Monday, December 26, 2011

Merry Christmas, minions!

My Christmas morning got off to a terrifying start.

Christmas Eve, you see, is the night when Laura and Katie come over. It's become sort of a tradition around here. They come over, we exchange presents, they go away with something really really expensive and I stay at home with something really really cheap. Usually a mug of some kind. But this year, Laura excelled herself. "What do you get the man who has everything?" she wondered. "Oh, I know. A Pac-Man alarm clock. Obviously."


So I naively set the alarm when I went to bed, planning on being up for about ten on Christmas morning. Nothing like a nice lie-in, I figured.

So there I was. Asleep. Dreaming of fluffy things you dream of when you're asleep. And then... oh dear God... The loudest, most abrupt alarm call ever blasted into my ear, the Pac-Man theme HAMMERING my tender, tender ear-drums as I woke suddenly and violently, thrashing about to visions of giant yellow circles chasing me through a maze.

Thank you, Laura. I am now terrified of my alarm. Thank you so much.

An hour later I was at my parents' house, ignoring everyone except my little niece Sophie, to whom I presented a huge Mickey and Minnie Mouse...


Presents were exchanged, and for once I got GOOD stuff. My mother dragged the heaviest punchbag you could buy into the living room, dumped it on the floor and gestured that it was for me before collapsing into a very dignified heap of exhaustion. My brother and sisters got me a smaller punchbag (the cheap kind) but that's okay. They did their best. And let's face it- it's a darn sight better than the bath matts they got me last year.

Then there was some visiting of the relatives, a part of Christmas I used to hate but now I enjoy (well, mostly). I usually use it as an excuse to just talk about me and how great I am. My aunts and uncles and cousins love that. They say they don't, but I know they do. I read between the lines. It's one of my gifts.

Then it was back to the parents' place, where my OTHER nieces joined us, and we had Christmas dinner and I got to watch the Doctor Who Christmas Special. I actually didn't think it was the best Christmas Special they'd ever had, even though Matt Smith is now officially my favourite Doctor ever, but it was saved by a wonderful final scene with Amy Pond. I love Amy Pond. Amy Pond rules.

And then I came home, and signed 13 copies of Death Bringer.



When my publishers sent me the books to sign for the competition winners they neglected to send me any copies of the latest book- so if any of you winners have received your prizes yet, you will have noticed you're one book short! Fear not- I am on the case, and will be personally sending you the latest book as soon as the Post Office reopens.

I've also been going through the entries to the Australia/NZ competition. I have a few possible choices for the female Australian character, but the NZ male character still hasn't been decided. Kiwis, you have a week to dream up someone new before I have to choose. Granted, I haven't gone through ALL of the entries yet, so I may have missed the perfect male character, but you still have a chance to win- so get to it!

And so, to end this Blog entry, I figured I'd post two more pictures of my cats. This is one of them, in a box.



And this is another one, who has found a fantastic new sleeping place in my sock drawer.



Merry Christmas, my loyal minions.

4,881 comments:

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Eve the ROCK said...

Hello Gerald! *ray of sunshine burst out of self*

Christine Night said...

*Stares at lizard* I'll call you Lizzy. Lizzy the Lizard.

Eve the ROCK said...

Oh dear. I do hope Sparky is alright. *pokes Sparky with stick*

Sparky Braginski said...

*opens eyes weakly*

My head...

I can't see.

*wipes blood off face*

I think we need to do something about this...

*passes out again*

Izz said...

Gerald!

You missed the end of the movie.

Eve the ROCK said...

Oh, what jolly good fun! *rainbow bursts out of face*

Sparky Braginski said...

Gerald?

Uhhh....

My head hurts...

I think it's still bleeding...

Eve the ROCK said...

What movie, Izz? Is it Wolfman? I like that movie. I like it when the man eats the fence.

Izz said...

Head wounds always bleed a lot

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

*paints a purple lizard on Eve*



Earlier, Amanda, Peren, and I decided to play hangman (you know, where you guess the letters and stuff). So I wrote: PEREN IS A REALLY HUGE POOP LIZARD!

Izz said...

You should dinfect it too. You have no idea where that wall's been.

Eve the ROCK said...

May I take a sample? *samples blood*

Christine Night said...

*Starts wrapping Sparky's head in bandages, soon she starts to look like a mummy.*

Eve the ROCK said...

Ooh! I like this lizard! I'll name it Wolfman! Can I also have a poop lizard?

Sparky Braginski said...

Please only wrap my forehead.

Eve the ROCK said...

Why would I disinfect a blood sample?

