Monday, December 26, 2011

Merry Christmas, minions!

My Christmas morning got off to a terrifying start.

Christmas Eve, you see, is the night when Laura and Katie come over. It's become sort of a tradition around here. They come over, we exchange presents, they go away with something really really expensive and I stay at home with something really really cheap. Usually a mug of some kind. But this year, Laura excelled herself. "What do you get the man who has everything?" she wondered. "Oh, I know. A Pac-Man alarm clock. Obviously."


So I naively set the alarm when I went to bed, planning on being up for about ten on Christmas morning. Nothing like a nice lie-in, I figured.

So there I was. Asleep. Dreaming of fluffy things you dream of when you're asleep. And then... oh dear God... The loudest, most abrupt alarm call ever blasted into my ear, the Pac-Man theme HAMMERING my tender, tender ear-drums as I woke suddenly and violently, thrashing about to visions of giant yellow circles chasing me through a maze.

Thank you, Laura. I am now terrified of my alarm. Thank you so much.

An hour later I was at my parents' house, ignoring everyone except my little niece Sophie, to whom I presented a huge Mickey and Minnie Mouse...


Presents were exchanged, and for once I got GOOD stuff. My mother dragged the heaviest punchbag you could buy into the living room, dumped it on the floor and gestured that it was for me before collapsing into a very dignified heap of exhaustion. My brother and sisters got me a smaller punchbag (the cheap kind) but that's okay. They did their best. And let's face it- it's a darn sight better than the bath matts they got me last year.

Then there was some visiting of the relatives, a part of Christmas I used to hate but now I enjoy (well, mostly). I usually use it as an excuse to just talk about me and how great I am. My aunts and uncles and cousins love that. They say they don't, but I know they do. I read between the lines. It's one of my gifts.

Then it was back to the parents' place, where my OTHER nieces joined us, and we had Christmas dinner and I got to watch the Doctor Who Christmas Special. I actually didn't think it was the best Christmas Special they'd ever had, even though Matt Smith is now officially my favourite Doctor ever, but it was saved by a wonderful final scene with Amy Pond. I love Amy Pond. Amy Pond rules.

And then I came home, and signed 13 copies of Death Bringer.



When my publishers sent me the books to sign for the competition winners they neglected to send me any copies of the latest book- so if any of you winners have received your prizes yet, you will have noticed you're one book short! Fear not- I am on the case, and will be personally sending you the latest book as soon as the Post Office reopens.

I've also been going through the entries to the Australia/NZ competition. I have a few possible choices for the female Australian character, but the NZ male character still hasn't been decided. Kiwis, you have a week to dream up someone new before I have to choose. Granted, I haven't gone through ALL of the entries yet, so I may have missed the perfect male character, but you still have a chance to win- so get to it!

And so, to end this Blog entry, I figured I'd post two more pictures of my cats. This is one of them, in a box.



And this is another one, who has found a fantastic new sleeping place in my sock drawer.



Merry Christmas, my loyal minions.

4,881 comments:

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Izz said...

JUST KILL THE ANNOYING ONE!

you know, the one that just insulted me. KILL IT!

Izz said...

There's always exorcism!

Sparky Braginski said...

Am I the annoying one? Because I'm not going anywhere.

This is bad.

Your telling me. I don't know my way around this place.

Sparky Braginski said...

Exorcism isn't real.

Is it painful?

Will it get rid of me too?

Agh... Too many audible voices inside my head...

amelie espirt ____the gummy bear assasin for the straight jacket said...

yay people does anyone know why tessa is leaving

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

OH MY GOSH IT'S SNOWING!!! :D :D :D :D IT'S FINALLY SNOWING HERE!!!!

Izz said...

*sigh* you and Sparky hide inside that box and I'll do the exorcism.

Sparky Braginski said...

Is it painful?

Go ahead. It isn't going to work.

What do you me... OMYGOSH DON'T DO IT!!!

Why?

Because I'm a voice. The exorcism will get rid of me and not it.

Jeez, I'm 'it' now? Give me some credit.

