out? Did you? No not you you were too busy thinking of how to flip out! Only NICCOLO realized I was petrified
(I have to go, doctor's appointment, sorry.)
[Fabi falls asleep again or something]
#ChaseForBook9
*sighs* Grand Mage, it's part of your job to help people, no matter the circumstance. To go into a situation, even if you are afraid. Bravery isn't being fearless, it's acknowledging hat you're scared and doing it anyway.
*frowns* whatever. I'm leaving to go push my limits.
*pulls out her jacket* if Trip gets back, tell him to come find me.
*walks out the door*
Well I flipped out i havent exactly had time to stay sane if you noticed I have Alexis who is pretty upset over Javier's death too....*just goes to tree house and works*
*growls* Some Grand Mage you are... *begins a steady pace down a path*
*goes after* oh hell no you arent going anywhere not in your state you'll end up getting killed
*turns around* Lemme put this is simple terms, Grand Mage.
First- You are not my mother. And /she's/ dead.
Second- All I have is an almost closed wound, which will scar up in a matter of hours. I'm fine for exercise.
Third- and this is really the most important- I can fight for myself.
*nods* Good day.
*jogs down the rocky path*
im back. (it took longer than i thought)
#chaseforbook9
Omygod...
I'm watching the unaired pilot for sherlock
AND IT'S SO WEEEIIIRRRDDD
THE MUSIC IS ALL MESSED UPPPP
*goes after still* well i'm not sitting back and letting you go! You complain i dont do anythig and when i do you get pissy at me, I thought the Council is supposed to work together?
I needed your help, Grand Mage. past tense. I'm fine now.
*turns the jog into a brisk run*
*calls back* DON'T MAKE ME HAVE TO CALL YOU IN! BECAUSE WE BOTH KNOW THAT YOU WERE ONLY SUPPOSED TO BE IN BLOGLAND FOR A LITLE WHILE!
adra, whats going on?
#chaseforbook9
*growls* I'm pissed. *begins sprinting, breathing hard*
Whatever. You never want my help even when I ask I brought you to Nye I had to GO you're pissed over NOTHING whatever this is why i dont roleplay with you
Big talk from you, Zaf.
*jumps over a rock, sliding down a small bank of dirt and hopping across a river*
(I do hope you realize that this is Adra speaking, not me)
(Ik and Adra i have to go again there's a storm so i am going down to the beach to swim again and help pack up before it hits be back in 1-3 hours probably sooner rather then later
*nods* I wasn't sure because who I kind of broke the fourth wall. Have fun! *waves*
*jumps to the other side of the creek and begins to scale a wall, gripping to the sidesc hauling herself up*
Damn dress. I need to think these things through more
(This was a lovely example of how to have an argument in roleplay without actually harming anyone emotionally- you both clearly specified that you were only angry in character, and you did not unnecessarily prolong the argument. I simply felt that was notable and ought to be pointed out for future reference.)
Hello, everyone.
#ChaseForBook9
Sherlock, my understanding is that Adra and Zafira were arguing because Adra asked Zafira for help earlier, and Zafira did not come until the last second. Currently, it does not seem anything of import is taking place.
#ChaseForBook9
hello niccolo
#chaseforbook9
thanks for explaining.
#chaseforbook9
*takes a pause, leaning against a tree, taking out her water bottle* Niccolo. *nods* it appears that Nye did in face improve my lungs. Nothing bad has happened yet, so this is a plus
That is certainly reassuring. I am glad any trauma that may have come from that venture was not for naught.
#ChaseForBook9
It was no trouble, Sherlock.
#ChaseForBook9
* the hall of ages lights up revealing statues of creatures*
#chaseforbook9
*chuckles, before she begins giggling hard on the ground, making her way back*
I'll be waiting for the day that you use street talk, Niccolo. *giggles again*
* walks down the hall to a large wooden door* i wonder?