Izz said...

Haha. No it was the other movie I was talking about earlier. I saw the Wolfman on my birthday the other year!!
My friends still hate me for that...

Izz said...

not the sample. The wound.

Eve the ROCK said...

Can you wrap MY head, Christy? I think I have a concussion.

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

Oooh, blood! *runs over to Sparky, then trips* *while falling, my leg hits a nail and starts gushing blood, then my head gets cut and cracks against the wall*

Uh oh...

*looks over and sees another person standing there* *ducks behind Sparky in fear*

Izz said...

Oh Val.

You never answered my question when we were talking about eyeballs.

Have you seen The Crow?

Eve the ROCK said...

I would love to watch that movie again. It's motivated me to do many things. *eats fence*

Eve the ROCK said...

May I take a sample, Valkyrie? *samples Valkyrie's blood*

Izz said...

AARRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Christine Night said...

Blood and gore it's fantastic.

Sparky Braginski said...

I think I needed that blood...

Eve the ROCK said...

AOW AOW AOW AOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!

Izz said...

*laughs*

Blood from a stone!

Eve the ROCK said...

I know, right? Fantastic.

No, Sparky, I need it more than you do. *poisons blood*

Izz said...

Val? The Crow?

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

*smacks Eve* Give that back!

No, I've never seen that, Izz.



AND THERE'S A SCARY PERSON STANDING THERE! *hides from Caelan* YOU STAY AWAY FROM MY BLOOD! IT DOESN'T EVEN TASTE GOOD! ASK DUSK! HE WOULD KNOW!

Izz said...

Oh well. Val it has several eyeball scenes...

Eve the ROCK said...

No, Valkyrie, I need it. *takes more blood with knife*

Eve the ROCK said...

I'll need your blood too, Izz. *corners Izz*

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

*screams as Eve steals blood* STOP IT! STOP CUTTING ME! STOP ACTING LIKE MELANCHOLIA!

Izz said...

*sigh* there's none left silly! *floats backwards through wall*

Verpiss Dich Caelan!

Christine Night said...

Well on a happy note it's

6 hours, 54 minutes, 39 seconds for me till the world ends. Or till my brothers just rob the woman next door blind. And i an going to join them. *Smiles*

Eve the ROCK said...

Don't worry, Val, it's only blood. Uh-oh. I think I got a kidney.

Eve the ROCK said...

Aw. No blood from Izz. *turns to Christine*

Izz said...

Eve. It's called the Red Cross.

Eve the ROCK said...

I better get your blood before the world ends, then.

Christine Night said...

Umm.. You see.. I got to run. Bye!

Eve the ROCK said...

The Red Cross? Naw, I got kicked out. See, I tried the blood, then put it back, so...

Izz said...

feiern das Ende der Welt!

Eve the ROCK said...

Dammit. I was so close.

What are you saying, Izz? Is that German?

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

Eve! Stop it! Your acting like Melancholia, cutting me and stuff! And then your acting like Caelan because your trying to steal my blood! *punches her in the face so she falls over* *takes back blood and organs* *has Skulduggery take me to the Sanctuary*

Izz said...

there's another thing. It's called Breaking and Entering.

Eve the ROCK said...

Ja! Celebrate!

Izz said...

vielleicht..............

Eve the ROCK said...

Oooooow. I think I need to stop sampling blood.

Eve the ROCK said...

Ich wünschte, ich könnte dein Blut zu nehmen.

Izz said...

Deutschland für immer!!!!

Eve the ROCK said...

Aber du bist ein Geist, so kann ich nicht.

Eve the ROCK said...

Ja! Ich liebe Skulduggery Pleasant!

Izz said...

Ja, schade

Eve the ROCK said...

Mach dir keine Sorgen, ich werde einen Weg finden, um Sie in voller Leben zu bringen und dann werde ich Ihre Blutprobe. * böse Superhirn Moment *

Izz said...

Ich auch!!

Izz said...

Yeah. or we could stop typing Deutsch and look for my grave.

Eve the ROCK said...

Ich hoffe wirklich, dass ich den Wettbewerb zu gewinnen. Das würde mir das Gefühl, etwas ganz Besonderes.

Sparky Braginski said...

*is lying on floor, dead*

Did I mention that I don't need blood to function?

*stands up menacingly*

*falls to floor*

Maybe I do need blood...

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

SPEAK ENGLISH, FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!!




*comes back, fully healed* *stays away from Eve*

Eve the ROCK said...

I'll give you back your blood, Sparky. It's a bit poisoned, though.

Izz said...

Ja. How mant times did you enter? What character/s?