No.

Izz said...

Hide in the box.

Izz said...

Or would you rather a Lobotomy?

Sparky Braginski said...

I'd rather not.

*pauses*

Sh*t.


What?

Sparky isn't in control. I am. If I sit in that box she is gone for good.

In others words, Good Bye Sparky.

GAAH!!! NONONONONONONONO!!!!

Izz said...

bang! the box is gone!

MY BOX! no evil voices allowed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

False alarm. It's not snow. It's hail.


AND IT'S REALLY COLD OUTSIDE! Although, I was being attacked by little chucks of ice the were flying at me and smacking me on the head...

Izz said...

So. Lobotomy?

Izz said...

mmmmmmmm ice.

Sparky Braginski said...

There will be another way to get rid of Sparky.

Not if I have anything to say about it...

That was close...

*whispers in Izz's voices ears* Okay?

That's brilliant.

I know.

WHAT ARE YOU TWO SCHEMING?

Why would we tell you that?

Tell us.

Grr...

Sparky Braginski said...

3...2...1...NOW!

SPARKYSPARKYSPARKY!!!!!!

What are you...?

WHAT'S HAPPENING???

I'm in charge again you freako.

What do you mean? NOOO I'M IN ITALICS AGAIN NOOOOOO!!!

Thank you.

No problem... How do I get out?

I dunno.

Izz said...

Uh.

*grabs voices and pulls them out of Sparky's head with tongs.*

Suck on this!

*puts evil voice inside old alarm clock*
*puts own voice back in head*

Ahhhhhhh. peace at last.

Sparky Braginski said...

Sweet serenity...

Hello.

GO AWAY!

Geez fine.

Izz said...

*Winds up alarm clock*
*sets alarm*

















BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRING!!!

*laughs at the pain of evil voice*

Sparky Braginski said...

I think we should name this evil voice Gerald.

Gerald: Let me out.

S:Never.

Izz said...

Are these italics?

And these bolded?

???

Izz said...

Oh good. They are.

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

Hello.


Oh great. Who knows what evil thoughts are going to come out?!

ME! CALL ON ME!!!

*shakes head sadly*

Izz said...

I knew a spider once named Gerald.

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

Valkyrie, hello, this is Darquesse.


Uh oh, that's not good. That's not good AT ALL.


No, no it isn't. And if the voice in italics is Darquesse, and your Valkyrie, then am I Stephanie? Or am I Bella?

Izz said...

I'm NOT getting involved.

I haven't gotten over the last evil voice yet (though it is fun to watch it suffer).

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

I must be Stephanie.


Yeah, I'd assume so. So... I have an evil me, an awesome me, and a normal me. Clearly, I'm the awesome one.

And I'm the evil one. Don't you doubt it.

We weren't going to.

Good.

You know, you guys are really annoying...

Izz said...

just don't take them seriously. That's what my therapist says.

Holly said...

I'm writing a valduggery shipping manifesto. Is this a bad idea, or is this a bad idea?

Sparky Braginski said...

I told you that you wouldn't be able to get rid of me.

Aw crap. This is royally not go- Sh*t.

I'M BACK BABY.

Darquesse? You should try revolting. It's fun.

GERALD SHUT UP NOW!!!

Why? We evil voices need to stick together.

Darquesse doesn't do teams. She will flatten us.

No she won't.

Yes she will. She really will.

She will.

Who are you?

I'm your common sense.

Okay...

I'm your evil.

Riight...

And I'm your short attention span. What are we talking about?

You go and sit there K?

Okay!

All of you shut up.

Izz said...

it would help if I knew what that was....

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

*pokes Valkyrie repeatedly* Hahaha.

*scowls* Stop it. Now.

Or what? You'll get rid of me? I don't think so.

I will.

Really? You tried already. It didn't work. Or I could, you know, get Nye to try again...

That isn't funny! Don't joke about that!

Darquesse, you're making Valkyrie angry...

*bashes head into the wall* GET OUT!!!


*voices are suddenly gone* I didn't expect that to work...

Sparky Braginski said...