#chaseforbook9
Sherlock, what're you doing? *frowns* did you break into the Queen's palace?
no, before i left earlier i woke up in the hall of ages. it supposedly holds a treasure
#chaseforbook9
I could, if I so chose- I do have at least a moderate understanding of average modern colloquial- however, I find myself far more comfortable utilizing more formal, diverse language, and Aretha enjoys it as well. I like to think of it as one of my defining characteristics, even. In short, although I could use far more casual language, I choose not to. Some of my names think differently- take, for example, Justin Blue, whom I believe you have met.
#ChaseForBook9
*laughs* Justin Blue, yeah I know him. He was... Well, I don't know a name for it. Defining, perhaps.
*sighs* the Victorian Era... Those were the days
And um, fun. Need help?
sure, just join in
#chaseforbook9
* the doors creak open revealing steps deep into the earth*
Right *glances around* so... What is this place? Besides the Hall of Ages? What is it's significance
*appears in the room with Sherlock and Adra* I may as well accompany the two of you, as I have nothing better to do at the moment.
#ChaseForBook9
a great being was buried in the final chamber but all the chambers before it feature a challenge.
#chaseforbook9
heads down steps into first chamber
*shrugs* why not.
Does this room have one?
*follows Sherlock*
yes * giant snake slithers in* that appears to be the challenge
*jumps onto snake back* adra, take out the eyes
Wait, what? *pulls out her knife, throwing it into one eye, throwing another into the second eye*
Harry Potter much?
sort of like potter but more risk of death * snake collapses dead as blood pours out of eye
*walks through snake to the other side of the room, then turns back* Is there anything you would like me to do?
#ChaseForBook9
yes, niccolo collect the key from the snake and meet up at the door. adra take a tooth from the snake.
*takes a scale and uses it as a sheild*
Did you just WALK through him? *facepalms* good grief.
*pulls her knives out of its eyes, wiping them off, then grabs a tooth, yanking it from it's gums with a crack*
niccolo you got the key yet?
Where is it?
#ChaseForBook9
erm, well, in the snakes stomach
*blanches* oh lord...
adra, that tooth can kill spirits so keep it
Oh, alright. I'll have to do this the hard way, then. *shifts into crow* *flies through snake's skin into its stomach* *teleports outside of snake with key* *shifts into human* I have it.
#ChaseForBook9
good now unlock the door for challenge 2
*unlocks door*
#ChaseForBook9
ready?
hang on five mins
Yeah... *turns back to the snake* Poor thing
*sits down* okay then
*stands back up* no, wait. *walks back to the snake, touching its skin until she stops at its head, where she lays her palm against its head, closing her eyes and bowing her head*
ok i had to take a door off its hinges but onwards to room 2
*opens her eyes, patting the snake's head*
Good. Are we ready to go?
yep. * enters room 2*
*enters the room*
#ChaseForBook9
*hurries to catch up with the boys, following in*
* a single ghost rises*
ghost: you shall not pass
*laughs* thanks, Gandalf
* the ghost laughs at the comment*
*then screeches and brings a small army*
*gandalf walks away sad at not saying that first*
*frowns* huh..
(Could you please provide some details for this 'small army'?)
#ChaseForBook9
they are all dead and ghosts
(If they are ghosts, are they solid? And how many are there?)
#ChaseForBook9
they are not solid, cannot die and there is around 50.
*holds up the tooth*
*ghosts swarm forwards*
(If they are not solid, how can they attack, and what is to stop us from simply walking through them? Apologies for the excessive questioning, these are merely things I will not be able to assess this army unless I know.)
#ChaseForBook9
* swings sword and laughs * come on then!
they are not solid however * deflects blade* the swords are
Ah, I see. *swords pass through body* What is our object in this challenge?
#ChaseForBook9
*lifts up the tooth* Right...
return them to the underworld. but i brought this * takes out small crystal and crushes it*
adra, hold them off, nico have you got any water.
*holds the ghosts off* hmmm
NICO * blue fire grows on hand*
*grins* As much as you can think to use. What shall I do with it?
#ChaseForBook9
* lifts up hand on fire and points to crushed crystal* put that in the water and then throw it at the ghost leader
*appears out of thin air, quite disorientated* Um, okay.