Eve the ROCK said...

I don't think I want to take everyone's blood sample anymore.

Now I just want to take YOURS.

Eve the ROCK said...

*leans in expectantly*

Eve the ROCK said...

Wait, Izz. Just wait a moment...

Izz said...

I'm tellin ya. find the grave maybe there's some still dried to my bones.

Eve the ROCK said...

Wait, I want to see if Valkyrie knows what to say...

Izz said...

She's more likely to hit you.

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

Who's blood is Eve still wanting?

Eve the ROCK said...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Eve the ROCK said...

*repairs window then smashes it again*

Izz said...

Eve aka a certain Vampire?

Eve the ROCK said...

YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO SAY 'WELL... IT'S PROGRESS I SUPPOSE'!!!!!!

Eve the ROCK said...

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

Eve, STOP IT! Are you being Melancholia again? Or Caelan?

Eve the ROCK said...

!!!!!!

Izz said...

Yunow the name caelan means slender?

Eve the ROCK said...

MELANCHOLIA AHHHHHH!!!!

.....I won't get angry next time, I swear.

Izz said...

*growls at conflicting edits*

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

That's a creepy thing for the Caelan to mean. It really is. *shudders*

Eve the ROCK said...

...Ew. I think I entered about fifteen characters a few were Orenda Magan, Rana Zest, Voltrix Malicia, Mahogany Reen, Monica Quake, Euridice Quoll, Charmaine Chorus, Olivine Granite, Tassal Sly, Anselma Gauze, Evelyn Reed...all I can remember.

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

Wait, if Caelan means slender, that's even creepier for me, on account that my dad is in a band called "Slender Means"...

Eve the ROCK said...

Oh, and Taryn Hill.

Eve the ROCK said...

You're dad is in a band? My brother's in a band. It's called Nowhere Slowly. If I was in a band, I would have called it Terminal Two.

Izz said...

Huh. Weird. My dad used to be in a band. It was called Little Missnomer.

I entered three. Lyra Blue, Jay Haych and Lilanthane Verdant.

Lyra is who I want to be. Jay is who my friend should be. Lilanthane is based on me.

Sparky Braginski said...

*gets up slowly and slumps against wall*

What *cough* poison?

*coughs up blood that's green,swears and slides down wall again*

Unk...

Izz said...

I tried to be in a band once. It didn't last long but we called ourselves The Little Grey Doves.

Eve the ROCK said...

That's normally the case. I don't know which of my characters is me, because I love them all. I hate to brag, but I am an expert at taking names.

Except for Tassal Sly. I'm not too sure about that one.

Izz said...

Sparky. Surely you can just electrocute all the poisonous bacteria?

Sparky Braginski said...

I entered two characters.

Sparky Braginski and Hayley Skirmish.

Eve the ROCK said...

Uh-oh. Hold on, Sparky. I must have an antidote SOMEWHERE......

Izz said...

I can think of a name for myself....

Want to know why we called the band that?

Sparky Braginski said...

???

I can't concentrate. On account of my blood being green and my stomach...

*looks down at stomach*

Disintegrating.

Eve the ROCK said...

I like that name.

Found the antidote *force-feeds Sparky the antidote* Uh-oh. Wrong antidote. *watches Sparky float into the air*

Eve the ROCK said...

Why did you call the band that?

Sparky Braginski said...

*tries to speak but only chokes on the green substance*

Gawk...

*punches Eve's face as I float past*

Eve the ROCK said...

Well, look on the bright side, Sparky. Your blood's not green anymore.

....It's purple. Oops

Sparky Braginski said...

Help me...

Eve the ROCK said...

Ouch. That hurt. Here's another one. *force feeds antidote* *stomach is replaced with a unicorn*

Izz said...

Because the white dove is a symbol of peace. But peace is always tainted (whether by war or dishonesty or simply because it's not complete).
and when white and black mix.
you get grey.

It was my idea. and I'm proud of it.

Sparky Braginski said...

*sees horn pierce my body*

Ow...

Izz said...

Is this the one you're looking for?
*holds up rainbow coloured hyperdermic needle*

Eve the ROCK said...

As well you should be. I like the symbolism. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to kill this unicorn and give Sparky a stomach.

Eve the ROCK said...

Oh, yes. Thank you *takes needle and feeds it to Sparky* Um. *extracts needle and injects it into Sparky.

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

If I could do the character competition, I would enter Ivy Animosity, Anomaly Despair, Bonny Aspire, Audacious Beguile, Bezel Bonafide, Asininity Blunt, Artifice Cadaver, Saturnine Bilious, Zinnia Batty, Bier Arbor, Basal Appease, and Serendipity.