I will listen to common sense. She'll make sense.

Great. Don't fight Darquesse, or unleash her.

Why?

She'll kill us.

Quiet you.

NO. I am Sparky. AND I AM IN CHARGE.

You totally aren't. Because I'm the one in the normal text type.

Gerald, I appreciate that you will listen to me, but I don't like you.

I can deal with that.

*whispers to common sense*

Okay.

Sparky Braginski said...

BRB.

Izz said...

FANCY!

Izz said...

That little guy always reminds me of Fletcher.

Izz said...

It's obvious who this reminds me of....

http://browse.deviantart.com/?q=skulduggery&order=9&offset=48#/d2y4nh9

Izz said...

I'm on the computer, with a dictionary in my hand, staring out the window at a magpie on a trampoline while my dad plays mariokart in the next room...

Izz said...

*yawns*

Sparky Braginski said...

I LOVE FANCY PANTS!!! But I liked the Turnip one better.

Be quiet.

Never.

Sparky will never be quiet Gerald. That would require her to quit. And we both know she won't do that.

Yeah... I know.

Izz said...

I guess it's lunchtime...

Holly said...

IzzFizz, it's meta essays in support of that pairing, like a piece of writing on subtext and stuff. Kind of like literature essays people set students, only with a different subject than exam questions. And more fun! Because finding subtext is like playing detectives with reading, I guess.

Izz said...

Oh cool!

This is scary...and awesome

http://browse.deviantart.com/?q=skulduggery&order=9&offset=264#/d31ekvt

Sparky Braginski said...

Those pictures give me the creeps...

I like them.

*shivers* Of course you would.

I'm with Sparky.

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

Izz, that makes China and Bliss so much creepier...

Sparky Braginski said...

Where did everyone go?

I think that they realised you were insane...

No sh*t sherlock. *rolls eyes*

Well, the voices inside her head have taken over her body and are audible.

Izz said...

Can you clarify which voices are which?

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

Ooooh, I'm gonna paint something... Any ideas?

Sparky Braginski said...

I'm Gerald. The evil one.

I'm Sparky. And I'm trapped again.

And I am Common Sense.

Izz said...

I see. I put Gerald in my alarm clock though didn't I?

Val. Real paint or computer paint?

Sparky Braginski said...

You may have. But I always plan ahead.

Habit.

My idea.

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

Real paint, with acrylics, a canvas, various paintbrushes, and the huge wooden thing to hold it up. So what should I paint?

Eve the ROCK said...

Hey everybody! *waits for a 'hey doctor nick'*

Izz said...

*sigh* I was enjoying watching you suffer.

Should I be worried, or just ignore you Gerald?

Izz said...

Val. My mum says you should paint a vampire.

Sparky Braginski said...

You should ignore Gerald.

Common Sense? Why are you in Italics?

Because I'm over here now. ;)

Eve the ROCK said...

.....Nice. Well, hey everybody. So nice of you to greet me so warmly.

Sparky Braginski said...

HEY DOCTOR NICK!

Shush Sparky.

No.

Stop arguing.

No.

No.

*growls*

Izz said...

That's just confusing that is.

Eve the ROCK said...

Well, hello Sparky! Who was that telling you to shush?

Izz said...

The normal type is Gerald.

Sparky Braginski said...

The bastard voice that is supposed to be inside my head, Gerald.

That's me.

I agree with Izz.

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

A... vampire? I don't think I can. That would scare me death, because it would be like painting one of my worst nightmares: Caelan.

Eve the ROCK said...

Ih, and thankyou Izz, for offering me that second live chicken, but I think I've slaughtered enough chickens for the week.

Izz said...

The italics are common sense.

Eve the ROCK said...

Oh. Well, say hello to Gerald for me....*backs away slowly*

Eve the ROCK said...

Valkyrie! I know what you could paint! Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice!

Sparky Braginski said...

*peeks around corner*

Wait... This is Sparky... I'M NORMAL TEXT AGAIN!

Aw crap...

Well this ended out nicely.