#ChaseForBook9
hello trip, want to join the quest?
What... what's going on?
Are we near my bar? I need a drink...
#ChaseForBook9
*continues to slash at the ghosts* How many of these are there?!?!
How many what?
#ChaseForBook9
if your bar is near the centre of the earth yes, but we are looking for a treasure by fighting through 6 rooms
Oh, okay. So, what are we fighting?
#ChaseForBook9
things. these are ghosts, you missed the giant snake.
#chaseforbook9
*continues to slash at the ghosts* How many of these are there?!?!
*water flows in a steady stream in from the door and engulfs crystal* *water and crystal fly at ghost leader*
#ChaseForBook9
about 50 adra. * another 50 rise* or more
#chaseforbook9
Ghosts eh? Well, ghosts are easy. Disembodied parts of the soul that never made it to the afterlife, so... *slams hands out sideways, sending the ghosts against the walls, they are stuck there*
#ChaseForBook9
Ha. All too easy.
#ChaseForBook9
*shrugs* okay. *pulls out the bottle of vodka* I may have taken this...
* the water hits the ghost and it hisses. they slowly collapes into the ground* that was close
ok, can anyone see a key?
Trip, we are currently fighting a group of 50 ghosts. There are several rooms we are attempting to pass through, each one with their own challenge. Sherlock knows the most about it.
#ChaseForBook9
You have no boundaries do you Adra?
#ChaseForBook9
*shakes head* no...
drink * pulls out a glass*
As in a key for a lock? With a shape that only it has?
#ChaseForBook9
I was in dire need of alcohol. It was an emergency. Sue me. And you shouldn't complain. Unless you don't want it...?
That you put into a lock and turn?
#ChaseForBook9
Yes, Trip. That is the definition of a key
Just keep it. It's not like you'd pay for it anyway.
#ChaseForBook9
Well then, show me the lock. *grins*
#ChaseForBook9
after the quest we will head to trips bar, ok?
#chaseforbook9
the lock is there* points to ceiling showi ng a lock* * grins*
All too easy. *is lifted by energy up to the lock, places palm on lock*
#ChaseForBook9
*energy flows into the lock, taking the shape of the inside. Then, it becomes solid, and Trip turns his hand*
#ChaseForBook9
go ahead trip but i wouldnt
*grumbles* I'll get to it..
Which reminds me. I've got to explain a few things later on.
[Wakes up, eyes wide]
GAH, I forgot the amulets!
[Staggers to feet and heads out the door]
#ChaseForBook9
hello fabi
#chaseforbook9
Hey Fabi!
#ChaseForBook9
Hola Fabi. *looks up at the ceiling* so... Did it open
Hello, Fabienne.
#ChaseForBook9
Hello.
[Trips and falls on face]
How are you all?
((Do we have communicators still, or did they all break?))
#ChaseForBook9
I'm waiting for Pingu to tell me.
#ChaseForBook9
what, you opened it
but ok it opens and a rope ladder falls. into room 3
How tall is that ceiling? As in, can I get up there?
the ladder
#chaseforbook9
*flies through the rope ladder gap*
#ChaseForBook9
* the next room contains a large statue of cerberus* * the key is around its middle neck*
*looks at the ladder* huh. *behins climbing with a knife in her mouth like an adventurer
*teleports into next room*
#ChaseForBook9
I see where this is going.
Or, I could just repeat the trick?
#ChaseForBook9
* the statue moves and looks at trip with red eyes * TRIP!
#chaseforbook9
Oh God... It better not move.
Cerberus, the three headed dog of Hades
* foam drips from the mouths as it snarls. it begins to charge* trip move.
Hey Coco hey everyone
hey zaf
Um... I think I'll be back when y'all are in Blogland again.
See you later.
[Fabi doesn't make it to the woods because she keeps falling over and finally she falls asleep again]
#ChaseForBook9
Hey Zaf! *energy punches cerburus's centre head square in the face*
#ChaseForBook9
Oh I am not where everyone is :(
trip? * hands begin to glow blue and sherlock rises off the floor*
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