Izz said...

I was the drummer...

Eve the ROCK said...

There! Back to normal!

Izz said...

Wonderful!

Eve the ROCK said...

You can drum? Cool.

I like those characters. Except bilious means sick. Anyway.

Eve the ROCK said...

Indeed. Sparky, are you okay?

Sparky Braginski said...

*gets ups*

Thank you for giving me the antidote, but there is still the small problem of the horn that is driven through my torso.

I will continue being dead now.

*slumps*

Izz said...

I actually can't drum. But I tried valiently. (only one of us could actually play our instrument at the time)

I have now taken up Harmonica.

Eve the ROCK said...

Oh. Uh. Izz. Val. On three, pull. One two three...PULL *everyone pulls horn out*

Izz said...

What happened to the rest of the unicorn?

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

Bilious also means gloomy or something like that. And I say Serendipity because that's my dog's name. It means 'chance'. We named her Serendipity because there's a restraunt in New York called Serendipity, though...

Eve the ROCK said...

Well done, people!

How long have you been doing harmonica?

Eve the ROCK said...

Gloomy...didn't know that.

Oh, uh, one sec. *stiches wound*

Sparky Braginski said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Eve the ROCK said...

And it's all stitched up *nods proudly*

Izz said...

Somewhere under a year. I can play The Camptown Races, My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean and Amazing Grace.

I think Amazing Grace sounds the coolest because it uses the higher notes. I'm not religious though.

Eve the ROCK said...

.....I've only heard the third one.

Izz said...

I haven't gotten up to blues harp yet.

Sparky Braginski said...

*gets up*

Thank you.

*sees hornless purple necromancer unicorn*

Uh oh...

*grabs the unicorns face and shocks it*

Uh oh withdrawn.

Izz said...

hhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmm. I just realised.

I have a cooking/sewing teacher called Danielle Venaski. and a science teacher called Rab Kusmierski.

Eve the ROCK said...

...What's blues harp?

Take that, necromancer unicorn!

Eve the ROCK said...

And......?

Izz said...

The kind of harmonica playing you hear in blues music. it sounds really cool.

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

My bonnie lies over the ocean, my bonnie lies over the sea, my bonnie lies over the ocean, so bring back my bonnie to--

I'M ALL LOST IN THE SUPERMARKET, I CAN NO LONGER SHOP HAPILY! I CAME IN HERE FOR A SPECIAL OFFER, A GUARANTEE PERSONALITY!

Izz said...

well. Sparky Braginski
is kind of similar.

Izz said...

Oh Val...

Sorry everyone. I gotta go!

Sparky, say bye to Gerald wont you?

Eve the ROCK said...

Oh. Cool.

Ah. I see. Well in that case, I have a drama teacher call Zita Splawinski.

Izz said...

Are you cereal?

Eve the ROCK said...

Hmmmm. Well, just stay there, Val. Someone'll find you.

Izz said...

It's a song....

Eve the ROCK said...

Am I what? Does that mean serious. Yes, I am.

Izz said...

Well I'm Toast!

Eve the ROCK said...

Waht's a song? My head hurts.

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

Is it creepy that I actually just painted a ton of eyeballs and bubbles? They look creepy, too...

Izz said...

Lost in The Supermarket.
The Clash

Eve the ROCK said...

Oh right my head really fel heavy i feel kuds=rrtwe lke i'm going o fsint help me palease someone

Izz said...

Anyway.
I gtg

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

1st

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

1st

Izz said...

Like now....

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

1st

Eve the ROCK said...

Naw I'm atcaluly fnie jsut a haeadhce taht's all.

Eve the ROCK said...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Eve the ROCK said...

Grrr

Izz said...

DAMMIT I'M GOOD!!!

I dedicate this page to my absence!


Bye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Eve the ROCK said...

Bye I'm going too.

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

*mutters* That's a stupid dedication... I would've dediated it to the best thing in the world... ME!


Bye Izz! Don't get lost in the supermarket! Be sure to shop happily, and get that special personality there!

Sparky Braginski said...

Well, it's just us now.

Sparky Braginski said...

Would you be happy if I won the comp Val V?

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

*grins evilly* Hello, Sparky.

Sparky Braginski said...

*rolls eyes*

Why do I like you?

Because you're fun.

*shakes head*

Sorry.

Eve the ROCK said...

Hi I'm back!

Sparky Braginski said...

You weren't gone for long.

Eve the ROCK said...