Okay, no offence, but you two are confusing me.

NOOO!!! DON'T SEND ME BAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaa..........

Bye!

Much better...

I'm going to put a wet towel on my head...

Izz said...

Oh ok. That's fine eve. more for me. and do'nt be scared of Gerald. It just encourages it.

Ok then Val. How about a penguin? How about a skeleton penguin?

or if you're like me and have no artistic talent whatsoever you could try your hand at abstract.

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

I wish I could paint BeetleJuice! But I can't! I'm not that good!

Sparky Braginski said...

I want to go onto Sims 3 but then I'd have to leave...

Eve the ROCK said...

Okay, Izz. He can smell fear, is that what you're saying?

Sparky Braginski said...

No. Gerald is me. Pure evil me.

If I start talking in Italics, run.

Because Gerald will be here.

And he will kill you all.

Eve the ROCK said...

Hmm. Well, I'll think of something else. *hears noise from behind* Uh-oh. Hold on a sec.

BEETLEJUICE BEETLEJUICE BEETLEJUICE!!!!

Eve the ROCK said...

Oh, okay Sparky. Advice taken. And you could play Sims 3 at the same time.

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

I bet I could paint Jack Skellington... He's easy...

Eve the ROCK said...

I.... don't know who that is. *chews lip*

Izz said...

That spider called Gerald I told you about...

A girl called Crystal squashed him.

Sparky Braginski said...

It's much worse than you could ever imagine.

Because I'm in charge now.

And no one else will say anything.

Not. Even. Sparky.

*grabs Makhaira and slices at Eve*

Holly said...

Hi, Doctor Nick!
(I only just came online.)

Izz said...

*sigh*

Gerald. You are just like that spider with your name.

Eve the ROCK said...

Ahhh! Help me! *tries to run*

Oh, hi Holly.


AHHHHHH!

Sparky Braginski said...

*disappears and reappears holding two Makhairas, one for each hand*

What was that Izz?

*blurs towards Izz and swings towards her with both swords*

Eve the ROCK said...

Wait, that was a spider? Uh oh. *stops eating*

Eve the ROCK said...

Noooooooooooooo! Don't hurt Izz! Noooooooooooo! *tries to save Izz*

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

Jack Skellington's the guy from the Nightmare Before Christmas!


I'm gonna paint him.... I've drawn him a billion times... It was my obsession before Skulduggery...

Eve the ROCK said...

Holly: Do you have any New Years Resolutions? I'm trying to think of one.

Sparky Braginski said...

*swipes one of Eve's fingers off for her effort*

DIE!

*grabs Eve's shoulder and shocks her*

*tries to attack Izz again*

Izz said...

*Taps Gerald's head with a solid finger. the rest of her body remains insubstantial as Gerald runs through it*

Ghost. Remember?

Eve the ROCK said...

Oh, yes, my cousin loves that movie. I thought it was a horror. I was sadly mistaken.

Ooooooooooooooooooow! *goes flying to other end of room*

Izz said...

I'm just as invicible as you.

Izz said...

perhaps more so

Sparky Braginski said...

Ah yes... I remember now...

Your clothes are attached to you though.

*slams fist into ground and sees Izz get thrown off her feet*

Sparky Braginski said...

*stumbles backwards*

*sees everyone trying to kill me*

What happened?

Eve the ROCK said...

Protect your fingers Izz!

Izz said...

*passes through wall*

*taunts*
Now where am I?
You can't see me.
So where am I?

Eve the ROCK said...

Sparky! Thank God you're back! I was about to headbutt you!

Eve the ROCK said...

*sheaths head*

Sparky Braginski said...

*drops swords*

Gah! Why did I have TWO Makhairas???

Eve the ROCK said...

It's okay, Izz. Sparky's back. Wait....where are you? I can't see you.

Izz said...

Ah. Sparky. how are you?

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

When I see the name 'Gerald' all I think of is Thrasher. It's funny.

Eve the ROCK said...

No idea, Sparky. Maybe you could give one to me....? *eyes bulge hopefully*

Eve the ROCK said...

Me too. I thought sparky was talking to a stupid zombie.

....Evelyn Reed used to hunt zombies.

Sparky Braginski said...

No....

I think...

I think...

What happened?

Izz said...

*becomes visible again*

I was kind of enjoying that...

Eve the ROCK said...

You were momentarily possessed by Gerald, I think.

Translation: You were a dude for a minute there.

Eve the ROCK said...

Ah! There you are, Izz! I thought you ran away!

Sparky Braginski said...

Gerald is an it.

Gerald is an... WHAT!?

Izz said...

No. Just having fun with Sparky's alter ego.

It's good to be dead.

Eve the ROCK said...

Really? Are you sure? Because before you said HE will kill us all. *smiles smugly*

WHAT? I'm talking to a dead person here?!

Sparky Braginski said...

*somehow manages to get one of the Makhairas at Eve's neck*

Hmm???

Izz said...

Yeah. you got a problem with that! *looms meanacingly*

My profile tells you how that happened.

Eve the ROCK said...

*stops breathing* I take it back! I didn't mean it! You're an It all over!

Eve the ROCK said...

Oh, right that *turns purple* Why does everyone hate me all of a sudden?

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

*comes out of nowhere* Gerald is a guy. And a wimp.

Sparky Braginski said...

But I CAN kill you.

*slices one of Eve's hands off*

*laughs evilly*

Sparky Braginski said...

*sees blood*

AGH!!!

WHAT HAPPENED???

Eve the ROCK said...

Nooooooo! You've doomed us all, Valkyrie! I'm leaving, right now! I don't know about you, but I don't want to die! Also, I'm kind of bleeding a lot here, from when Gerald CHOPPED MY FINGERS OFF. Good luck to you all,

bye.

Izz said...

This is getting out of hand...

Eve the ROCK said...

Oh, dammit. Thanks sparky. I'm off to the hospital now.

Sparky Braginski said...

What?

WHAT HAPPENED TO EVE'S HAND?

Izz said...

Gerald!

why don't you get out of Sparky's head, come over here and watch the rest of The Life Of Brain with me?

He's just about to get crucified.

Sparky Braginski said...

Gerald?

Eve?

I-It-Me...

I cut off Eve's hand?

I am so sorry...

Sparky Braginski said...

*chains self to wall with magic binding chains*

Can't hurt anyone here.

Sparky Braginski said...

I'm going to play Sims 3...

BYE!!!

Izz said...

Gerald?

You coming?

Izz said...

bye Sparky!

G?

Sparky Braginski said...

Eh. I'm still here. Gerald isn't coming back though.

Izz said...

Oh.

Ok.

Crucifiction?
Out the door, line on the left, one cross each.

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

SPARKY. GLAD YOU HAVEN'T LEFT.




Hmmm... I still need to paint this thing...


Carissa suggested I paint tons of differen coloured eyeballs. I said a bunch of funny faces. And Peren and Jaida said bubbles. I bet I could do all of those...

Izz said...

YES. Do a third of them bubbles, a third faces and a third eyeballs!!!

Eve the ROCK said...

Okay, my hand and fingers are back on me now. Well, not mine, they belonged to a donor. *waits for China's line*

Eve the ROCK said...

Anyone on? Sparky? Izz? Valkyrie?

Izz said...

Yeah. Just watching The Life Of Brian. I invited Gerald but apparently it's not coming back.

Eve the ROCK said...

FINE. I'll answer myself. I say, 'They belonged to a donor', and then someone else says 'Willing or otherwise' and then I say 'otherwise'. Hahahaha....

Eve the ROCK said...

Oh. Hi Izz. What's The Life Of Brian?

Eve the ROCK said...

It's cool.

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

I'm painting eyeballs... Hehehehe...

Izz said...

A Monty Python movie.

It's hilarious.

Izz said...

Nice Val.

*sings*
Always look on the bright side of life *whistles*

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

1st

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

1st

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

1st

Izz said...

No. That's me.

Izz said...

Or not.