I know. I never really got thanked for nursing a certain pebble-exploder back to health...

Eve the ROCK said...

Even though I poisoned you in the first place.

Sparky Braginski said...

I did.

I thanked you multiple times.

Eve the ROCK said...

Oh! You did? I must see them. Hold on.

Sparky Braginski said...

Last page.

Eve the ROCK said...

....It seems as though you are correct, Sparky. Bye!

Sparky Braginski said...

Val V?

Bye Eve.

Sparky Braginski said...

OH DAMMIT.

Eve if you read this I forgot to ask if you were staying up tonight.

Eve the ROCK said...

Yeah but I won't be on here.

Eve the ROCK said...

Probably. Bye.

Sparky Braginski said...

Dang.

BRB.

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

I'm here. I'm just, you know, painting. I have been for quite a while now.

Sparky Braginski said...

What are you painting now?

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

The same picture. But it has eyeballs, bubbles, skulls, and four leaf clovers all over it. It takes time to paint.

Sparky Braginski said...

I'd like to see this when it's finished.

But I did ask you a question.

Sparky Braginski said...

How am I going to finish this fanfic in 7 hours and 22 minutes?

...When I say it like that it looks like I'll finish it easy...

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

*looks up from painting* What was it? If it was would I be happy, I suppose the answer is yes.

Bear in mind, I am terrible at tellin people I'm excited for them. However, I don't have much practice. I'm used to having everyone excited for me.

Sparky Braginski said...

Suppose?

Eh, it'll do for now.

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

I'm serious about people being excited for me all the time. Like, it NEVER stops.


*sighs* Why must I be so amazing at everything?!

Sparky Braginski said...

Well... You aren't amazing at dodging my speedy punches.

*punches her nose*

See?

*dodges back and sweeps arms out wide*

(mumbling) Brainwave...

*touches fingers on ground and, sweating with the effort, lifts up fingers creating a barrier between Val V and Sparky*

*grunts*

Ngh...

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

I'm not joking, Sparky, there's something wrong with me...

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

Brb

Sparky Braginski said...

*drops shield*

That, is really hard.

And there isn't something wrong with you. I swear, the only hint that people haven't been amazed at me being so good at is swimming.

I'm really not kidding. Froggy and I did a sailing camp together and she's done it before and we overheard one of the trainers calling me a natural tacker.

And then we went sailing again.

This is the bit where everything went wrong. Another thing about me i that I'm prone to severe head injuries.

I was sailing and we went to tack, but we jibbed by accident (I'm sure I'm not spelling these right) and the bar swung into my head, knocked me out of the boat. And then it capsized.

Not kidding about the head injury thing.

Last year I gave myself a concussion by standing up. Into a table.

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

Can we speak over email, please...?

Sparky Braginski said...

Yes.

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

I'm here again.

Sparky Braginski said...

I noticed. Just check your e-mail one last time.

Sparky Braginski said...

Val V?

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

Sorry, I went to put my pajamas on. And I couldn't stay in my bedroom, because it's practically as cold in here as it is outside. And earlier it was snowing. *shivers uncontrollably*

Sparky Braginski said...

I gotta go...

Bye.

*hugs Val V*

Sparky Braginski said...

E-mail.

Bye.

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

Bye! *hugs back*

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

*is freezing to death*

Sparky Braginski said...

What a cooinsidense that I should refresh the page now.


But only briefly.

Here, have a scarf.

*hands Val V black scarf*


*winks*

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

Thanks. *takes the scarf and continues to shiver* You know, if I open my bedroom door, the rest of my house gets colder?

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

*smiles* I've positioned my Christmas card from Derek on my booksehelf so when I wake up it's the first thing I see :) I see a drawing of Skulduggery, the words "To Bella", and Derek's signature. It's a good thing to wake up to... :)

Sparky Braginski said...

That sounds like a bad idea.

Glad you like the scarf.

Another fantastic thing about me is that I have impeccable timing.

Not Skullduggery's nick o' time. I come right when you need me.

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

*shrugs* I suppose. Now I'm curled into a ball under my blankets on my bed. Including my Skulduggery blanket.

Sparky Braginski said...

And your Jack one?

Sparky Braginski said...

Okay, I'm back for good now.

Like GOOD good.

The one night of the year my mum doesn't care what time I got to sleep.

*pours self a creaming soda*

Cheers.

Sparky Braginski said...

YAY THERE IS NO ONE HERE!!!

Sparky Braginski said...

Not one...

On the last night of the year...

I'll spend it writing.

Not that that is bad, it's just...

I expected people to be here Y'know?

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