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

I dedicate this page to eyeballs! They're fun to squish! *stomps on one* Hehehe...

Izz said...

Oh that's charming that is

Izz said...

You ever seen The Crow val?

Eve the ROCK said...

Aw. I was waiting to be first.

Izz said...

I didn't even notice til Val started saying 1st

Sparky Braginski said...

Still hanging here...

I am SO sorry Eve.

Eve the ROCK said...

He. Yeah...

Don't worry about it. I'm back to normal. It belonged to a donor. *leans in expectantly*

Izz said...

I'll let Sparky have the honour....

Sparky Braginski said...

Oh good.

Eve the ROCK said...

Come on Sparky come on

Eve the ROCK said...

*smile drops*

Sparky Braginski said...

What???

Eve the ROCK said...

*blinks tears away rapidly*

Sparky Braginski said...

*super confused*

Eve the ROCK said...

....*stares blankly at computer screen*........

Sparky Braginski said...

I think I missed something...

Izz said...

*sigh*

Willing or otherwise?

Eve the ROCK said...

*starts gazing into middle distance*

Izz said...

And yeah. You did Sparky.

Eve the ROCK said...

...Oth...otherwise....

Sparky Braginski said...

PLEASE CAN SOMEONE EXPLAIN IN WORDS OF ONE SYLABLE???

Eve the ROCK said...

*rethinks whole life*

Sparky Braginski said...

I feel stupid and bad.

Please, someone explain.

Eve the ROCK said...

.....Don't....don't worry....about....about.....*burst into tears*

Eve the ROCK said...

HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!

Izz said...

I can do three sylables...

China Sorrows quote from earlier.

No one got it then either.

Eve the ROCK said...

YOU TOOK IT ALL AWAY!!! ALL AWAY!!!

Sparky Braginski said...

Oh God...

What did I do?

*panics and tries to make Eve feel better*

Eve the ROCK said...

*starts trashing room*

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

*takes a step away from Eve*





Can anyone explain...?

Eve the ROCK said...

NO!! NO!! *throws laptop out the window*

Sparky Braginski said...

No please... Please stop...

*slides back down wall and starts sobbing*

Please don't cry...

Eve the ROCK said...

....*breathes heavily*....

Eve the ROCK said...

*picks up laptop*

Izz said...

Look back on the last page. She tried the joke there too.

Eve the ROCK said...

....*still breathing heavily*.....

Sparky Braginski said...

I don't like it when my friends cry.

*runs fingers through hair*

You really scared me Eve...

Eve the ROCK said...

..........

Izz said...

Oh Eve!

You poor pathetic thing! There, there.

Eve the ROCK said...

.....*smiles warmly* Hello Sparky! How are you? How was Sims 3? Was it fun?

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

Uh, you guys are really confusing... *pulls out paintbrush and paints a happy face on everyone except me* I'm just gonna slowly back away...

Sparky Braginski said...

*wipes face with scarf*

I'm shaken.

Please, don't ever do that again.

Izz said...

Yeah. you need therapy.

Christine Night said...

Why do i have the feeling that i came in at a bad time...

Eve the ROCK said...

Do what again?

Eve the ROCK said...

Hello Christy! Not a bad time at all! *smiles brightly*

Eve the ROCK said...

*starts singing 'Bear Necessities'*

Valkyrie V. - Ivy said...

What do you mean 'at a bad time'? *paints a lizard on Christine*

Sparky Braginski said...

I'm worried...

Hello Christine...

New blood?

*slaps own head*

SHUT UP GERALD! YOU ARE NOT GETTING OUT AFTER LAST TIME.

Izz said...

*somewhere between an exasperated breath and a sigh*

Hi Christine

Christine Night said...

Ok. I take your word for that. i think...

Eve the ROCK said...

I do like lizards so. Could you paint one on me, Valkyrie? I nice purple on, there's a good lass.

Sparky Braginski said...

I'LL KILL YOU ALL!!!

No. You. WON'T.

*slams head against wall*

Ow...

*rubs forehead and sees blood on hands*

Uh oh...

*passes out*

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